When Boar-dom sets in

Two guest submissions of houses today. One from The Intellectual Bogan, who says…

A Bavarian hunting lodge that has mysteriously been relocated to Chidlow, complete with concrete boar’s head gateposts. This place started out as a fairly inoffensive little coffee rock church, but, as you can see, has recently been overwhelmed by a strange, parasitic growth of turrets, false timber framing and pseudo medieval ironwork.
Local legend has it that the architect died (possibly of embarrassment) prior to completion, which might explain a lot. It is also rumoured that the boars’ heads were custom cast at great expense.
Unfortunately I was unable to photograph the back of the house, but it has what appear to be a pair of matching (his ‘n’ hers? half timbered dunnies in the back garden.

And one from Val, who nominates this house in North Perth. I can see where you’re coming from Val, but I’m sure some will like this one. Maybe a couple of Boar’s heads would do the trick?


About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
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45 Responses to When Boar-dom sets in

  1. James N says:

    I kinda like both of those…
    one says “I live in a fantasy”, and the other; “fortress of solitude”.

    Plus, y’know, one of them took a church and turned it into something useful, so ++ there.


  2. Traitor’s heads on spikes would have been nice. I think North Perth might end up being quite good.


  3. I thought that might flush you out Tom!


  4. shlock holmes says:

    elementary my dear flotsom this is simply a case of- “I’d rather be a boar on a fence, than be in a fricken boring conversation with my fellow neigh…boooor’s”.


  5. Grouchiegrrl says:

    Surely the second one just needs to be painted? It looks like a lot of modern Brisbane homes actually.


  6. david says:

    vaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaal! it’s got breeze-blocks! they are to the architecturally-minded as the over-sized hat and reebok pump is to the 14yr old skater kid – the most awesome resurrection of a bygone era EVER! and it’s dado-ed like the bajesus! don’t bring your hate-speak around here, val.


  7. Slanderer says:

    A friend rents one of Simon Anderson’s older homes in North Perth and its like living in a very small underground carpark. Needs some cheering up dunnit? Perhaps a nice Ken Done mural commission for the front?


  8. Bedfords Crackpot Fraternity! says:

    Where’s the Cheese!!


  9. Is the third ( Irish accent) one the architecture building at Curtin ? Does that make it Curtinesque ? Totally Curtinesque , dude. Grey concrete my favorite . Besser heavenly, . God bless the ineffectuals, signed the retard


  10. I like the architecture building at Curtin too. The more interesting side is the less easily viewed one though.


  11. rachel says:

    I actually drove by the second house today by accident. and believe me, it was a accident. absolutely hideous. okay, for those who do consider it to be some kind of intellectual masterpiece, what the hell is with the circa-nasty period bricks above the garage?? its worth mentioning that the picture taken is probably the best angle of the house too….


  12. I liked breeze blocks at school. Many good places to stick your empty pie bags.


  13. Val will be glad to hear that Rachel @#13. She’s been copping some stick for this submission.


  14. Rage says:

    Paint? On the Simon Anderson?

    Yes… maybe a lovely shade of blue, or some nice bright yellow! And a mosaic of under-the-sea creatures above the entry!

    And a tyre swing out the front while you’re at it…

    The boar’s heads on the other hand, are genius.


  15. david says:

    um…tyre swings are kind of cool.


  16. The Intellectual Bogan says:

    I hadn’t really noticed before, but the boars look surprisingly cheerful, considering their unfortunate state of decapitation.

    I can see some merit in the Simon Anderson, but I have reservations about the plain grey concrete finish and the terribly 1970s breeze blocks. I took too much pleasure in smashing similar blocks, when I was a landscaper, to be able to entirely accept them as a valid architectural feature.

    I’ve also got a serious dislike of flat roofs as I’ve never come across one that didn’t leak. However, that’s a functional rather than aesthetic objection and I’ll admit they can look good (in the right place) as long as I don’t have to live under one.


  17. Mez says:

    thoroughly dissapointed that that tom did not include me in the list of thosewho shall not die – oh well, will try harder… did I mention that I actually quite like Salmon Pink brick…?


  18. Mez says:

    …and besa brick…


  19. Rolly says:

    Oh! Dear! And who was it that said that architects and aesthetics are not mutually exclusive.
    God awful. Both of them.


  20. Again with the dying Tom? Don’t tell me you’re also against Priviledged young white lesbians?


  21. BC Planning says:

    That second house is a great example of when moedernism goes wrong.


  22. Hint to LA : TT = GH ; you can tell this by the number of spelling mistakes.


  23. rachel says:

    sorry to say tom, no matter how much you post the argument of ‘ironic throwback’ that house will always look like shit :) nice to know your point is so weak that you need to insult everyone who disagrees with you. you’ve given me a good laugh this morning, so i do thank you for that.


  24. Rage says:

    @David : Well, yes. I guess tyre swings are cool. But still! Hear my irony and heed my word!


