A Street Guide to Perth Worsts

Over the last 3 years, there have been certain arteries of worsts that turn up again and again, and which have also had new descriptors established by readers. I thought it might be useful to solidify the definitions and also lay them out in one place so newcomers can familiarise themselves. I hope other thoroughfares can be renamed appropriate to their greatness, although this process cannot be forced. I have also included the best views from Google street I could find.

The Arrondisement, (sometimes TEH Arrondisement) formerly known as Beaufort Street, home to many, many worsts, current and vanished. Perhaps best represented by this ant covered dead octopus and diaper cakes, The Arrondisement starts at the city, extending through Highgate, Mt Lawley and Inglewood, finally dying in the arse in Bayswater. (Google Streetview.) The Boulevard of Broken Worsts aka Alexander Drive is probably best remembered for these odd items, but it is the centre for much activity nearby, including the awsome Stargate.   The Boulevard travels through many shithouse areas, (eg Malaga), some as yet unplumbed by worst searchers, but Yokine, Dianella have been the main sources. It continues on from the North perth Barrio as seen below.     (Google Street View)Las Ramblas, aka Oats Steet Carlisle, where door meets window. Also the centre of much activity  nearby, including the amazing flamingo letterbox. Goes through Carlisle and Lathlain, not far from lesbian witch murder house, until it is stopped in its tracks by Bourbon Street.  (Google Street View)

my beautiful friend

The Barrio, aka Fitzgerald Street, although The Barrio can cover many North Perth locations. Known for the testicle polishing activities of its residents.  Becomes The Boulevard of Broken Worsts as it leaves civilisation.  (Google Street View)And the recently named Bourbon Street, aka Albany Highway named to honour Victoria Park, Perth’s New Orleans. There’s only one place for the sweetest cajun cooking with a dirty sax a playin than Bourbon Street’s Cash Twon. Bourbon Street travels through some of the city’s premier toilets, before reaching Albany many hours later. (Google Street View)And there’s also the Bumpkobahn, Bumpkin Highway, aka Forrest Highway that ends up in the Labrea tarpit of worst Bunbury, while bypassing Crabtown Mandurah.

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Weekend Worstoff 124

When MRS. Bento sends in two photos of flavoured knobs, you better take notice. She seems to have overcome her eye rolling at Bento’s worsting activities and waded in herself. Bravo if not kudos.

Mr Bento weighs in with this from Mullaloo. His comment “A letterbox with a finial.  Cunts.” Cunts Indeed. Might also be the first Mullalloo worst. Not sure. I was reminded that we have never had a worst from Kelmscott. Extraordinary.Outrage found this extra, extra large poignant comment on the hung parliament in Shenton Park. They’re so subtle – and fat, out West.WAtching had sent me shots of the horse protest outside Mondo Butchers, but Inside Cover did a version before I could put them up. Worst well

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Reserved for Dirt

It is totally believable that dirt would get reserved parking in Kalgoorlie, particularly behind The Palace Hotel. The gold in there is worth more than your car. From Natalia Fan#1 right?

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , | 15 Comments

The Ghost Hoodie

Hazel, despite having lived in Victoria Park for several months, has only just realised that the quiet dude with the hoodie always sitting in the garden isn’t real. Sometimes someone sits with him. Sometimes he wears the hat and sunnies that are on the table. A student did tell me once that he wouldn’t live in Vic Park, because it was haunted. It appears he was right.

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts, worst garden | Tagged , | 22 Comments

Irrational Hatreds #5 The wisdom of Justin Langer

Justin Langer seems like a nice bloke, a very nice bloke, but the pap dispensed from his website (and by the way thanks for the autoplay audio Juzzy, everyone loves that,) and his books, makes him sound like he’s retarded. The sayings of Justin are so bland and dimwitted, he makes the Dalai Lama sound smart. One can only imagine the eye rolling and finger down throat puke signs made behind poor old Justin’s back by his kids as he dispenses the likes of  “Cherish your friendships. Be creative. Laugh… a lot,  Never give up. See the Sunrise.” to the poor devils in his Odes to them. Truly horrible. And the latest book, Australia you little* Beauty? The title makes it clear that it doesn’t reach Truck Gal level.

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Temple of Tut

Both The Basstard and Cimbali sent a photo of this place this week, (this is the ‘tard’s shot). If the outside is baffling, what about the temple inside? Some kind of Cocos sacrificing ceremony? Bayswater. Haven’t had to use the worst wall category for a while.

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I Beomaster

Amazingly I have been gifted another turntable! It’s a 3 in 1 Bang and Olufsen, Beocentre 4600 which is an 18kg giant slab of Danish wankology, made between 1977 and 1980, this one believed to be a 1980 model. The 4600 was last made in Dec 1980, within a few days of John Lennon being shot. Coincidence? Some great albums fall into that time frame, but to me it looks like it should only spin Kraftwerk, or maybe a Yoko album. This amazingly beautiful machine a gift via Len “Scandotrash” Nielsen and friend.

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Pussy Wagons

I asked Outrage Cohen to look out for any BnS posters when he was in the country, since the event is only a week or so away, but nada. The bumpkins really have been cowed by city smartarses. No poster, nothin. However he did pick up a flyer for the Bindoon Show 2010 Ute Muster. I don’t understand. No animals being rooted by other species graphics. What’s going on in the country?

Sat Oct 16, adults $10, kids 6-15 $5.
The Southern Cross Bush Band are playing.
Best BnS Ute: The ultimate BnS style Ute with everything that screams BnS.

There is also Best Chick’s Ute: Most feminine Ute, with chick touches: seat

covers, toys, stickers, co-ordinated trims, etc.”

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Wrist Cramp

You had me until “elderly respect”. Apart from that, it sounds like Rolly. Unfortunately much of the ranting is not clear. I do see “Those two fugly pricks…Buswell… ” Click for the larger view. Thanks to Vook. At the Causeway.

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Paradise of the people, by the people…

TWOP, stalwart Outrage Cohen on the people’s slide at The York Communist and Ag Fair, making the sign of the Khmer Viet Minh. Pic by Matthew Poon.

Posted in worst journalist | 12 Comments