The Worst of Perth

In 2008 Krazy Kym and I were drinking in the beer garden. I was smoking. An associate with us was fiddling with the heater. Next morning – whaddaya know! This week the police told me the hotel-gutting fire was deliberately set, but no-one was charged. You know a TWOP reporter is 100% law-abiding, so don’t point the bone at me! Last night we joined a queue 150m long. I had no idea there was so much media in Perth!
Once inside I heard a whisper Midland Labor MLA Michelle Roberts hadn’t been invited, but was suddenly invited on the morning of the big do. Shurely shome mishtake? Colin Barnett, Ken Wyatt, Donna Faragher, and John Day were there. “A great party: fantastic,” Mr Barnett said. “Inside it’s a little funky…history of the fire…destroyed bits and pieces.” Yes, everyone was marvelling at the retained burnt beams. “I’m here all the time,” Mr Barnett told me. It’s big! It’s the size of Swanbourne! Either it will make money non-stop, or it will be like the Empty Quarter. The recycled windows above the bar are nice. I looked for TLA at the bar, but then remembered he hadn’t been invited! The humanity! KK liked what they’d done with the place; I wondered if it was a Queens on steroids. We liked the retention of the old drive-in sign. It triggered memories of waiting in the HJ while Uncle Cec would get his king browns in a hessian sack as Kylie Tramways was scuttling in the bush, roiling with a nulla-nulla… I drank about 1.5 bottles of champagne: apologies, but it was a school night. We loved the prawn ceviche tacos, and cheese/corn/jalapeno croquettes: they’ll be $125 for the rest of youse!