The Art of The Poleable

 

As received from the pen of the Whining Ninja. Unfortunately the picture suffered in extracting it from a word document, but the apocalyptic sky is somehow appropriate.

Worst Public Art/Sculpture, guest post by Whining Ninja

Am I the only person in Perth to wonder just why a solid stretch of Abernethy Road, in Kewdale is littered with telephone poles. Each night when I drive home I am intrigued by the semi randomness of these treated pine phallus that line the streets of this industrial strip. They don’t line up. They are not the same height. Some, as you can see, have been painted an industrial shade of yellow – a shade shared with earthmoving machinery, deep sea submersibles and processed uranium.

 

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I think this is the result of the council’s decision to save money on public art whilst offloading twenty tonnes of CCA treated telegraph poles bought cheap as a random length bundle. Too much time spent watching Home Improvement; too many hours spent stencilling tromp lei vine leaves on salvaged 1970’s chairs; too much confidence as a result of owning Readers Digest DIY books; too little regard for the boundary dividing art and what is not art.

The only other explanation I have is that somehow, the tender for public art was accidentally faxed to Western Power lines division. Perhaps there were lots of men in hard hats and neon yellow overalls wondering if this was the latest plan to reduce electrical pole top fires. It scares me to think that there is a street somewhere in Kewdale, delivering power to residents via a haphazard network of cast eucalypt bough’s and abstract bronze depictions of the white settlement of Guildford.

Whine on Ninja, whine on you crazy diamond! (My bolding. i just love that line)

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Grabbed by The Coconuts

Dog my Cats. (No seriously, dog them). I haven’t tried the interior, but on the outside, The Carlisle hotel has tried to disguise their Cocos Palm infestation by erecting a giant neon Coconut Palm. This from Ljuke, or it may have been his beer glasses talking. The whole thing may not be real, just a mirage in the desert that is Carlisle. New bands, new management, new fake palm species.

 

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If you are graffitiing train carriage windows on the Armadale line you’ll go past this one. Remember, there are no cocos palms here. There is nothing to see. Go about your business.

CARLISLE HOTEL MOTEL 174 Rutland Avenue Carlisle WA 6101 PH:FAX: 08 9362 6689 Email: carlislehotelmotel@westnet.com.au * Fully self-contained units * Ideally suited to families * Directly opposite the railway station
Posted in worst architecture, worst pub/hotel/design | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Koala Lumber

Worst Letterbox

Is it my imagination, or does this koala have a jemmy in its claw? It appears to be about to break into this appalling letterbox in xxxxxxxxx Street Embleton. You also may think it is a little insensitive to have a felled tree motif as a letterbox with the problem of shrinking koala habitats, but hey, Western Australia does not have koalas.koala lumber

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Worst of Perth Walking Tour 3 & 4

Today we finish Cimbali’s fantastic walking tour, taking in Kalamunda’s public art good taste genocide. I contacted the Kalamunda council, and they said they were “Only following orders” when these structures were erected, and that if they hadn’t put them up, “someone else would have”. Psychologists claim that we could all be capable of such crimes in the wrong circumstances. Cimbali says…

“And then we come to the Palm Tree. A prominent feature outside the library for many years this extraordinary example of public art is now incarcerated behind barbed wire. Unfortunately the plaque was not visible from the other side of the fence so you can’t get a real sense of it’s provenance but it had something to do with children and the seventies.”

 

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Santa Madonna! Keep that mother locked up! -ed.

And still they come…

“And last in the tour is this monstrosity, also displayed outside the library since at least the early seventies. Obviously it has resisted being moved so the shire has tried to hide it behind a bush.
There was no plaque, simply a name which proclaimed it to have been made by the same artist responsible for the Person in the Pond. Sadly unlike his enduring works, he is no longer with us.”

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Thanks Cimbali. Great stuff. I remember old whitey here. I always thought it was for breeding mosquitos.

This fabulous walking tour will only take you 10 minutes, although it will probably take a year off your life.

see W.O.P walking tour 1 and 2

 

 

Posted in worst public art, worst sculpture | 9 Comments

Park The Duchie

Deckard Bishop has sent in this superb Worst of Perth offering. It’s a carpark at Edith Cowan University. Deckard says,
Here’s an example of how to disguise a car park with something more hideous than the original and how to design a building while snorting large amount of mind-altering jelly.

That’s what I’m talking about big D. Are the cars parked out on the street because the covered carpark is full, or because they just refused to enter? For those outside Perth, Edith Cowan is one of Perth’s universities. Originally they wanted to be called Perth University, (good move) but I think they were forced to name it Edith Cowan by the government who was putting up the money. (Tough break kid). That decision may come back to bite them. You couldn’t imagine that any government would allow “Perth University” to fold, but Edith Cowan? Meh…

Edith Cowan was, I think the state’s first woman MP. If only she’d had a decent name – like Deckard. Deckard Uni would have sounded much better. What campus is that Deck? I want to put up directions for those who want to see it. (Actually I had forgotten we still had an Edith Cowan Uni – whoops!)

