The Worst of Perth

Update: This post has generated unprecedented bizarre comments from Kalamunda crackpots, including the best ever comment in the 91,000 made on this site, “I was clearly joking about writing a blog about my cat shitting…I have better things to do.”
But not a single person has actually disagreed with the point made, that is, Kalamunda’s built environment is a disgrace and a disaster.”

With Snuff still tantric training, I thought I’d take a close survey of Kalamunda town centre this Saturday. I know it is regarded by many as Western Australia’s ugliest town centre – even Dunsborough can’t match the decades of ill chosen building approvals, but is it Australia’s? And furthermore, who is to blame for the unrelenting shite that is Kalamunda town centre? There is not a single building in the main street that anyone would object to being demolished. Worse, there’s nobody actually calling for a street wide demolition. Just have a look at this awful, awful town, ironically surrounded by some beautiful residential areas.
Did nobody object to this revolting Reno of the Stirk Medical Centre? And notice how removing a Toyota dealership has made the place less interesting.
Update: the MSM has caught up with this. If this is pro-TWOP, I am happy to share the credit. But if it’s critical, let me say Mr McDonald is merely an acquaintance.

Behold the magic vista of Haynes Street! Kalamunda residents, your council approved this.

It’s not just recent development. Kalamunda’s commercial buildings were designed and approved by morons since, from long ago. Some abortions from the 70s. Didn’t the Post Office used to be tiled?

These I think 80s.

Who could possibly want to enter this building? Awful. Will be empty for years to come.

There is nothing you could do to this place to make it inviting to enter.

And the 1960s (?) library used to be a total abortion, but Kalamunda planners, council and ratepayers have managed to make the recent redevelopment even fucking shittier! The new “cultural” centre is ok I guess, but I assume only because the architects ignored any suggestion to match the rest of the built environment. Or the actual zigzag. But cultural and Kalamunda in the same title, only provokes giggling.

Here’s a gem from the what 1960s? St BARNabus church. What a piece of crap. Maybe the interior is a masterpiece of modern design?

And even in the 2000s they are still sticking to the most repulsive shit brick designs. Why? This look has been rubbish for 20 years. Yes. Good luck leasing this awful building. You’d have to pay people to enter it.

And this is recent. Someone submitted plans for this, and the council said, “Yes, of course you can put that monstrosity in public view in the centre of our town. Why not decorate it with some burning turds in paper bags for the opening?”

And perhaps the only two buildings worth saving, the Kalamunda Hotel and next door, still have to be shittified with giant roller door and plastic awnings. And a dubiously planned beer garden. (someone reminded me, the previous green and treed beer garden now part of the hideous coles carpark.)

And here are some other random pieces of crap across several decades. Mind you, this is not a highly edited selection. This is what it is like across the whole town! Kalamunda is unrelenting shite from arsehole to breakfast. It should be beautiful. Why is it not?

Thanks for this view Coles and Kalamunda council. Thanks heaps.

A community centre. Jeeezus.

How embarrassing that the only building of any interest in the main drag is a crappy 70s fock Tudor pub. BTW the ex antiques retro shop is for lease if you are desperately looking for some premises to go bankrupt in.