A showcase of the worst examples of architecture, design, culture and humanity in Perth Western Australia. Posts may contain adult concepts and occasional coarse language. Commenters and those submitting material should read the policy page first.
I saw a light, just up ahead
But I couldn’t seem to rise up from my bed
I’m not alone, than I am
People seem to think I’m superman
But I watch for the love
I’m living in the day of the eagle, the eagle not the, dove
Its like a weight, that brings me down
If I don’t move, I’m on the ground
Its in my mind, Its in my soul
Its telling me the things I can’t be told
Its a watch for the love
Living in the day of the eagle, eagle not the, dove
Another day, another night
I want to love, they want to fight
I need the time, I got to be alone
I got to meet a lover on my own
I watch for the love
Living in the day of the eagle, eagle not the, dove Robin Trower Day of The Eagle
Even the most passionate Eagles supporter couldn’t argue about including this as a bull goose, A Grade worst. The grotto like enclosure, Santa in July, the goalposts – the whole catastrophe! Embleton.
And maybe scroll your screen up and down really fast, or imagine some crash zooming in and out looking at this letterbox while listening to Robin Trower and Day of The Eagle. It’s the only way you’ll be able to make sense of the thing.
Although the womens toilet is probably just a rusty hole in the floor, it IS nice to see such a well appointed mobile office. It is about to be loaded with piss at Devine’s Piss Palace on Beaufort Street to become mobile office supreme. These jokers seem just the type to be reading The Worst of Perth, so I wouldn’t be surprised to get one of those “Fuck that’s MY car/house/piss ring/bonce/idea/…” emails.
Andrew was uncertain whether Catherine Deveney really meant to write being raped by beauty, but since she repeats it in the rest of her article, then she must have. Surely she meant “I’m being sodomised by Europe”? which would fit her crazy eye stare a little better. And if she’s really being raped by beauty, shouldn’t the title be “Get Tuscany out of my Pussy” (RIP MRS Slocomb)? Thanks Andrew for that. No thanks for reminding me about that other plonker with the glasses. I thought those other losers would have been given the arse by now. Or at least raped by beauty.
Only a few weeks old, and are fans suggesting that Ellingtons Jazz club is already not “keeping it real”? Whoa! Are 5ths not being flatted?And the please? Polite graffiti is only one step better than sanctioned graffiti.
I thought the place was plenty real when I was there a week or so ago, but perhaps my Twitter newsfeeds have come to reality?
Brawl over beret closes new Perth Jazz Club. 3 patrons of brand new Jazz dive Ellingtons were hospitalised after a fight…
Leave the berets at home! – warns club owner. Berets will be regarded as “colours” by Ellington Jazz Club management following the vicious…
Berets “Symptom not cause”. Jazz fans have hit back at the beret ban at Ellington’s. One member describing himself only as …
There’s something rather touching about this picture by Hovean of matching old Volvos sharing a shed in Darlington in the Perth hills. Two Volvos, looking as safe as a donger wearing two condoms. I was only saying the other day how I had never had a worst from Darlington, Perth’s original artist colony, where a painter might have gone all plein air on on our arses in the 40’s and 50’s. Perhaps even in the nude. Plein air is French for “outside” for those of you who are not Rob Broadfield, (or even David Bromfield).
Hovean says… A great summation of how good it can get in the Perth hills (Darlington). His and her Volvos tail to tail yet discreetly apart. Nearby a drum of lube, or maybe biodiesel. The knee braces on the carport posts combine with coloured cappings and clipped corners on the roof to suggest a disciplined yet friendly autonomy.
None of which really makes up for the fact that these plonkers have matching Volvos. Great traditional worst Hovean. I love it.
I wanted to take the tone down from my recent rantings on Perth’s media, to take it way down, like a special breed of cat. And what better way to do so than with this lovely, desolate, classic worst shot from Humourworks’ Edward De Bozo. Since this site is of course being archived by The State Library, I can only hope that in a Balcatta 1000 000 years from now, residents looking at the history of of the suburb, will realise that although they have evolved from carbon based to silicon based life forms, that the cactus and sand garden is still there. Maybe there should be a sequel to the play Oh Calcutta titled Oh Balcatta?
I thought I had exhausted Inside Cover and The West rants for now, until Jian sent me their caption competition winner from last week. Japs? Really? Can we expect a photo of an old wall so “chinks” or even “dykes” can be worked in?
Japs? Really?
And the day afterI joked about Broadfield “getting wind” of another double parked car, IC does indeed run a follow up to their incredible “car parked in bus bay” expose. Wot fuck going on?
Also, did anyone read Broadfield’s cringeworthy food review of Parliament House dining room in The weekend West mag? The one where he takes IC colleague Daniel Hatch along as if he’s bestowing some noblesse oblige on the poor bastard. Noblesse oblige is French Mr Broadfield, like the word “wankeur”.
