No Radical Text for The Sound Alternative

There can be no better example of how street art in Perth has been erased by anodyne civic decoration than the rear of RTR FM’s building in Beaufort Street Mt Lawley – to the extent that almost nobody realises that there is even a difference in concept between say adding brick paving and painting a wall mural. In Perth these are exactly the same things in both intent and effect. Do you spend money on a planter box or a wall mural? In Perth these are interchangeable, or to use a word that has suddenly emerged out of obscurity and into the arts scene fungible.

From inside the RTR studios, presenters may well be suggesting giving communism another go, denouncing the mainstream media, or generally smashing the patriarchy. And how lucky we are to have such an excellent station. I’m listening to it right now. But outside of the studios, the concept that a wall mural could be anything other than bland visual muzak does not even exist in the imagination of the city. And why would it, since there is nothing in the state that shows it’s even possible for public art to be more than boring nothingness?

In the US and elsewhere, murals, good or bad are frequently political and often seething with rage. It is the sad state of affairs that to my knowledge, there isn’t even one single example of this in the whole of Western Australia. None. And this is just here. In other states of Australia art murals have provoked calls to the police and even been forcibly painted out. Not here. Even an alternative radio station commissions and is apparently “chuffed” with a piece of civic decoration (let’s not call it street art) that would not be challenging enough for a kindergarten playground wall.

And can you blame the civic decorators? They, like brick paving layers need to earn money. But can nobody see outside the Perth paradigm? Will nobody have the courage to say to an artist. “I don’t care what you do. Just go for it. I want people to see my building and say “Jesus fucking Christ look at that! Not “meh””. Have artists given up applying because there is no chance of anything with the slightest edge being accepted? Or are only the least challenging decorators ever chosen? All of these are seriously depressing alternatives for Perth’s psyche.

Posted in SO PLAYED, Wall murals, worst art, worst ideas, worst of perth | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

Is Australian Silo Art Racist?

More from Artraitors.


Australia’s obsession with bad art done big continues to run, with country towns across the nation falling over themselves to be part of this embarrassing trend. There are even “Silo Trails”, (or should that be “trials”?) where you can plan a trip based around the intersection of the world’s least imaginative artists with the least imaginative commissioning bodies.

But are they racist? Silo art is, with some (sadly too few) exceptions, overwhelmingly old whitey nostalgia. Backward looking, blinkered, generally barely rising above the level of chocolate box kitsch of a white Australia of early 20th century. Often the topic will be tea towel style paintings of draught horses, shearers, steam trains, or Diggers/slouch hat based works executed with the skills of hack commercial artists pre photoshop. And many of the artists are internationally based! Is it not absurd to get an artist from say Hawaii or Mongolia to come all…

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Low sodium, liver cleansing opening, no bar to enjoying art.

From my ArTraitors art critic site.


Covid restrictions again struck last week to deny art soaks a Festival of Perth level catering event at John Curtin Gallery. (Everything is True, artist Abdul-Rahman Abdullah). It’s been so long that I barely remember what a mini quiche tastes like. Kind of salty yeah? My artist impression of a FOP tier opening can be contrasted with the reality using the compare slider below. (Thx Pieter Brueghel (the old C.)
Imagine the boot of covid stamping on carrot sticks and dips forever. Look at how much space was reserved for trestles for platters! Now? Not.

But apart from rare roast beef and wine from bottles approaching the double figure mark -(retail), how much did you miss? Opening speeches can be a bit tedious, with all the thanking that needs to be done and the acknowledging of sponsors taking up much of the oxygen. Rather than…

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The Brown is Coming Down, 2008 to 2021 are youse vibrant yet?

Well it’s not better since 2008, in case you were wondering.