The design reminds me of multiple chopsticks snapping at the last piece of pork, or maybe the sort of design you saw on the side of cars in the 80’s.

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The Best of The Rest of The Worst of The West

Now The Worst of Perth has only been running for less than two weeks, but two suggestions keep coming up consistently, The Convention Centre, and The West Australian Newspaper. Both have been a little too easy as targets, and it has been far more interesting driving around Morley looking for Perth’s worst letterbox.

But OK, give the people what they want. I will get to the CC, but as far as The West goes, it is “accepted wisdom” that the rag is one of the world’s worst newspapers, but why? I’m not going to do all the work. You tell me.

Perhaps it would be more interesting to look at the personnel individually. Give me your vote on The West’s worst. Apart from the occasionally excellent Alston, and a very few others like former political writer and Walkley Winner Steve Pennells (whatever happened to him?), the rest are a richness of embarrassment.

My worst has got to be Paul Murray, former editor, current columnist, and now (gawd help us) a blogger. Apart from an email where he accused me of having “no life skills”, (this from a man who doesn’t appear to have the life skills to refuse a fourth donut), my main objections are Murray’s (or should I say Teh Paul’s) grinding folksy tediousness, never using one paragraph when 5000 words will do. Here’s the beginning of today’s blather,

“There is an old Western Australian saying that might soon go on the endangered list: A nice feed of fish. For generations it’s not only been part of our…”

Sorry, what day is this? if it’s Wednesday, I must have dropped into a coma for a day.

But over to you. Who’s it to be, Murray, Casellas, Naglazas? If you’re not going to complain here on The Worst of Perth, you might as well stop whining and put up with it.skeletonsm.jpg

A West reader who tried to get to the end of a Paul Murray piece.
Posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 48 Comments

Worst Headquarters Attacked!

Pencil Me In

Just when I thought we had wrapped up the Cocos Palm as Perth’s worst tree, Whinging Ninja stepped in with a new contender, the Pencil Pine.

Imagine then, my horror when I looked out of the front window of Worst Headquarters (or The Wolf’s Lair as we call it) to see this! I appear to have two varieties as well, just to make it worse..

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Is the pencil mightier than the Cocos?

Posted in worst tree | 1 Comment

Full Employment

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The Lazy Aussie sourcing some Worst for yous all.

So much worst to get through. If you were wondering why your suggestion is not up yet, this is the current inbox of stuff I have to get to.

A garden wall in Hamilton Hill
A warehouse church in Balcatta
An Edith Cowan University Carpark
A Dianella tavern
A house in Morley
A Swan something in Guildford
All of Maylands
and many more…

Also, blog stats are a wonderful thing. This is a list of search terms people put into google to find Worst of Perth today.

Nude Walking (!), perth brothels, Buy Cocos Palms, Cimbali Coffe machines.

Nude walking? I haven’t even got to Perth’s worst nudies yet!

 

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Garden of Eternal Rest

Worst Garden

WilsonArt of Wilson, submitted these pics for Perth’s worst garden. I must admit I haven’t seen this combination of palms and plastic flowers before. This garden can be found in Balcatta, a suburb North of the river. I originally thought the flowers had been stolen from the cemetery, but apparently they are available from Cost-plus in Balga. Unless the owner has a lot of dead pets under there…

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A good entry for worst garden, but I know you know of worse.

Hey Willo, you don’t need to go as far as Balcatta to see some Perth Ugly. Look outside your front door.

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Worst of Perth Walking Tour (Part Two) Piddling Honky

Worst Public Art/Sculpture

We continue Cimbali’s walking tour of Kalamunda’s public art atrocities. Moving on from the turd in the pond, exit Stirk Park at the top gate where Kalamunda road terminates.

Cimbali continues…

Next comes the Piddling Honkies. While I have become very fond of these, some members of the community were apoplectic with rage at their introduction. A young friend told me that on completing her TEE she was going to dance naked under them but given that they are only a couple of feet off the ground nude squatting is really the only likely outcome – and no one wants that!

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More to come! The Library “White Thing.”

Update. Piddling Honkies was produced by The Smiths, a couple who have produced a lot of public sculpture in Perth. If you know Perth you will know the giant Kangaroos near Council House, as well as several others. Their stuff could be worse, but like piddlig honkies most of it falls into the category of excellent technique with very poor ideas. They are currently working on something that does seem to fir in well with The Worst of Perth ethos. A very very ugly clock next to the belltower. Why guys why? I will cover it when it’s up, but here are some apalling preliminary views.

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