I had taken a shot myself of the mangled bicycle rickshaw outside the Toba restaurant, but since Bento also took the trouble, I’ll use his. How did it get like this? I assume patrons from the Queens or Brisbane. I have had a few good meals at The Toba. Where else can you get balachan curry in this town? (Dried prawn chillies and anchovy). Last time, however I waited well over an hour for it. I should have gone out and kicked the rickshaw.
Bumpy ride
Talking to Steven about his excellent submission, I suggested I would hold off until ridiculously early christmas decorations appeared. Well wrap me up and call me Howard Sattler if Myers wasn’t already chockers with christmas crap when I went in today. Perhaps it’s been there since July?
I think someone suggested this place in Middle Swan (Bishop Rd and Lloyd St) last year, but no-one got a snap. Umm, I hate to bring this up, but is that kangaroo sporting a vagina?
I don’t actually know, but I put this awful statue of Paddy Hannan at the Burswood Casino down to The Smiths, a couple who have been infesting the city with well meaning but terrible bronzes for too many years. Another reason I think it might be them is because it reminds me of slightly strange proportions of the John Curtin effort in Fremantle which they made. However while JC has oddly short arms, Paddy has rather too much on the topside, so much so that he must have toppled over quite often. Despite the reduced lower half, there is the suggestion of a massive cock, which may also have affected his gait.
Feel my nuggets
Malcolm McDowell: I didn’t think you were ready, but you are. I knew it when I saw you with IT.
Nastassja Kinski: What? Oliver?
Malcolm McDowell: You want to fuck that leopard cheetah Honda don’t you? You dream about fucking it! Your whole body burns, it burns all along your nerves, in your mouth, your breasts… you go wet between your legs.
Nastassja Kinski: Stop it!
Malcolm McDowell: Honda! Honda! Honda! Every time it happens… you tell yourself it’s love. But it isn’t. It’s blood. And death. And transmission fluid. You can’t escape your nightmare without me, and I can’t escape my nightmare without you. I’ve waited a long time for you. And I tell you what, I’ll throw in the rustproofing for nothing. – Cat People 1982
Nothing like an amateur feral gonzo street art paint job (see comments below for the culprits. Actually some of their stuff is pretty funny) to cut a thousand or two off the price of a car. $999? try $199. DB might be Donnybrook? The value should go up now that Brendon Grylls is in charge.
A good way to disguise rust holes
And here’s the original pair of them (they’re cheetahs) from Harry at Zafari
The pair
I may be forced to go back to 7 days posting, on some weeks at least to deal with submissions and other stuff I want to put up. I was thinking about using Sundays for websites. They don’t usually qualify for TWOP, as they are not original material, but there are some exceptionally bad Perth websites out there. I really like ones that combine hideous design with idiotic content. If you’ve ever read the West letters page, you will often have seen someone called Mark Ward boo hooing about how downtrodden men are by their evil feminist overlords. He is the convener for the Men’s Confraternity. For convener, read “plonker”. For confraterity read “losers”.
Men are the aboriginies of the world
Much more amusing, though even more loopy than the band of blubberers at the confraterity is the hidden mysteries website, which I have mentioned in comments before. Like the confraternity, it is also a masterpiece of shit design. Apparently The Belltower, and perhaps the whole of Perth is a Freemason’s conspiracy. Or something. From the author, who could be HP Lovecraft by the sound of it.
Alarm bells rang for me when I first saw the bell tower design in the West Australian newspaper and increased by many decibels when the ‘new’ design was foisted upon us. My curiosity and limited knowledge of sacred geometry, secret societies and ancient myth was aroused and the further I investigated the affair the more ominous (and obvious) the plot appeared.
And I thought the Belltower was all about Dickie Court having a tiny todger. the site is quite old, so TWOP may also be doing a service by archiving the Belltower’s sacred geometry.
Beware the Tower of Todger.
Crapdogfloater
floater
Above is another international (well Melbourne anyway) worst from Hokusan, the man that put “Perth’s Worst Anal” on the map. Do we have these signs in Perth?
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And from Mark, an odd conflict in the reason for the name Kwinana, it’s either a shipping disaster or a hot chick. (I’m going with disaster). Mark says.
