Scott of the Bad Carpet

For the TWOP diaspora around the planet still holding onto Tim Winton level nostalgia for the Scotto (The Flying Scotsman née Candy Store) well, it’s just another vanished worst now. Despite seeing the last of the hipsters flat capped and stubbled, pathetically dipping into the Champion Ruby outside last week, the new version The Elford would be more suited to FIFOs draining pints of 50 Lashes at 6:50am on their way to Telfer. And once you’ve seen the interior then you can never unthink “airport bar” I always thought the place was an unpleasant hole myself, perhaps coloured by its proximity to the appalling Seinfeld mural. But many loved the dump. If you’re back for a visit, don’t bother. You might also avoid someone with a guitar doing Billy Joel covers in the corner.

Posted in vanished worst, Wall murals, worst interior design, worst of perth | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Backside by The Sea

This would have been classic The Worst of Perth back in the day. City Beach. Had to post it even in retirement. I was laughing too much to even check the artist. Nice that Perth public sculpture can still deliver.

Posted in Worst buttocks, worst of perth, worst sculpture | Tagged , | 21 Comments

Buttocks Silenced!

The wonderful neon buttocks – an institution for decades on Barrack Street, were silenced yesterday by a fire, possibly caused by two dildos rubbing together. I hope this upskirting icon can still return.

Here it is in all its glory in 2008

Posted in not worst, phwoar, Worst buttocks, worst of perth, worst shop design, worst sign | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

The Stronghold at El-Kabong

This site has finally been sold. Will the stronghold at El Kabong finally fall? Or will it be the home of a super rich Perth influencer?

The Worst of Perth

Worst Architecture. Guest Post from Master Splinter

For years I’ve lived in hope that the majestic stallions from El Caballo Blanco would come galloping into the old Midland Brick display centre (cnr Scarborough Beach Rd & London St North Perth).It’s begging for it. Would be a shame to see this go, I mean it should remain as a memorial to mighty Midland Brick and what it’s done for Perth, it’s really shaped our city!


Is there really another option to building with brick in Perth? Obviously not…..Ed, maybe you have some ideas for this site. Ok, the cocos palms have to go, but I could see a string of woodfired pizza ovens in those arches (drive-in style!).

Putting aside your well known stallion fantasies for a moment, can I say Ai Ya! Well posted Splinter! To me it looks more like one of those giant sewer interchanges, or one of…

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No Radical Text for The Sound Alternative

There can be no better example of how street art in Perth has been erased by anodyne civic decoration than the rear of RTR FM’s building in Beaufort Street Mt Lawley – to the extent that almost nobody realises that there is even a difference in concept between say adding brick paving and painting a wall mural. In Perth these are exactly the same things in both intent and effect. Do you spend money on a planter box or a wall mural? In Perth these are interchangeable, or to use a word that has suddenly emerged out of obscurity and into the arts scene fungible.

From inside the RTR studios, presenters may well be suggesting giving communism another go, denouncing the mainstream media, or generally smashing the patriarchy. And how lucky we are to have such an excellent station. I’m listening to it right now. But outside of the studios, the concept that a wall mural could be anything other than bland visual muzak does not even exist in the imagination of the city. And why would it, since there is nothing in the state that shows it’s even possible for public art to be more than boring nothingness?

In the US and elsewhere, murals, good or bad are frequently political and often seething with rage. It is the sad state of affairs that to my knowledge, there isn’t even one single example of this in the whole of Western Australia. None. And this is just here. In other states of Australia art murals have provoked calls to the police and even been forcibly painted out. Not here. Even an alternative radio station commissions and is apparently “chuffed” with a piece of civic decoration (let’s not call it street art) that would not be challenging enough for a kindergarten playground wall.

And can you blame the civic decorators? They, like brick paving layers need to earn money. But can nobody see outside the Perth paradigm? Will nobody have the courage to say to an artist. “I don’t care what you do. Just go for it. I want people to see my building and say “Jesus fucking Christ look at that! Not “meh””. Have artists given up applying because there is no chance of anything with the slightest edge being accepted? Or are only the least challenging decorators ever chosen? All of these are seriously depressing alternatives for Perth’s psyche.

Posted in SO PLAYED, Wall murals, worst art, worst ideas, worst of perth | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

Is Australian Silo Art Racist?

