Phone Sex

Posted on November 3, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Best place for it. Auteured by D. Mosman Park. Home of the wank. 

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged , | 17 Comments

I’m Excited

Posted on November 2, 2011 by AHC McDonald

By Dave. Wasn’t going to go genital graffiti two days in a row, but this works. Outside Brand building West Perth.

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged , | 38 Comments

Angel has Fleas

Posted on November 1, 2011 by AHC McDonald

By David M. And She’s a slut. With diseases. But on the other hand, only $2. Never mind the quality, feel the width. Lake Clifton.

And let me throw in this brooding shot from RubyRuby.

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged , | 57 Comments

Occupy Perth

Posted on October 31, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Trust Perth to turn the Occupy brand to into a wet teatowel franchise. Aka fart in a bottle. If you can’t spell mining on your first go, for Gina’s sake get yourself a new piece of cardboard! I’m all for a minning tax but these tools make it so difficult. And doesn’t the Wellness Centre stand make you want to cry? Rice milk. Rice milk people! You are occupying Perth with fucking rice milk. There’s already a furious split between the rice and soy milk factions. It’s like if the Freedom Centre had lost access to a laminator. I sniff the beard of Bainbridge mixed up in this shambles. By The Colour H.


Posted in worst graphic design, worst sign | Tagged , , , , | 147 Comments

Outrage Sunday 26 to the victor the spoils

Posted on October 30, 2011 by rottobloggo

The hundreds of helicopters I’d flown in for CHOGM began to draw together until they formed a collective meta-CHOGM…and in my mind it was the most vibrant thing going; headline-deadline, print-broadcast, right wing-greenie, nimble, fluent, canny and human; hot sucked pen, liquid paper that burned like Mirrabooka napalm, junket-saturated tote bag, sweat cooling and warming up again, the welcome to country in one ear and the echoing tasers in the other, public art, heat, vibrancy and death, death itself, hardly an intruder…sometimes they were so plentiful and loose you could touch down at five or six world-class facilities in restricted CHOGM zones in one day, pap away, hear the talk, get strip-searched, catch the next one out. There was art as big as Paul Murray’s head made for $30,000; once we dropped into feed and supply one mime artist in King Street who had a bad thousand-yard stare. God knows what type of Marcel Marceau numbers he was doing in there, all he mimed to me was, ‘You didn’t see a thing, right chief? You weren’t even here.” Michael Herr, Dispatches.

After the horror, the goodie bag. I cunningly obtained two at the PCEC media hub; one is generating massive eBay interest as we speak. Look at these riches. Just look at them. There isn’t enough bandwidth to list them, but I know you will adore the lapel badge. I have the lapel badge, the tie, the pens (to suck), the bookmarks – when I have the stubby holder and the flatulence-powered radio the CHOGM souvenir circle will be complete.

With such a world-class event in town, a CHOGM surcharge is the natural order of things. Witness these craptacular ladders at a Guildford shop. The smaller one was $115; the other larger one $85. Prices bumped up by ten bucks each this CHOGM weekend. I use the past tense because barely 10 minutes after I papped them, they were snapped up by the Tanzanian third under-attache for zebra dropping import/export.

It is disappointing not everyone is getting into the swing of CHOGM things. That fucking rainmaker Bento, for example: instead of doing his patriotic duty tightening Jesus nuts on helicopters transporting hard-working media, he is hunting ANTILOP at IKEA.

No matter. Today Claremont Quarter is open for CHOGM business. Shopping delegates will be impressed with Bay View Terrace prices.

Merry CHOGMing: everyone’s a winner. Except Halloween celebrants. Krazy Kym and I briefly looked in at Natalia Fan #1’s PARTY last night, and there was a lot of “negative distressing energy”…from the link: “A basic law of spiritual science states that ‘The word, touch, form, taste, smell and its related energy coexist’. This means – where the name and form of ghosts, demons or negative energies exist, such as on Halloween, their distressing energy is present too. As the form and colour of the decorations and costumes used in Halloween celebration are similar to that of ghosts, they act as antennae to attract a lot of negative distressing energy.”