When The Worst of Perth started in 2007, did we expect that things would be better a decade and a half later? Did we even think about it, or did we just live and make love in the moment, shoving lotuses up our arses? Or whatever you do with them. Eat them possibly, who knows. You lotus your way, I’ll lotus mine yeah?
Here is a spot in Inglewood that I covered in 2008. Could we really have expected that things would get this bad? Imagine, even the predictions of a Cartridge World were wildly optimistic. From a derelict if kitschly charming Chinese restaurant, that became briefly an illegal indoor skate venue. Now there are two fucking murals nearby, including that leaf (or possibly vagina) painter AND a pandemic testing site. No doubt on site dogging after 6pm! I wish I could find the photos, but there were expensive planters with trees added to this maelstrom of worsts announced by some politician. Where are they? Burnt and tagged one expects. At least the TAB is still there as an island of sanity.

Meanwhile the sky is brown from bushfires, and someone informs me that there is a website called Perth is Ok. Jeezus. I mean talk about your vote of confidence. Perth is Okaaaay . I guess. Look at this scene. It’s fucking not OK. And now I know thousands of doggers, and nostalgia lovers flock to The Worst of Perth, for a taste of the past, even though it has been closed for years. But this is now and this is not Ok.

Posted in multiple worsts, vanished worst, Wall murals, worst architecture, worst carpark, worst graphic design, worst of perth, worst public art, worst sign, worst street, worst typography | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Dry Humour

I thought reviving a little The Worst of Perth content for our brave shutins in these desperate times.

Remember when people used to name their boats? Now it’s always just the boring rego number. Why did that cheeky and charming practice end? Oh, yeah. That’s right. And can we not reference a local species, like the err Cunac? Would “Wet Gilgie” have killed them?

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Palates of Sophistication at The John Curtin Gallery

It didn’t become apparent until art locusts cleared some of the arancini at John Curtin Gallery last week, that the food boards were art palettes. Art palettes for art palates!  If none of the other soaks, tightarses, artists and PIAF guests noticed JCG – WELL I DID. Nice touch. Love to see an edible Blue Poles next time.
Also, and I like to believe as a direct result of this review, the speeches were very much shorter than usual.

You’re welcome fellow art soaks. Just part of the service.

– Although the amount of time that was spent talking about how the speeches were going to be shorter was almost as long as the speeches themselves. Nevertheless…

Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.

Exhibition:Ian Strange and Sandra Hill

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Total Eden

Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.

As probably the highlight of the free food and piss art circuit last year, the opening of Lost Eden Creative in Dwellingup almost set too high a standard. Crowds around the hot dog van were so heavy, that the organisers had to desperately throw a Janet Holmes à Court speech in the main space, so that we in the know soaks could slip around the side and grab an artisanal sossie and beaker of Shiraz in relative peace.

Positioning oneself speechwise is the most essential skill of the art freeloader. You hear the click of the mic going on, and you have to quickly make sure – DAMN SURE, that your corridor to the bar is not impeded. At the very least you need to have your glass brimming. Being trapped listening to a speech holding a finger greased empty glass is the sign of a total loser. You’re no art lover that’s for sure.

The catering standard for the current In Our Nature exhibition was as usual high. The choice of the slightly obscure Kirks for the softies was a nice touch too. There are only two  downsides to going to an opening at this delightful gallery. One, you need a skipper for the drive back. And two, you have to drive through Kelmscott.

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Blanc de Blanc de Brut at Art Collective WA

Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.

What would a future Semiotic Anthropologist – (should such unfortunate creatures still exist in the self driving hover-Commodore future being forced upon us), make of this clear, intense, dazzling curation of liquids making up the repast at the latest ArtCollectiveWA exhibition? French brut, blanc de blanc, French water, white wine, – and even the Hahn beerseems to have been chosen for the clear, spartan colour palette of its cans rather than concern for the carb intake of free piss loving Art Soaks.

Is there something Derridarian to be understood in the preponderance of French liquids, concerning, “…not only the physical act of ingesting food but also the metonymical act of interiorizing symbols, language, and social codes.”?

Is the overwhelming “whiteness” of the fare some comment on the West Australian art scene? Brut and Blanc – Dry and White?  Tempting to think so, possibly, but unlikely one would think at an opening. There’s possibly too much going on here to decode it in the present. But you’d be hard pressed, semiotic anthropologist or not, to think that the overwhelming clearness of the liquids was not inversely obscuring some dark, clouded message.

