Don’t let the Stargate hit your arse on the way out

G’Day sends in this portal to another dimension. Perhaps you can step through into a tourism zone such as Midland where the shops are open late and McGyver battles mutant locals. Apparently the Terry Tyzac Aquatic centre can be seen in the background. Tezza town probably houses the crystal  that powers this motherfucker. stargate

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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87 Responses to Don’t let the Stargate hit your arse on the way out

  1. It actually is a stargate.

    Like

    • G'day from WA says:

      I was scared to get too close to the thing lest I was whisked away to another dimension that doesn’t have a worst of perth website.

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      • oldfart says:

        You’d be safe unless you simultaneously place your rear end and your tongue on those two gleaming Tarvu spots on the side wings. Do that and …. Poof! Cactus! In heaven with 2000 suicide bombers and zillions of virgins.

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  2. oldfart says:

    Cosmic punani (with handles).

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  3. WAtching says:

    I have no idea what it is, but i am pissed off that there isn’t one of these on my street.

    Can anyone read the website on the front of this thing?

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  4. Ranx says:

    Apparently they’re all over the place? curiosity got the better of me and i had to check out the web site on the Stargate

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  5. skink says:

    what horrible overuse of inverted commas

    apparently the website is ‘useful’, and you are invited to ‘join in’. It’s difficult to read the website when you continually have to make little air quotes. It reads like Amway.

    if you step through the ‘punani portal’, you are transported to Terry Tyzack’s secret lair, inside a hollowed-out volcano in Dianella, where you will be cloned to create troops for Tyzack’s mutant army.

    or something

    Like

    • skink says:

      oh, I see LA has already done the McGyver mutant thing.

      I really should read all of it before riffing.

      Dianella is however funnier than Midland, since it sounds like a cross between diarrhoea and salmonella

      Like

      • Ljuke says:

        I just finished reading Cabal, in which a society of freaks live in a city called Midian. Could it have been a thinly disguised version of Midland? Obviously.

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        • Lost and Found says:

          Or Medina? Lots of worsts there (as an ex-Kwinnie/Maylands resident)

          I stumbled on this blog a couple of weeks ago, I have a working proxy connection at the moment & making the best of it that I can (now living in Tianjin in China – as long as I have a working proxy server connection or VPN I can see this). I am trying to get my other half (a local girl) to look at it cos we will be visiting Perth in the next couple of years but she is avoiding it. Guess she is gonna be surprised if we go past a kerbside collection!. It is good to see that Perth is still full of worsts like it always was! The Lizzy Pond is going to join Dick’s Erection as top-10 all-time worsts of Perth IMO

          Maybe I can find some “Worst of Tianjin” things for show and tell,,, I think we need some of those stargate thingies for the side of the street here

          Like

  6. Big Ramifications says:

    I don’t think they ever fully explained what Baltar’s plan was. He goes down to Kobol and tries to convince Adama that the Cylons are disorganized and vulnerable to attack. This was a lie and Adama didn’t fall for it. But here, Lucifer seems to worry that Baltar really was trying to rejoin with the humans for an attack. I can’t see how anyone could believe that one battlestar could launch a strike against the Cylons.

    Like

  7. WAtching says:

    Dammit.
    I had just altered my unified vibrancy equation to take into account ooshta, Mat Buckels and the Northbridge Piazza and then some asshole plonks one of these things in Perth.
    Fuckwit.

    Like

  8. Bento says:

    I’m surprised we didn’t work this out earlier. Terry Tyzack is clearly not an earthling name. A stargate is the only possible explanation.

    I’m not sure I’d want one of these in my street. A constant procession of lost and bewildered Inglewoodian joggers would be the likely outcome, surely. The gleaming handles are very inviting, I must admit.

    Like

  9. David Cohen says:

    I’m sure this was a prop from the 2003 Media Ball.

    We may have left it out for a roadside collection.

    IIRC, Catriona Rowntree stepped through and emerged as Ernie Dindo…or was it the other way around?

    Like

  10. oldfart says:

    Comprehensible to Catholics only:

    That church window shape and the little kneely bit at the bottom made me think of the confessional.

    Given that no-one under 75 attends Mass these days, perhaps it’s the Church’s way to attract the young. You know, like, cool equipment to connect with god.

    Make a good confession and you will shoot straight to heaven. Judging by the coloration, quite a lot get shot straight into the tree in the background.

    Like

  11. skink says:

    I want a hug from a surfboard

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  12. shazza says:

    I see shark. Perhaps promo for the new Jaws movie?

    Like

  13. Orbea says:

    Tezza’s house is just out of shot, to the left (west) along Wordsworth Avenue.

    Clearly the ancient Egyptians and the Freemason’s have numerologied Yokine to within a punani width.

    Yokine reserve is teh epicentre of Tezza and his architect hordes.

