Weekend Worstoff 149

Posted on April 30, 2011 by AHC McDonald

If the people outraged over the decay of The Guildford Hotel put as much time into actually going to the place when it was open, it might not be in this state now. It wasn’t a very nice pub to go to anyway. I’m sick of it. I’m voting for demolition. From Wa_side. Thoughts of Will and Kate had Turf snickering over Real (reale/royal) meat injections.Outrage Cohen shows that people are still mistaking Hawaiian gods for their testicles. The legend of Simon Kahunas Beaumont lives on. I think that cojones is being steadily overtaken by Kahunas. It’s the new looser. Unless you have the Cojones of Kahuna.
Bouch Patrol saw this when hiking. They didn’t say where. Looks too green for here. Worst well.

Posted in weekend worstoff, worst advertising, worst sign | Tagged , | 8 Comments

Tim Winton’s Rising Lunch

Posted on April 29, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Vegan calls your attention to this. I’m sure Jaidyn-Jaxxon and Justin Langer will be there. Is it just me, or does the blurb go out of its way to make sure you understand, that you totally understand that the play is the biggest piece of crap ever to be staged? When Kate Cherry says that she laughed one moment and cried the next, does she really mean, “Fuuuuuck, this is shite. You have totally been warned.” If not, what does it mean to print what every person reading will assume is a sodden tissue of lies? Kate you are really saying with a straight face that you oscillated between laughing and weeping, only pausing to count the minutes before the clichéd textures of Fremantle’s fishing boat harbour could be brought to life? Kate, every single reader will know that your real thoughts would have been “How do we cast this turkey without letting Geoff fucking Kelso… – Oh, err, Hi Geoff, how did you get past security?”On the other hand, no one could play a piece of “jetsam dragged up by the sea” like Geoff, (apart from Don Smith obviously). I’m assuming Geoff plays Col, the sexually promiscuous old dugong, caught suddenly in the mill-race of the Leeuwin Current, swept out of the blood warm waters of Shark Bay, and tossed up barely half alive in the oily waters of a Fremantle Marina, brought back to life by a mouth to mouth session administered by the local priest half maggoted on altar wine, who afterwards vomits one of those overcheesed Little Creatures pizzas through his nose, while boatloads of tight crotched Italians shake their fists – their fleet sadly and forever unblessed?

Oh my god there’s larrikin humour as well. And it’s Australia Day too. And it’s $64. Well at least there’s coarse language, as Dee, the slutty but drunk English backpacker reels off a string of obscenities, as her attempts at larrikin humour and cracks about convict heritage fall flat and the motley collection of larrikins, fringe dwellers, larrikins and expensive boat owners are forced by the staccato bark of her relentless “Wake up Aussie cunts! You want to hole up? Hole THIS up!”to reconsider what brought them to this terrible and tragic existence of living on boats in a marina, jerking like marionettes -like Aussie cunt larrikin marionettes to the tune of some aquatic Don’s Party. Or should that be Don’s Party 2?

Posted in worst entertainment | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 173 Comments

We are The Wirren

Posted on April 28, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Orbea: I have no idea what the fuck this is in Hester Street Bedford/Bayswater.
TLA: Who cares? Tomorrow’s post taken care of. That done, I can let the muddling of lime juice, sugar and rum commence. Let the 11am Mojito clarify my mind – Err… Dude.
I can’t read the words under stop. Stop soiling my eyes? If it is a scarecrow, then it has been derelict in its duty. Btw I left the car in so BO’T could 1, guess what it is, and 2, tell us how crap that model was. Click for larger.

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts, worst garden | Tagged , , | 46 Comments

Beer Temple

Posted on April 27, 2011 by AHC McDonald

If anyone wants to see my “real” and excellent Vietnam photos, (of which this is definitely not one), go to this link. I’m still convinced it’s Bento in the middle of the first one, Dudes in Fog, however he denies hat wearing. The dead rat is indicative of the standard of eatery we dined in.

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged | 18 Comments

Draught

Posted on April 27, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Nice of a NSW visitor to pro-pimp his car before soiling our city. Couldn’t quite drink enough to cover the whole thing unfortunately. I liked the number plate, so left it. By Leroy.

Posted in worst car | Tagged | 17 Comments

Twin Towers of The Lord

Posted on April 26, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Adding Diagonal slots could have made it look like a ringhole. That would repel that junkmail. By Mixed Media Spearwood Ave. Spearwood.

