Registered Lawns

OK, there has been some questions from interstate and international TWOP fans about what a registered lawn is in Perth. Here is the lowdown. The strip of (public) land between your front boundary and the road is the arena of praxis where the registered lawn battle takes place. First you need to be a wanker who owns a home, you then attempt to extend a quasi ownership of the Gaza like strip by informing the local council that you are a bit of a cunt, and would like to make it difficult for neighbours and visitors to the area if possible. The council responds by sending you a sign to nail onto the tree or wall, which if viewed with ultra violet light, reads, “Arsehole on board.” Then you need to neglect the strip so it becomes a desolate wasteland of sand and weeds, which you still will defend to the death to stop someone walking or parking on it. OK, that’s it. Except that it isn’t. I wrote to the city of South Perth and the Head Ranger , who wrote back promptly.

Dear Andrew, RE: PARKING ON VERGES
Thank you for your email to the City of South Perth concerning
registered lawns and parking vehicles on verges.The City does
not offer registered lawns, but a person can not park a
vehicle on a verge without the permission of the adjoining owner
(unless signposted ie if there is parking restrictions already
on the verge).
If you do experience any vehicles parking on the verge, please
contact the City on 9474 0777 and a Ranger will attend.
You are also required to sign a witness complaint form before
the Ranger can issue an infringement to any vehicle on the verge.
As per the Citys Parking Local Laws;10.6 Parking on verges
(nature strip)A driver must not park a vehicle on a nature
strip without the permission of the owner or occupier of
the land that shares a common boundary with the nature strip. 
 So they may have had registered lawns in the past, but they don't now it seems, or maybe they were always bogus. But, no-one can park on your verge without your permission anyway, which in effect makes every street verge a registered lawn as far as I can tell. Bento sent one example from Como. This claim of registration is bogus according to the Head Ranger, however its bogusity is moot, because you can't park there anyway. Mark sends another from Nedlands. They may have bylaws for registered lawns in Nedlands, (they certainly have a lot of arseholes there,) I don't know, but it doesn't matter anyway. You can't park there in any case. The main value of the registered lawn sign really lies in the highlighting of the exquisite neglect of the area. It's as if Hitler had invaded Poland, and instead of getting all final solution on their arses, just let weeds grow on it, and shouted at Stalin for parking his tanks there. (Or at least made furious calls to the league of Nations.) Any questions? 

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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53 Responses to Registered Lawns

  1. You’ve completely misinterpreted that last picture, the owners name is actually Reg Lawn. I used to live across the street from that guy, he’s a podiatrist or something.

    He also played 70’s music really goddamn loudly on the weekends. What a knob.

    Like

  2. Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

    When you say “parking on” you mean actually “parking the car on the verge itself” as opposed to “on the road in a designated parking space?”

    I obviously don’t know much about Perth infrastructure, but why would it be necessary to park the car on the verge?

    Like

    • On my street for example, there is not enough room to park on the road, but there is a huge verge. It’s the natural place to park in many cases.

      Like

    • Bento says:

      In Perth, on-street parking is a bit like having a fire in your backyard. You’re fairly sure it’s legal, but unless someone else is doing it at that exact moment, there’s a nagging feeling you might be breaking a law you don’t know about.

      And it only leaves about 9.5m of pavement to pilot a standard family sedan through, which is apparently trickier than you’d think.

      Like

    • B.T. says:

      Narrow streets.

      Like

  3. Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:
    • Exactly, but they’e being a bit too active in that Achewood. The point is to take control of this land that doesn’t belong to you, then do nothing with it. A proper registered lawn must be dust and or weeds.

      Like

  4. golden1 says:

    there appears to be two cars parked on one verge across the road in the top picture. That must be the fall back verge because this one is registered.

    Like

  5. Pete says:

    There are sufficient registered lawns to make an entire blog of them. One a day, highlighting that knobs abound.
    Segue into the occasional inappropriate verge tree – like those Qld box cunts that are only good for pointy honky nuts in your feet.
    With a sublte but over arching theme of historically poor planning leads to Darch.

    Like

  6. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Familiarity breeds contempt, if I may call you Andy. Sir I remind you it is CHOG’M weekend and formalities are to be observed. Also , how does a verge become a registered nature strip and is that healthy ?

    Like

  7. The Legend 101 says:

    Theese heaps of theese near my house. Thers one where the stupid people dont want you to go on it because they think youll steel lemons from there tree. WTF

    Like

  8. is there no restriction here with regard to vocabulary? I notice that swearing is commonplace even with regard to describing verges and the householders who have a verge. I favor a cleanup of language used on this site Lazy Aussie and others. I challenge you to use vernacular without swearing.

    Like

  9. Snuff says:

    Thanks, TLA. These signs have been identifying 6PR souls since I was knee high to a proverbial, so it’s good to finally have the mystery made clear as mud. And here I was thinking they stood for Rashad E. Goggins.

    Like

  10. There are SO MANY registered lawns in Applecross, where I happen to abide.

    SO.

    MANY.

    Like

  11. Pingback: Lady’s Stubbie Holders | The Worst of Perth

  12. why cant abortionists be charged for crimes against huamnity? why cant politicians wxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Abs, I have already asked you in return, why can’t christians be charged with their heinous and endless crimes? Why do turds suddenly appear? You need to take your crackpot Christianity to a different forum. Christians are idiots. Fundamental christians are fundamental idiots.

    Like

    • shazza says:

      You really are in the wrong space for this conversation Ray. This is a satirical site choc full of loosers who live in ivory dildoes with juliet balconies.
      You want a more ‘tolerant’ kind of space. Just whack ‘9/11 truther’ into your google search bar and you will find your people.

      Like

  13. Linda Henton says:

    Personally, I am sick and tired of neighbours using our side verge for parking instead of their own gardens. And of their tradies parking there too and leaving their rubbish behind.

    Like

  14. vegan says:

    i would imagine that dragon in her avatar could register it fairly quickly.

    Like

  15. Anonymous says:

    I just get the shits when I have to replace the sprinkler heads,

    Like

  16. Plonka says:

    Seems to me you’re doing it wrong.

    Like

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