Talking to Steven about his excellent submission, I suggested I would hold off until ridiculously early christmas decorations appeared. Well wrap me up and call me Howard Sattler if Myers wasn’t already chockers with christmas crap when I went in today. Perhaps it’s been there since July?

I think someone suggested this place in Middle Swan (Bishop Rd and Lloyd St) last year, but no-one got a snap. Umm, I hate to bring this up, but is that kangaroo sporting a vagina?

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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39 Responses to Mosupial

  1. skib says:

    A true perth worst.

    This place had a dodgy hand painted ‘for private sale’ sign out the front of it for bloody ages.

    It’s gone now. I don’t know if that means that some moron bought it or if they gave up on the idea of ever being able to sell it.


  2. meccano101 says:

    The kangaroo in the first pic appears to have his paws facing upward toward the sky as if caught in mid tai chi pose.


  3. Grrr says:

    David Jones, a store I rarely visit, has had their Christmas decorations up since September 1.


  4. David Cohen says:

    Man. Jurassic Park dinosaurs post-nuclear blast??

    Or has the kangaroo had its paws chopped off in some bizarre local variation of sharia law??


  5. So the vagina IS just me then?


  6. Bento says:



  7. Rolly says:

    @ 5 The Lazy Aussie

    “So the vagina IS just me then?”

    Well, maybe, maybe not.
    However…. that you should be concerned………….


  8. forkboy says:

    Im taking my 6 year old son to this place at Christmas to tell him “This is who Saint Nicholas sends down down the Chimney if you’ve been a NAUGHTY boy”………………do you think he will need therapy?


  9. forkboy says:

    P.S Lazy – what ailments would a mutant Kangaroo and Emu have that would require full body Acupunture?…….


  10. #6 Oh definitely shaven. Not even a landing strip.


  11. Bento says:

    @10 – Then yes, I see it too.


  12. forkboy says:

    well hell…….Im on the shaven kanga pussy bandwagon too!……crickey!… lets blow the Emu and get Upper Swan while we are at it….


  13. Snuff says:

    Shaven roos ? Are you tired of arty farty intellectual high brow high falutin’ reading material ?

    But wait, there’s more ! If you think the question’s worst, wait until you read some of the answers.


  14. Rolly says:

    @13 snuff

    Who said people ain’t weird?
    Those comments could only come from genuine unadulterated metrocentric twits©©


  15. B.T. says:

    Kanga Bangas aren’t what I thought?


  16. Groucho says:

    I think this sort of thing truly represents our culture and Middle Swan, make me proud to be an Australian.

    i think I feel a Rolf Harris song coming on…..

    Tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred
    Tan me hide when I’m dead
    So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
    And that’s it hangin’ on the shed!!
    Altogether now!


  17. Cookster says:

    I was in middle swan today and as always, in total awe of the worsts on show. Tried to get a shot of a shop called ‘Chips ‘r’ Us’ but the Midland Brick truck was right up my jacksey.

    Sad to see the Guilford Hotel still has a sign on the front that says ‘The Murphy boys are back’ – someone needs to add “… ‘- and they bought their matches!’

    And why is it that everytime I travel on Great Eastern Hwy I invariably spy a pimpled, pale blonde girl wearing black jeans and a silver puffer jacket (or variations on this) screaming at her similarly pale and pimpled boyfriend???

    The herring is doing things to my brain.


  18. forkboy says:

    Is corflute flamable?


  19. Snuff says:

    Ok, Groucho. You asked for it.


  20. forkboy says:

    I Mean “FLAMMABLE”……..its hard to impress with no spell checker and only a year 10 certificate.


  21. David Cohen says:

    what were you doing out my neck of the woods, Cookster?

    Herring doesn’t travel well.

    You;ll love this weeks’ Post: I’ve written a story where a bloke takes a drag on his hand-rolled Champion Ruby.


  22. Cookster says:

    DC, I was out roaming the brickworks checking out the thermal mass of all that lovely clay and admiring the scrubbers.

    It’s good to be back in the Western Suburbs let me give you the word.

    Love a Champion Ruby – good work son. If you can squeeze a herring in there I’ll be even more impressed.


  23. Bento says:

    Cookster @ 17 – reminds me of the friend of mine who, not being a frequent visitor to the outer southern suburbs, was astounded at how many people in Gosnells had a limp.


  24. #24 bento, did you mean gimp?


  25. Vic Demised says:

    I’ve blown up the pics, and that’s definitely kanga camel-toe there, LA. Above it, is that a navel -probably a first in the marsupial realm- or a token pouch? Good to see someone reprising Rolf’s Aussiefication of the Xmas meme, though… Here’s my take:

    This isn’t the climate for reindeer,
    no doubt,
    so we need some Australians
    to help Santa out.

