The Worst of Perth

Finally some media. And it’s not Teh West or La Chong  for a change.

Here I was at the Queens hotel, lathered in sex wipes and admiring the naff decor when I saw a piece by John Eales in Fin Review sports section. I believe he’s an ex rugby player. Since we don’t really have rugby here in Perth (and I include the Western Force in this) I don’t know which style he played. I remember telling New Zealand relatives that I didn’t see any difference between Rugby League and the real one, and they looked at me as though I couldn’t see the difference between golf and darts. Whatever. Darts players have tighter shorts right?

Anyway, I thought that sportsmen, not being trained in the art of the word are routinely given ghost writers so they don’t appear as total cockheads in their highly paid columns. As a journalist like Zoltan Kovacs might need a “Ghost kicker” if he had to play football rather than write “Is that english? Fucked if I know.” every week. But what has happened here? Eales or his ghostwriter seem to have been itching to label Italian women as hairy chimps for some time, but are unable to connect it with the rest of the story. John, if you have a ghost writer, ask for your money back. They’re making you look like a cockhead. What does it even mean? OK, you feel Italian women are excessively hairy, I understand that, but what about the rest? There are still plenty of hairs on what?

Let’s just set it out and get it all straight. Right, Mr Eales. You think that:

a) Italians, particularly their women are hairy, and monkey like.

b) Notwithstanding this, the current team are not hairy at all. (Except for the bloke in the Pav beard).

c) Notwithstanding THIS, there are still plenty of “hairs” on Italian rugby.

Ipso facto

d) This hairiness is not surprising because Italian players have often been fashionable.

Well fuck me with a Cingiali (wild boar) salami John, are these cunts hairy or not? You are sending out mixed messages on Italian rugby players vis a vis their hairiness.  I have to admit to being totally up in the air on this matter now.

Closer to home but still with the Oz,  from Fairfax, Jina spotted these Mandurah gems in the business pages of the weekend  paper. “I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire” was a lovely quote, but I did like Mandurah being described as Perth’s answer to Venice. For those not in the know, Mandurah is actually Perth’s answer to a polished turd. Some may remember a recent TWOP trip to the canals, where Rolly Tasker attempted to show us some crack while gardening or even the incomprehensible and sinister burnt miniature village.

Most will not remember that Venice was indeed invoked when the canals were first advertised, prompting my T shirt design which I never get around to printing. The canal layout looks suspiciously like a section of large intestine.

Ah, now that felt better. A good media rant. I feel 5 kilos lighter.