Weekend Worstoff 23

Timely international worst from Helen, and not our first Moscow worst. Grab a crapdog. reminds me of the Chinese restaurant chain, “Even a dog wouldn’t eat it.” Thanks Helen. Speaking of crap, have a look at the Cookster’s site for the story about turds in the swimming pool. Click on picture. Walkley material.
Crapdog

Crapdogfloater

floater

floater

Above is another international (well Melbourne anyway) worst from Hokusan, the man that put “Perth’s Worst Anal” on the map. Do we have these signs in Perth?

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And from Mark, an odd conflict in the reason for the name Kwinana, it’s either a shipping disaster or a hot chick. (I’m going with disaster). Mark says.

Taken from the local councils website:
Our name – Kwinana – is a Kimberley Aboriginal word meaning `pretty maiden’. It is also the name of the ill-fated SS Kwinana, damaged beyond repair in Carnarvon in 1920. Saved from a watery grave, the hull of the coastal freighter is part of the jetty at Kwinana Beach and holds perpetual place in the history of the area that adopted its name.

Kwinarnia

Kwinarnia

And one more from Teh ‘rage David Cohen. bad spelling and graffiti combined, not far from the burny Guildford Hotel. Have they found out what caused the fire yet?

Your dead, my dead...

Your dead, my dead...

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in *Worst of Australia, *Worst of The World, weekend worstoff, worst advertising, worst design, worst food, worst graffiti, worst shop design, worst sign, worst spelling and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Weekend Worstoff 23

  1. Cookster says:

    I’m angling for a TWOP niche site – The Worst of Turds (TWOT).

    If you’ve got a funny turd story, leave a comment on the blog – the most amusing anecdote wins the writer a guest post on The Perth Files to elaborate on their submission.

    TLA – ‘your dead’ is not necessarily a case of bad grammar. It could be in the context of ‘your dead … are buried in the cemetery’. Or a sign letting someone know that the dead people they ordered are in that small alcove…

    Like

  2. David Cohen says:

    The winner gets to polish their turd, Cookster?

    No word yet on what caused the burny. That graffito was ominous: it appeared just before the state election.

    Like

  3. Cookster says:

    Turd is the word DC.

    Like

  4. B.T. says:

    For the crap dogs complete menu, and franchise opportunities in your area see http://www.stardogs.ru

    Like

  5. Snuff says:

    I think we already have a clear front-runner, Cookster. It won’t be easy to better that finishing flourish from the Perth Voice article’s writer, Andrei Buters.

    [ “One option they could use is public humiliation,” Mr Costello said. I’ll sound like I’m uncaring but they could put that chemical in which does actually show when people pee in the pool.” However, Mr Morrissy said it was unlikely: “I’ve been doing this for 21 years and I’ve never heard of it.” ]

    Fortunately for me then, my most memorable visit to Beatty Park Leisure Centre was over 21 years ago. After a very long, hot summer day camped out like Apple fanboys, (this was before the days of advance ticket sales), we, the assembled throng, were finally let in around dusk. The stage was set up in between the diving and racing pools, and we were seated up in the stands. When Suzi Quatro appeared and launched into “48 Crash”, some genius considered he was a tad far from the action, ran downstairs, dived into the racing pool and swam over to the front of the stage, from where he was unceremoniously dragged out by the bouncers. Simultaneously, about 500 of us decided that looked like a damn good idea, and within minutes we had formed an aquatic moshpit of such proportions that the bouncers just shrugged, and Suzi was thrilled. What a night !

    Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk6kvVGPURA

    The naming of Kwinana does seem somewhat shrouded in mystery. Notwithstanding that there are many of them, I developed a passing familiarity with a number of Kimberley languages over the years I lived there, but I don’t recall that term being used for “pretty maiden”. Curiously, Brittanica http://tinyurl.com/3mufbw , has unromantically downgraded it to merely “young woman”.

    Moreover, it’s taken some surfing around to reconcile the superficially contradictory reports of the SS Kwinana’s demise. What, I pondered, was a ship which was “damaged beyond repair in Carnarvon in 1920”, doing at Kwinana ? The aforementioned Brittanica site simply says that “The name was taken from a freighter wrecked offshore in 1922”, and this Fairfax Australian Travel Guide site http://tinyurl.com/4dvh4c also says “The town was named after the SS Kwinana, a ship which was driven ashore and wrecked in 1922.” The Town of Kwinana’s Wikipedia site http://tinyurl.com/3po48h states that “Kwinana was named after the SS Kwinana, a ship that was driven ashore there in 1922”, so what happened in Carnarvon ?

