Wolfen it Down

What I do for you guys. I just had to buy and scoff this bottle of wine just for its appalling graphic design. Firstly, we don’t have wolves in Margaret River. Secondly, the design gives the impression that the wine might rip open your esophagus on the way down. It wasn’t as bad as the label suggests though. Went down well and fortunately stayed there. I did do quite a bit of howling afterwards according to the neighbours though. Perhaps that’s what they mean? The website is quite an experience too. Lots of howling and darkened skies. Odd quote from the website. “The legend of Howling Wolves is steeped in a philosophy of producing only premium quality Margaret River appellation wines…” Does that mean anything? I’m not sure.

I think these guys would be great sponsors for TWOP. Looking to be able to cover some costs. How about it guys?

Reminds me of another inappropriate name for foodstuffs. Anyone remember Rage Pies from the 80’s?


About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst advertising, worst food, worst graphic design, worst website and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Wolfen it Down

  1. BrownBook says:

    You’d better hurry up and trademark the “Barking Swans” brand.


  2. Ljuke says:

    A bottle of red does go down quite nicely whilst washing yer clothes in the arvo. Or is that early morning sun?


  3. It’s midnight. It’s the rapture arriving.


  4. Bento says:

    The godawful design is also writ large on their signage along Bussell Highway, if i recall correctly.


  5. David Cohen says:

    Goodness. Do the claw-marks enable you to see through to the wine in the bottle? How could a CUB resist that when they see it in their local First Choice?
    Yes, the website mixes metaphors and motifs. ‘Steeped’ could be quite witty: ‘let sit in a liquid to extract a flavor’, and/or ‘engross (oneself) fully’…
    This place is on the ‘under-side of the planet’ – a nod to Romulus and Remus and their lupine learnings? But then the website goes on about a fairytale, and jewels in the crown…
    Their tasting notes for the 06 cab sav claim “the fermenting fruit was fastidiously pumped over three times a day”…for eats they suggest “Slow roasted lamb shanks, rare beef with rich gravalax sauce, rich tuna steaks and matured
    Cheddar cheeses.”
    Did you have the chunks LA?


  6. Golden1 says:

    The label appears to be an adaptation of the poster from the book/film The Howling in which a woman goes on vacation to a remote village to recover from a near fatal encounter with a serial killer. However the village turns out to be home to a pack of werewolves. (She’s not having a good week)
    I seem to remember from the book – (yes I hang my head in shame that I read this crap some time in the early eighties) that her husband or partner becomes a werewolf but retains just enough of his love for her in his crazed werewolf brain that he protects her from the rest of the pack who have come round for lunch. (not such a bad week after all)
    Why a vineyard should take on this particular logo I don’t know. Margaret River is not such a remote village – if it was Nannup I could understand.
    All I can suggest LA, is that having drunk this wine your partner should probably keep the gun loaded with silver bullets, just as a precaution.

    The Howling link. Ah, I understand. Patrick Macnee. LA


  7. Too late to give her the silver bullets now. how about a Lady Ronson?


  8. richard says:

    I remember feeling really self-conscious asking for a Buck Rogers at the tuckshop, circa 80/81. Remember that triple layered ice confection?

    Of course, you’d have to be careful who you said that to these days.

    Or risk finding yourself on the end of a whole different kind of icy pole.


  9. David, no the label is not die cut , so you don’t see through to the wine. Would have been nice – if you have to use a savage clawing motif. What do they call those guys down there who don’t wash or wear shoes? Ferals? A howling feral might have worked. Those fingernails could still slash you up good.


  10. Golden1 says:

    I have just looked at the web site (creepy and weird) and I have to say that this wine pictured is not the worst of their labels – I think that the white wines look far worse. At least the reds look like scratch marks oozing blood. The whites look like scratch marks oozing weird android blood – or possibly bile or urine which, if nothing else, must surely make you think twice about going to Margaret River. Again – if it had been in Nannup…


  11. Rolly says:

    Perhaps it’s not only the products of the vine in which their decision makers have been imbibing. They grow a lot of other potent stuff down in the woods today. (And yesterday, and the days before, and prolly for a lot more days – and nights- to come.)


