I’ve got sperm that jingle jangle jingle

6    -6    7    8
I've got sperm that
 -8  7   -6 6    -6 7
jingle, jangel, jingle
7 -8  8  9 8  -9 8 7   -6 7
As I go riding merrily along.
 6  -6    7      8  -8     7
And they sing, "Oh, ain't you
 -6    6    -6  7
glad you're single?"
 7   -8   8     9
And that song ain't
 8  -9 8  7  -6    7
so very far from wrong.
Harmonica Training

Actually it might have been spurs in that song. In any case, this pic from Andrew B is the closest I could find for something to mark the removal of Paul Armstrong, who was boned and  pwned from The West yesterday. The Countryman is offering 5 litres of Paul Murray semen, to help father a new dynasty of West editors. At first blush, let the word go forth this day for virgins and turkey basters that could take a litre or two.


And Skink comes through with a pic. We never did work out what the service “Spanish” was in The West personals did we? The consensus was Greek but surly.


And despite my own threat to delete my facebook account, I have made up a The Worst of Perth page, where matters pertaining can be discussed such as outside links, sightings of TWOP contributors and targets etc.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst advertising, worst journalist, worst newspaper and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

46 Responses to I’ve got sperm that jingle jangle jingle

  1. Frank Calabrese says:

    Just heard The Fucking Outrage on 6PR urging The West to appoint a new editor on 6PR ASAP.

    As I said on the other thread – I reckon the former editor of The Crimes Brett McCarthy will get the gig, as he is a close Friend of The West’s new CEO Chris Wharton.


  2. skink says:

    Oh Happy Day!

    I just woke up to hear the news on ABC Radio 585 and I jumped out of bed and danced a little jig.

    Bush and Limpwrist gone in the same week, there really is cause for Hope.

    It would be nice to think that TWOP had some small part in bringing this about with our relentless hectoring of Limpwrist, Nurry and Big Pam.

    Pam has a headline at the top of the Worst’s website saying that old people should not be treated like a commodity. Well they should in your case, Pam. Taken to market and swapped for a bag of magic beans.

    It gives me a warm glow to think that in these harsh economic times, with all the print media laying of staff, that Armstrong may find it difficult to find another job, even on The Countryman (there’s a pun in there if you look)

    it’s only 6am but I am going to have a drink



  3. skink says:

    The Story from the Oz, with a nice little catalogue of cock-ups:



  4. skink says:

    and almost the same story from Perth Now, but with the added line that Armstrong did not resign, plus speculation about McCarthy



  5. skink says:

    Perhaps the Voice of the Silent Majority was heard at least

    Christ I’m enjoying this


  6. Easy there big feller.


  7. You’re not really expecting anything better are you?


  8. skink says:

    no, not really

    all I really want is to be able to stop shouting at the newspaper


  9. You’ll still be shouting.


  10. skink says:

    look, here’s someone shouting louder than me:

    way to go, DFOC



  11. And Outrage Cohen kicks the corpse a few more times on ABC news.

    …says the former editor of the West Australian, Paul Armstrong, was a bad leader for the newspaper.


    he doesn’t go on to call for Paul Murray’s head though. Perhaps after he’s sacked.


  12. Oh, sorry Skink, you already posted that link. Didn’t see it.


  13. skink says:

    it’s so good it deserves posting twice

    outstanding work, DFOC


  14. David Cohen says:

    Cheers. I regard TWOP as my personal media monitoring service, and you are doing a fine job today.


  15. Cassselllas and Murray claim vindication from Cohen spray. “West has outstanding staff.”


  16. Sir Mull Potty says:

    Yeah as Muttsie says “Oh yappy days”. Now I know that New Ltd article on Armstrong’s sacking is by Tony Bare-arse ,”staff writer “ you coward . I can tell that News Ltd is going all Inter-tent or is it Inter-camp with this anonymity. Can you get any more piss weak than that apart from Armstrong that is. Come out and fight you cowards . It’s a bit unfair going on and on about the Sydney, it’s been found anyway and I was on a bender that week . I tell you Tone this is a small town buddy and I have influence even with News Ltd. You might find yourself without a gig .
    Some of the members of Maccas have reckoned that Armstrong’s sacking is just changing deck chairs on the Graylands sewage treatment works. To use Naval mittyphors they claim there is too much poop on the poop deck. and the ship is going aft backwards.Well I tell you now the Worst is me and I am the Worst and you won’t get me. It doesn’t matter what system is in play I would be in charge commies.The scum always rises. Nothing sticks to me Bare-Arse.


  17. I think Sir Mull does the best Teh Paul. I noted that Cronin called for senior staff to apply.


  18. poxx says:

    ‘Spanish’ – when you see it in the personals – for all you who don’t know, is when a man pleasures himself between the breasts of a woman.

    The more you know…


  19. My Ning says:

    David Aspinall? Isn’t he that big guy who worked at Channel Nine and who used to eat humungous meals every lunchtime at a nearby tavern while Bruce Walker would get plastered before going on nitely TV to read the sports results.

    If so we have him, Kerry “GWN” Stokes and Bob “I was the editor when we missed WA Inc” Cronin as the rescue team. Somehow I can’t see the shouting subsiding.

