David Bowie Fails At Sex

Posted on August 7, 2009 by AHC McDonald

That’s all. He fails at sex. The secret is out. I suppose at his age, it’s natural to shoot a few duds now and then. I suppose rooting Mick Jagger would have to go into the failures pile?

Thanks Brad. Train Station overpass.

bowie

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged | 10 Comments

Dude! Not Cool!

Posted on August 6, 2009 by AHC McDonald

You don’t really deserve this post. I just happened to prematurely publish today’s post a few hours too early and it was too late to take it back.  So let me give you a bonus post for today, even though I was too slow for the shot. Walking out of Curtin University yesterday I saw a crow eating a dead crow. We were both embarrassed. I said, “Dude! not cool! I’m not saying you were involved in the death but severely not cool. There’s a dead magpie ten seconds away as the crow flies, but you have to be pecking at your bro?” The cannibal did have the decency to hop away as I got the camera out and maybe it was giving it beak to beak. But really. Not cool.

crow

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | 10 Comments

Ai Ya! Bearded Bassist Gets The Nod

Posted on August 5, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Am I missing something here? Why would a bearded Asian make me want to buy chockkies? I first thought they might be saying that Asians, especially Asians with glasses are smart and that therefore you would be smart to buy them.  But that stereotype clashes with another, because it also says he is  called Alan who is a bass player and bass players are known to be as dumb as a bagful of flange. I don’t like having my stereotypes mashed up thanks Coles. A simple set of norks on a pack are all the manipulation that I think is apropriate. Ai Ya!

nougat

Posted in worst advertising | Tagged | 24 Comments

Shred your Bible

Posted on August 5, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Or, Roving Reporter Records Revised Reading Recommendations

This sign was featured just a few months ago with the sinister if puzzling Queensland P.O. Box. But now the “worst” may be more about the standard of graffitiing it has just received as recorded by Roving Reporter. Like the I hate cats post recently, I question whether “Shred your Bible” was really worth the climb up to the sign? I would have tried to insert an “h” to make it “shave sinners”. With a bit of white, it could have been worth trying “give heads Qld.” There’s a whole blank line there for witty comments or obscenities. No. I can’t get behind this.

bible

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged | 20 Comments

A crackpot led cultural revival

Posted on August 4, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Was thinking about suggestions for The Worst of Perth vision for the Sept 3rd show, when I got a submission from DFOC giving me a blinding insight on how to revive The Cultural Centre and with it Perth. More crackpots! I must get back to Council House for another tete a tete with Lisa She-Ra Scaffidi. Falun Gong, have been trying to fill too big a space there for too long, but now they have assistance from 9-11 Truthers. Is that laughing man a truther DFOC? A sense of humour and truth telling don’t often go together.

I’m envisioning the city and Northbridge linked not by sinking the railway, but by raising the crackpots. Why are we getting dumbarse US crackpots though? Why do we not have a group claiming that Yagan’s head was not removed by settlers, but by mysterious beams coming from Mt Eliza? Why don’t we have a group claiming the Belltower is a Masonic plot or that Perth men are discriminated against by feminist hegemony. Oh wait, we do have those groups already. Truthers. Fuck me drunk. What next, Greens? Lutherans? I don’t even know what category to put this in. Worst sign not be enough. Oh the pain, the pain of it all.

truth1truth2

Posted in worst advertising, worst sign | 175 Comments

Doodle

Posted on August 3, 2009 by AHC McDonald

CLIVE:
Seraphim and cherubim continually do cry. And why do they continually cry? ‘Cause they’ve all got the fucking horn up there.
DEREK:
Yeah, fucking knobs aching up there, mate! Continually crying with knob-ache!
CLIVE:
I’d like to meet Ezekiel and have a few words with him.
DEREK:
Yeah, he’s got-, …..
CLIVE:
What a fucking load of crap he wrote.
DEREK:
….. he’s got a lot to answer for.
CLIVE:
Leviticus? What a cunt. Derek & Clive

Refreshing to see some analogue cut ‘n’ paste work. I’m not sure if they do doodle transplants. I suppose if they can do faces and hands, a doodle would be a doddle. You’d want to make sure that you were definitely dead before the nurses started hovering over your doodle with the tinsnips though.

Collier Rd Embleton

doodle1doodle2

Posted in worst sign | Tagged | 17 Comments

Inserting Vibrancy

Posted on August 2, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Since the usual suspects are promoting the same old ideas in the 20 or 30 talkfests about the future of Perth, (Jeezus, some plonker even suggested a series of monorails,) The Worst of Perth Live show on September 3rd will be devoted to putting some real solutions out there. Let’s start with sinking the whole city, from the Esplanade back to Vincent street. How about an “honour guard” of massive iron penises as the entry statement on Great Eastern Highway? The show will be about visualising the REAL Perth future. Let’s get radical and physical. I’m happy to take either ideas or visualisations for the show.

tinypinder2

Posted in worst of perth | 38 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 66

Posted on August 1, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I’ve put up a new page at the top (Full Archives) which lists every post in order, after requests from those wanting to go through the whole list more easily. There must be nearly 800 now! A fine body of work. I had forgotten that this was the first real post, the sinister House of Tabor, formerly trading as The Cabinet of Dr Caligari. Don’t know if it’s still there on Hay Street West perth.

tabor2

I found this golf bag abandoned on Beaufort Street, not far from the keeping it real Ellington’s Jazz club, famous for its beret fuelled brawls. I’m trying to make a connection with this. Is golf to go the way of squash? And berets?

golfMatt finds that the City of Melville’s sign printer doesn’t have an accent, nyuk, so we’ll have to make do with an apostrophe. Thanks Matt. I’ve always thought Point Walter should be called Point Percy.

caf'e1And Chucky just got creeped out by the Cigar Store woman in London Court. Yes it is scary. Thanks Chucky.

cigarWorst well this weekend.

Posted in weekend worstoff | 8 Comments

Insert Post Title Here…

Posted on July 31, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Scott,  (Canning Times Foreign Editor): It’s a dangerous story for this paper.
Ben Bradlee (Canning Ed): How dangerous?
Scott, Foreign Editor: Well, it’s not that we’re using nameless sources that bothers me. Or that everything we print, the White House denies. Or that no other papers are reprinting our stuff. It’s just that I feel uncomfortable with the word “Poo.”  All The President’s Men

An excellent find from Dave, where the masthead inadvertently reveals the inner workings of that journalistic powerhouse The Canning Times.

If  it had just said Heading and Copy, it might have seemed like a mistake, but the added poo smacks a little of sabotage. Who is the culprit? Deep Throat would have said “Follow the lack of money…”

canningcucanning

Posted in worst newspaper | Tagged , | 28 Comments

I hate cats – to death

Posted on July 30, 2009 by AHC McDonald

A nice if puzzling find by Blake in Innaloo. Is a cat hatred worth climbing onto a servo roof for? Maybe it is. That’s the third graffiti this week, but the first without obscenity.

cat

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged , , | 17 Comments