  25. Val says:

    tomthrett: You don’t mean to tell me that there’s an architect out there who claims responsibility for the Alma Rd/Hutt Street monstrosity?? My flabber is gasted. Does he also claim responsibility for the gorgeous landscaping? The (sensitively named) ‘Mother-in-law’s tongues’ along the side wall: the failed bonsai trees plonked in the sand at each corner?? And the breeze blocks! The whole mess looks more like a builder has done it on the cheap by scrounging left-overs from his mates!



  26. Liam says:

    Julius Caesar has conquered all of Australia. All?
    Not quite, for one part of Australia Occidentalis holds out against Roman occupation, thanks to a magic potion mixed by Getafix the Druid.


  27. flynn says:

    “Smart” ugly is still ugly.
    Val 1, TT 0.


  28. david says:

    maybe simon anderson should be given a chance to acquit himself?


  29. I think it’s about even, but perhaps those who don’t like it can nominate a house they do like. Perhaps Simon should respond, however if it was me, I’d want some specific criticism rather than just saying it’s ugly. I would be curious about the breeze blocks though. I think I would have gone crazy with them if I was going to use them myself. Remember the glass brick posts. Only the most outrageous use of them worked at all with the Frankfurt and NY buildings. I’m going to go and have a look at the place myself. I can’t see from the picture here. I suspect it will turn out pretty well.


  30. Pingback: Pages tagged "inoffensive"

  31. cimbali says:

    I don’t mind the Simon Anderson House at all but the first one is a corker! or do I mean Porker?
    Quite apart from the ginger bread trimmings the place is a very strange shape. It appears to be on a property of some reasonable size but has been placed hard up against the front fence which is in turn right on the road.
    The front, car size gates, lead nowhere unless you are going to do an “Italian Job” style mini cooper ram raid
    and the tower from which you might reasonable expect to have a view of the surrounding bush or at least be able to throw out your bucket of night soil on to the heads of passing Elizabethans has one small arrow slit window which would certainly give you some splash back.


  32. Mazarina says:

    Who’d have thought Hitler’s suicide bunker would end up in North Perth? I DO like breeze blocks, but not when they’re grey – I think it is the completeness of grey that makes me want to slit my wrists when I look at this house – it reminds me of an endless winter sky in London. Utterly depressing. I also hate the plywood (or looks like it anyway) garage door – looks tacky and cheap. And the lack of plants also contributes to the ‘dead’ feeling. What do I think is better? Wow that’s a tough choice whilst cruising the suburbs of sameness across Perth…I think I’ll have to go for something slightly oddway and utterly inhabitable at the moment – Le Fanu house on The Esplanade in Cottesloe. Heritage listed and totally crumbling – I would like to leave it as a ‘ruin’ on the foreshore – Perth doesn’t get to enjoy many ruins. (I can hear the sound of developer’s jaws falling on the floor)



  33. david says:

    maybe the anderson house was designed to a budget? maybe the client wanted a hosue that worked, with a few nice details and a few not-project-home materials but couldn’t afford anythign better than ply? maybe they couldn’t afford more plants, maybe they couldn’t afford a half-decent letterbox. on the other hand maybe it cost a crap-load. one way or another they owners and the architect have tried to do something that is not an off-the-shelf shite-box with a juliet baclony. credit where credit is due, people.


  34. I wouldn’t have predicted that this would have been one of the most popular posts.


  35. The Intellectual Bogan says:

    Cimbali, the gingerbread (or should that be Andersen rather than Anderson) house was built around an existing building and so it’s location was fixed. That masonry bit to the left of the front door is the front wall of the original church.

    I agree about the tower though. There is a similar one on the western side (roof just visible in photo) with similar limitations. I hope they’re part of a passive solar ventilation system ‘cos I can’t think of any other justifiable use for them.

    I hadn’t noticed the gate anomaly, but now you mention it…..

    As for the Anderson, I think that garage door might look better in reality than the photo shows. I still don’t go for the raw concrete look though. Honest it might be but it makes the place look like a half finished tilt-up industrial unit.


  36. david says:

    maybe the boar house is some kind of architectural metaphor for protestant reformation, what with the elizabethan house over-taking the presumably catholic church?

    and i don’t know what the fuss is with the gates, when the torch holders beside the door are far more of a curiosity…are the so many lynchings and monster-chases in the hills that these need to be so close at hand?


  37. The Intellectual Bogan says:

    “are the so many lynchings and monster-chases in the hills that these need to be so close at hand?”

    Certainly are. Every Hills resident east of Mundaring is legally required to keep a pitchfork ready for instant use too.

    It’s not all Lake Lescenaultia and fluffy possums out here after dark, I can tell you.


  38. Rolly says:

    @39, tomthreat.
    Aesthetics have a greater impact on people’s sense of wellbeing than is generally acknowledged.
    Recent research into the effects of visual and acoustic pollution show a distinct detriment to the quality of life which in turn results in a diminished ability to absorb new information and to make rational decisions.
    Think on’t.


  39. Pingback: Alexander The Great’s Mansion | The Worst of Perth

  40. The Legend 101 says:

    Is that bull spose to symbolise anything anyway im a big fan of Natalia Fan 1’s comments and also The Lazy Aussie.


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