In the 1980’s, there used to be many businesses – carpet and furniture floggers mostly, who used to add a christian fish to their signs. Now it seems to be down to this last couple of botherers on Great Eastern Highway Midland. The practice makes me shudder with revulsion. To compound the signage horror, there has also been a highly ill advised addition of photographs. Get thee behind me Jesus freak bed sellers, and get yourself a secular graphic designer – preferably an atheist. There should be a separation of powers between Church and Bed.


And elsewhere in Old Town Midland

I have been hearing so much about the redevelopment of central Midland, that I thought I may have missed my chance to capture some good Worst. I hadn’t. It was a tatty shithole with the ambiance of a drunken knife fight. Loved the station/Centrepoint precinct. Uggh. Expect posts from that area over the next few weeks.

beds plus midland
beds plus midland

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About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
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86 Responses to Bedpanned

  1. Bryson says:

    and the fish doesn’t know which way to swim?


  2. dave says:

    Don’t be too down on Midland. The tacky god-botherers have several stores with nearly identical signage all over the place. There was one in Nedlands until very recently, in the heart of inner Western suburbs snobbery.


  3. I was more referring to the centre of town near the station for my later comments. The Beds Plus was actually a bit further up the road in an ugly but less malevolent area.


  4. Mez says:

    I have to agree with LA regarding Midland. I lived there for 3 years right at the beginning of the alleged redevolopment. So far all I can see that is new is a police station (quite a large one too) and some new shops where Centrelink and a carpark used to be. I also noticed that they had made two oneway streets into two way and inflicted some Liquid Amber trees on to the Main Street.
    Midland was an entirely un-cultured place run by the local chamber of commerce whose Chair was the owner of the gun shop – and wanted to keep thangs just the way they were…
    Midland was actually a far freindlier place after hours because all the shop owners shut a 5:30 and went home to Lesmurdie.


  5. Pierre says:

    Yeah these Beds Plus devils have been around for years. They have a store in City West too. If you want a good laugh, check out some of the ads they have on TV from time to time. They use South Park style “animation” to make them jump around like a couple of fun-loving larks, contrary to the conservative secular image they put out there with that ridiculous f*cking fish. Drives me insane.


  6. Rage says:

    The mug shot on the signs are almost as disturbing as the underlying suggestion that it’s best to do business with people of the same faith. No pre-marital beds for sale here… (The son is in serious need of a recolour. He looks like my late aunty Florrie.)


  7. Greg Tangey says:

    I’ve always wondered what on earth posessed these people to put such horrifying photographs of themselves on the front of all their shops AND tv ads.

    The guy on the left isn’t so bad, but on the right, OH MY GOD! Can you fake that smile any harder? and hey, even the old guys hairline is less receeding ;) “Oh my, i’m losing all my hair, i best brush it back in a dye-blonde (WTF) so that every one can see how bald im going”

    Ferrall? i was thinking more like feral!

    Is it actually a fish? or is the all-seeing-eye of the lord himself? I wish he’d help them see to getting some new photos.

    Ohh i could go on and on for hours, i’m glad you finally pointed the target their way.


  8. Rolly says:

    They keep doing it this way because it brings in the punters. Now that’s a real worry.


  9. The Ferals : can I have my fish and sell it too.


  10. Martin says:

    You know what’s weird?

    I bought a bed from their ‘crazy never-to-be-repeated except at the exact same time next year sell-out madness sale’ a few years ago and I’ve never believed more firmly in the power of jesus.


  11. Nettie says:

    Ah, Midland, such a charming place.
    I currently work and have worked before in Midland and if it’s trailer park skankiness that you want, you can’t go past the place.
    My last job was managing one of the stores in Centrepoint and boy was it an eye opener! I can’t believe they haven’t pulled that place down yet!
    Also, it’s been years since I’ve had to catch the train but I have heard stories form people that do. Apparently the station fenced off an area of the car park, put up a little demountable office for a guard, called it ‘secure’ parking and started charging people to park there. In the first month there were more break in’s in the secure parking than in the open parking!


  12. Barry says:

    Yes its obvious that the pope is involved in this bed scam. Trying to get the numbers up.


  13. crankynick says:

    I love those photos. My partner saw their ad on tele the other day and said that it looked like they both got a haircut in the mid-nineties that they quite liked, and decided to stick with it forever.

    On the other side, I bought a bed from them once, after a breakup that left me largely bereft of furniture:



  14. meccano101 says:

    I thought Jesus was the ‘Lamb’ of god? Why the fish?


