Youse all know my preference for original worsts, and normally I wouldn’t rehash other blog posts, but there’s a Swede really getting stuck into excellent Perth worsting at the moment. Outrage Cohen has been documenting Jesper’s steely determination to not to enjoy Rottnest, but I really liked his Murdoch bashing. Murdoch smells like an “Old Turd“, and “the facilities looks like nothing but a prison camp from 1948”. Highly amusing. In case you were wondering, he is not encouraging you to enrol at Murdoch.
Thanks Outrage for finding this, and thanks Jesper for your tude.
Rottnest?
It is totally over-rated. I have no idea why anyone would go there.
+ 1 for the Barry Quokka joke, though. Makes me wonder if he is a real Swede.
As for MU, well, admin staff around the universe are known for being unhelpful in any organisation. And I’m not sure what his beef is with the fee structure.
Those are governed by the Commonwealth.
And the facilities do not look like a prison camp from 1948.
No, that honour goes for the mescaline-inspired psuedo-futurism concrete love-fest we know as Old Curtin.
The less said about the beige-and-red-brick newer buildings the better.
Then again, anyone who goes to “Hog’s Breath for some nice and juicy steak” is probably not on my wavelength.
(No, I was not born a Sizzler man, either)
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Which isn’t THAT original as Ch 7 Marketed “Barry Quokka” dolls in the early 80’s (with permission from Barry Crocker) to raise money for Telethon.
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I don’t imagine they marketed them too vigorously in Stockholm, though.
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Unless a couple made their way to Sweden as gifts from either tourists or expats.
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there is a magnificent post on Jesper’s simply entitled “Dull” that contains the single line:
“Hi, today I’m dull.”
genius
I am surprised he didn’t fit right into Perth.
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Poor Jesper’s obviously a cup half empty kind of guy. (He obviously failed to notice there was a bar on the Rotto ferry)Perhaps he is pining for the Fjords.
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Clearly, Jesper’s right ! And it certainly takes a very special individual to merely “believe … we still had quite a fun time” at Rotto.
“Just water and more water” ? Not a wildebeest in sight !
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p.s. Thanks, TLA. I now have two more favourites on my bloglist.
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Youv’e got to wonder about some of these bloggers.
Taking an underwater tour, then complaining about seeing fish? Were they expecting Spongebob Squarepants and the Mermaid Man?
At least quokkas still rulez.
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shazza: nice work over at the “engorged breast of lactating freedom”
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ta skink, it’s been an infuriating process. I am finding it difficult to comprehend how someone with such an obvious lack in cognitive processes is ‘allegedly’ a competent lawyer.
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What are you two talking about? You’re not provoking teh Chong are you?
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Yep, they are :-)
http://blogs.watoday.com.au/theverdict/2009/04/suck_it_up_pert.html#comments
Oh and Sattler is complaining about the boxing being a blood sport etc – bit dangerous when your main employer was behind the Danny Green fight.
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And half your audience (the bogan half, not the nearly-dead half) were probably at the fight.
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Exactly, and was heavily promoted on Sports Today with Karl Langdon and Barra the Fat Wog Ciunt :-)
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Yes I did see that Frank and have to admit to being taken-a-back. I made the false assumption that Sattler had gone a few rounds in the ring at some stage, based on the ‘only a mother could love’ facial features.
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And Howie is rigging the Yes Vote at a Today Tonight debate by giving away 30 seats to listeners who can say why they support Daylight Saving in 30 seconds or less.
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In much the same way as Hitler gave us the Volkswagen, it seems Howard isn’t *pure* evil either. Who would’ve thunk it?
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He’s “rigging the yes vote” in the Simon Beaumont is “rigging the no vote” by offering 30 seats to no-voters.
It’s a TT forum? No wonder I haven’t heard anything about it.
Actually, I haven’t heard much about the vote either.
May 16 isn’t it?
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strange goings-on whilst on Planet Chong.
during the badinage on her blog, she put in one of her odd non-sequiturs about buying Karlo’s jacket at the Matt Butcher auction, and how there was no media at the event.