    Like

  14. curious says:

    g’day, did you manage to get a shot of the giant archangel moroney (sp?) atop the mormon temple nearby?

    for years i thought it was a giant soccer player atop a soccer club.

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  15. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Needs to be fenced off an an entrance fee charged so that some “entrepreneur” can make a buck out of the crackpot truthers. Tezza’s temple to the morons. The truthers can get in while “the Cylons are disorganized and vulnerable to attack”.

    Like

  16. BrownBook says:

    Praise Tarvu!

    Like

  17. It is a hamstring stretcher if you really want to know.

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    • oldfart says:

      No! I’m with BrownBook on this one. StirlingCC might think it’s a hammy stretcher but Tarvu’s clearly had his way with them.

      http://www.tarvu.com/

      BTW LA. What’s up with the TWOP search box? I hunted for ‘Tarvu’ ‘oldfart’ & ‘punani’ without result but a search for ‘cunt’ returned just about every post on the site! WTF?

      Like

    • rolly says:

      Don’t they use it for other kinds of injuries?

      Like

  18. G'day from WA says:

    I think the search function doesn’t work on comments, just LA’s posts. Alas!

    Like

    • oldfart says:

      Yeah, I twigged later. Was waiting silently for LA’s abject apology. Think I’ll assert copyright on all my stunningly witty originals and charge him for their use.

      Like

    • I think it should work with comments, commenters and random text. I have been busy all day. Too busy to apologise. not enough time for second post. Stargate has been better than my expectations though. What a great photo.

      Like

  19. Jumbo says:

    It pretty ugly, gothic stainless steel church arches with steel armrests. i also thought it had to do with like that calico, isnt it a type of fabric. P.S. Please refer to the ‘Terry Tyzack’ Aq Centre as the Inglewood Swimming Pools(the original name) as the guy isn’t dead nor did he do anything great, and he was the mayor, ive lived in menora for some time and i never saw anything great of him. what a knob. gets a swimming pool named after him. Stupid frigin arches. Marble plaques look alot better and also blend in with plants. It looks like theres gas pipes coming from the ground.

    Like

  20. Jumbo says:

    I Think the main portal is now in northbridge at lake st roundabout. actually it is the roundabout

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  21. Yang says:

    My house is literally a twenty second walk from there; I see that every day on the bus but I can never quite work out what it’s for.
    Silly Perth.

    Like

  22. Kev says:

    Need to start by saying I am responsible for the ‘Arch’!!
    At the risk of offending the followers of Stargate, the ‘Arch’ is actualy a community health project designed here in WA. They are set precisely 0.5km apart (on trial in Yokine and Carine) and the distance is used to gauge the walkers/joggers/cyclists calorific expenditure. http://www.mycalico.com uses the exercisers biometrics and if they put in the number of markers they went past, and the time taken.. the online support works out the calories that ‘body’ needs to keep a healthy weight.. and also the calories they need to burn to get ‘energy balance’. Does sound a bit Stargate I guess.
    For info. The design represents the bow of a boat and the sides represent breaking waves (We would like to get them along the Ocean and River walking tracks). The base is made from a new technique of recycling car tyres that we have developed here and if we can get this off in WA we will save approx 4 olympic size swimming pools worth of old tyres going into landfill.
    We have to hold our hands up on the lack of PR. We provide the outdoor equipment for free.. and we give our online support to the community for free..Our funds come from a sponsors message on the outdoor equipment, (Fingers firmly crossed as I type!)
    Hope this makes sense. Loads to say, and if anyone would like a chat please drop me a line to kevin@mycalico.com. Cheers, Kev

    Like

    • G'day from WA says:

      Good work Kev. We all secretly love these things but it’s way cooler to be a knocker and hater.

      Like

    • Whoa, so there’s no giant crystal focussing the power of the universe? Kev! Dude! I would have slipped a few “dodecahedrons” into your explanation.

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    • rolly says:

      mycalico.com?

      Another unfortunate composite which comes out looking like something else.

      A cloth manufacturer’s website in this case.

      Got to be careful when trying to be clever.

      I know; I trip over my own feet regularly.

      The principle is great though. [ – sez he, who has problems walking the 800meters to the shops :( ]

      Like

  23. Kev says:

    Thanks ‘G’Day’.. My Mum always said sarcasm was the worst form of humour.. But it’s definitely one of the funniest! It was great to see we had been noticed..So it’s all good…
    Unfortunately the Stargate thing is in my head now and I don’t suppose I will ever shake it. I can even see me jumping through to see if my arse does hit the sides!

    Like

    • WAtching says:

      Dear Kev,
      I would like to express my disgust as the use of a boats bow in your design. I fail to see how this is consistent with the heritage values of western australia. For a start, whay is it not shaped like a swan?
      Concerned,

      Carine

      Like

  24. I forgot this had 70 responses.

    Like

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