    Come dingo, come drongo,
    come red kangaroo,
    come wombat, come numbat,
    come scrawny emu.

    Forkboy @ 9, I think those unsightly lumps might light up at night. Either that, or they’re symptoms of Xmas eczema.


  26. Bento says:

    @25 LA – damned spell-check, of course I meant ‘gimp’.

    I note the auto-correct also changed to ‘outer southern suburbs’ the original ‘godforsaken hellhole’, and ‘friend’ from ‘metrocentric twat (TM)’.


  27. Cookster says:

    Bento @ 24 – I once did a shopping centre promotion at Glenorchy Shopping Centre in the outer suburbs of Hobart with (Dirty) HO FM and was amazed to see a bloke walking around mopping up the customers’ drool… frightening.


  28. skink says:

    I think Belmont has the highest ratio of citizens with limps. often accompanied by one big shoe.

    also eye-patches. You don’t see many eye-patches these days, except in Belmont Forum.

    then there are the open sores…


  29. Cookster says:

    Meth mites Skink… scourge of teh eastern suburbs.


  30. Bento says:

    @29 skink – my wife & I have a little game we like to play in areas such as Belmont, called ‘Don’t Look at the Feet! Don’t Look at the Feet!’.

    Essentially, each player has to try to spot the most disgusting examples of feet they can find (bare feet & thongs being abundant in Belmont), and then exclaim to the other ‘Don’t Look at the Feet! Don’t Look at the Feet!’ – this having much the same effect as a ‘Wet Paint’ sign, compelling the other to look at the feet.

    I’ve found the varied corns, bunions, cankles, rotted nails and calluses of Belmont provide for excellent sport.


  31. David Cohen says:

    Mmm have to duck out for a while…the smugness and superiority stench is overpowering!

    The glassy-eyed stares of goths, emos, hard-charging businesspeople in the inner city are better?

    The catbum lips of the morally and materially-superior folk of the western suburbs are better?

    The sullen spirituality of the port city of Freo is better?


  32. Cookster says:

    DC, shit no! But that’s another sport altogether. I lived in Toorak for a while and relished a good game of ‘Bait the Toorak Type’… these people are professional catbum lippers, not your wannabe Neddies and Dalkeithites.


  33. cimbali says:

    @29 Skink
    sorry off topic but…I once had a singing teacher who wore an eye patch. She was an old, obese, balding ex soprano whose name was Flesfader. She had a vicious temper and a disgusting hair ball of a cat who pissed all over the carpet because the old biddy was too tight to buy enough cat litter.
    She did teach me to sing though.


  34. Bento says:

    @32 Fucking Outrage – don’t get me started on those other types. I may have inadvertently given the impression I sneer only at those from the less salubrious southern suburbs, when nothing could be further from the truth. I am very much an equal-opportunity hater.

    Back on topic (of sorts). I am informed by a friend who works in the biology field (well, IT at UWA) that kangaroos have 3 vaginas. He was unable to confirm whether all are shaven.


  35. Scurrilous says:

    These got me wondering – what would be even less christmassy than a shaved kangaroo and plucked emu?

    umm, nothing?

    Though a male kangaroo may think all his christmasses had come at once.


  36. Snuff says:

    It’s a good question, Scurrilous, but I believe you’ll find the answer in Shingo.

    There you’ll discover that “Jesus came to Japan when he was 21 to study theology, returned to Judea at the age of 33 to preach”, and that he then “escaped crucifixion, got his brother crucified instead of him, and traveled back to Japan where he married a nice lady named Miyu, had several children, cultivated onions/garlic (really tasty ones, too), and lived to a mere 104-118 years of age. The villagers of Shingo (新郷) buried him, and put up a two big crosses, one for Jesus’ sacrificed brother, and one for Jesus.”

    p.s. Don’t pass up the worst photo opportunity while you’re there.


  37. skink says:

    DC@32 – I’m with Bento, I am completely cosmopolitan in my misanthropy.

    My hatred for the whole western suburbs hensbums, for whom social worth is based on how close one lives to open water, is deep and pathological, and far outstrips the merely physical nausea induced by the gargoyles of Gosnells.

    I quite like the goths though. anyone who goes out in blinding sunshine and forty degree heat wearing red contact lenses and a black wool trenchcoat has my respect.


  38. Johnny Nonation says:

    Perhaps they will burn these effigies? Even Jeff Koons would vomit at these preposterous attempts!


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