(Alarmingly) small small bar Swallow, (aka Madcuntz MadKûntz aka Knobgoblins) is still nowhere near completion. The photo makes it look twice the size it actually is. I looked in the other day and there’s not even a bar in there yet. I did like the old timey lettering, but It’s a bit hard to see where the 75 patrons would go if you did install an actual bar in there. The toileting arrangements seem to have been completed, with a sandy patch outside, (There’s a rotary hoe which you use to churn your waste into the soil.) but seems to me that the actual bar is months away. This is disappointing, as it is a venue I would actually be interested to go to. Can’t you pull some strings Alannah? You are seriously missing out on substantial portions of my disposable income! I want tapas and (cheeky) mojitos at a bar I can ride my bike to. Now.
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The Worst of Perth 
I’ll let you swallow ;)
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oh well, you can always do the house up so you can like the colours.
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I move that the Pen be renamed Spit. Not only is that appropriate, but Maylands punters, on deciding which venue to patronise, could ask themselves the eternal question.
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faggot
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It’s really small isn’t it? It’s a mini bar.
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still some work to do on teh wiring, by the look of it.
they’re still waiting for a building licence for the toilet block at teh back, but you’re right, you’d think the Mayor of Vincent could call the Mayor of Minglewood Gaylands and get it sorted.
I like the booths. Makes me feel nostalgic for Caffe Sport
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I miss Cafe Sport :-(
The window graphic is incorrect, Est. 2011? Like most of Maylands that window is screaming for a scratching
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There’s not going to be an actual bar. They nip down around the corner and get your drinks from the Sip n Save after you order. Then they add a $16 surcharge for the ambiance.
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The gun shop also handy.
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They were doing that at xxxxxxxxxxx in Alexander Heights a couple of licencees ago. He hadn’t paid his suppliers, so they cut him off. You’d order a beer or some wine at the bar, they’d write it down, one of the barmaids would duck out to Liquorland and then charge you $38 for a $12 bottle of wine they’d just paid retail for…
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http://maps.google.com/maps?client=ubuntu&channel=fs&q=%22Swallow%20bar%22&oe=utf-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&sa=N&tab=wl
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Now, as the former planning minister will know, the success or failure of this venue will depend upon
1. access to local winos
2. being within staggering distance of safe public transport into and out of the premises.
Since neither of those seem guaranteed good luck , either that or Lannie has hit on a new franchise of small bars near railway stations.
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A goon-centric wine bar near Burswood or Carlisle station would do good numbers. Maybe with a ram through bottleshop.
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Coles are pushing a 3 storey booze-a-rama through the DAP on the the site of the Maylands Park aka The John K Watts Dome – to the cries of the nimby’s outraged that people might get booze
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I was born a Carlisle Drive-Thru bottle-o man and die a…
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Thirsty Camel?
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Thirty as a nun’s camel’s.
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Txxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Brainstorm sesh at The Lucky Shag last night resulted in following franchise suggestions: Swallow Upper Swan, Swallow Innaloo, Swallow Success and Swallow Wellard. Also, as with any good chain, point of difference could be made with the toilet facilities. Instead of “buoys” and “gulls”, tho, Matching gloryholes out by the skip, labelled “spit”, “swallow”. There’s your vibrancy right there, Perth… You’re welcome!
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Near Dongwang Rd
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they might want to scratch off that ‘Est. 2011’ from the window,
or add ‘but opened 2012, maybe 2013’
I’m surprised WT missed the opportunity to give us one of his hilarious one-liners about the ‘coming soon’ sign
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Yeah lucky BGC hasn’t stuck an “Opened in 2009” plaque on the Perth Arena.
Actually it would be a useful law if all plaques stuck on publicly funded buildings were required to show the original budget, deadline and approving Minister. How much did Carps reckon that POS was going to cost?
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Oh, as seen by Outrage Cohen btw.
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Yeah! I saw! How come Bento no see? I know more about the Brer Bento patch than him! Ha ha ha!