Carol Rudyard survey, 30 November – 21 December 2019,
Cathedral Square, 2/565 Hay Street, Perth, Western Australia 6000
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Tokenism at Number Ten

Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.

No catering surprises from an art collective group at Janet Holmes à Court’s West Perth industrial-unchic gallery @ No. 10. But it would be ungracious in any case to expect rare beef noisettes from a self funded group exhibition. But one does wonder how many mini quiches the cost of that string quartet could have funded.hac1hac3
The wine token trend is however a little alarming for veteran art soaks. While you can appreciate a group of amateur artists trying to keep costs down, it would be disastrous if this vile token system was to extend to too many other venues. Imagine, IF YOU CAN, trying to look at portraits of people you don’t care about at The Lester Prize on just two glasses! It’s unthinkable! No. This cannot stand.

As a side note, apparently this precinct in West Perth where galleries such as Stala and HaC’s @no.10 are situated is supposedly to be called “The Pickle District”. Sounds a little try hard, a la George Costanza trying to get nicknamed T-Bone, but there you are. Sadly the dead hands and blunted imaginations of Perth’s mural artists are already descending on the place, and anodyne and boring pieces are going up to spoil the pleasant industrial feeling of this pocket. Can yet another tedious Stormie Mills or even worse a (gulp) Melski be far away?  Why don’t we just call the area Little Maylands and be done with it?As soon as you see a wall covered by that guy who paints leaves on everything, you can be assured that the “precinct” is finished as any kind of interesting area. It’s so embarrassing that Perth still thinks that “authorised” street art is cool.

And I’m not calling it the fucking Pickle District either.

Robertson Park Artists Studio exhibition, Holmes à Court Gallery @ no.10, Douglas Street West Perth. Opened 13 November – 5th December.
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The Salient at Stala Contemporary

Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.

I knew instantly that I had made a rookie mistake. How could I have been caught on the wrong side of the gallery when the speeches started!? Especially in the pleasant Stala Contemporary Gallery, where the space is severely divided into two sections. We felt like troops in the Stalingrad Cauldron, wondering whether we could escape through the eye of the needle before Zhukov brutally crushed the apex of the salient.  The bar, visible, shimmering in the distance and the escape door might as well have been in Berlin. I have drawn up a rough map to explain the situation we were in.


The Salient

However, you have to hand it to gallery owner Sherri. A three artist opening night – a situation which could have easily have degenerated into  45 minutes of speeches – and would have at many other galleries, was over in barely 5 minutes. Succinct and to the point. Perhaps she was aware of the plight of those trapped on the far side of the dividers, but in any case, kudos. Brilliantly done.
The free piss situation was excellent as usual here. Nice wine with quite a choice of genres (ouvres?) Even a chilled Rose for that hot, hot night. I’ve wondered about their snack policy for some time though. I’m not sure about this open bowl “grabbing a handful”, situation. For one, it is hard to “grab” cut strawberries. Secondly, speaking as an artist myself, it’s no secret that we – and our culture vulture associates, are not the world’s most fastidious hand washers. It’s part of our creative spirit not to constrained by normal restrictive conventions of ablutions and personal hygeine.  That’s mostly why we became artists in many cases tbh. Do you think Picasso went near washbasin one between dunny and the communal bowl of Patatas Bravas? No. Of course not. It would have been ridiculous. So although I love the bowls, – and I think once they marvellously provided one full of jelly snakes, I think, under the circumstances, a more “tong based” regime would be the way to go. But it still warranted a very good 4 stars.

A PARTY HAT FOR SAINT DENIS’ – Dr. Matthew Jackson (Gallery A)
SYNCHRONICITIES‘ – Sue Leeming and Britt Mikkelsen (Gallery B)
13 November to 6th December 2019
Posted in Art Galleries, free piss, Galleries, Perth Galleries, worst of perth | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
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