Strangely, there was an article about that very story in WAToady:
http://www.watoday.com.au/lifestyle/patti-chongs-2000-fashion-faux-pas-20090423-agkg.html
I wrote to the editor suggesting that Patti was telling fibs, and he assured me that the journo who wrote the story had not attended the event, and that the photo ‘was supplied’
by whom?
I put it to him that Chong must have arranged the photo herself and then lobbied WAToday to interview her and run the story about her selfless act of philanthropy.
he did not chose to deny it.
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Twat would’ve got the story from Police Media.
http://www.police.wa.gov.au/LinkClick.aspx?link=887&tabid=865
And the media release:
http://www.police.wa.gov.au/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=lNgZhI%2bP7fA%3d&tabid=1489&mid=1983
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bugger, I thought you’d stumped me, but neither police article has the Patti quotes or pic.
I’m sticking to my hypotheticals.
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Even though there is no pic or quote on the website Police Media would’ve provided the relevant quote and happy snap on request.
Oh and Horror of Horrors, the Kahuna Beaumont sang with Dr Karlo, as well as Nerelda Jacobs.
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on whose request? that’s my point.
Stop knocking down my carefully built house of cards
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No doubt you’ve already booked to see Patti on May 7 at Woodside, skink?
‘Making Your Guanxi Effective To Unleash The Dragon’.
‘Make a date with Patti on the 7 of May and she will share her knowledge on how to network effectively with Chinese businesses and achieve maximum results’.
It’s free, and a light lunch will be provided.
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My guess is that Skink’s dragon is not interested in Chong’s Guanxi , tho it’s prolly fairly attractive.
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Oh I can’t beleive she is reinventing herself as Perths own Chin-Ning Chu. Sorry Patti Poo but your’e a long way from Thick Face, Black Heart.
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I saw La Cong’s photo in the paper today for the May 7 gig.
I will be arranging a group of feeding mothers (including Mrs Skink and Baby Skink) to sit on the front row displaying the engorged breasts of lactating freedom
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I have registered my attendance at the Chongfest, and have loosened my belt in readiness to Unleash the Dragon.
The advert says that admission is “complimentary”, so I shall expect some flattery upon my arrival.
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BTW I know I spelt believe incorrectly.
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it never ceases to amaze me that someone would write a blog about putting on a pair of new shoes, complete with photo, and that I would be dumb enough to go and read it.
sometimes I disappoint myself.
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You’ll have to add me to the list of disappointments then, skink. You can’t buy that stuff.
But let’s not be coy; we’re talking women and shoes here. What would we know ?
ps. Now that xtranormal’s back up, can we look forward to the adventures of Jesper, (with an ‘e’, thank you), and Angelina ?
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Jesper is indeed ripe for Xtranormal. If only they had a decent accent. There is a german voice, but it does not comprehend English. Maybe jesper would sound funnier in the plummy pom voice.
there is some more Nurry in gestation
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I did ask Angelina as a Murdoch Uni ambassador whether she agreed with Jesper about the old turd smell.
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I think it is appropriate for a uni that specialises in Vet science to stink of animal shit.
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Make that three. I can’t wait for the Broome trip.
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Looks a tad Bi polar with all those mood swings.
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Make that two. Charlene’s suddenly gone “Invited readers only”. That DFOC is scary. Underturd, Jesper continues to entertain with his satire and irony, particularly the latter.
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Yeh DFOC what is your unhealthy obsession with Rottest? Inqiring, satirical, ironic, Swedish minds want to know.
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Unfair, being, are you?
You missed out on the polar bears and penguins running on the streets.
That, friends, is classic…. post-modern humour.
Polar bears = kangaroos, penguins = drop bears.
It is actually funny.
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Make that three again, and Charlene seems to agree with you, shazza.
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… and back to two.
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So the Murdoch Ambassador has blocked readers?