Have you registered your email so you can be kept in the loop?
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Of course.
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But having registered for Swallow/MadKuntz/Knobgoblin emails, you may have guessed that I haven’t had email one.
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I thought we’d been over this. Maylands is in no way my ‘patch’, mofo.
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You even have your babies there.
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These two queries are in my search results today.
historical pictures of darch perth
what is it like to live in maylands
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it is darch.
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What IS it like to live in Maylands?
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There is life in Maylands?
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Ask Bento.
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Oh yeah, it’s like this.
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What’s the latest with The Classroom, in North Perth?
I’d ask Bento, but he hangs in Maylands these days.
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darch.
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Looks like a touch of Led Zeppelin font…
…with extra points for kerning.
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Actually, that combination of fonts is just atrocious. Old-timey ‘Carnegies’ BAR font with Led Zep clone SWALLOW.
Fail.
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However it would look awesome if it spelt out MADCUNTZ
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In Comic Sans?
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I’d say that was a bastardized curvy Rennie Mackintosh font, and it is indeed odd to mix the Art Nouveau with the Victoriana of ‘Bar’ and the modernist grotesk of ‘EST 2011’
personally I’d have used the Ralph Steadman script, complete with splatter, but then I use that for everything
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UPDATE Have added some type suggestions via urbanfonts
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Controversy raging here. Should it be MadCuntz or MadKuntz?
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MadKûnts.
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FuckBucket
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Jeff Koons
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Munted Cunt
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think it definitely needs an umlaut somewhere, Husker Du style
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None Swallow does not make a summer.
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The first font is a hands down winner TLA, produced in squiggle vision just like Lannies fringe.
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what no picture of the sand or raotary hoe, seriously the editprial content has sunk to West levels now :(
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as has your spelling.
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UPDATED UPDATE See Skink’s inspired Steadman version.
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I’m almost tempted to start my own small bar, just so I can call it MADkuntz,
firstly to see if I could get it past the licensing authorites. I would, of course, argue that the name is inspired by artist Tom Kuntz:
http://sydney.concreteplayground.com.au/event/22159/tom-kuntz-and-lucky-dragons.htm
and I think it would be so nice to say:
‘meet you for a drink at MADkuntz?’
‘I’m just popping into MADkuntz on the way home for a quick one.’
‘I met a fascinating woman last night at MADkuntz’
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Your signature cocktail would be the Kuntscher Nail.
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Kuntscher Mule with Ginger Ale.
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Yum! With a twist of lemon?
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it really needs to be a Rusty Kuntscher Nail.
whisky and drambuie and an extra ingredient, maybe schnapps
named after thsi man:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rusty_Kuntz
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how would a girl explain that she is just going down to Swallow for a bit?
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no explanation needed.
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Oddly it would actually sound more reasonable to say “going down to MadKuntz”.
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Or more reasonably “going down on MadKuntz.”
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No mention of the beer of choice so far
http://www.kuntz.com/kuntzbrewery.cfm
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whats up with effing Perth. Why is every 2nd bar named after a bird? The bird, the aviary, the cheeky sparrow, now the swallow bar.
Soon they will open a bar called upper swan
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Thrush? Tits? The Lapdancing Lapwing?
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Time for Mojo’s to revert back to The Stoned Crow.
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Police commissioner Karl O’Callaghan had opposed the application, claiming another liquor outlet would cause “public disorder”.
But liquor licensing director Barry Sargeant disagreed, ruling the bar would be in the public interest.
That’s from an article in The Voice 21/01/2012 (yes I know that’s tomorrow, it’s obviously arrived in my mail box via a time worm-hole thingy)
If Karl and Barry were animated a’la South Park, after Barry spoke you’d hear people singing “smart, smart, smart”, whereas when Karl said something it would be “dumb, de, dumb, dumb, dumb”
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Is that a David ‘Ding Dong’ Bell scoop, Scanners?