  15. tomthrett says:

    what is with the fish? i in fact noticed hte same thing today! if you look on page 2087 of the yeller pages, shenton pumps have the fish! why!? and midland is pretty bad, but the train station is good. ill be posting that soon!


  16. That damned station clock is wrong Tom. I will likewise be posting it.


  17. SkyLantern says:

    Apparently you need to know the secret handshake.


  18. crankynick says:

    The fish as a christian symbol goes way, way back – to the early Roman times, I think, when they were all getting fed to lions and stuff.

    It’s from the I will make you fishers of men bit in the Bible, I think.

    Or the loaves and fishes bit, maybe.


  19. Del Quant says:

    Don’t know whether the bible-thumping is a factor, but somehow Ferrall Junior has mastered the art of time travel; he’s obviously going somewhere in 1987 to get his hair cut. Either that or Midland Gate.


  20. CK says:

    Might I mention the crude psychological associations of mattresses with the whiff of whiting and pictures of dweebs?

    I tell you people, it’s an awful plot to rake in huge profits while simultaneously turning the honest burghers of Midland (looking for nothing other than to buy a simple, good quality foam mattress) off sex.


  21. Midland’s Muslims are the ones I’m worried about. Haircut100’s name is Sean by the way.


  22. crankynick says:

    Dunno about a 1987 cut, folks – that one strikes me as a pure 1990s Bart Simpson.


  23. Why hasn’t Haircut100 got a mullet ?


  24. Wouldn’t waterbeds be unchristian? Satan would definitely have one.


  25. DG says:

    Also in Joondalup, there’s a gym on the corner of Grand Blvd called The Colosseum sporting the Jesus fish, pure gold.


  26. After all the loaves and fishes (fush n chups at the Ling ?) you want a good lie down with the missus. Jesus no , Satan’s mucked around with the water bed.


  27. Pierre says:

    C’mon people, everybody should know that the fish represents the source of the bible. After all, it is the Word of Cod.


  28. Bedfords Crackpost fraternity! says:

    That young’un on the right looks like he’s got a Banjo shoved up his jacksie!!


  29. More likely a Baltic Pine headboard.


  30. greg hoey says:

    Really very silly individuals and their silly television commercials. Major embarrasement and Major brain surgery needed in the style of South Park done with baseball bat , gun and a ‘kenny’ kind of murder. or maybe perth televison could lift its act. Doubtful though [long term cultural change unfortunately probably decades of it].


  31. greg hoey says:

    typical redneck christian humour


  32. Ophuph Hucksake says:

    Ooops, too late to contribute to this thread but … thanks for posting it!


  33. Rewey says:

    Waterbeds aren’t ‘un-Christian’.

    Jesus can walk on waterbeds.


  34. Pingback: Double Fantasy Ferrall Style | The Worst of Perth

  35. Halo says:

    Have you critics not got anything better to do than slam the Men behind beds plus? I happen to know both men on a personal level and they are they are men with great integrity and generosity. If you knew them, what they are about and how many lives they have help changed simply through who they are, teen challenge, prison ministry-there is no way that you would say these things unless you were an ambassador for satan himself. I am absolutely appalled that you would publicly demean any local business, let alone these guys. Shame on you, because these guys are nothing but a blessing to those in the faith and especially to those who are not. If you really have an issue with their method of advertising, get out from behind your computer screens and have the courage to meet with them personally ofherwise keep your opinions to yourself.


  36. B.T. says:

    Halo’s comment seems familiar, as in “This is my husbands truck (business)….. So tell me what, “nerd or Geek” goes around our suburbs looking for unusual and strange “things” and thinks it’s so cool and funny, at someone’s else’s expense. You are a sad bunch of lonely twats!!!!!

    PS yes my husbands grammar is (signs are) poor but he earns a F##K load more money than you will ever see in your life time!!! Not you Greg. CHEERS”


  37. Pingback: Not Worst | The Worst of Perth

  38. senectus says:

    man this thread is hilarious.
    Separation of Church and Bed… brilliant :-D (also disturbingly accurate too)

    Notice that they’ve taken the fish symbol down now? Maybe they’re Vegan now ? :-P


  39. Anonymous says:

    they are dropkicks


  40. Zuben says:

    One must ask … Beds Plus … What ?

    We continue to be told the bible tells us that between adults beds are for procreation in addition to sleep .

    The fish continues in post Freudian times to be a symbol plus of phallic nature .

    Its removal ( especially given the equivocal meaning of its directional pointing between two grown men in the bed business who happen to be father and son ) is perhaps a good thing as well as relief in this sterile context in which not even virgin birth is a possible miraculous outcome .


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