    The answer was found here http://tinyurl.com/44jdkl courtesy of the National Library of Australia .

    “The SS Kwinana … was severely damaged by fire on Christmas Day in 1920 off Carnarvon, while en route from Fremantle to Wyndham. She was returned to Fremantle on 28 March 1921 under escort of SS Kurnalpi. Although it was hoped to send her to the eastern states for a refit, she was declared a total loss after colliding next day with SS Port Stephens. On 9 December 1921 she was towed to Garden Island, Cockburn Sound, and her fittings removed. During a gale on 30 May 1922 she broke anchor and was blown ashore near Rockingham to become a total wreck. The name of the SS Kwinana has been perpetuated in the naming of the beach where she lay as a wreck.”

    They’ve even been so kind as to provide this rather fetching photo. http://tinyurl.com/4hpqjm

    Speaking of photos, I reckon DC’s cropped that one just below “Bring out”.

    Avagoodweegend, TLA.

    Like

  6. Cookster says:

    Snuff, that is legendary – and I call RIGHT NOW for the establishment of aquatic gigs… immediately! If it’s good enough for filums, then it’s good enough for gigs. I was sooo wishing the Quatro clip was from Beatty Park – I’d pay to see that footage.

    Do me a favour and cut and past that into The Perth Files and you’ll win the guest blogger spot. Excited?

    Like

  7. Deep Purple also played at Beatty Park. Well before my time though.

    Like

  8. Frank Calabrese says:

    Speaking of Beatty Park, here is Kamahl performing his hit 100 Children at one of the Miss West Coast Finals.

    NB. Kamahl posted this clip himself :-)

    Like

  9. Snuff says:

    Yes, Cookster, http://tinyurl.com/4ugnw8
    but understandably I’m sure, not quite as excited as I was about seeing Suzi. Hawt ! Don’t think I didn’t search high and low, wishin’ and hopin’, for even a moment of that concert, by the way. Even so, that original clip for “48 Crash” rocks, in a 1973 kind of way ! Speaking of floaters, had I been one of those pwned bouncers, I would have been sorely tempted to very accidentally drop an electrical lead into the pool.

    I’m happy to copy it into TPF, but I still think Andrei Buters is more deserving of the guest blogger guernsey for “I’ve been doing this for 21 years…”.

    Sadly, TLA, the Deep Purple gig was before my time too, although I did catch Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow at the Ent Cent.

    Like

  10. Snuff says:

    Thanks, Frank. Great find. http://tinyurl.com/6raaq2

    Like

  11. What the fuck are you people talking about?

    Like

  12. poor lisa says:

    Wow beats the burswood theatre for a venue.

    We have signs with a line-drawn teary toddler strapped into its seat, saying ‘never leave a child unattended in a car’. Kind of spells it out. If you didn’t speak English I’m not sure what that sign above would say.

    This is not a bad article even though I hate Paul Toohey. We are all Bons, not sure what to do with the cash
    http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,24299299-5012694,00.html

    Like

  13. poor lisa says:

    Oh thank you Frank, I just watched the Kamahl. ‘100 children sang in 1970’. How come you know so much about Kamahl.

    Like

  14. @12 Gold. Lisa that article is so bad it deserves a thread to itself. Straight from a template see previous WorstofPerth on whatserface interviewing Scaffidi. You can see them saying to themselves Bogans…….Bogans……everywhere must,,,,,,, get …….back……. to civilisation ( they mean Sydney)

    Like

  15. And he gets where the term “Bogan” came from wrong – see wikipedia.

    Like

  16. Rolly says:

    Hey, Bill O’S
    I’m old enough to remember the term ‘bogan’ being used amongst the surfing crowd in Scarborough in the ’70’s.
    Mostly used as a pejorative for the surf-culture “wanna-be’s ” who were either unaware or ignorant of the accepted customs and courtesies of the waves.
    The sort of guys who did burn-outs in the sea-front car park, stole stuff from the gear left on the beach by swimmers/surfers, got pissed or/and stoned before getting on the water and often had to be dragged out, half drowned by their own stupidity.
    It was they who were the ones who picked fights with the ‘grommets’ – youngsters learning the skill of the boards – and got the surfing affectionados a bad name.

    Like

  17. Cookster says:

    Snuff, Andrei and I are now facebook friends and he told me he was gobsmacked to see that story make front page – his editor has taken it on as a Voice crusade so to speak, so expect more turd action in coming weeks!

