Outrage Sunday 26 to the victor the spoils

The hundreds of helicopters I’d flown in for CHOGM began to draw together until they formed a collective meta-CHOGM…and in my mind it was the most vibrant thing going; headline-deadline, print-broadcast, right wing-greenie, nimble, fluent, canny and human; hot sucked pen, liquid paper that burned like Mirrabooka napalm, junket-saturated tote bag, sweat cooling and warming up again, the welcome to country in one ear and the echoing tasers in the other, public art, heat, vibrancy and death, death itself, hardly an intruder…sometimes they were so plentiful and loose you could touch down at five or six world-class facilities in restricted CHOGM zones in one day, pap away, hear the talk, get strip-searched, catch the next one out. There was art as big as Paul Murray’s head made for $30,000; once we dropped into feed and supply one mime artist in King Street who had a bad thousand-yard stare. God knows what type of Marcel Marceau numbers he was doing in there, all he mimed to me was, ‘You didn’t see a thing, right chief? You weren’t even here.” Michael Herr, Dispatches.

After the horror, the goodie bag. I cunningly obtained two at the PCEC media hub; one is generating massive eBay interest as we speak. Look at these riches. Just look at them. There isn’t enough bandwidth to list them, but I know you will adore the lapel badge. I have the lapel badge, the tie, the pens (to suck), the bookmarks – when I have the stubby holder and the flatulence-powered radio the CHOGM souvenir circle will be complete.

With such a world-class event in town, a CHOGM surcharge is the natural order of things. Witness these craptacular ladders at a Guildford shop. The smaller one was $115; the other larger one $85. Prices bumped up by ten bucks each this CHOGM weekend. I use the past tense because barely 10 minutes after I papped them, they were snapped up by the Tanzanian third under-attache for zebra dropping import/export.

It is disappointing not everyone is getting into the swing of CHOGM things. That fucking rainmaker Bento, for example: instead of doing his patriotic duty tightening Jesus nuts on helicopters transporting hard-working media, he is hunting ANTILOP at IKEA.

No matter. Today Claremont Quarter is open for CHOGM business. Shopping delegates will be impressed with Bay View Terrace prices.

Merry CHOGMing: everyone’s a winner. Except Halloween celebrants. Krazy Kym and I briefly looked in at Natalia Fan #1’s PARTY last night, and there was a lot of “negative distressing energy”…from the link: “A basic law of spiritual science states that ‘The word, touch, form, taste, smell and its related energy coexist’. This means – where the name and form of ghosts, demons or negative energies exist, such as on Halloween, their distressing energy is present too. As the form and colour of the decorations and costumes used in Halloween celebration are similar to that of ghosts, they act as antennae to attract a lot of negative distressing energy.”

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53 Responses to Outrage Sunday 26 to the victor the spoils

  1. The Legend 101 says:

    i love IKEA!

    Like

  2. shreiking wombat says:

    chogm. the ‘cunt’ is silent

    Like

  3. sharon says:

    Gotta laugh when quacks misappropriate the term science in a sad attempt to garner a shred of cred.
    Very funny as usual David (It’s David not Dave) Cohen.

    Like

  4. Bhoot says:

    Urrgh. My raja-tama’s through the roof.

    Like

  5. NF#1 says:

    “Negative distressing energy” DC?

    Like

  6. valerie woodruffe inspecting stools says:

    I’m rather interested in the secondhand stools, next to the craptacular ladders, how muxh were the stools priced at?

    Like

  7. Russell Wolfe's Lovechild says:

    Celebrating Halloween is utterly naff. What next Christmas lights and inflatable reindeer?

    Like

  8. orbea says:

    ikea jingoism jungle kolon – DRINK!!!

    Like

  9. RubyRuby says:

    OT, maybe, while everyone’s favourite Communard is helping with the steering… Will /should they nationalise Qantas? (and what link is there between “they” and the freemasons?)

    Like

    • valerie woodruffe polishing the hall stone jewel says:

      RubyRuby, Being related to a Freemason, I can tell you there is no link between the Brotherhood of Freemasons and Qantas

      Like

      • Rolly says:

        …except, perhaps, that it is the same, small, moneyed cabal that controls them, in much the same clandestine and perfidious manner as they control almost everything else.

        Like

  10. Pingback: Outrage Sunday 31 bedlam | The Worst of Perth

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