The Town of Vincent, (so called City of Vincent) The Worst of Perth heartland is girding its fixies for the first real Mayoral race in a long time, now that Nick “RatCat” Catania has decided to hang up the chain. The Worst of Perth sat down with the candidates, former state Labor member Alannah MacTiernan, and current Town of Vincent Deputy Mayor Sally “Salt” Lake at a small bar on Beaufort Street – TOV’s famous Arrondissement.
TWOP: Hi guys. Now Alannah, if I can start with you. Can I call you Lannie by the way?
Alannah MacT: No.
TWOP: OK, then. What if any special skills would you bring to the role of Mayor?
Alannah MacT: A low tolerance for fuckwits.
Sally Lake: And, if I may, that’s where Alannah and I differ. I pride myself on my high tolerance for dickheads. When you’re working with politicians, council staff, journalists and members of the public, well it’s virtually 100% dickheads. If Alannah is going to run on a no fuckwit platform, then she’s going to find it very lonely as Mayor if she wins.
TWOP: So what we are seeing is essentially an ideological battle between the idea of a rejection of fuckwits and the necessity to deal with them?
Alannah MacT & Sally Lake: Oh yes. Definitely. Whatever.
TWOP: On a side topic, what do both of you think of the accusation that the word “Mayoral” sounds a bit too similar to “clitoral”?
Sally Lake: Well that accusation was always going to be made now that Nick isn’t running wasn’t it?
Alannah MacT: Well if we’re going to be talking about “South of the river”, then I’ve got more balls than Nick and Sally put together.
TWOP: OK, you know what I’m going to ask don’t you? You’re both widely regarded as having hideous hair. How do you respond?
Sally Lake: Well if you’re on a council that includes Matt Buckels, then you’re never going to have the worst hair on the block are you? Ha ha.
Alannah MacT: Seriously, that dude looks like he has his hair cut especially for participating in Medieval reenactments, but look Sally and I both have the same hairdressers. Ourselves. Although sometimes I cut mine with my left hand so it feels like someone else is doing it.
TWOP: Now Alannah, you’ve promised recycling “from arsehole to breakfast” in Vincent if you are elected. What exactly does that mean?
Alannah MacT: What it says.
Sally Lake: I believe that Vincent already has recycling “up the yin yang”, and that’s part of the process I’ve been involved with over the last few years as Deputy Mayor.
TWOP: Well thank you both, and best of luck to both of you, although Sally, you were pretty well rooted as soon as Alannah put up her hand weren’t you?
Sally Lake: It’s not over yet.
Alannah MacT: Darl, the ship has sailed, and you’re not on it. Deal with it.