All time Most Popular Worsts

Posted on January 19, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I response to a question, here is the list of all time most popular Worsts as of January 2009. Big movers, Miss Nude has no Nipple and Patti Chong real or Hoax. Another fast mover is Perth Beer Fest Blows, currently just out of the top ten. The brothel ones keep climbing slowly due to constant google search hits, which incredibly gets The Worst of Perth at number two on google searches for Perth brothel. Really! Try it. I predict Miss nude will keep moving up the charts for similar reasons. The Worst of Perth occupies several of the top ten google searches for Miss Nude Perth.

#1 Worst of The West Australian

#2 Fairax online launched

#3 The real brothel is here.

#4 The State Election 2008

#5 Alsatian Rampant

#6 Bad House, Bad Brothel

#7 Miss nude has no nipple

#8 Dead Parrot

#9 The Patti Chong Story

#10 When it all goes pear shaped

Posted in worst of perth | Tagged | 44 Comments

Aquadisiac

Posted on January 19, 2009 by AHC McDonald

What happened to boat naming in perth? Was a time when even a twelve foot dinghy would have “Put out or get out” “Love thruster” or “Lethal Dose” written on the side. Nowadays all you get if Seacraft 347 and the like. I still regret not getting a photo of a ski boat named (I tell no lie) “Toxic Shock”. How refreshing it was therefore to see this monster who defied even the Canon wide angle. Aquadisiac.  You hot yet?

aqua2aqua

Posted in worst name, worst transport | Tagged , | 26 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 39

Posted on January 17, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Snuff in Japan kindly sent me some Belmont Park shots. Belmont Park, Adachi-ku, Tokyo. that is. One of the results of our great sister city program, which has been as influential as The Colombo Plan. Snuff says…

week39belmontphoneAn inexplicable, yet nostalgic, (for me), mint condition red phonebox (with a sign on the door asking kids to please not play in it).

week39belmont
I couldn’t decipher the Kanji on the plaque near this one, but it’s as worst as sculpture gets, no ?

week39tokyo
I have a shitload of other general Japanese worst to get to you sometime, but this favourite from a kid’s shop in Tokyo insisted on coming along. A friend in Melbourne was actually quite taken with this one, but she’s a unique woman.

Skink’s scan of West howler in education pages.

week39west

And the Rockingham Pirate says, Back in February last year you showed us the Flying Dutchman, bringing to light the woes awaiting those who enter Rockingham (as i do every morning).  And you prophetically stated:

Cries from the ghostly crew were “Tell Mark McGowan I voted for him!”, “If only I could be in Centrepoint Midland!” and “Aaaaaaar ya swab. Doomed ye be to live in Rockingham. Aaaaar!”

It seems your ghostly paraphrased cries were heard by the good people of Rockingham, who have some time yesterday or this morning added the Jolly Roger to her (see my best pictures from several attempts).

Thanks Rockingham Pirate. I’m glad someone sent a closer shot of this thing as mine was from a speeding car. (You don’t slow down in Rockinham in case Mark McGowan tries to kiss your baby.)

week39rogerweek39rogercu

Posted in weekend worstoff | 17 Comments

I’ve got sperm that jingle jangle jingle

Posted on January 16, 2009 by AHC McDonald 
6    -6    7    8
I've got sperm that
 -8  7   -6 6    -6 7
jingle, jangel, jingle
7 -8  8  9 8  -9 8 7   -6 7
As I go riding merrily along.
 6  -6    7      8  -8     7
And they sing, "Oh, ain't you
 -6    6    -6  7
glad you're single?"
 7   -8   8     9
And that song ain't
 8  -9 8  7  -6    7
so very far from wrong.
Harmonica Training

Actually it might have been spurs in that song. In any case, this pic from Andrew B is the closest I could find for something to mark the removal of Paul Armstrong, who was boned and  pwned from The West yesterday. The Countryman is offering 5 litres of Paul Murray semen, to help father a new dynasty of West editors. At first blush, let the word go forth this day for virgins and turkey basters that could take a litre or two.

countryman

And Skink comes through with a pic. We never did work out what the service “Spanish” was in The West personals did we? The consensus was Greek but surly.

armstrong

And despite my own threat to delete my facebook account, I have made up a The Worst of Perth page, where matters pertaining can be discussed such as outside links, sightings of TWOP contributors and targets etc.

Posted in worst advertising, worst journalist, worst newspaper | Tagged , , , , | 46 Comments

West has New Boremaster

Posted on January 15, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Wanted to try for the magic 500 000 page views before I left work today, so a quick media rant.

How often have we heard that blogs are parasites on legitimate newspapers? Lots of times. There is still apparently traction in the bloggers versus journos debate, often to be found on sites like The Content Makers etc. Journalists are shaking their fists crying “You’ll miss us when we’re gone.” as their flagships sink under them. The solution apparently from The West Australian is to fluff up a story about a blog, heavily padded with quotes from a blog. Add virtually no other thought or opinion, and hey presto, a piece of crap!

Paul Murray now has a challenger in the fields of “excessive quoting to increase word count” and “bum numbing boredom” at next years Walkleys. In fact,  Murray’s piece on Nickel exports through Esperance is positively Pulitzer compared to this one by Matthew Moore. The pink is quotes from the blog and blogger. Terrible.  When are we going to see some action from Kerry and Cronin? Is THIS the sort of thing that’s going to increase circulation guys?

