Lake vs Lannie, Town of Vincent Mayoral Race

The Town of Vincent, (so called City of Vincent) The Worst of Perth heartland is girding its fixies for the first real Mayoral race in a long time, now that Nick “RatCat” Catania has decided to hang up the chain. The Worst of Perth sat down with the candidates, former state Labor member Alannah MacTiernan, and current Town of Vincent Deputy Mayor Sally “Salt” Lake at a small bar on Beaufort Street – TOV’s famous Arrondissement.

Alannah MacTiernan

Sally Lake

TWOP: Hi guys. Now Alannah, if I can start with you. Can I call you Lannie by the way?
Alannah MacT: No.
TWOP: OK, then. What if any special skills would you bring to the role of Mayor?
Alannah MacT: A low tolerance for fuckwits.
Sally Lake: And, if I may, that’s where Alannah and I differ. I pride myself on my high tolerance for dickheads. When you’re working with politicians, council staff, journalists and members of the public, well it’s virtually 100% dickheads. If Alannah is going to run on a no fuckwit platform, then she’s going to find it very lonely as Mayor if she wins.
TWOP: So what we are seeing is essentially an ideological battle between the idea of a rejection of fuckwits and the necessity to deal with them?
Alannah MacT & Sally Lake: Oh yes. Definitely. Whatever.
TWOP: On a side topic, what do both of you think of the accusation that the word “Mayoral” sounds a bit too similar to “clitoral”?
Sally Lake: Well that accusation was always going to be made now that Nick isn’t running wasn’t it?
Alannah MacT: Well if we’re going to be talking about “South of the river”, then I’ve got more balls than Nick and Sally put together.
TWOP: OK, you know what I’m going to ask don’t you? You’re both widely regarded as having hideous hair. How do you respond?
Sally Lake: Well if you’re on a council that includes Matt Buckels, then you’re never going to have the worst hair on the block are you? Ha ha.
Alannah MacT: Seriously, that dude looks like he has his hair cut especially for participating in Medieval reenactments, but look Sally and I both have the same hairdressers. Ourselves. Although sometimes I cut mine with my left hand so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Matt Buckels

TWOP: Now Alannah, you’ve promised recycling “from arsehole to breakfast” in Vincent if you are elected. What exactly does that mean?
Alannah MacT:  What it says.
Sally Lake: I believe that Vincent already has recycling “up the yin yang”, and that’s part of the process I’ve been involved with over the last few years as Deputy Mayor.
TWOP: Well thank you both, and best of luck to both of you, although Sally, you were pretty well rooted as soon as Alannah put up her hand weren’t you?
Sally Lake: It’s not over yet.
Alannah MacT:  Darl, the ship has sailed, and you’re not on it. Deal with it.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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70 Responses to Lake vs Lannie, Town of Vincent Mayoral Race

  1. margeryx says:

    That’s pure gold, TLA! I chuckled out loud.

    Like

  2. Pete says:

    After the initial discussion of the Lannie ticket I thought you were holding fire – because now any googling of candidates or election will lead innocent voters to here. I for one welcome our new outraged commenter overlords.

    Like

  3. orbea says:

    Applause

    Like

  4. rottobloggo says:

    Will you be giving the western suburbs the same treatment??

    Like

  5. The Legend 101 says:

    Very Comfusing, But Personally I think Sally Lake has more common sence from reading the article.

    Like

  6. A topic close to my heart as I am working on the definitive unlicensed autobiography of Lannie McT “From twinsets to trainsets ” the Lannie McT story”
    Chapter headings ” Onward to leadership of the Armadillos”
    : “Get fucked Esperance and suck up the lead.”
    ” Get fucked taxi drivers”
    ” Where’s Carps : they have me surrounded”
    ” Jeezus , I’ve lost that bottle of tiop quality plonk”
    Sicilians with leckie don’t forget to vote 1 for the “Hairy Ball” team, Buckels and McT.

    Like

  7. Mattb says:

    Yes very funny indeed. Thanks also for raising the profile of my haircut. I actually have paid for one in the last few months but I don’t think I’ll update the pic. Thanks for stalking my fb page Sharon – glad to see I’m not the only person googling my name:) TLA I think you hace captured something truly special here btw. I lol’d at least, and that was before seeing my own ugly mug.

    Like

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  10. My Ning says:

    The Secret Diary of Mark McGowan (aged nearly 45)

    After another tiring week in the top end of WA politics, I had a couple of wins – thanks to my mates at The Worst. Firstly, they were nice enough to cover my cafe reunion with Alannah MacTiernan. Of course, and as usual, I originally knew nothing about it – I only found out about it when one of my spin doctors (who a few weeks ago was told I would sack him and the rest of his ilk if I became prem as there was already too much spin in WA politics) said I had a photo op with a former Labor leader.

    Naturally my first thought was it would be with Bob Hawke – him, Kim Beazley or Brian Burke. When they told me it was with Al, I must admit my heart did sink a bit. Sure, she might have once been a competent planning minister, and sure she now weighs as much as either Beazo or Burkie, and sure she can knock ’em back like Hawkie before driving home stonkered from the opening of the Collie power station and being pulled over by the cops for pissy driving. But now she’s just the mayor of crummy old Vincent. Couldn’t they have found someone more important for me to thoughtfully wave my finger at? I mean really – would Geoff Gallop have posed with John Hyde prior to the 2001 election? I think not.

    Still, the fact the paper made it sound like I was actually thinking about something as complicated as planning and approvals was a plus – it certainly saved me from having to bone up on it as we face more and more questions from the press on our need for so-called reform, whatever the hell that all means. It’s great … all I have to do now is say: ‘Phone Al at Vincent – she’ll fill you in on all the planning and approvals details’, and my job will be more or less done.

    My second big win was being featured in the paper’s weekend colour supplement. Finally, a proper platform to show what a thoughtful chappie I am – particularly with those wonderful specs. Plus it made me sound as if I’ve actually been busy for all these years while accommpanying the likes of Gallop and Beazley, when in fact all fact all I’ve done is stand back and let them do the talking.

    And the fact Barnett used to call me Wonderboy – wasn’t it great that this came up when he himself was called a dirty white dog by one of those protesters up at Kings Park this week. Of course I’ve heard Ben Wyatt say the same thing about me, and that’s totally understandable given I’ve never even heard of the Yamatji or any of those other amateur football teams that scatter the Wheatbelt. But Wonderboy is definitely preferable to what my high school mates in NSW used to call me (Mark in Wonderland) and my subsequent navy nickname (Wonder bread).

    Like

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  12. My Ning says:

    Speaking of Alannah, did anyone see the pic of her in The Worst a couple of weeks ago when she was telling everyone that downtown Leederville was getting a major revamp? On the power pole she was standing next to was a flyer headlined: Lost Dog. Was there a subtext at work there? Are the Worst’s photographers really that funny?

    Watched her on Q&A last week and I was convinced she’s botoxed her lips – either that or she’s been taking elocution lessons from Sylvestor Stallone. Seriously, she spoke like a gangster …

    Like

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  14. Alannah running in Perth. I can get behind that!

    Like

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