Friday Worstorama 1

You know that I generally prefer original material, but there are so many outside links and pics that deserve our attention, I’m going to make Fridays Worstorama Day, where we can look at some interesting snippets of Perth and even world worsts, with perhaps a little more snarkiness than the usual measured TWOP posts. This is where your suggestions and links may end up.

From The West classifieds this week. Tegan invites us to play with her Dble FF’s. Clear enough so far perhaps, but she goes on “Spanish is a must.” What does this mean? Do you need to say Hola when you arrive? Is it like French but cheaper? Greek but spicier? (update(!) explanation provided by Skink below) I’ve only just noticed the ad below too. Top-toe tic. She has a full body tic? No wonder she’s the best. Be like rooting a badly tuned lawnmower. And I mean that in a good sense.

In other worst news, Gary Shannon returns to 96fm after 8 years. It’s apparently a” new crew”. In the words of the song, “Is that all there is? Is that all there is?” I’m sorry, Gary, but Dunderklumpen was carrying you like a sack of doorknobs. The silver lining of the Gazza decamp is that Bob Maumill will start 2 hours earlier on 6PR. Ai Ya!

Moving from sad to – er well sadder, whatever happened to poor old Grok, the Student Guild newspaper at Curtin University? Old Schoolers will remember a feisty, controversial, sometimes even radical student rag. The first edition for 2008 had all the fire of a slightly damp teatowel. (Borrowed that phrase from the inimitable commenter Paul Nurry). The main feature is a piece from the Vice Chancellor, with the highlight being that the university has secured the services of four excellent new senior staff. This is indeed great news for Curtin, with some exciting appointments, including sustainability expert Professor Peter Newman, but it belongs in Curtin’s glossy corporate mag Cite, not Grok. Apart from this, the bulk of Grok is taken up by ads. Go to Grok’s submission page. Someone write something. Anyone. Please. Anything. Greg Hoey, Grok needs one of your Young White Lesbian rants badly.

Speaking of Paul Nurry, if you want to see why sales of The West are slumping, have a look at his namesake Paul Murray’s column on “Youth” from Tuesday. I hoped to be able to link this cringmaking piece of self indulgence for you, but it’s not up yet. Murray begins with a meeting at The Art Gallery with a West reader who happens to have a clipping of one of his (Murray’s) columns on their person. (Gawd!). Murray then pads out his column to the max with extensive quotes from high school artists. One of the worst pieces of writing you are ever likely to see. See if you can snag a copy of the paper out of the bin. Delightfully and hilariously skewered by commenter My Ning. This week it looks like Kerry Stokes took the advice of TWOP (who attempted to send him several emails on the topic) and finally started talking about the poor readers of The West rather than the shareholders. Kerry’s Refresh The West website is still very dry and boring though. Turn it into a blog and watch the whingers roll in Kerry. You might even get Premier Carpenter writing in.

Speaking of Carps, this week (well behind TWOP hepcats might I say) he declared the airport an embarrassment. That’s him on the left not being an embarrassment. (Via Dolphinquay)

Perth Worsts are vanishing faster than a Nun’s nightie. This week, it appears that Perth’s ugliest church the purple brain drain has been reborn as an Op Shop. At least it’s an improvement on being a church. (Or is the shop in addition to the church?) (Via Bassendean.net) opshop.jpg

Worstorama might also be a good forum to display the best of the thousands of bizarre search results that end up at TWOP each week. (ie what people have typed into google to arrive at this site.) The best one this week was “The Hawaiian term for testicles.” I hope you found what you were looking for big Kahuna. Thanks for all the links everyone.

Posted in worst church, worst journalist, worst newspaper, worst of perth, worst people, worst shop design | Tagged , , , , , , , | 114 Comments

Apostle of The “Phre”

I’m surprised there hasn’t been more finger pointing at the use of the apostrophe in this town. Crankynick who sparked off the long and winding road of comments in Atomised also sent me ITN Photographic’s which I’m just getting to months later. Let me also throw Guppy’s to Puppy’s into the mix and perhaps we can get every apostrophe pedant righteously and rightfully enraged. Why are these apostrophes there? Isn’t it more more work for the signwriter?

Posted in vanished worst, worst graphic design, worst sign, worst spelling | Tagged , , | 54 Comments

Refresh The West

Just a mini post. Since you are not likely to see it in our own newspaper, here are a couple of reports from The Age and The Oz about how crap The West Australian is according to Stokes. (Thanks Skink and Plastic Glasses). Kezza makes a convincing case, but since a budgie wouldn’t even crap on the paper if it lined its cage, that wasn’t too hard for him to do. A quote.