  12. skink says:

    I would like to nominate the Laurence Winery in Margaret River as deserving a mention on TWOP (how far does TWOP reach beyond the city limits ?)
    I have been trying to find some photos, but without joy.

    they have built a ‘tuscan/mission/wogerama’ style winery,a nd dug a huge lake next to the Caves Road with a vast sculpture rising from the middle, which is known locally as “the woman on a stick”

    there is also a sculpture by the front gate of a bronze tree bearing a single fibreglass apple, which looks like it has been stolen from Donnybrook.

    add a plastic childrens playground next to the winery, and the combined effect is of an upmarket fast food restaurant.

    I have asked them whether they do drive-though tastings


  13. Joe says:

    I support the nomination skink. They began in similar style 10 years ago with the big white stuccoed gateway, which someone graffitied with Metroes Go Home. It was a great look. Ostentation is the norm in Margaret River. TWOMR could have enough material for about a year from the wineries alone.


  14. flynn says:

    could some-one tell me what a “terroir of the land” is?
    A cute MR puppy by any chance?


  15. Scurrilous says:

    Quote from site – [Well, first we harvest only the world famous, intense flavoured fruit from premium Margaret River  which are now renowned as amongst the very best in the world]

    OK – premium Margaret River what?

    Renowned by whom?

    Warning – Turn down speakers before entering site


  16. ultra says:

    Hey, I reckon that label doesn’t look all that bad. It’s at least different to the usual bland wine labels.

    Now, “Fifth Leg” as a trademark, on the other hand, conjures up all sorts of bad mental pictures to go with the dog logo they use…


  17. Adam says:

    I spent two years working for Visy Board here in Adelaide – our major customers were the wineries. And let me tell you there were some stinker designs coming through for their printing. But this is just gold.


  18. cimbali says:

    from wikipedia flynn

    Terroir (/tεʀwaʀ/ in French) was originally a French term in wine, coffee and tea used to denote the special characteristics that geography bestowed upon them. It can be very loosely translated as “a sense of place” which is embodied in certain qualities, and the sum of the effects that the local environment has had on the manufacture of the product.


  19. I’ve no problem with terroir, but all that guff is totally at odds with the savage beast slashing at the label, and all the horror movie stuff on the website. That should be saved for a tequila green tea teenager leg opener mixer.


  20. Rolly says:

    That should be saved for a tequila green tea teenager leg opener mixer.

    Rene Pogel, you mean???


  21. Rolly, I was unaware of the brand. For others, from the Guardian…

    “…Even the Australians are subtler. In the early 80s, Yalumba had some success with the sparkling wine René Pogel. People assumed the eponymous René was a French émigré until they realised the brand name was Leg Opener spelled backwards. When the joke got out, René was withdrawn.”


  22. Riz says:

    Oi! Have any of you tried Howling Wolves? The limited edition isn’t bad at all.

    The name has become a bit of .. umm… long story, but we empathise with howling at midnight.

    We stopped on the way back from Margaret River last year to take a pic of our own howling wolf – the owner has a sense of humour…


  23. I bought it and drank it. Nothing wrong with the piss itself, quite nice actually. The name though… Do you have an insight into the reason Riz? My guess was young buck at the ad agency got carried away with a budget and a bit of flash ability.


  24. Has cut-through. But a pretty bad taste label. Just puts off the serious wine drinker.


  25. HENRIETTA says:

    At th end of the day,with all the yellow tails, mad fish ,fifth legs ,banrock stations,signature ranges,two dogs, flying fucks , who cares as long as the product is good? At least it gets attention!!!


  26. As I say, it stayed down, and that’s good enough for me. It has become a bit of a The Worst of Perth favourite. Have bought it quite often because of its bad label.


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