Irrational Hatreds #5 The wisdom of Justin Langer

Justin Langer seems like a nice bloke, a very nice bloke, but the pap dispensed from his website (and by the way thanks for the autoplay audio Juzzy, everyone loves that,) and his books, makes him sound like he’s retarded. The sayings of Justin are so bland and dimwitted, he makes the Dalai Lama sound smart. One can only imagine the eye rolling and finger down throat puke signs made behind poor old Justin’s back by his kids as he dispenses the likes of  “Cherish your friendships. Be creative. Laugh… a lot,  Never give up. See the Sunrise.” to the poor devils in his Odes to them. Truly horrible. And the latest book, Australia you little* Beauty? The title makes it clear that it doesn’t reach Truck Gal level.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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50 Responses to Irrational Hatreds #5 The wisdom of Justin Langer

  1. orbea says:

    Yes Justin did swallow the “Little Book of Calm”

    Like

  2. David Cohen says:

    About time: IH#4 was in January.

    Like

  3. Paracleet says:

    Hatred of Justin is not irrational. A listen to a match commentary when JL is guest commentator will further reveal that he doesn’t just sound like a retard but in fact…

    Like

    • Perineum says:

      quite agree – nothing irrational at all about hating JL. When a boxer gets hits in the head that many times and proceeds to spout shit members of polite society tends to look away and mumble “yes, well, ahem.” Langer on the other hand…. Incidently, now that i think about it, he does quack like a duck.

      Like

  4. shazza says:

    As Bento had alluded to previously, there’s something spooky about the wild staring eyes. It’s as if he is in the grip of cult mind control.

    Like

  5. Jaidyn-Jaxxon says:

    If I’d spent my life surrounded by sports coaches in Channel 9 Land, I’d be credulous enough to spout such Dalinean honeyed ordure myself…

    Like

  6. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Justin , like Brendon was a Tarvuntian. However after reportedly being hit on the head by a cricket ball he saw the good and became a Goodhist ( tax exempt status pending) and followed the four precepts : “Do good, be good and say good”. Some say the cricket ball was uneccessary and it was just a matter of time.

    Like

  7. greggo says:

    David Carradine, I’m seeing David Carradine right now, it’s very strong, oh yes omg David Carradine.

    Like

  8. skink says:

    Oh, it’s just horrible

    do people really emply him as a leadership consultant?

    does his seminar on ‘decision making’ just consist of ‘should I hit this one, or let it through to the keeper?’

    I hope you ladies enjoyed his section on ‘heroines’. Not remotely patronising. He dreads the day his daughters say to him: ‘piss off, Dad, and leave us the fuck alone.’

    I particularly enjoyed his essay on ‘the perfect day’, and took up his challenge to imagine what might make my perfect day.

    well, it starts with a nice long shit without being interrupted by the kids, and ends with a head job. In between there may indeed be some time for sticky date pudding

    Like

  9. skink says:

    under ‘sledging’ Langer says:

    ” I would love a dollar for every time I was asked about the best sledge I have ever heard. One day at the SCG, Indian fast bowler Javagal Srinath told me, more than once, that I was easily the worst batsman to have ever played Test cricket. I could have taken this personally…”

    really, that was the worst sledge?

    I bet even his daughters have come up with better insults for him than that.

    Like

    • “Justin, I hear you take joy from a single flower.” Pwned.

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        • skink says:

          the phrase ‘lame gay churchy loser’ immediately came to mind when considering how Langer’s daughters might sledge him

          also: ‘short-arse with a touch of the Ricky Ponting’s around the eyes’

          and: ‘what with you, Matt Hayden and Graham Gooch, what is it about opening batsmen and male pattern baldness?’

          Like

          • Looks a bit like Wayne Carey’s top of head.

            Like

          • JL to Pakistami flood victims. “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re under water. Be yourself. See a sunrise. Hug a floating corpse.”

            Like

            • Jaidyn-Jaxxon says:

              Natural leadership is something we’re all born with – it comes from within. Trust that instinct. Shake hands firmly, and often. Laugh. Laugh again. In every crisis lies an opportunity to expand your potential into new mentorship horizons- seek it! Smile. See the relief package – not the cluster bomb.
              I was rereading ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ by Mitch Albom the other day and one thing that really struck me was how radically similar my experience had been to each of my previous journeys through Mitch Albom’s wonderful book. It’s simply incredible what you can learn by having the same information repeated many times. Try it! The only limit is your imagination – don’t give yourself an excuse. Set aside some time each day to concentrate on what it is that makes your dreams attainable. Sometimes, all that’s missing is a little inspiration.

              Like

              • Natalia Fan #1 says:

                Speaking of same dog different leg action, JJ, and probably a stupid question, but have you perused The Power yet?

                Remember: “Without The Power you would not have been born. Without The Power, there wouldn’t be a single human being on the planet. Every discovery, invention, and human creation comes from The Power. Perfect health, incredible relationships, a career you love, a life filled with happiness, and the money you need to be, do, and have everything you want, all come from The Power“.

                I particularly like the use of italics in the above, which creates an ambiguity between The Power, as the title of the book, and the metaphysical “force” to which the title presumably alludes, thus suggesting on one reading that without Byrne’s book, “you would not have been born”, etc.

                Like

                • Jaidyn-Jaxxon says:

                  Sadly no, despite practically limitless access to The Power I have yet to peruse it. Same goes for The Secret (ssecret ssecret) – I’ve never bothered to read the book. It was all about the DVD for me (imaginar-ey cray-zeh-ness etc). I like to have these things dumbed down as far as possible.

                  So, what’s the deal? I mean we all know The Secret (ssecret ssecret) now, what are we supposed to do with The Power exactly? Attract it?

                  Like

                  • Natalia Fan #1 says:

                    The Power is her answer to all the naysayers who said that The Secret emphasized thought over action, geddit? Sure to be coming out on DVD one of these days, as though the books are any less dumb than the movie.

                    Like

    • The closer you look at JL’s work, the more he looks like a complete tool. Worst sledge my arse.

      Like

  10. orbea says:

    Rational hatred # 1
    According to Crikey via fairfax, Wilson ‘soft-knob’ Tuckey is
    starting a blog.

    There is a competition on Crikey to name it.

    Like

  11. Thomas says:

    I decided I’d never book Justin Langer for a speaking gig when I was 12, virtually immediately after he called my cousin and I a “pair of dickheads” because we’d never heard of him.

    He was doing a promo appearance at the Royal Show.

    Put me off cricket, too.

    Like

  12. The Legend 101 says:

    The soccer thiller Striker Boy by Jonny Zucker its boring junk.

    Like

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