The International Passport to Cock Smoking Pleasure

Perth worsters have been delivered a glass of cold water in the face by Manhattan worster, The Bartender’s skills with a Manhatten, in that Perth’s plague of cock graffiti may be a culturally specific (and Derridarian) artefact. Apparently, (and I have seen this even in other Australian locations), international cock graffiti tends to be image vandalism based, where a cock may be superimposed on a poster’s mouth. Not a poster as in a blogger, but as in an actual poster. The Perth norm with the diembodied cock and balls seems to be the exception rather than the rule. Perhaps our unique cocks can be leveraged into some kind of tourist trap? Lisa She-Ra Scaffidi take note.  Some various examples of International style and Perth style follow. Somewhere I have hundreds more, but the task of sorting through 29 thousand emails is too daunting. I need a secretary who can double as a cock filter. Yes, I have 29 000 worst of emails. Yes I have hundreds of photos of graffiti cocks.

Included are two masterpieces by Pete F. FYI in the third pic, the text continues, “During the flight, mousturise and protect your flange.” and what is the first one rendered in? Someone brought along a glue gun? A fucking kerbing machine? I like how they eschewed the obvious tongue shot.

cock

A masterpiece by Pete F, (New York style)

Scarborough, by Kylie, (Perth style)

Scarborough, by Kylie, (Perth style)

A Worst by Pete F, (New York style)

By Goldenboy, near Wolfe Lane Bar, (Perth style)

By Tristan H, (New York style)

 

 

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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96 Responses to The International Passport to Cock Smoking Pleasure

  1. The Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

    I would argue that the “New York style” ones are still a bit…off.

    The accepted motif is “penis spurting into/actually entering smiling or open mouth.”

    Not “penis emerging from skull, like a horn” or “dangling from under too-tight skirt” or even “popping out of mouth, like a tongue.”

    Like

    • Like our New York style supper clubs. We never get it quite right.

      Like

      • The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

        Oh, I’m not setting up a standard! There’s no “wrong” way to draw a badly represented penis on a public notice.

        But I do wonder if your thesis is correct and if so, what that means in pyschosexual terms. The first answer: “the artists have never actually seen a penis” obviously can’t be the case.

        I think.

        Like

        • Natalia Fan #1 says:

          You may be underestimating the level of cultural cringe in Perth, Manhatten. Is that term even used outside of Australia?

          Like

          • The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

            I have never heard it in New York. I think we have the opposite: the cultural crush, where we beat you over the head with “culture” until you collapse into a gibbering self-pawing stupor.

            The same thing happens in Paris, with better menus and shittier traffic.

            Like

  2. Bento says:

    Typical. First Halloween, snd now even our cocks are being subjected to American cultural imperialism.

    I demand context-free cocks only. FIFO.

    Like

    • pete says:

      Look. I’ve had enough of this sort of bigotry.

      This is Australia. We live in a multi-cocktural society and there is enough room, enough vast, featureless concrete and big boxy things painted in asbestos blue for everyone to express their own caricocktures in their own style.

      I have a dream that one day every cock shall be exalted, every set of balls shall be made low, the disabled parking signs will be well endowed, no breakfast radio shock jock will have a forehead without a dick on it, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

      Like

  3. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    Hardly cold water – for some reason I’m actually quite proud of how bad our cock graffiti is. Should definitely feature into foreshore redevelopment: maybe a Wankbest sponsored cock graffiti wall? Anyway, congratulations TLA on epic, surely definitive post.

    Like

  4. perthluckystar says:

    Wow, what a sausage fest! (sorry, someone had to say it…)

    I like how the Wolf Lane cock graffiti is graffiting the already existing graffiti.

    The Scarborough cock is a popular style. “[name] loves cock” seems to be used a lot, either as an insult or as an in-joke. My other half even used it, minus the cock graffiti obviously, as a password with a co-workers name on a server at work a few years ago. The bosses knew and thought it was funny as well.

    Like

  5. Bento says:

    The second one reads more femur than cock, for mine.

    Like

  6. skink says:

    29,000 emails with pictures of graffiti cocks?

    sounds like there is an idea there for a novelty coffee-table book, in the style of ‘101 uses for a dead cat.’

    make sure you have it in the shops in time for Christmas

    disabled toilet door cock on the cover, natch

    Like

  7. shazza says:

    Maybe I’m out of touch, but isnt that last one the wrong way around?

    Like

  8. David cohen says:

    A welcome beef injection after the paucity of cock work in India so far.

    But I do have a photo of the word flange on packaging.

    Like

  9. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    No shit, I was driving down Ocean Reef Rd just earlier, and noticed this little baby for the first time. No graffiti, but does suggest long lineage of cock in Perth.

    Like

  10. skink says:

    I see Quigley has just used Parliamentary privilege to have a good rant at Karlo Callaghan

    bravo, I say

    Like

  11. The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

    By the way…that cartoon stewardess would be horrifying enough without the addition of a male member peeping out from under her skirt.

    What on earth is that an advertisement for? Is there some opposite of Viagra recently debuted on the international market?

    Like

  12. Bento says:

    Now I think about it, I’m surprised there are no sub-Banksy stencil cocks around the Arrondissement. To my street art friends – lift your game.

    Like

  13. Hovean says:

    #1 looks as though he’s just spied a keen flange. No need for the cockgraf thought bubble.

    Like

  14. NVL_II says:

    This is possibly the best title to any post you have ever put on this site.

    TLA, you magnificent cunt, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for making me laugh my fucking arsehole off.

    Like

  15. The Legend 101 says:

    Love the 2nd image.

    Like

  16. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Will She-Ra jump on the cock band wagon for her re-erection ? and “The Bartender’s skills with a Manhatten” there has been an outbreak of upskirting in Perth lately.

    Like

  17. Mr Aubergine says:

    Have we considered the possibility that the disembodied cock graffiti that seems so unique to Perth is the work of one person ? A mysterious Arthur Stace like figure who instead of wrirting Eternity in beautiful copperplate handwriting in locations around Sydney is instead intent on asking Westralians to consider their place in the world through the representation of a floating cock? Perhaps the lack of attachment is a yearing to be separate, a symbol of isolation. Maybe he’s a secessionsist?

    Like

    • Bag O'Turnips says:

      Maybe when CHOGM comes to town (because that’s the only thing coming to Dullsville, now that the Red Bull Air Race and Rally Australia have gone), the Perv City Council could, ahem, erect a wired gaint cock ‘n’ balls along the Widens Bridge, like the “Eternity” placed on the Sydney Harbour Bridge during the O’Limp-Pricks. Or like was done for the air race, instead of PERTH in oversized letters, perhaps a massive outline of a boner in the same location, for nothing says “Perth” better than a penis scrawled in some inopportune location with a permanent marker.

      I’m sure Her Majesty would be amused.

      Like

  18. Mr Aubergine says:

    Is there a CHOGM closing ceremony? Maybe we could have a giant disembodied clock represented in fireworks on a barge on the River?

    Like

  19. Ljuke says:

    Coincidentally, I watched this the other night (potentially NSFW):

    Like

  20. perthluckystar says:

    Definitely not a glass of cold water. A turkey slap perhaps…

    Like

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