Hazel, despite having lived in Victoria Park for several months, has only just realised that the quiet dude with the hoodie always sitting in the garden isn’t real. Sometimes someone sits with him. Sometimes he wears the hat and sunnies that are on the table. A student did tell me once that he wouldn’t live in Vic Park, because it was haunted. It appears he was right. 
Worst Talk
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The Worst of Perth 
He has to take off the hat when he goes to the bank.
p.s. I hope Mr Delancaster-Swinbank-Slack found a young thug.
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“You can see I’m an innocent, good-looking old man.”
Fuck that guy.
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See this guy here? This is not my type of guy.
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I could turn just for that name, Ljuke.
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If he’s not even willing to take his hat off, you’ve got bugger all chance of a reach-around.
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If it was a ramshackle garden then I’d put it down the whacky Curtin Uni students, but it’s not….
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It’s not so worst.
I have a cardboard cutout of Clive James with whom I sometes discuss Pound’s later cantos.
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I hear that. You could have the same discussion with the cardboard Dennis Lillee, now sadly vanished.
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Hmmm: I think DK is more of a Eugenio Montale cat…
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not worst at all.
although a little creepy.
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Def not worst. In fact increases the average IQ of East Vic Park.
Number 96 tram north fitzroy this morning
Tram Driver (over loud speaker): Would passengers please push the buzzer a Bit Earlier, if you don’t mind.
Passenger: Would you kindly pick us up on time, if you dont mind.
Tram Driver (enunciating Very Clearly): Well, if people didn’t Stick Blow Up Sex Toys to the tracks, we wouldn’t be in this predicament would we.
…
Passenger: My apologies.
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I’m originally from the south of the river, the “soirée quarter” as we southerners say (usually with a little shudder of anticipatory pleasure) and of course Vic Park is regarded as New Orleans in that respect. The coffee strip on Albany Hwy is completely unlike other Perth metro strips. It’s the sort of hearty old-Perthe atmosphere where a twin cab 4WD driven by a drunk miner could demolish a hundred metres of outdoor tables, and after 1 minute of respectful silence the survivors would burst out laughing and shout the driver an espresso until of course the CIB arrived to fit him up with a mint robbery or an unsolved stagecoach bail-up. Haunted? Well I’m glad Prof Worst has broached that topic, I think an entire chapter of Worst could be devoted to Paranormal Perth. But in the case of Vic Park, although we locals like to crank it up for the tourists who come across the causeway and face the Vic Park entrance vista exhangeway panorama with that strange loose feeling in the lower bowels, the culprit is something else which in itself is another prominent and unique feature of the micro-region. And that is the sea breeze blasting across the area daily and in particular bringing with it a mist of moldering primeval seaweed birdshit boat fuel old brewery 150 years of urine and a unique mix of modern chemicals residue. In short, many down south live in a slightly drugged condition which of course makes one particularly receptive to ghosts or even enrolling at the famous ghost tertiary institution which can be seen sometimes, “Curtin” as it’s appropriately known, reportedly a massive groaning concrete hulk rising at an angle above the earth trailing dreadlock-like vines or something and stained all over with bore water from the depthts wenst it came. The application form never arrives of course although it is said some have. The applicant soon disappeared probably to ride those ghost bar facilities forever.
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… i can’t feel my legs
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Magnificent post Greggo – love your stuff mate. Don’t listen to the others.
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New Orleans? So Albany Highway can be officially dubbed Bourbon Street?
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Bundie n Coke Crescent, historically speaking.
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“slightly drugged condition”? You mean “tweaked to the eyeballs”, right?
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My Grandpa used to live on McMaster street and drank at the Broken Hill.
He died in 1969. I visited the Pubic Bar only once, it had carpet on the floor extending up the bar and the walls about three feet. Very disconcerting, I left without ordering anything and hastened back North.
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Well, it was the Pubic Bar, ronggly.
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a good pubic should always be carpeted up the ying-yang.
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How fitting, then, that the 21st century Brokes has removed all the carpet from the Pubic Bar.
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Gotta love a vinyl vera in the garden…Security pluses are up there with having a dog… although Vera waits at the table he/she does not need feeding neither are there any barkers eggs in the yard!, Brilliant…. I am going shopping in northbridge tonight!
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