A commenter has just noted that this is a buy in from UK. They bought it? Is this an admission of defeat? The actual blog has some funny stuff in it. The rehash doesn’t.

And just by the by, does Kovacs write exactly the same column every week about the English language?

matthewmoore

Posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper | Tagged , , , | 72 Comments

Chunder Down Under (with notes)

Posted on January 15, 2009 by AHC McDonald

With this submission, I thought I’d lay out the process of getting a The Worst of Perth post up and running 6 or 7 days a week. It’s not all just stone boozies and Howling Wolves you know.

03:02 am. Text. Images arrive from Outrage Cohen. First impressions. Ah fuck. Type draft. Cut and paste. Ah fuck. OK. so… Try…

Here’s the home of Domaine Chandon Australia, where Green Point sparkling and Green Point still wines are produced. (Contrast with vommy in female bog. Raise question of whether vomiting caused by misuse of apostrophe. NOTE! Photo essay format may be may be wasted on metrocentric, cork soaking, beaver damming, low riding, TWOP connesewers (spell check indicates problem with connesweres. Don’t bother to corect). Check if Paul Murray angle. Remove litre of voka from freezer. Wave Noilly pratt bottle over martini glass with double shot. Add olive. drink. repeat. repeat. Revise entire approach. OK, here we go…

And the result? Voila! The smooth insouciant wry TWOP post you love so well.

————————————-

David Fucking Outrage Cohen recently travelled to (I think Dubai) for the 2008 Walkley Awards, in support of the Paul Murray bid for Bum Number of the year. After the ceremony Outrage travelled to Victorian wineries, where he devastatingly contrasted awesome scenery with vomit.

————————————

Yeah. Close enough.  get up early with headache and  editi text before The Worst of Perth start reading. And cut and print.

vomitchandon

vomit

vomittext

Posted in worst of perth | 16 Comments

I can already imagine the gaffa tape on your mouth

Posted on January 14, 2009 by AHC McDonald

This is a Canberra Worst From John M, but we have had Wicked on before (although for the life of me I can’t find the post). Usually the vans are decorated to fall just on the dumbarse side of offensive, but surely someone would have paused before painting this one?  I feel a little uncomfortable just looking at it. Can this really fit within advertising guidelines? Fucking hilarious.

wickedA more down to earth vehicle slogan from Sian in Perth. Rangas are really copping it these days aren’t they? What happened to blonde bashing?

rangavan

Posted in worst advertising, worst transport | Tagged , , | 16 Comments

Don’t Bogart the Octopus

Posted on January 13, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Still it, goes down smooth when I get a clean hit
Of the skunky funky octopus shit
Sing my song, puff all night long
As I take occy Hits from the bong…
(Cypress Hill – Hits from a blue-ring)

Another extraordinary seafood calamity from Stuart Simpson & Claire Mueller who were confronted with this horrifying sight at a bus stop in Mt Lawley.  Why is there an ant covered octopus waiting for the number 21 on Beaufort Street? Is it something to do with Cthulu? No-one should have to see this. Now we can add octopus to the street crabs and Black sambuca. Oh, there was this downed food item too. When we get enough ingredients, maybe there should be a recipe book?

octopusoctopuscu

Posted in worst food | Tagged , , | 25 Comments

Worst Below the Waterline

Posted on January 12, 2009 by AHC McDonald

They need sex like the infantry needs alcohol. (Das Boot)

I was going to post this last week, but wanted to make sure I could acknowledge the taker of this fine picture, Stephen N. (Via Chris O). Yes it is a worst, and yet also magnificent. If anyone wants to know what is good about living in Perth, you need go no further than this picture.  Where else can 10 tanked up blokes travel semi submerged in the sunshine off superb beaches while Gaza burns, Europe freezes and Zimbabwe starves? This is not worst.  I think Stephen N should be able to flog the large version of this shot. Perhaps to Rottobloggo’s David Fucking Outrage Cohen for his study wall, or if not, then to the Police Water safety unit. The small version doesn’t do it justice. Click on picture for larger. The famous Quokka Arms Hotel, perhaps not surprisingly, is in the background. These guys all look like prime The Worst of Perth subscribers.

rottnest

Posted in not worst, worst transport | Tagged , , | 102 Comments

Perth Beer Fest Blows

Posted on January 11, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Stu sent me this as a very worthy worst,  the shambolic Perth Beer Festival but he covers the topic in more detail on his own blog, and even spots a fashion crime outside The Queens, where he more sensibly decides to drink rather than under the brutal sunshine of the esplanade. And yes we should be able to organise a beer festival here. I was wondering myself why a beer festival would have the same beers you could buy in the pleasant atmosphere of a pub. Was there a Swan Draught tent? A Speights pavilion?  Stu says…

This has to be a contender for worst of Perth 2009 and we’re only a few days into the year. The Perth International Beer Festival.
What a joke, hour long queues to get in, half hour queues to get a beer and then find out the beer is warm because they’ve run out of cold ones 2 hours in. I’ve bitched about it a whole lot more here but fuck me this is Australia, surely we can organise a fucking beer festival.
Cheers, Stu I’m Fucking Parched As.(my new surname)

perth beer fest blows

perth beer fest blows

Posted in worst entertainment, worst food | Tagged | 155 Comments