“Young Hatch, who’s background is rural, impressed us with his knowledge of all things fodder…” Fuck off you patronising cunt! I assume it shows just how badly “Young Hatch” needs the job that he didn’t ram the Dahl Gram Salmon up Broadfield’s left nostril. And how does a kitchen where you’d have to “pay him to eat the food’” get a 14 out of 20, which according to his chart is a reccommendation?
On the bright side, you can’t help but applaud the “silken voiced public servant’ who told the the IC crew to fuck right off when they tried to take a photo of the dining room. Bravo.
I haven’t done enough twitter news results for a best of this week, but let me offer a screenplay idea.
I have always wanted to write a screenplay called The Stepford Comedians, where a newly arrived guy to the small Perth suburb of Dangerfield, begins to notice that the wives of his new neighbours and colleagues are unnaturally witty. His wife scorns the idea, even as she begins to frequent to small town comedy scene.
To his horror, he notices that his wife suddenly develops incredible comic timing. She’s doing perfect deadpans, pratfalls, double takes, quadruple entendres, amazing repartee.
He confronts the other husbands, and he realises that even though they know something is wrong, they don’t say anything because their womenfolk have become just SO DAMN FUNNY.
After research at the local comedy museum, he becomes convinced that all Dangerfield wives have been replaced by gynoids, robotic woman comedians.
He tries to escape, but his wife convinces him he is mistaken, distracting him by doing Abott and Costello’s “Who’s on first?” routine and then going straight into The Parrot Sketch.
She lures him to the local standup venue, where he is attacked by the comedian wives led by a murderous Magda Szubanski.
As they attack, he says “I don’t get no respect.” but Magda plunges a knife into him. His last words are “Tough crowd.” which gets him some respectful light laughter from the killer robotic female comedians.
I have got a lot of numberplates, but this one is the best i’ve seen for a while. In the carpark of The Brisbane Hotel. And Cookster saw these “Perky Nanas”, as in Red Bull for nanas. Perhaps “Perky bananas” was a little outre. A Guildford letterbox from Outrage Cohen. I think saying no junk mail is a little hoighty toighty for this box. Looks like it would only be good for junk mail.
And Thomo took this pic of a shoeless child tux model in Mirrabooka. Shoeless I can accept, but when was the last time a tux was worn in Mirrabooka by an adult, let alone a child. Pants are considered an affectation down that way. Looking closer, I see he is missing a foot. Now THAT’s Mirrabooka. Thanks Thom.
Alright, alright, ALRIGHT! I’m doing it. When journalists and media types (not Barra) keep asking when the next Paul Murray rant is coming, I have to oblige. The trouble with Murray is that lately he just hasn’t been bad enough. Ponderous, yes. Boring, most certainly, but unfortunately for us, he hasn’t recently taken to film reviewing or comedy, areas where he is farcically under endowed. He did use his signature phrase “first blush” this week though. Enough? Dear senior journalist, why not walk over and suggest Teh Paul reviews Benjamin Button? That should give me something to get my teeth into. He’s your own colleague!
Much more interesting West wise is that the old work horse (or is that tug boat?) Pam Casellas is finally FINALLY, leaving. She makes sure she doesn’t go without some typical dross though. What? Jeff Newman knew when to retire and did? What are you talking about woman? He was past it when bathtub racing was popular on The Swan. I don’t think you’re really in the best position to judge when someone has overstayed their welcome Pam.
I'm free!
And how many have asked me when I’m again going to put the boot into Inside Cover, the It’s Academic of contemporary humour. Someone rang me at work in some kind of foaming rage to tell me that they had a police car parked in a bus bay as their highlight. What the fuck is going on down there? What happened to the IC renaissance? It’s like a boring version of The Worst of Perth where they can’t say cunt. When is Daniel Hatch going to just kill Rob Broadfield? I was given a sneak photo of Broadfield’s workflow and layout techniques, which might go a ways to explain La Hatch’s problems. Click for larger version.
"Knob" Truck to follow Debt Truck. Stephen Smith launched Labor's answer to the Libs Debt Truck in Perth today. Pictures of Malcolm Turnbull 2 days ago
Hotel defecations "swept under the carpet". 4 Corners reports that 8 out of 10 rugby league and 3 out of 10 AFL players have defecated on 2 days ago
Sailors also had competition to sleep with dugongs. On top of recent allegations that Navy sailors competed to sleep with the most female co 3 days ago
Rick James to play Rusty James in remake of Rumblefish. Spokesperson for James said that Rusty's brother's colour blindness was the spur tha 1 week ago
Premier lashes out at lottery winners. "South Australians winning lotto is like flushing money down the toilet! Colin Barnett's outburst has 1 week ago
And
A Guildford letterbox from
And Thomo took this pic of a shoeless child tux model in Mirrabooka. Shoeless I can accept, but when was the last time a tux was worn in Mirrabooka by an adult, let alone a child. Pants are considered an affectation down that way. Looking closer, I see he is missing a foot. Now THAT’s Mirrabooka. Thanks Thom.