    This paper not only misreported finding the Sydney – it is the fucking Sydney. It was convincingly sunk, its been found but there’s no way in hell anyone will be able to bring it back to the surface. It’s a sad wreck that is destined to remain at the bottom – kind of like the Kursk, wouldn’t you say Mr LA….


  20. Hughie says:

    You serious? You don’t know what “Spanish” is?

    It’s titty-fucking.


  21. Cookster says:

    TLA, ur ‘fan’ page isn’t allowing any wall posts right now, so I’ll put my two cents worth here:

    Forget that other Cronin, can’t we get Paul Cronin as the new editor? It’d be way cool to have Dave Sullivan and his hats heading up the new team. Grace could be the tea lady and Kitty could work in the canteen. Mrs Jessup and Di Bauwens together would be a formidable team!

    It’d be nice to think that moving ahead we might see some ‘good news’ in the egn pages of The West.


  22. Nice one hewie. Nice one.


  23. My Ning says:

    Paul Cronin’s first staff meeting: “Damn this war, Grace. Hey wait a minute, isn’t Grace the name of P Nuzza’s wife? Well damn him to – let’s sack the prick.”

    (cheers all around)

    Cut to David Aspinall sweating and panting as he cuts through another T-bone after gulping down most of his fifth lunchtime middy in one mouthfull.

    “He might be a fucking old geezer, but he pulled in the ratings back in ’79.”

    Ad break…..


  24. Fan page seems to work for Ljuke


  25. Rhubarb on other post says
    “From one of my spies: Staff were summoned to the back bench at 5.56 for a short talk by Bob Cronin, saying that Paul was “no longer” the editor.
    When asked “the manner of his leaving”, Bob replied: “He left in his shiny red car” (which got a few nervous chuckles).”

    What will he say for Paul?


  26. My Ning says:

    He left in a cloud of old chardonnay, stale farts and BO….


  27. Rolly says:

    “Win your share of Australia’s most EBV dominant genes.”

    Jeezus!!Is glandular fever so popular ?


  28. Cookster says:

    Uncle Harry on the sports desk, John the resident commie and little Terry the cheeky copy boy – before he gets pinged for meth posession and spends four years in Casurina getting his long shorts pulled down.

    Speaking of Aussie and teh West, they’re selling those bastard car flags again – tidy profit too methinks:



  29. Ljuke says:

    Instead of Cronin, can we get Cronenberg? Teh west could be full of weeping phalluses and decaying bodies.


  30. David Cohen says:

    The West eXistenZ would be an intriguinhg masthead…


  31. Rolly says:

    They’re all so stunned that the electronic version of the Quokka is down.


  32. Bento says:

    Instead of Cronin, Cronin, or Cronenberg, maybe we could get the Kronos Quartet? I mean, they couldn’t be any worse.


  33. Bento says:

    And, instead of shouting at the paper, skink could just hum pleasantly.


  34. Frank Calabrese says:

    Hmm, TWOP Facebook page is currently “unavailable”

    Has TLA pulled the pin on it already ?



  35. Frank Calabrese says:

    TWOP Facebook page is vback…

    Meanwhile on the breaking news section of The Worst – an AAP story on the KIngs Park Bushfires gives us this vital piece of information :-)

    A deliberately lit fire crept towards luxury apartments in Perth’s upmarket suburb of Crawley, which Deputy Opposition leader Julie Bishop calls home.



  36. It’s workingas far as I can tell.


  37. Cookster says:

    What TLA, the facebook page or your cunning plan to barbecue Julie Bishop?

    By the way, great view of the fires from the ferris wheel – that thing rocks!


  38. Frank Calabrese says:

    By the way, great view of the fires from the ferris wheel – that thing rocks!

    Re the Fires, isn’t it a coincidence that they started just hours after Limpwrist was boned – I wonder if a shiny red car was seen leaving the scene of the fires ?

    Was it an attempt to ensure the sacking stay off the front pages and dominate the media for Friday ?


  39. Cookster says:

    Red car, red cordial, red mist before the eyes…


  40. Snuff says:

    … and a red phonebox, Cookster, not to mention that parrot.


  41. skink says:

    is it just me, or did the West look noticably better this morning?

    they seem to have smartened up the front page, got rid of the daft coat of arms, spruced up the headline font, and altogether made it look a bit tidier.

    the tone seems better already, less of the snarkiness (and I know snarky)

    they even managed to get Ashead to write a half-decent feature in the magazine (even if it is one he’s been sitting on since 1993)

    somebody realized the horoscope liftout was a crock and so sheepishly buried it
    Nurry and Casellas were peddling the same rubbish as usual, but baby steps.

    I would therefore like to break the habit of a lifetime and say ‘well done’ to The West for not being as crap as usual.


  42. He hasn’t been sitting on it, he’s written it before I think.


  43. poor lisa says:

    Sorry Skink it’s just you.


  44. skink says:

    must have been wishful thinking then


  45. My Ning says:

    They were lucky – can’t go too wrong with a floating crashed plane on the cover.

    As for Nuzza, even he has shown he can write with tightness when the first five paragraphs of his THIRD column on the nickel poison scare in Esperance (published on Jan 15) managed to succinctly summarise the first two columns.

    Of course it begs the question: why is he allowed to write two lengthy pieces of waffle when he can sum it all up in five pars?

    Word count, anybody?


  46. skink says:

    at least I was right about them dropping the faux coat of arms from the cover


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