Taken from the local councils website:
Our name – Kwinana – is a Kimberley Aboriginal word meaning `pretty maiden’. It is also the name of the ill-fated SS Kwinana, damaged beyond repair in Carnarvon in 1920. Saved from a watery grave, the hull of the coastal freighter is part of the jetty at Kwinana Beach and holds perpetual place in the history of the area that adopted its name.
Kwinarnia
And one more from Teh ‘rage David Cohen. bad spelling and graffiti combined, not far from the burny Guildford Hotel. Have they found out what caused the fire yet?
Your dead, my dead...
I can feel your keel man.
Wooden arms
cold sweat sweet heart
Give us Bondy's brain...
“To this day I can’t get aroused until I see a pair of rubber dice hanging from the mirror”
Johnny Carson American TV Host, 1925-2005
I didn’t realise that there were still furry dice, particularly not loaded ones like these. Come to think of it, why were there ever furry dice? What did they do? What were they for? Why has this one got two sides of twos? The only non mystery is why someone would throw them out with the garbage in Bayswater.
Cooler than a body on ice, hotter than a rolling dice...(ACDC)
Update. So perhaps they were supposed to be stylised testicles, in which case, perhaps they have been supplanted by car nurries, as snapped by Forkboy below. I don’t want to know if worsters are photographing while driving. Though blue, they do seem a little small, however, the only time I’ve ever seen under the bonnet of one of these 60s falcons, the tiny donk was cowering in the corner like a little girl, so perhaps they are to scale. At the time I had a 1970 Valiant which had the small 5 litre V8.
Swing low
Lovely submission from MyNing. It seems to be conventional wisdom that Colin Barnett was some kind of a guru when he was Dickie Court’s resources minister. Colin is probably assuming that journalist memories don’t go back as far as his numerous cock-ups. Unfortunately for Colin, MyNing has a memory as sharp as a Nun’s nightie and a clippings file as thick as a tombstone. Myself, I’m more intersted in how bad he looks.
MyNing says… When he was Richard Court’s resources minister, premier-elect Colin Barnett said his government wasn’t into picking winners and losers, a statement not connected with the facts.
One of the big winners for the Court Government in the mid-to-late 1990s – at least until it went belly-up – was the Kingstream steel mill project near Geraldton.
The $2.6 billion undertaking was partly the brainchild of Nik Zuks, the Narrogin-born fitter and turner (at least that’s how Julian Grill described him) who somehow convinced the Coalition, with the help of the premier’s brother Ken, that his plan to process 2.4 million tonnes of steel slab annually – sourcing ore from the Mid West – had legs. (Note from lazy Aussie. Ken is the Court NOT married to religious nut job Margaret.)
Despite hating Zuks’ guts, Barnett – whose agenda at the end of the day seemed to be getting the Oakajee port up and running – bent over backwards to accommodate the project, despite the fact it had piss poor ore resources.
Barnett was so taken by the idea that, at one point, he said the steel mill would the third watershed moment in WA’s resources industry – the other two being the establishment of BP’s oil refinery in the 1950s and the opening up of the iron ore sector in the 1960s. Wrong, Colin, unless you can describe a desolate piece of vacant land as a watershed.
Under Barnett’s watch Kingstream was given top priority (like every good winner) – including having its mill location seamlessly moved from Narngulu to the (yet to be established) Oakajee industrial estate and getting some Land Act legislation tinkered with to make the company’s plans to build its own rail line through private farm lands a little easier.
In addition, Barnett threw his support behind the (then) yet-to-be-selected tenderer for the Dampier-Bunbury natural gas pipeline – Epic Energy – as it attempted to establish a government/Epic/Kingstream energy deal that was eventually deemed uncompetitive by the ACCC.
Pictured with the smiling Barnett are Zuks (left), Alexander Karas (from Austrade), An Feng chairman Madame Wu and AH and Leon Wu (both also of An Feng).
None of the pictured is now smiling over this debacle.
It really sends out the wrong message to potential burglars when you leave your grotto empty. At least leave a massive Tiny Pinder donger running when you’re not there. A nice statue of Deff Geoff Gallop, or even a massive arsed aborigine would work well here. Highgate
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