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Nope, TLA. Angelina’s still public, but their fellow Rottnest visitor Charlene, whom shazza observed seems somewhat prone to mood swings, (which Charlene recently explicitly confirmed), doesn’t seem so sure about this public blogging thing.
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I suspect her decision as to when and when not she allows public access may be mood driven.
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its more like whatever i blog is none of your business.
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Firstly, I don’t appreciate having my blog linked on such a site that is full of people who have nothing better to do, which is why i blocked it in the first place. And obviously i was right since you people actually went back to check on my blog even after i blocked it for a few days.
Secondly, accusing someone on being bipolar is just plain ridiculous (my advice: look through the DSM-IV, you’ll probably learn something new instead of wasting your time here). And fyi, people are allowed to have a bad day once in awhile.
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Good luck with that private blogging thing, Chaz. It sounds quite novel. I must say, I’m sick to death of people feeling entitled to look at my private thoughts and pictures, just because I posted them on the internet.
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Dear, sweet, poor, Charlene,
I didn’t accuse you of having Bi polar, I merely suggested it. You speak as though metal illness is a crime of which one is accused. Any hoo, it was said in myrth. You know, the stuff the 3 wise men gave to baby jesus.
You should be most flattered that we have taken any interest in your girlish ramblings. Rather than having “nothing else to do” you will find if you pay closer attention, that the regulars on this site are busy people. Among them are radio hosts, journalists, sexpo experts, town planners, leading lawyers, mothers , fathers, wives, husbands.
Our lazy student days are well behind us.
So dont be cranky Charlene. We merely jest.
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Thanks bento(: i guess private blogging is the best way to go since there are people out there who simply can’t stop making false assumptions. The next thing you know, they are implying you believed/said this and that just because of a word used.
But i guess life is such.
Have fun commenting people if it helps you kill time.
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Charlene we are all killing time til our death. Such is life.
After taking your advice and perusing the DSM I have to agree, you are not Bi Polar, you are Personality disorded. My sincere apologies.
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I am morose (but not in a Scandotrash way) I missed Charlene’s Rotto musings.
What was the gist?
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DFOC I think Snuff is the only one among us who was quick enough to peruse Charlenes blog. Before she blocked public access.
You can still access Angelinas review of our beloved island. See Snuffs link above.
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Shazza,
Charlene should be flattered? Condescending much?
Just becasue she cares that people might imply she said something just because she said it, doesn’t mean you have a right to take the piss. Obviously.
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Sort of like Radio Stations who run Twitter Feeds, and who then block users who paste and criticise it’s comments.
/me is looking at 6PR :-)
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Ahh, The good old “You have no life” arguement by the facile Charlene – who sounds like a real Aussie Bogan with a name like that.
Mr Pot, meet Mr Kettle.
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But the real issue of Murdoch smelling like an old turd has been lost here.
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As transliterated form the Svenkage Ja ! And the Englischer lessons be the most bore of the lot. No excite !
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Metior Editor – hold the front page! A student is moaning about fees!
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A student who, it appears, can afford to go to Rottnest and Onyx Bar.
When I was a student… well, my drinking was done in the car, ’round back of the firm. Chateau Cardboard.
Kids today….
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Last night while getting in a bit of late shopping in Freo I saw a Notre Dame uni student with a 4 litre cask of Fruity Lexia. (Unfortunately I was sans camera) Despite his wine choice being questionable I did give him a smile as he passed. And as I imagined him later that night curled up on the floor with only the blown up goon bag for comfort a small tear of pride sprang to my eye.
What a joy to realise not all uni students have become gloomy bloggers.
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I was a Kaiser Sthul man myself.
I think it was the
recursiveCastrovolva-style image on the box of the hepsters at a party standing around a cash of the Kaiser’s finest which showed hepsters at a party standing around a cash of the Kaiser’s finest which showed hepsters at a party standing around a cash of the Kaiser’s finest…. which showed a blur that won me.That, and the price.
Four litres of goon then cost less than a glass now.
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A cash of?
*sigh*
A CASK of.
And Kaiser Stuhl for the perfectionists.
I’m giving up and going back to the Pizza Theatre thread.
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Yes, but you are going off the topic of whingeing Murdoch Uni scandos. Why not go on his blog and offer some support?
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Fascist.
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In that case why not go to whingeing scando blog and offer some support for Patti Chong?
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Maybe I will.
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I thank TLA for the extra blog hits that have come my way today. A few crumbs from the master’s table.
The Rottnest Island Authority has been tipped off about Grrr’s irrational dislike of the beautiful island: he will shortly be receiving a visit and will be invited to reconsider his views.
Only 34 sleeps until I am next on the beautiful island.
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I do hope that you declare your interest in all things rotto when doing your paid work ? – we don’t want you being embroiled with Cash for Comments now :-)
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Beautiful island, lovely Quokkas, disgusting bipedal invaders.
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Manhatten is a beautiful island. Rotto would be alright if it had a casino and a five star hotel.
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Sknik:
I wonder if La Chong will be the mystery “Perthonality” who will be “Interviewed by “Jiminy Click” during the upcoming Martin Short show at the Burswood Theatre ?
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Hahah Murdoch is pretty darn shit. I went there for a while. Never again.
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Hi TWOP regulars,
Love the blog, always good for a laugh. Interesting conspiracy theory on Patti Chong and WAToday, Skink i think you got the story pretty much spot on. Except I think she rang up and told em’ “I’ve got a great yarn for you,” and they felt obligated to write the story considering she’s a bloggist for them (I just made that word up :P).
To be honest though, I’m more interested if we really landed on the moon…
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Ask Buzz.
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Pingback: Slow Walking People « Relm, Evolution & Idiocracy
http://relm.wordpress.com/2009/04/29/slow-walking-people/
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His voice sounds oddly familiar.
TVW7 voiceover familiar.
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Yes, it does sound like Chris Bartlett who was a TVW7 Voiceover man in the 80’s and was more recently doing mid-dawns on 6PR.
Though the voice sounds more like Maxwell Sheffield :-)
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“the sad part… satire and irony appearently does not translate very well, or at least this David Cohen guy cannot understand it, which in itself says a lot.” It’s very hard to transliterate those things from the Svenkage. Ja !
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Glad you pulled that quote out Bill. I am awaiting DFOCs erudite response.
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Still stuck in the bubble I see, how delightful.
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Relm I doubt very much there is anything delightful about being stuck inside a bubble. Ya?
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with the gloomy outlook, the misanthropy and the bad art, Jesper is starting to remind me of someone…
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Apparently not, shazza.
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You surprised me with that one Snuff, I was expecting the Bubble Boy ala Seinfeld.
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Shouldn’t you be working hard on your English studies Relm ? Stuck inside a bubble doesn’t quite work as an English metaphor. (Maybe it does in Svenkage ) , Nose down and bum up : but watch out for the Murdoch gay poets society or being drafted into Murdoch Uni New Policing Initiatives.
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You don’t even realise that what you are actually doing is simply emphasising my point? Self-penalising? But I must admit it’s rather amusing.
Bill O’Slatter: If you do not know what a metaphor is then perhaps you should not comment on it, very simple.
Also there is no such thing as “Svenkage”, where you got that from is beyond me.
Lastly you write: “what out for the Murdoch gay poets society”, now are they actually dangerous to the extent that I really should be watching out for them or is it just that you as an individual is simply ridiculously close-minded?
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Your’e out of your Relm!
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Shazza, you know what they say about arguing on the internet, and the Special Olympics.
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I know, I know, but I feel compelled to get Skink some more Xtranormal material.
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It’s an admirable aspiration to take on for the team, shazza, yet despite skink’s usual fine work I suspect it may not be worth your time. Unfortunately, the only funny and ironic thing about our maudlin mate is his complete lack of a sense of humour, which isn’t enough to save him from being a crashing bore. Cue Bento.
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Relm , when I next visit Svenkage I’ll make it my duty to complain about its weather , the people and the general state of thing as soon as I arrive . I’m sure they’ll appreciate my constructive albeit ignorant criticism. Also it’s you who doesn’t know what a metaphor is .Bubble is currently an overused metaphor, and thus becoming a cliche. Always watch out at Murdoch for the reasons I have outlined, they could be tailing you for membership. MUNPI especially but MUGPS close behind.
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“Even if you win you’re still a …. ”
Bill: There is still no such thing as “Svenkage”, besides I’ve been here for a few years now so that what you claim does not really apply. You seem to believe I’m the only one with these opinions on Perth which is completely false, and you would know this if you opened your eyes a bit.
A cliché is only a cliché depending on how you use it and that does not change the fact that it is a metaphor; nonetheless it is a well known one which was the purpose of me using it as I thought you would be able to recognise it and therefore understand it. It appears I was wrong.
And by your repetition I assume you confirm your close-mindedness position?
Unintellible comments warrants no further response.
This will be my last reply.
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Bill O’S -1
Troll – 0
That is all to say :-)
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Not even a mention of “Summer of the Seventh Seal”, the famous Australian novel. Barney and Sniffey on break from the mining industry with Sharon and Karen are visited by Dr. Heath who has bad news. Whilst playing chess Dr Heath informs Barney that his guts are being eaten by cancer caused by lies and bad living. Enragened by more than a little alcohol the flatulent Barney runs around the neighborhood yelling “Dr Heath”, falls over a concrete block and drops dead on the front lawn with his arse in the air. His last fart is a sad affair.
Sniffy dons his Viking helmet and says ” just the way he’d like to go , like he saw it in Northbridge , but without the needle”. Dr Heath says “Such is Life”. The two ladies got stuck into more piss.
Read this metaphor anyway you like, and has been transliterated into the Svenkage.
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What does Lynn Truss have to say about the metaphor vs cliche debate?
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ha, fun reading, although this bill o’slater guy must be a complete idiot! haha :-)
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I am Police Educational Surveillance Officer on Jester Daggieman’s case and giving him pastoral care. But even for Svenkage he so morose he frighten tourists , have to send him oversea. Morose whinger who even complain about too much water in the sea. Whirl champion ! Perhaps Murdoch will give him more marks for crayon work and cheer him up. I hear trouble starting up from him.
You West Aussies probably already know Jester. He “bloke” with hat on driving black turbo charged SAAB doing correct speed down your freeway in the early hours of the morning .Wild and crazy ! bit like the wild and crazy Bill Murray and his golf cart.
Last time I saw Jester in Svenkage niteclub called Spew a year ago where you can’t afford the beer and plenty of Svenkage , as you Aussies say, blonde and beautiful rooting sheilas running around in the nuddie as we Svenks do in glorious two days of summer. Jester not all that interested in blondes , mebbe Jester’s golf cart go in opposite direction
We export a lot of Dags or Swedish momma’s boys aroun the whirl bringing love an peace and politically sensitive way of Svenkage thinking and not backward like locals but sometime Dags go too far. Svenkage is the future , man. Let me guess what he be sayin.He be accusing locals of being small brained , narrow minded , bubble people something like that. Time to correct and upbraid locals about wrong way of life, more hard work needed. Only downside occasional to all the Dag’s whingeing is Svenkage politican get blown up. Small price to pay.Only so much magic bullshit can protect you.
Many things in common with Aussie we have .All Aussies get their Clam grabba chair from Ikea ( Svenkage design) named after place in Svenkage. Anyway we were thinking like most indolent wanker with an arts degree he may get job at newspaper, become Aussie citizen and take problem off our hand. But in Svenkage we hear that Worst Australian in takeover bid for internet , must end badly.
I hope Jester not start war between Aussie and Svenkage , we have to take place out with SAAB bomber. Weapons system nother thing Svenkage is very good at, you betcha.