More from Artraitors.


Australia’s obsession with bad art done big continues to run, with country towns across the nation falling over themselves to be part of this embarrassing trend. There are even “Silo Trails”, (or should that be “trials”?) where you can plan a trip based around the intersection of the world’s least imaginative artists with the least imaginative commissioning bodies.

But are they racist? Silo art is, with some (sadly too few) exceptions, overwhelmingly old whitey nostalgia. Backward looking, blinkered, generally barely rising above the level of chocolate box kitsch of a white Australia of early 20th century. Often the topic will be tea towel style paintings of draught horses, shearers, steam trains, or Diggers/slouch hat based works executed with the skills of hack commercial artists pre photoshop. And many of the artists are internationally based! Is it not absurd to get an artist from say Hawaii or Mongolia to come all…

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Low sodium, liver cleansing opening, no bar to enjoying art.

From my ArTraitors art critic site.


Covid restrictions again struck last week to deny art soaks a Festival of Perth level catering event at John Curtin Gallery. (Everything is True, artist Abdul-Rahman Abdullah). It’s been so long that I barely remember what a mini quiche tastes like. Kind of salty yeah? My artist impression of a FOP tier opening can be contrasted with the reality using the compare slider below. (Thx Pieter Brueghel (the old C.)
Imagine the boot of covid stamping on carrot sticks and dips forever. Look at how much space was reserved for trestles for platters! Now? Not.

But apart from rare roast beef and wine from bottles approaching the double figure mark -(retail), how much did you miss? Opening speeches can be a bit tedious, with all the thanking that needs to be done and the acknowledging of sponsors taking up much of the oxygen. Rather than…

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The Brown is Coming Down, 2008 to 2021 are youse vibrant yet?

Well it’s not better since 2008, in case you were wondering.

When The Worst of Perth started in 2007, did we expect that things would be better a decade and a half later? Did we even think about it, or did we just live and make love in the moment, shoving lotuses up our arses? Or whatever you do with them. Eat them possibly, who knows. You lotus your way, I’ll lotus mine yeah?
Here is a spot in Inglewood that I covered in 2008. Could we really have expected that things would get this bad? Imagine, even the predictions of a Cartridge World were wildly optimistic. From a derelict if kitschly charming Chinese restaurant, that became briefly an illegal indoor skate venue. Now there are two fucking murals nearby, including that leaf (or possibly vagina) painter AND a pandemic testing site. No doubt on site dogging after 6pm! I wish I could find the photos, but there were expensive planters with trees added to this maelstrom of worsts announced by some politician. Where are they? Burnt and tagged one expects. At least the TAB is still there as an island of sanity.

Meanwhile the sky is brown from bushfires, and someone informs me that there is a website called Perth is Ok. Jeezus. I mean talk about your vote of confidence. Perth is Okaaaay . I guess. Look at this scene. It’s fucking not OK. And now I know thousands of doggers, and nostalgia lovers flock to The Worst of Perth, for a taste of the past, even though it has been closed for years. But this is now and this is not Ok.

Posted in multiple worsts, vanished worst, Wall murals, worst architecture, worst carpark, worst graphic design, worst of perth, worst public art, worst sign, worst street, worst typography | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Dry Humour

I thought reviving a little The Worst of Perth content for our brave shutins in these desperate times.

Remember when people used to name their boats? Now it’s always just the boring rego number. Why did that cheeky and charming practice end? Oh, yeah. That’s right. And can we not reference a local species, like the err Cunac? Would “Wet Gilgie” have killed them?

Posted in worst name, worst of perth | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Palates of Sophistication at The John Curtin Gallery

It didn’t become apparent until art locusts cleared some of the arancini at John Curtin Gallery last week, that the food boards were art palettes. Art palettes for art palates!  If none of the other soaks, tightarses, artists and PIAF guests noticed JCG – WELL I DID. Nice touch. Love to see an edible Blue Poles next time.
Also, and I like to believe as a direct result of this review, the speeches were very much shorter than usual.

You’re welcome fellow art soaks. Just part of the service.

– Although the amount of time that was spent talking about how the speeches were going to be shorter was almost as long as the speeches themselves. Nevertheless…

Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.

Exhibition:Ian Strange and Sandra Hill

Posted in Art Galleries, Galleries, worst of perth | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments