Scandotrash

Youse all know my preference for original worsts, and normally I wouldn’t rehash other blog posts, but there’s a Swede really getting stuck into excellent Perth worsting at the moment. Outrage Cohen has been documenting Jesper’s steely determination to not to enjoy Rottnest, but I really liked his Murdoch bashing. Murdoch smells like an “Old Turd“, and “the facilities looks like nothing but a prison camp from 1948”. Highly amusing. In case you were wondering, he is not encouraging you to enrol at Murdoch.

Thanks Outrage for finding this, and thanks Jesper for your tude.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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143 Responses to Scandotrash

  1. Grrr says:

    Rottnest?
    It is totally over-rated. I have no idea why anyone would go there.
    + 1 for the Barry Quokka joke, though. Makes me wonder if he is a real Swede.

    As for MU, well, admin staff around the universe are known for being unhelpful in any organisation. And I’m not sure what his beef is with the fee structure.

    Those are governed by the Commonwealth.

    And the facilities do not look like a prison camp from 1948.
    No, that honour goes for the mescaline-inspired psuedo-futurism concrete love-fest we know as Old Curtin.

    The less said about the beige-and-red-brick newer buildings the better.

    Then again, anyone who goes to “Hog’s Breath for some nice and juicy steak” is probably not on my wavelength.

    (No, I was not born a Sizzler man, either)

    Like

    • Frank Calabrese says:

      + 1 for the Barry Quokka joke, though. Makes me wonder if he is a real Swede.

      Which isn’t THAT original as Ch 7 Marketed “Barry Quokka” dolls in the early 80’s (with permission from Barry Crocker) to raise money for Telethon.

      Like

  2. skink says:

    there is a magnificent post on Jesper’s simply entitled “Dull” that contains the single line:

    “Hi, today I’m dull.”

    genius

    I am surprised he didn’t fit right into Perth.

    Like

  3. shazza says:

    Poor Jesper’s obviously a cup half empty kind of guy. (He obviously failed to notice there was a bar on the Rotto ferry)Perhaps he is pining for the Fjords.

    Like

  4. Snuff says:

    Clearly, Jesper’s right ! And it certainly takes a very special individual to merely “believe … we still had quite a fun time” at Rotto.

    Just water and more water” ? Not a wildebeest in sight !

    Like

    • Snuff says:

      p.s. Thanks, TLA. I now have two more favourites on my bloglist.

      Like

      • shazza says:

        Youv’e got to wonder about some of these bloggers.
        Taking an underwater tour, then complaining about seeing fish? Were they expecting Spongebob Squarepants and the Mermaid Man?

        At least quokkas still rulez.

        Like

        • skink says:

          shazza: nice work over at the “engorged breast of lactating freedom”

          Like

          • shazza says:

            ta skink, it’s been an infuriating process. I am finding it difficult to comprehend how someone with such an obvious lack in cognitive processes is ‘allegedly’ a competent lawyer.

            Like

            • What are you two talking about? You’re not provoking teh Chong are you?

              Like

              • Frank Calabrese says:

                Yep, they are :-)

                http://blogs.watoday.com.au/theverdict/2009/04/suck_it_up_pert.html#comments

                Oh and Sattler is complaining about the boxing being a blood sport etc – bit dangerous when your main employer was behind the Danny Green fight.

                Like

                • Bento says:

                  And half your audience (the bogan half, not the nearly-dead half) were probably at the fight.

                  Like

                • shazza says:

                  Yes I did see that Frank and have to admit to being taken-a-back. I made the false assumption that Sattler had gone a few rounds in the ring at some stage, based on the ‘only a mother could love’ facial features.

                  Like

                  • Frank Calabrese says:

                    And Howie is rigging the Yes Vote at a Today Tonight debate by giving away 30 seats to listeners who can say why they support Daylight Saving in 30 seconds or less.

                    Like

                    • Bento says:

                      In much the same way as Hitler gave us the Volkswagen, it seems Howard isn’t *pure* evil either. Who would’ve thunk it?

                      Like

                    • Grrr says:

                      He’s “rigging the yes vote” in the Simon Beaumont is “rigging the no vote” by offering 30 seats to no-voters.

                      It’s a TT forum? No wonder I haven’t heard anything about it.
                      Actually, I haven’t heard much about the vote either.

                      May 16 isn’t it?

                      Like

              • skink says:

                strange goings-on whilst on Planet Chong.

                during the badinage on her blog, she put in one of her odd non-sequiturs about buying Karlo’s jacket at the Matt Butcher auction, and how there was no media at the event.

                Strangely, there was an article about that very story in WAToady:

                http://www.watoday.com.au/lifestyle/patti-chongs-2000-fashion-faux-pas-20090423-agkg.html

                I wrote to the editor suggesting that Patti was telling fibs, and he assured me that the journo who wrote the story had not attended the event, and that the photo ‘was supplied’

                by whom?

                I put it to him that Chong must have arranged the photo herself and then lobbied WAToday to interview her and run the story about her selfless act of philanthropy.

                he did not chose to deny it.

                Like

      • skink says:

        it never ceases to amaze me that someone would write a blog about putting on a pair of new shoes, complete with photo, and that I would be dumb enough to go and read it.

        sometimes I disappoint myself.

        Like

        • Snuff says:

          You’ll have to add me to the list of disappointments then, skink. You can’t buy that stuff.

          But let’s not be coy; we’re talking women and shoes here. What would we know ?

          ps. Now that xtranormal’s back up, can we look forward to the adventures of Jesper, (with an ‘e’, thank you), and Angelina ?

          Like

      • Snuff says:

        Make that three. I can’t wait for the Broome trip.

        Like

        • shazza says:

          Looks a tad Bi polar with all those mood swings.

          Like

          • Snuff says:

            Make that two. Charlene’s suddenly gone “Invited readers only”. That DFOC is scary. Underturd, Jesper continues to entertain with his satire and irony, particularly the latter.

            Like

            • shazza says:

              Yeh DFOC what is your unhealthy obsession with Rottest? Inqiring, satirical, ironic, Swedish minds want to know.

              Like

              • Grrr says:

                Unfair, being, are you?
                You missed out on the polar bears and penguins running on the streets.

                That, friends, is classic…. post-modern humour.

                Polar bears = kangaroos, penguins = drop bears.

                It is actually funny.

                Like

            • Snuff says:

              Make that three again, and Charlene seems to agree with you, shazza.

              Like

              • Snuff says:

                … and back to two.

                Like

                • So the Murdoch Ambassador has blocked readers?

                  Like

                  • Snuff says:

                    Nope, TLA. Angelina’s still public, but their fellow Rottnest visitor Charlene, whom shazza observed seems somewhat prone to mood swings, (which Charlene recently explicitly confirmed), doesn’t seem so sure about this public blogging thing.

                    Like

                    • shazza says:

                      I suspect her decision as to when and when not she allows public access may be mood driven.

                      Like

                    • Charlene says:

                      its more like whatever i blog is none of your business.

                      Like

                    • Charlene says:

                      Firstly, I don’t appreciate having my blog linked on such a site that is full of people who have nothing better to do, which is why i blocked it in the first place. And obviously i was right since you people actually went back to check on my blog even after i blocked it for a few days.

                      Secondly, accusing someone on being bipolar is just plain ridiculous (my advice: look through the DSM-IV, you’ll probably learn something new instead of wasting your time here). And fyi, people are allowed to have a bad day once in awhile.

                      Like

                    • Bento says:

                      Good luck with that private blogging thing, Chaz. It sounds quite novel. I must say, I’m sick to death of people feeling entitled to look at my private thoughts and pictures, just because I posted them on the internet.

                      Like

                    • shazza says:

                      Dear, sweet, poor, Charlene,
                      I didn’t accuse you of having Bi polar, I merely suggested it. You speak as though metal illness is a crime of which one is accused. Any hoo, it was said in myrth. You know, the stuff the 3 wise men gave to baby jesus.

                      You should be most flattered that we have taken any interest in your girlish ramblings. Rather than having “nothing else to do” you will find if you pay closer attention, that the regulars on this site are busy people. Among them are radio hosts, journalists, sexpo experts, town planners, leading lawyers, mothers , fathers, wives, husbands.

                      Our lazy student days are well behind us.

                      So dont be cranky Charlene. We merely jest.

                      Like

                    • Charlene says:

                      Thanks bento(: i guess private blogging is the best way to go since there are people out there who simply can’t stop making false assumptions. The next thing you know, they are implying you believed/said this and that just because of a word used.

                      But i guess life is such.
                      Have fun commenting people if it helps you kill time.

                      Like

                    • shazza says:

                      Charlene we are all killing time til our death. Such is life.

                      After taking your advice and perusing the DSM I have to agree, you are not Bi Polar, you are Personality disorded. My sincere apologies.

                      Like

                    • David Cohen says:

                      I am morose (but not in a Scandotrash way) I missed Charlene’s Rotto musings.

                      What was the gist?

                      Like

                    • shazza says:

                      DFOC I think Snuff is the only one among us who was quick enough to peruse Charlenes blog. Before she blocked public access.

                      You can still access Angelinas review of our beloved island. See Snuffs link above.

                      Like

                    • satay steve says:

                      Shazza,

                      Charlene should be flattered? Condescending much?

                      Just becasue she cares that people might imply she said something just because she said it, doesn’t mean you have a right to take the piss. Obviously.

                      Like

              • Frank Calabrese says:

                Sort of like Radio Stations who run Twitter Feeds, and who then block users who paste and criticise it’s comments.

                /me is looking at 6PR :-)

                Like

              • Frank Calabrese says:

                Ahh, The good old “You have no life” arguement by the facile Charlene – who sounds like a real Aussie Bogan with a name like that.

                Mr Pot, meet Mr Kettle.

                Like

  5. Bill O'Slatter says:

    As transliterated form the Svenkage Ja ! And the Englischer lessons be the most bore of the lot. No excite !

    Like

  6. Bento says:

    Metior Editor – hold the front page! A student is moaning about fees!

    Like

    • Grrr says:

      A student who, it appears, can afford to go to Rottnest and Onyx Bar.

      When I was a student… well, my drinking was done in the car, ’round back of the firm. Chateau Cardboard.

      Kids today….

      Like

      • shazza says:

        Last night while getting in a bit of late shopping in Freo I saw a Notre Dame uni student with a 4 litre cask of Fruity Lexia. (Unfortunately I was sans camera) Despite his wine choice being questionable I did give him a smile as he passed. And as I imagined him later that night curled up on the floor with only the blown up goon bag for comfort a small tear of pride sprang to my eye.

        What a joy to realise not all uni students have become gloomy bloggers.

        Like

        • Grrr says:

          I was a Kaiser Sthul man myself.

          I think it was the recursive Castrovolva-style image on the box of the hepsters at a party standing around a cash of the Kaiser’s finest which showed hepsters at a party standing around a cash of the Kaiser’s finest which showed hepsters at a party standing around a cash of the Kaiser’s finest…. which showed a blur that won me.

          That, and the price.
          Four litres of goon then cost less than a glass now.

          Like

          • Grrr says:

            A cash of?

            *sigh*
            A CASK of.

            And Kaiser Stuhl for the perfectionists.

            I’m giving up and going back to the Pizza Theatre thread.

            Like

  7. Yes, but you are going off the topic of whingeing Murdoch Uni scandos. Why not go on his blog and offer some support?

    Like

  8. David Cohen says:

    I thank TLA for the extra blog hits that have come my way today. A few crumbs from the master’s table.

    The Rottnest Island Authority has been tipped off about Grrr’s irrational dislike of the beautiful island: he will shortly be receiving a visit and will be invited to reconsider his views.

    Only 34 sleeps until I am next on the beautiful island.

    Like

  9. Frank Calabrese says:

    Sknik:

    on whose request? that’s my point.

    Stop knocking down my carefully built house of cards

    TWAT’s of course in conjunction with La Chong as both she, Dr Karlo are media sluts :-)

    Like

  10. Frank Calabrese says:

    I wonder if La Chong will be the mystery “Perthonality” who will be “Interviewed by “Jiminy Click” during the upcoming Martin Short show at the Burswood Theatre ?

    Like

  11. Aileen Wuornos says:

    Hahah Murdoch is pretty darn shit. I went there for a while. Never again.

    Like

  12. The General says:

    Hi TWOP regulars,

    Love the blog, always good for a laugh. Interesting conspiracy theory on Patti Chong and WAToday, Skink i think you got the story pretty much spot on. Except I think she rang up and told em’ “I’ve got a great yarn for you,” and they felt obligated to write the story considering she’s a bloggist for them (I just made that word up :P).

    To be honest though, I’m more interested if we really landed on the moon…

    Like

  13. Pingback: Slow Walking People « Relm, Evolution & Idiocracy

    • Grrr says:

      His voice sounds oddly familiar.
      TVW7 voiceover familiar.

      Like

      • Frank Calabrese says:

        Yes, it does sound like Chris Bartlett who was a TVW7 Voiceover man in the 80’s and was more recently doing mid-dawns on 6PR.

        Though the voice sounds more like Maxwell Sheffield :-)

        Like

  14. Bill O'Slatter says:

    “the sad part… satire and irony appearently does not translate very well, or at least this David Cohen guy cannot understand it, which in itself says a lot.” It’s very hard to transliterate those things from the Svenkage. Ja !

    Like

  15. Relm says:

    Still stuck in the bubble I see, how delightful.

    Like

  16. Relm says:

    You don’t even realise that what you are actually doing is simply emphasising my point? Self-penalising? But I must admit it’s rather amusing.

    Bill O’Slatter: If you do not know what a metaphor is then perhaps you should not comment on it, very simple.

    Also there is no such thing as “Svenkage”, where you got that from is beyond me.

    Lastly you write: “what out for the Murdoch gay poets society”, now are they actually dangerous to the extent that I really should be watching out for them or is it just that you as an individual is simply ridiculously close-minded?

    Like

    • shazza says:

      Your’e out of your Relm!

      Like

      • Bento says:

        Shazza, you know what they say about arguing on the internet, and the Special Olympics.

        Like

        • shazza says:

          I know, I know, but I feel compelled to get Skink some more Xtranormal material.

          Like

          • Snuff says:

            It’s an admirable aspiration to take on for the team, shazza, yet despite skink’s usual fine work I suspect it may not be worth your time. Unfortunately, the only funny and ironic thing about our maudlin mate is his complete lack of a sense of humour, which isn’t enough to save him from being a crashing bore. Cue Bento.

            Like

    • Bill O'Slatter says:

      Relm , when I next visit Svenkage I’ll make it my duty to complain about its weather , the people and the general state of thing as soon as I arrive . I’m sure they’ll appreciate my constructive albeit ignorant criticism. Also it’s you who doesn’t know what a metaphor is .Bubble is currently an overused metaphor, and thus becoming a cliche. Always watch out at Murdoch for the reasons I have outlined, they could be tailing you for membership. MUNPI especially but MUGPS close behind.

      Like

  17. Relm says:

    “Even if you win you’re still a …. ”

    Bill: There is still no such thing as “Svenkage”, besides I’ve been here for a few years now so that what you claim does not really apply. You seem to believe I’m the only one with these opinions on Perth which is completely false, and you would know this if you opened your eyes a bit.

    A cliché is only a cliché depending on how you use it and that does not change the fact that it is a metaphor; nonetheless it is a well known one which was the purpose of me using it as I thought you would be able to recognise it and therefore understand it. It appears I was wrong.

    And by your repetition I assume you confirm your close-mindedness position?

    Unintellible comments warrants no further response.
    This will be my last reply.

    Like

    • Frank Calabrese says:

      Bill O’S -1

      Troll – 0

      That is all to say :-)

      Like

      • Bill O'Slatter says:

        Not even a mention of “Summer of the Seventh Seal”, the famous Australian novel. Barney and Sniffey on break from the mining industry with Sharon and Karen are visited by Dr. Heath who has bad news. Whilst playing chess Dr Heath informs Barney that his guts are being eaten by cancer caused by lies and bad living. Enragened by more than a little alcohol the flatulent Barney runs around the neighborhood yelling “Dr Heath”, falls over a concrete block and drops dead on the front lawn with his arse in the air. His last fart is a sad affair.
        Sniffy dons his Viking helmet and says ” just the way he’d like to go , like he saw it in Northbridge , but without the needle”. Dr Heath says “Such is Life”. The two ladies got stuck into more piss.
        Read this metaphor anyway you like, and has been transliterated into the Svenkage.

        Like

    • satay steve says:

      What does Lynn Truss have to say about the metaphor vs cliche debate?

      Like

  18. Tom says:

    ha, fun reading, although this bill o’slater guy must be a complete idiot! haha :-)

    Like

  19. Knute Licklig says:

    I am Police Educational Surveillance Officer on Jester Daggieman’s case and giving him pastoral care. But even for Svenkage he so morose he frighten tourists , have to send him oversea. Morose whinger who even complain about too much water in the sea. Whirl champion ! Perhaps Murdoch will give him more marks for crayon work and cheer him up. I hear trouble starting up from him.
    You West Aussies probably already know Jester. He “bloke” with hat on driving black turbo charged SAAB doing correct speed down your freeway in the early hours of the morning .Wild and crazy ! bit like the wild and crazy Bill Murray and his golf cart.
    Last time I saw Jester in Svenkage niteclub called Spew a year ago where you can’t afford the beer and plenty of Svenkage , as you Aussies say, blonde and beautiful rooting sheilas running around in the nuddie as we Svenks do in glorious two days of summer. Jester not all that interested in blondes , mebbe Jester’s golf cart go in opposite direction
    We export a lot of Dags or Swedish momma’s boys aroun the whirl bringing love an peace and politically sensitive way of Svenkage thinking and not backward like locals but sometime Dags go too far. Svenkage is the future , man. Let me guess what he be sayin.He be accusing locals of being small brained , narrow minded , bubble people something like that. Time to correct and upbraid locals about wrong way of life, more hard work needed. Only downside occasional to all the Dag’s whingeing is Svenkage politican get blown up. Small price to pay.Only so much magic bullshit can protect you.
    Many things in common with Aussie we have .All Aussies get their Clam grabba chair from Ikea ( Svenkage design) named after place in Svenkage. Anyway we were thinking like most indolent wanker with an arts degree he may get job at newspaper, become Aussie citizen and take problem off our hand. But in Svenkage we hear that Worst Australian in takeover bid for internet , must end badly.
    I hope Jester not start war between Aussie and Svenkage , we have to take place out with SAAB bomber. Weapons system nother thing Svenkage is very good at, you betcha.

    Like

  20. This throwaway post is heading to 100 comments. Only in Svankage…

    Like

  21. skink says:

    taking of throwaways:

    as a tax paying Australian, I am indignant, and incandescent with rage, that thousands of foreign backpackers and students are eligible for the governments $900 plasma and pokies bonus.

    we are stimulating the backpackers.

    not content with boring us to death with the sort of droll humour that must make the long arctic nights just whizz by, they are now rorting us of our stumulus:

    http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,25183891-662,00.html

    http://tumbrella.com.au/2009/04/24/backpackers-how-to-get-your-900-payout-from-the-australian-government/

    as a taxpayer who will be getting diddley squat from Canberra, I demand recompense.

    I insist that some foreign students, perhaps Angelina and Charlene, come over and stimulate me.

    Like

  22. Jane Edwards says:

    Skink, Poor you.

    Like

  23. To think this all started with me liking, (Liking mind you) Jesper’s Svenkage Murdoch bashing.

    Like

    • Snuff says:

      If you liked that, TLA, then you’ll love this, and please accept my apologies for my scant contributions of late. We’ve entered a particularly demanding phase here, so I may have to outsource my commenting to some starving students.

      Like

      • Thanks Snuff. I’m sure Skink and Mrs Stone will be heartily amused that our our gloomy ol Jesper from Svenkage is complaining that there’s a tavern on campus at Murdoch. Jesper, you should have gone to Curtin, where the first student tavern was started in Australia. Or Edith Cowan, where their first prosed tavern budget was stolen, and they didn’t get one for years after.

        Like

  24. mrs stone says:

    Jesper needs to get to a Happy Hour. Fast!

    Like

    • skink says:

      I used to work in the college bar way back yonder when I was a student.

      The only purpose of working there was to steal as much beer, cigarettes and pies as possible, hopefully enough to see you through the weekend.

      alcohol, tobacco, fatty foods and larceny. That’s what being a student was all about in my day, plus drugs, shagging, and political activism.

      today’s students feel the need to to ‘discover’ and ‘gain knowledge and future opportunities’

      no wonder their generation is such a disappointment. They should discover what their right arm is for.

      Pussies.

      next he’ll be telling us that he likes to get up early in the morning to study.

      Like

  25. skink says:

    er, no. That didn’t come out right at all.
    the two sentences are not meant to be connected.

    your right arm is for drinking

    todays’s students are pussies for not drinking.

    anyway, I go left.

    Like

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  27. Pete says:

    Could it be?
    I wish it to be true.

    Like

  28. The Legend 101 says:

    Pete is not being himself lately what is up with that?

    Like

  29. The Legend 101 says:

    Im comfused now, theres two petes and im refering to the real one.

    Like

  30. The Legend 101 says:

    thanks snuff i understand now.

    Like

  31. Sad thought but Snuff is a postman and why is Shazza sometimes Shazza and then Mrs Stone?.

    Like

  32. Why the hell is my name in purple.

    Like

  33. I know i was spose to link a image. It was a mistake

    Like

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  36. RubyRuby says:

    Calling the Vanished Worst on Jesper’s blog posts… but still only water to look at between Freo and Rottnest.

    Like

    • Snuff says:

      And shaz aboard the SS Stiltwalker (DFO©), RR. Sadly, our Jesper first selectively deleted all of his Murdoch posts, and then abandoned his blog altogether. It’s a good thing skink preserved his worst for posterity with Xtranormal, although you can still find Jesper whining in less than 140 characters here.

      Like

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