Posted in worst letterbox | Tagged , | 19 Comments

Magic

Posted on April 25, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Can the Arrondissement get any more outre? By Willow.
This type of “my name is” sticker makes my stomach contract, connected as it usually is with team building brainstorming work events where some vaguely hippie woman will turn up with butcher’s paper, and coloured pens that inevitably stop working after three letters and first there will be an icebreaking activity that will make every fibre in your being curdle with revulsion such as make an origami bird with a partner, then there will be an invitation to get into fucking groups and sit next to someone you don’t know. Ahhh fuck no, work drones and strangers, what could be bettter? And someone will have to be the one to write down the moronic ideas that nobody is interested in anyway, particularly those listing where management is going wrong, and then the next marker pen will fail after one word. And then you will be asked to stick your pathetic pieces of paper together at the front of the room and some poor cunt will have to mumble their way through your list of crap. And then you will be asked to return your non working pens to the moderator who puts them away in a white platic bag to fail next time they get paid $1000 to do this shit. And then there will be an anecdotal inspirational story about someone who never gave up and reached their goal like Justin Langer, and then there will be a buffet lunch which is actually surprisingly nice but of course there is no piss, which is the only thing that would make this thing bearable, and then you’ll find that while you were at lunch, the moderator has switched everyone’s seats around so that you are sitting next to some other dork who, becuase you are feeling drowsy after lunch, you can only grunt at and then the afternoon session goes by in a stuporous blur and you find the only bright spark is that you -as always, finish half an hour early, and then you fill in the evaluation sheet and down as many free crown lagers you can and go.

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged , | 98 Comments

fabric hardener

Posted on April 24, 2011 by rottobloggo

The first pic of the jumper around the pole was (still is) in Shenton Park. I stared at it for several minutes. Dadaist outrage? Witty visual pun? Drunken fumbling? Student prank? Manifestation of madness? I was reaching a tentative conclusion when a Wembley police station car drove by and gave me a toot to move long.

The jumper has a – how shall we say – unfortunate pattern. Is it as bad as airport carpet, do you think? I hate to mention airport carpet, because I am ashamed – even outraged – that Perth’s airport carpet does not feature on the slowly spinning globe on this wonderful site. Why can’t we let the rest of the world know? Sydney and Canberra are on there, for pity’s sake. I say this: I will post a choice literary gem to the TWOPer who gets Perth on that map.

The second pic is a sofa for sale at Freedom: the ad was in yesterday’s West. I’m sure they’ve made an error with the price and it is really $14.99. It made my eyes bleed, and that is never good for a marsanne hangover.

Posted in worst design, worst fashion | Tagged , , , | 29 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 148 Poughkeepsie/Millbrook edition

Posted on April 23, 2011 by AHC McDonald

TWOP New York based reader, Bartender’s Skills with a Manhatten again taunts us with decay we would kill for. Worsts that exceed our bests. Millbrook’s Halcyon Hall, abandoned for 40 years and about to become a vanished worst is, well stunning, even in decay. If only Darch was like this. I love how they’re abandoning and demolishing buildings better than we have ever had.

BSWAM says, “This once-charming little 19th century shop in Clinton Corners has just been bought, so may be saved. ” Well this is the level Perth may aspire to. In Brick cladding maybe. Do you have the horror of brick cladding BSWAM?And here is more of a classic worst, owners who have bought a heritage house and painted it purple. Except the house was built in the 17 fucking 80s!And teh Tender pours salt into our Darch defiled wounds with this photo and comment. ”
The delightful April weather gives even the grandest lawn that “just registered” look this time of year.”BSWAM says, “This pretty much sums up the state of the incredible shrinking American dream these last few years.”

And here is a house with a fake dog.

And he closes with a mailbox that brings us back down to earth. He sent much more, but most of his worsts would actually make you cry, with what’s being lost, and what we never had.Worst well.

Posted in weekend worstoff, worst of perth | Tagged , , | 61 Comments

He died for his sins

Posted on April 22, 2011 by AHC McDonald

Mostly the North Vietnamese didn’t destroy churches, but apparently this local priest did a bit of spying for the South on the side, so they bombed it and killed him.

Then someone drew a willy on it.

Quite nicely modelled no? Merry Good Friday. I hope you remembered to stock up on piss.

Posted in worst church | Tagged , | 18 Comments