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Are you speaking in an Asian accent Knut? If so, let me reccomend Asian guys, black thighs.
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This throwaway post is heading to 100 comments. Only in Svankage…
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taking of throwaways:
as a tax paying Australian, I am indignant, and incandescent with rage, that thousands of foreign backpackers and students are eligible for the governments $900 plasma and pokies bonus.
we are stimulating the backpackers.
not content with boring us to death with the sort of droll humour that must make the long arctic nights just whizz by, they are now rorting us of our stumulus:
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,25183891-662,00.html
http://tumbrella.com.au/2009/04/24/backpackers-how-to-get-your-900-payout-from-the-australian-government/
as a taxpayer who will be getting diddley squat from Canberra, I demand recompense.
I insist that some foreign students, perhaps Angelina and Charlene, come over and stimulate me.
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Skink, Poor you.
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are you another visitor from a land without irony?
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To think this all started with me liking, (Liking mind you) Jesper’s Svenkage Murdoch bashing.
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If you liked that, TLA, then you’ll love this, and please accept my apologies for my scant contributions of late. We’ve entered a particularly demanding phase here, so I may have to outsource my commenting to some starving students.
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Thanks Snuff. I’m sure Skink and Mrs Stone will be heartily amused that our our gloomy ol Jesper from Svenkage is complaining that there’s a tavern on campus at Murdoch. Jesper, you should have gone to Curtin, where the first student tavern was started in Australia. Or Edith Cowan, where their first prosed tavern budget was stolen, and they didn’t get one for years after.
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Jesper needs to get to a Happy Hour. Fast!
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I used to work in the college bar way back yonder when I was a student.
The only purpose of working there was to steal as much beer, cigarettes and pies as possible, hopefully enough to see you through the weekend.
alcohol, tobacco, fatty foods and larceny. That’s what being a student was all about in my day, plus drugs, shagging, and political activism.
today’s students feel the need to to ‘discover’ and ‘gain knowledge and future opportunities’
no wonder their generation is such a disappointment. They should discover what their right arm is for.
Pussies.
next he’ll be telling us that he likes to get up early in the morning to study.
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Right arms are for pussies?
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And wiping your bum……
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Leaving your left arm to handle all the alcohol, tobacco, fatty foods, larceny, drugs and political activism.
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Left or right, I knew I shouldn’t have looked. Surprisingly, SFW, btw.
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er, no. That didn’t come out right at all.
the two sentences are not meant to be connected.
your right arm is for drinking
todays’s students are pussies for not drinking.
anyway, I go left.
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What about women? Do they go left or right?
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Me, to the left, LaChong to the right.
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This discussion has moved to a new post.
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Pingback: The Best of The Worst 2009 « The Worst of Perth
Could it be?
I wish it to be true.
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Not our Jesper, Pete, as he would say, unfortunately.
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Yes, well, he’s quite right to be concerned about that.
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Yet he effortlessly simultaneously manages both.
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Pete is not being himself lately what is up with that?
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Which one?
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Im comfused now, theres two petes and im refering to the real one.
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They’re competing.
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thanks snuff i understand now.
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Sad thought but Snuff is a postman and why is Shazza sometimes Shazza and then Mrs Stone?.
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If I’m a postman then Brian Wilson is a fireman. Bugger.
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What hell Brian Wilson and yeah your that to Shazza.
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And sometimes Not Pete.
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Why the hell is my name in purple.
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Click on your name L101 and see where it leads…
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I know i was spose to link a image. It was a mistake
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Pingback: Outrage Sunday 36 the fuzzy in the wuzzy | The Worst of Perth
Calling the Vanished Worst on Jesper’s blog posts… but still only water to look at between Freo and Rottnest.
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And shaz aboard the SS Stiltwalker (DFO©), RR. Sadly, our Jesper first selectively deleted all of his Murdoch posts, and then abandoned his blog altogether. It’s a good thing skink preserved his worst for posterity with Xtranormal, although you can still find Jesper whining in less than 140 characters here.
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