Best of Banned by The West

Posted on May 3, 2009 by AHC McDonald

The Best of my Banned by The West newsfeed this week. Current news alerts are in the sidebar, or subscribe to them all with The Worst of Perth rss news feed so you don’t miss any gold.

http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/15953157.rss

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Asia House brothel sued. A man told by Asia House staff “We have no orientals” has sued. “If I wanted to root some “ranga from Queensland” I…

May 1st is Bidet Calibration Day. (BCD). Incorrectly set bidet hot water settings cause thousands of ring burns in Perth every year. Tomorro…

Kiwi accent helped spread Swine flu. The guttural NZ style of speech helped kiwis aboard plane spread disease to Aussies. Back of throat s…

Lavender confiscation “thwarts cure”. Aromatherapy experts rushing to Mexico for the Swine Flu problem were fuming as 8 tonnes of lavender w…

“Lost hangi” sparks brawl. When two hours of digging in the beer garden failed to locate a whole lamb buried in a NZ style Hangi, Patrons o…

Swan River dolphins “May have dissolved”. Industrial and agricultural runoff may have dissolved a pod of dolphins seen in the Swan River tod…

Bea Arthur and J.G. Ballard deaths, “Deeply connected”. Both were on the phone to each other when they died. Both had been nervous, jumpy i…

Cuteness factor stymies quokka cull. Frustrated vets set to euthenase 400 quokkas “riddled with swine flu” have accused the media of putting…

The Cook and the Chef’s Simon Bryant tells all. “I was Only 19, by Redgum changed my life. Just the mention of “Puckapunyal” has me reaching…

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Weekend Worstoff 54

Posted on May 2, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Someone calling themselves T Pinder (no relation) sent in this. Although it was from a few years ago it is still a resonating worst. They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but I think that prize can go to number plates. What a wag. Put gaffer over the G and hey presto! An idiot.

week54rapeCookster is really getting into his role as Mr Sexpo. Apparently he’ll be “riding” a float in the main parade. We both got payola this week. Me some NZ wine, and the Cookster thses love cuffs. When my wine is long drunk, Cookster’s cuffs will keep on giving. I seem to remember that early on I featured some of these. Can’t remember when.

week54cuffsFrank Calabrese submits a link. Frank says, Rob Fletcher, who panels for Maumill has posted, despite his facebook
status being set to private, pictures from one of the 96fm/6PR Xmas Party’s – check out Sattler and Gary Shannon amongst others. (Link removed).

Remember the Condor crappy door controversy the other day? Well Bento went past and saw it removed. Can the owners have been stung into some door replacement action by TWOP? Or did they remove it temporarily because it wasn’t big enough to get machinery in? Probably the latter unfortunately.

week54condoroffcondorWorst well this weekend. Some nice submissions have come in for next week.

Posted in weekend worstoff, worst design, worst people | Tagged | 39 Comments

Some Spoils of Smartarsery

Posted on May 1, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Well after the media outrages of yesterday, finally some good news. The wine I was promised by Air New Zealand after whingeing about their shark attack stats finally arrived in a lovely box. In keeping with worst tradition, it has a terrible name. Swamp reserve? Excellent. I will save this to savour. Reminds me of a post by Brett at Free Beer, where “Peel Wines” were wondering why they had trouble with international marketing. Free Beer doesn’t seem to have a search box strangely, so I can’t link to his excellent wine marketing posts.

airnzcomp

coopers creek swamp reserve

coopers creek swamp reserve

Posted in *Worst of New Zealand, worst advertising, worst food, worst name | Tagged , , , , , | 17 Comments

More Media Outrages

Posted on April 30, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I just keep giving more than I take. Do youse really deserve it? Back to 7 days a week posting, often 2 posts per day, and still no more than 2,500 of you view every day. I’m a little outraged, because the proposed story about TWOP in Curtin’s Western Toerag didn’t materialise, but in its place was this obscenity. Talk about your fucking Outrages. You can click pic for larger version to read the text. Hyper literate my backside.

Suck my pen off.

Suck my pen off.

Update, Skink, who never got over losing the popularity contest in the Howling Wolves comp, asks readers their view on a Cohen Poll.

cohencompAnd while I’m on media outrages, I hope you are reading Michele Phillips blog. Here’s a lovely post about why she and her dog are more important than ordinary people and their mutts. Did you ever think about putting your dog on a fucking leash you plonker? Elsewhere she writes how blogging suits her writing. Yes, your writing does suit not being paid for it Michele. You are no Pam Cassselllas that’s for sure.

The media is just one fucking outrage after another today. I won’t forget it.

Posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper | Tagged , , , | 67 Comments

The Ledge of Reality

Posted on April 30, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I quite like some of Ron Gomboc’s work, although I’m probably not in his best books for getting She-Ra to force him to take that arse and boozie sculpture. His tribute to Heath ledger, however ends up more of an insult to the late actor than a tribute. 3 small concrete blocks? One does have the yin yang (or is that lingham and yoni?) symbol, and the others have chessboards, but Mayor Russell Aubrey’s claims of an “amazing sculpture” are a trifle overblown. Pedestrian, yes. Soulless, certainly, and unimaginative definitely, but amazing? No.

This is amazing sculpting

As is this

And this is definitely amazing

But poor old Heath gets some concrete blocks. Sad.

Heath Ledger Tribute

Heath Ledger Tribute

Heath Ledger Insult

Heath Ledger Insult

heathplaque

Posted in worst sculpture | Tagged , , | 63 Comments

Scandotrash

Posted on April 29, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Youse all know my preference for original worsts, and normally I wouldn’t rehash other blog posts, but there’s a Swede really getting stuck into excellent Perth worsting at the moment. Outrage Cohen has been documenting Jesper’s steely determination to not to enjoy Rottnest, but I really liked his Murdoch bashing. Murdoch smells like an “Old Turd“, and “the facilities looks like nothing but a prison camp from 1948”. Highly amusing. In case you were wondering, he is not encouraging you to enrol at Murdoch.

Thanks Outrage for finding this, and thanks Jesper for your tude.

Posted in worst people | Tagged , | 143 Comments

Low dolphin content

Posted on April 29, 2009 by AHC McDonald

High in Omegas, but low in whale or dolphin right? This sign just makes me want some blowhole. Big blowhole  or small, I don’t care, I want it. Via Erin, as seen at Edo Shiki in Subiaco. Thanks Erin. Brings to mind The Worst of Perth (non hoax ultra vivid) news feed, “Dying whales copulated in shallows”.

whale

Posted in worst of perth | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

Missing text, missing brothel

Posted on April 28, 2009 by AHC McDonald

A  great find from Bento in the Borders “bargain” bin. Wouldn’t you just pulp a book that had missing text? Are you saying good riddance to the text Bento? Twighlight is a kiddies vampire book. The missing text included the following. Beaver damming, cork soaking, hat ratting, belt sanding, slow boating, chum bucketing, acid leaching, blue holeing swine flueing…You know the rest.

Bento also took a shot of an important vanished worst. The Jade House knock shop on William Street is apparently gone. You can see some of its sordid glory here. “Yes we have no orientals.”

twilighttwilightcujade

Posted in vanished worst, worst brothel | Tagged , , | 20 Comments

Peerless

Posted on April 27, 2009 by AHC McDonald

What’s the deal with old buffers of dubious humourosity peering over shit? If a bloke with a bonce like Garry Shannon doesn’t need to hide behind a piece of paper, then why are Botica and Broadfield so shy? You have to wonder about Botica. This is the half of his face that he shows? The rest must be real horrorshow if it’s worse than the spock ears and the nose that seems to go at 90 degrees. Or is it because he seems to resemble the late George Grljusich?  The bunch are no oil paintings either. You’re on radio and not television for a reason, why rub our faces in it with these posters?

bot11botcu

ic2

Posted in worst people | Tagged , , | 84 Comments

Best of Banned by The West

Posted on April 26, 2009 by AHC McDonald

The Best of my Banned by The West newsfeed this week. Current news alerts are in the sidebar, or subscribe to them all with The Worst of Perth rss news feed so you don’t miss any gold.

http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/15953157.rss

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Drink refused trademark. Carlton’s new “Clam Opener” range cannot be advertised in Australia, despite company claims it was a seafood accomp…

Slow news day saved by Saudi tumor. ABC News was breathing a “sigh of relief” as a woman’s 18kg tumor saved them from doing actual reporting…

Michele Philips Puzzling Exit. Ex columnist Michele Philips left The West because she believed “satanic messages” were coded in daily Sudoku…

Sexpo confirms “Martial Arts exhibition” should have read “MARITAL Arts”. Apology to members of the Uni Tae Kwon Do Club for any misundersta…

The latest boat apprehended in Australian waters was actually leaving. Labelling Broome “a boring shithole” they threatened to set fire to…

Mark Harvey accuses Worsfold of “Eating Dog” on a recent trip to Korea. In a statement Worsfold claimed he had “Never been to Fucking Korea”…

John Butler – Sorry I miscounted, we were a quartet. When naming the band man, everyone was milling round and I forgot to count myself…

“Head injured head banger”. A man in a coma who was played his favourite Status Quo song for 12 years, awoke to say he’d moved on musically…

Posted in Best of banned by The West | 25 Comments