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts, worst carpark, worst furniture, worst language, worst objects, worst of the worst, worst town | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 175

Posted on October 29, 2011 by AHC McDonald

More words from the Booker nominated. By NataliaFan#1. I would have gone with Signs of Wife and made it a sequel to Run for Your Wife. Could run at The Regal for months.
More CHOGMabilia from Orbea.
More chalking on the streets of Fremantle by Matt.
And Bills saw that the Archbishop appears to be vandalising Curtin University. Surely not the toilets Bills? Wonderful.

Worst well.

Posted in weekend worstoff | Tagged , , , | 26 Comments

Mooning Mackay

Posted on October 28, 2011 by AHC McDonald

M&A L. Escape Mackay, but not without snapping this piece of crap cemented into a boulder in the main street.What is it with cement, bronze, poetry and boulders that always makes such a rancid mix? The whole is always less than the sum of the parts. Should that be “hot” tropical twighlight?

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts, worst language | Tagged | 33 Comments

Registered Lawns

Posted on October 28, 2011 by AHC McDonald

OK, there has been some questions from interstate and international TWOP fans about what a registered lawn is in Perth. Here is the lowdown. The strip of (public) land between your front boundary and the road is the arena of praxis where the registered lawn battle takes place. First you need to be a wanker who owns a home, you then attempt to extend a quasi ownership of the Gaza like strip by informing the local council that you are a bit of a cunt, and would like to make it difficult for neighbours and visitors to the area if possible. The council responds by sending you a sign to nail onto the tree or wall, which if viewed with ultra violet light, reads, “Arsehole on board.” Then you need to neglect the strip so it becomes a desolate wasteland of sand and weeds, which you still will defend to the death to stop someone walking or parking on it. OK, that’s it. Except that it isn’t. I wrote to the city of South Perth and the Head Ranger , who wrote back promptly.

Dear Andrew, RE: PARKING ON VERGES
Thank you for your email to the City of South Perth concerning
registered lawns and parking vehicles on verges.The City does
not offer registered lawns, but a person can not park a
vehicle on a verge without the permission of the adjoining owner
(unless signposted ie if there is parking restrictions already
on the verge).
If you do experience any vehicles parking on the verge, please
contact the City on 9474 0777 and a Ranger will attend.
You are also required to sign a witness complaint form before
the Ranger can issue an infringement to any vehicle on the verge.
As per the Citys Parking Local Laws;10.6 Parking on verges
(nature strip)A driver must not park a vehicle on a nature
strip without the permission of the owner or occupier of
the land that shares a common boundary with the nature strip. 
 So they may have had registered lawns in the past, but they don't now it seems, or maybe they were always bogus. But, no-one can park on your verge without your permission anyway, which in effect makes every street verge a registered lawn as far as I can tell. Bento sent one example from Como. This claim of registration is bogus according to the Head Ranger, however its bogusity is moot, because you can't park there anyway. Mark sends another from Nedlands. They may have bylaws for registered lawns in Nedlands, (they certainly have a lot of arseholes there,) I don't know, but it doesn't matter anyway. You can't park there in any case. The main value of the registered lawn sign really lies in the highlighting of the exquisite neglect of the area. It's as if Hitler had invaded Poland, and instead of getting all final solution on their arses, just let weeds grow on it, and shouted at Stalin for parking his tanks there. (Or at least made furious calls to the league of Nations.) Any questions? 

Posted in worst sign | Tagged , , , , | 53 Comments

Vibrancy IV

Posted on October 27, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Another wasteland by Orbea. Art? Advertising? Tree of Life? Who knows these days. Location unspecified, but the whole scene is the CHOGMification of Perth’s essence. I’m guessing Morley Drive precinct, or perhaps The Boulevard of Broken Worsts.

Posted in worst art, worst sign | Tagged , | 58 Comments

Rex racked and sacked

Posted on October 26, 2011 by AHC McDonald

By Matt. Didn’t seem much point in blurring the licence plate. Won’t be too many tributes to gods evolutionary Lolapalooza driving around. But, this is Fremantle, so anything’s possible apart from civic pride I suppose. A T Rex with giant norks AND knob seems possibly a little more Lamarchian than Darwinian, and it’s possible that a god may have sent a meteor crashing into the Yucatan to try and erase this and any other Cretaceous “Chicks with dicks.”

Posted in worst car, worst graffiti, worst graphic design | Tagged , , , | 41 Comments