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I thought he was Jezza Bell
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Bell has done yet another piece on Bluebeard Bainbridge.
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Sheesh! Does he report on anyone else?
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It’s love.
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I can sense a Klag O’ Calamity post coming on (or whatever his name was?)
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If only
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Nah Stephen Pollock, he of the ‘er indoors controversy.
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Dog’s Bollock Pollock
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just one bollock?
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We’re not Göering there again, are we?
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i never went there.
not old enough.
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Not Jack’s son?
You know, of the depressed Polaks.
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His report on Chance the kitten (p4) is inaccurate: the moggy has been adopted.
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Another Guildford resident?
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Just noticed this fine establishment has a facebook page. Was intrigued by this wall post
“Oooh, a shipping container has just arrived from NSW with something very exciting inside for our bar….”
Have no idea how anything requiring a shipping container to transport it could fit inside the bloody place. Thoughts on contents?
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life size animatronic model of Blocker Roche, its ironic
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Loooots of packing peanuts? Will double as some kind of ironic bar snack for the first three years or so.
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Another front page TWOP mention and another wander by on the weekend and another sighed ‘no small bar for *you*’. One of these days. Maybe? Or is it all long gone belly up and they’re just not telling us?
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June they say according to the torrent (one only) emails you get if you subscribe.
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I subscribed and haven’t received an email. Come on Alannah, get a wiggle on; our choice of watering holes in Maylands is pretty ordinary, and yes, I’m being very kind there.
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Someone connected hasn’t had the heart to tell them it has been on TWOP and is called either Mad Kuntz or Knobgoblins. Apparently they would probably be quite hurt. I can’t really believe Alannah would be hurt by anything short of Brian Burke landing on her.
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Wait Awhile.
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. Received Swallow Newsletter Volume 3 (I honestly don’t remember getting Volumes 1 or 2) but it announced this:-
“Could it be? Yes! We finally see a light at the end of the tunnel! With our opening hopefully only a few weeks off, maybe it’s time to tell you a little about the who and the what behind Swallow…”
” Swallow is the culmination of a five year long dream, dreamt up by the two of us, Meredith Bastian and Zoe Roy. As two Melbourne based chefs, we were chasing the ambition of finding a way to share with the world our passion for rustic European style cooking, and its’ ultimate boozy bedfellows of wine, beer and the like. Whilst Melbourne made perfect culinary sense to our ambitions, Perth beckoned wildly with its’ newly introduced small bar license waving proudly in the air.”
Well that’s enough copying a pasting. The rest of Volume 3 dealt with how ideal a location Whatley Crescent in Maylands is, the venue iself being small, dusty and crumbly, BUT that it had great energy (does that mean it’s hooked up to an electrical supply? Handy for the refrigerator). Then there was some stuff about Art Deco, and the Beaux-Arts Ball. Drinks wise Alvarinho wine from Portugal, and Samual Smith Organic Best Ale cracked a mention.
But we still don’t actually have an official opening date.
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An insider says Monday now.
I’m detoxing now.
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Just in time for the end of dry July.
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Any day now… http://www.inmycommunity.com.au/shopping-and-lifestyle/food-and-wine/Swallow-poised-to-fly/7627772/#.UBNADFZkbj8.email
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It took ten months to get the electrical supply upgraded? My house is pretty old, 1930’s, and when I had my electrical wiring replaced/extra power points installed, I seem to remember it took three days, albeit with some fairly strong language from the sparkies during their time in the roofspace. Still, any day now, eh?
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Most be more to it because it must have cost them a fortune for these delays.
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Wonder what the record is for a delay in opening a venue, from conception to becoming operational, in Perth?
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Ask Perth Arena.
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Opening date confirmed – 9 August 2012. Also birthday of Whitney Houston. It’s what she would have wanted.
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I’ll bring the speedballs and leadweighted boxing gloves BB stylee
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I was there an hour after opening.
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