“Good newspapers have to invest in writers.

“There is no point in having self-indulgence and people writing what they think is good.”

To illustrate this point, try and get hold of yesterday’s Paul Murray piece where he meets someone who happens to be carrying a clipping of a Paul Murray column around with them. You’ll squirm with embarrassment. But more of that on Friday.

The OZ today in another story however described Brian Burke as a convicted fraudster and former West Australian PRIME MINISTER.

Crap West by The OZ

Crap West by The Age

You know what would refresh the West’s Online presence? The Worst of Perth. You can invest in this writer Kerry.

Posted in worst of perth | Tagged , , , , , , , | 87 Comments

Knock’er Off

More clearing the backlog of submissions, but this one is astounding. This apparition, complete with nappy is in Belmont, the home of a few worsts in it’s time. This one is from Mulberry. Mulberry went on to condemn pointy knobs on houses as a worst architectural feature. I’m not actually anti knob Mully, but I have to respect your maiden with the knockers, so maybe you do know what you are talking about.

Posted in worst architecture, worst sculpture | Tagged , , | 78 Comments

Love Cuffs

Wanted to clear at least some of the backlog of photos submitted by TWOP cadets this week, starting with this one from Glenn, who found this empty box of love cuffs on the horseshoe bridge. Could you really be in such an urgent need for bondage that you can’t even wait until you get to the car? Fur-like? Thanks Glenn. Did you check the bin for a carton of butt plugs?

cuffs
Posted in worst graphic design, worst of perth | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

Cult Movie

The Worst Of Perth was six months old this week, roughly coinciding with 200,000 views, 250 posts and 5000 comments! Who would have thought the city and the world would embrace worsts so enthusiastically? Thanks to everyone for their suggestions, submissions and (almost) overwhelmingly positive and amusing comments. Probably time for another The Worst of Perth classic.

Many people will remember being hassled to go to a “free” rock concert in the early 1980’s. The group was Potter’s House, some kind of christians. I remember one guy telling me how he used to own prawn trawlers and fuck young whores, but Potter’s House changed his life. Instead of the prawn and whore life, he was now handing out pamphlets in the Hay Street Mall. Right On!

The free concert used to take place in Scarborough. I’m not sure of the building, but it was on Scarborough Beach Rd, not far from the beach. I said I’d go along one day if I could take photos. I took one of my favourite photos before they asked me to leave. I wonder what happened to this girl. This was sometime in the early 80’s. They are still around, but now instead of rock concerts, it is free movies. The poster was at Perth Station only last week.

potter’s house
cult movie
Posted in worst church, worst classics, worst movie | Tagged , , , , , , | 47 Comments

Flushing Meadows

The perfect garden would be Tiny Pinder’s willie discharging into this toilet bowl unfortunately converted into a planter. Maylands.

toilet garden
Posted in worst garden, worst toilet | Tagged , , | 57 Comments

Wolfen it Down

What I do for you guys. I just had to buy and scoff this bottle of wine just for its appalling graphic design. Firstly, we don’t have wolves in Margaret River. Secondly, the design gives the impression that the wine might rip open your esophagus on the way down. It wasn’t as bad as the label suggests though. Went down well and fortunately stayed there. I did do quite a bit of howling afterwards according to the neighbours though. Perhaps that’s what they mean? The website is quite an experience too. Lots of howling and darkened skies. Odd quote from the website. “The legend of Howling Wolves is steeped in a philosophy of producing only premium quality Margaret River appellation wines…” Does that mean anything? I’m not sure.

I think these guys would be great sponsors for TWOP. Looking to be able to cover some costs. How about it guys?

Reminds me of another inappropriate name for foodstuffs. Anyone remember Rage Pies from the 80’s?

howling1.jpg
Posted in worst advertising, worst food, worst graphic design, worst website | Tagged , , | 38 Comments

String Bean

James rightly points out that it needs to be made clear that the man arrested for frightening children by feeding pigeons while wearing a g string backwards is from Perth SCOTLAND, not Perth Western Australia.

I must say I have some sympathy for this fellow. There are no instructions with thongs, and many people are used to having the larger area of the undies at the rear. A “friend” spent the most uncomfortable 3 weeks of their life, including the honeymoon…But perhaps that chapter should be closed. All I can say is, ADD MORE DIAGRAMS! Bonds et al.

Posted in worst fashion | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments