The Worst of Perth

As part of thinking about a new direction for Weekend Worstoff, I thought we might look at the council merger of TWOP heartland so hotly opposed by local hottie Allannah Mactiernan. Will it really be worse for the area to have the badlands north of Vincent ceded to Stirling? To my mind the splitting of juristictions will lead to an increase of vibrancy. (Although we still don’t exactly know what vibrancy means.) Different policies to bins and public art will lead a magnificent melange of tastes and sights. Imagine, one side of Vincent will be all fixies and poodles, the other utes and pitbulls. One side has 6 rubbish bins, including one for pink waste, the other is permanent verge dumping. You can’t tell me that this tension wouldn’t produce the most vibrant pleasure node in the country.

And will it really be the death knell to the Beaufort Street Festival? I think it will be the making of it. Expand the fest past Walcott into Neo Stirling, (or will it be Bayswater?). On one side you’d have all the normal fire twirlers, junkies, fixies, prostitutes and the special breed of bad jazz that only Perth produces in such quantities, while up the road you could have another pleasure hub noded on Bell Enders, featuring washed up footballers, fifos and pensioners, all wearing that bad taste fashion label that I can’t remember the name of. Where these meet how about a cage fight between Ali Bodycoat and Jimmy Barnes? Why not? Let’s think of the positives.

There’s a “community” rally today in Angove Street. It’s already a fuck up. The plan was that if it was raining it would transfer to the Rosemount Hotel. WRONG. You start at the pub and stay there, whatever the weather. Do you want to be part of Perth? Then stop thinking like Stirlingites.

No, not splitting the arrondissement would be the real crime.