Inserting Vibrancy

Since the usual suspects are promoting the same old ideas in the 20 or 30 talkfests about the future of Perth, (Jeezus, some plonker even suggested a series of monorails,) The Worst of Perth Live show on September 3rd will be devoted to putting some real solutions out there. Let’s start with sinking the whole city, from the Esplanade back to Vincent street. How about an “honour guard” of massive iron penises as the entry statement on Great Eastern Highway? The show will be about visualising the REAL Perth future. Let’s get radical and physical. I’m happy to take either ideas or visualisations for the show.


About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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38 Responses to Inserting Vibrancy

  1. shazza says:

    An honour guard of penises? Perhaps a touch phallicentric TLA?

    I propose something that shows visitors to WA that we are a state of equality and opportunity for all. Such as an honour guard of alternating iron peni and vagi (or should that read cunts?).


  2. Dave says:

    Looking at the ribbon, should we be encouraging David Carradine style hotel shennanigans?


  3. xald says:

    Three words: Free public wine.


  4. Bill O'Slatter says:

    We’ve gotta think big here to insert vibrancy in the dilapidated orifices of Perth . This of course means demolition. For starters
    1. The biggest eyesore of all : everything on St Georges Terrace. St Georges Terrace is a monument to a deranged branch of architecture and the greedy , couldn’t give a shit aspect of the mining industry.
    2. The Causeway so that Heirisson island can become a park.
    3. Everything north of Duncraig replaced by national park
    4. Everything south of Coogee especially Mandurah replaced by national park. People responsible for canal developments
    get a suitable medieval themed punishment.
    5. The Macmansion banned.
    Vive la revolucion , Yee hah !


  5. flynn says:

    cover the area between the bridges and turn it into a carpark – it only has some boring nonproductive water there at the moment that hardly any-one uses


  6. skink says:

    there was a kid in the paper that suggested that we sink the airport, he wanted to design the world’s first underground airport.

    it was the only thing I have read in The West that ever made me laugh out loud, especially since he was serious.


  7. skink says:

    did anybody attend the Landcorp yawnfest?

    Cookster – were you there?

    did anybody part with $495 to listen to Sabrina Hahn’s vision of a compost friendly city?

    according to Chong, the best idea of the day was to let aboriginal kids do graffiti murals on the underpasses and on derelict buildings. Worth five hundred bucks of anyone’s money.

    Chong thougt a good idea would be to have a semi-autonomous government agency that could work with developers in the private sector. At that point someone directed her attention to the Landcorp logo over the entrance.

    Plus Alan Dodge’s idea that Perth should be a cultural hub for the Indan Ocean rim. Dodgey has been pushing that idea for at least ten years, and every year the funding for the Art Gallery gets smaller. It nows shuts on Tuesday to save on candles.


    • Bill O'Slatter says:

      Astonishing news Skink, Dodgey’s multi function polis by a new name.


    • shazza says:

      No didn’t attend. Aboroginal murals are not a bad idea, but hardly inspirational as an original idea.

      One idea I would like to see councils embrace is the naming of Aboriginal country on boader signs.
      You know when you travel and enter the North West, South West etc, there are signs saying ‘Welcome to …’, I reckon they also should state ‘You are entering Yamaji country, or Wongi Country, or Noongar etc etc.

      Just a thought.


      • Bento says:

        That would certainly liven up the long drives.


      • skink says:

        I am trying to imagine how long those signs might last before the rednecks got to them.

        crazy paving footpaths with aboriginal designs on them are a nice variation on Burle Marx’s idea’s, but there is always something odd about appropriating aboriginal culture to beautify the city and then racial profiling anyone that gets on a bus.


    • Oh he was there, but it’s probably a subject best not mentioned.


  8. skink says:

    don’t forget the cable car
    and a big glass pneumatic tube that allows you to jump in at Hay Street and get sucked all the way to the airport


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