    Like

  18. skink says:

    Lisa@12

    they have been writing stuff like that about Perth for years, and it is no different from what you read here – bad planning, lego architecture and sandpit suburbs stretching for miles. No doubt She-Ra will change things, by letting charlatan developers like her husband run unfettered through the CBD building shoddy unplanned tilt-up shite.

    it is pathetic to compare Perth to Brisbane (no Gold Coast, no asian tourists), or Julie Bishp’s daft suggestion that WA should develop its northern cities like Gladstone or Mackay (which are tropical climates very close to the mining centres with existing deep water ports, not godforsaken dusty cyclone-blasted hellholes like Hedland)

    Patti Chong always gets a whinge in about how she is not accepted. For the record Patti, it’s not because you’re an immigrant, it’s because you’re a self-agrandising opinionated self-righteous sanctimonious windbag. The clothes don’t help.

    Like

  19. Patti Chong says:

    Skink

    you know what you don’t have? Balls! At least I proffer my opinion under my own name. You hide behind the anonymity like the KuKluxKlan.

    Come on, if you are brave enough, I challenge you to debate any topic with me.But you see, I have the balls to do it and stand up and be counted whereas you wee neutered and would not even publish under your own name.There’s only one word for people like you…coward!

    And I suppose you think you are Armani!

    Like

  20. Glad to see you here Patti. You tell him baby. Give me a topic and I’ll put it up and everyone can debate it. What’ll it be? You want Skink to decide or want to call it?

    You know who has balls Patti? Bento, for calling “Good Riddance” to Howard Sattler’s poor old mum when she died on Fairfax blog. Even I wouldn’t have gone that far.

    I think it is quite acceptable these days to have a username without being accused of being a Klan member.

    Isn’t Armani a little 80’s? I’m more of a Paul Smith man myself (too 90’s?). I haven’t seen Skink in the flesh, but he strikes me as a Roger David man from his writing style.

    And if this is a fake Patti Chong, all the above still goes. Since you’ve crafted a believable email, I give that the same weight as the real Patti. Let’s roll.

    Like

  21. Patti Chong says:

    Lazy Aussie

    no, the debate has to be face-to-face, maybe on a Sunday arvo at Forrest Chase outside the GPO.That’s showing balls!

    And I’ll invite Howard Sattler for good measure and Roy Fleming from watoday.com.au

    when Skink agrees, I will choose the topic.

    Paul Smith?? Too, uh, British! Armani is all class, which obviously Skink is not.

    Like

  22. OK, I’ll get the topic sorted and let’s do it. (I’m assuming Skink would be amenable) I think it would have to be somewhere where punters could buy drinks. Forrest Chase isn’t really suitable. The Brisbane? the Bayswater? The Charles? I think would be a great event. I’ll get it covered on video, put it up to the world.

    Have a look tomorrow. If Skink chickens, you’ll see it. Maybe a panel? I can’t see Howard being into it. Is Roy still employed? I would have thought he’d have been given the boot as fairfax goes down the toilet? No?

    Like

  23. Wait you said any topic. I think that means he chooses. I hope that doesn’t mean you’re backing off Patti and starting to throw out all these conditions? Surely you have the balls to do it online as well?

    Like

  24. Patti Chong says:

    The Lazy Aussie

    ”Do men who hide behind paper masks have balls??” or something similar.

    The challenge was a face-to-face debate.You can’t do it online.That’s what Skink does…hide behind the web.

    I have more balls than Skink! he has to prove who he is.No ring-ins, no hiding behind a woman’s skirt.

    Brisbane would be ideal…in the beer garden.

    2 teams would be great…watoday team and the worst of perth team.rotten eggs and tomatoes to be supplied!

    no holds barred. And we need a moderator…as long as it is not Skink’s wife, mother or sister but his mother-in-law may apply.

    Like

  25. Bento says:

    Would it need to be a debate on a single topic, or would it be some sort of multi-platform event, a la Comedy Smackdown?

    If Sookie’s turning up, I guess the topic would have to be something like ‘The Late Mrs Sattler: Valé Dear Old Mum, or Good Riddance Iran-hating Neo-con Devil-breeder?’

    If it’s going to be at the Brisbane, someone may need to lend Howard a decent shirt. He strikes me as an Ed Harry man, assuming he’s bought any new outfits since Worth’s closed.

    Like

  26. Orbea says:

    I have the rotten tomatoes Patti, and I’m a good shot. I’m sure you can sort the trivial legal preliminaries

    Like

  27. The Legend 101 says:

    Well that sounds apporite dont leave children in cars or they will get killed and die.

    Like

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