Outrage Sunday 57 not long now

Posted on June 10, 2012 by rottobloggo

The Worst of Perth can reveal Swallow – aka Madkuntz, aka Knobgoblins, aka Spitz – will open Sunday, July 1 (which is also Canada Day).

How did we get this world scoop? We called Zoe and identified ourselves as a TWOP reporter.

“We don’t have a date yet,” Zoe said. “Soon we’ll start on our final inspections and it depends on what they say.”

“They” are the council, Racing Gaming & Liquor, and the Health Department: “They are pretty happy with the progress,” Zoe said.

But Zoe did mention July 1 as a possibility. We said we couldn’t wait. “We can’t wait either,” Zoe said.

Swallow needs workers: “We are still definitely putting it out there,” Zoe said – and then asked if TWOP was interested.

At this point our minds flashed back to 1989, to the restaurant on a Thames barge we worked at for three weeks to finance a trip to France. A typical moment was serving wine, and realising the end of the tie had fallen into one of the glasses. We just took it out and served the drinks.

We assured Zoe we were not the people she needed – but we would spread the word. Finally, what hints could she give us about the Swallow cocktail selection or wine menu?

“We won’t have a huge selection of cocktails,” Zoe said. “The lists will move a lot. The wine list and the food menu will change quite often.”

Save the date.

Posted in not worst, Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

WW 204 Bento Maylands teapots

Posted on June 9, 2012 by rottobloggo

And so finally I get my hands on the keys to the editorial Scorpion.  This week promises to bring at least 60% more sneering; however, as is customary during TLA’s absences, the sneering will be interspersed with ridicule of the more vulnerable casualties of society.  It is likely there will be very little content not sourced from The Arrondissement or The Post’s distribution area.

And so, inevitably, we turn to Maylands, where only yesterday the Director of Liquor Licensing declared that the existing oversupply of drunks was reason enough to refuse a new liquor store.  Mercifully, MadKuntz was approved before the Director noticed the rivers of piss flowing down 8th Ave.

It’s possible this is also the Home of the Toilet Bowl Planter.

Cocos Palm and Thong Tree.  This should be the Governor’s Residence.

But there’s nothing wrong with some harmlessly eccentric found art in the front yard.  Or disembodied heads.  Is it too soon for more Milat jokes?

I think it is generally agreed I am no palm-spotter.  I’m calling not-Cocos, and not-Cotton.  What’s left?  Regardless of species, I think the entire genus is inarguably improved by the addition of 1000 teapots.

Ahh, the Pies.  It is all becoming clearer now.  Where’s Mr 276 when you need him?

Money shot added:

Posted in Uncatetorisable worsts, worst garden, worst house, Worst suburb | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

Sans Gloves

Posted on June 8, 2012 by AHC McDonald

Last post by me for a couple of weeks. Strange feeling. Looking forward to texts sent to me in China saying “You need to delete and ban. they are out of control! Naked chicks on trains! Fat rolls under white satin!!!!!”

First shots of Fremantle Hospital’s outdoor ward by Rob F. (Freo hospital main building in bg.) We are nothing without gloves. Well obviously. This IS a burns ward after all. 

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

Faux

Posted on June 7, 2012 by AHC McDonald

Jaydyn Jaxxon was enraged by faux brick on Vincent. Tim D was confused by faux wood in Subiaco. I wonder what the Manhattes barkeep would make of these materials. These are the stuff of Perth. Maybe throw in some mini-orb and some salmon brick.  He was bemused by normal colourbond. Any fake brick down Hudson River way BSWAM?

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , , , , | 32 Comments

Penal Colony

Posted on June 6, 2012 by AHC McDonald

Yeah. Northbridge. By Ox Yat. Totally worth the effort.06

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

You gotta fight for ya right…

Posted on June 5, 2012 by AHC McDonald

I love a quiz night. When Mars meets…Venus?  By Goldenone. And the NLCC typeface? Magnifique. 

Posted in worst graphic design, worst sign | Tagged , | 21 Comments

New Stargate to ease commuter pressure

Posted on June 4, 2012 by AHC McDonald

Stargate gridlock between Moora and Dianella has been eased with the addition of the new Western Suburbs South Cottesloe poral. Clint claims its arrival coincided eerily with some recent council “storm drain” work.




Posted in worst art | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

Submissions for 10-19th June

Posted on June 3, 2012 by AHC McDonald

The Lazy Aussie will be in China the above dates.
To submit to editor Bento. bento.bocz@gmail.com
To submit to editor Deefoc. dcohen@amnet.net.au

Posted in worst of perth | 25 Comments

Outrage Sunday 56 Diamond Jerbilee

Posted on June 3, 2012 by rottobloggo

Mr Gawber was asleep. He had the elderly commuter’s habit of being able to sleep without shifting position; sleep took him and embalmed him lightly like a touch of sadness he would soon shake off. He was dreaming of having tea with the Queen in Buckingham Palace. Jammed in the corner, the standing passengers’ coats brushing his head, the lunchbox of the shirtless man next to him nudging his thigh, he dreamed. Around him, travellers slapped and shook their evening papers, but Mr Gawber slept on. The Queen suddenly smiled and leaned forwards and plucked open the front of her dress. Her full breasts tumbled out and Mr Gawber put his head between them and sobbed with shame and relief. They were so cool; and he felt her nipples against his ears. The Family Arsenal, Paul Theroux, 1976.

These posters and framed photos were found in a western suburbs bin this week. On the eve of the Diamond Jerbilee, they were throwing out the icons: what does it mean?

Keep calm, and off with their heads!

Posted in *Worst of The World, Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WW 203 The Deefoc Inheritance – The Bento Ascendency

Posted on June 2, 2012 by AHC McDonald

Yes, I’m going to China again next Saturday on assignment for The Asia Beat, this region’s finest news organ and the only source to get the Schapelle Corby Matthew Newton marriage story and the Anwar sausage sizzle scandal. Amongst other things, I will be interviewing Asia’s Tim Winton, Su Tong, author of “Raise the Red Concubine.”
Now.
While I am away there will be two editors, of course Teh Deefoc, but Bento has also volunteered to write some pieces. I don’t know how they are going to do it, whether one each per day in a kind of call and response, alternating days or whatever.

We’ve seen Deefoc’s work before when he has been unfettered by the threat of my top level deleting key, so you know what to send him. dcohen@amnet.net.au.

Not really sure of what Bento will do, but you can mail submissions to him at bento.bocz@gmail.com

In any case, I know they both like “stuff”. – by eears.

Posted in weekend worstoff | 12 Comments