Worst of Perth Walking Tour (Part Two) Piddling Honky

Worst Public Art/Sculpture

We continue Cimbali’s walking tour of Kalamunda’s public art atrocities. Moving on from the turd in the pond, exit Stirk Park at the top gate where Kalamunda road terminates.

Cimbali continues…

Next comes the Piddling Honkies. While I have become very fond of these, some members of the community were apoplectic with rage at their introduction. A young friend told me that on completing her TEE she was going to dance naked under them but given that they are only a couple of feet off the ground nude squatting is really the only likely outcome – and no one wants that!



More to come! The Library “White Thing.”

Update. Piddling Honkies was produced by The Smiths, a couple who have produced a lot of public sculpture in Perth. If you know Perth you will know the giant Kangaroos near Council House, as well as several others. Their stuff could be worse, but like piddlig honkies most of it falls into the category of excellent technique with very poor ideas. They are currently working on something that does seem to fir in well with The Worst of Perth ethos. A very very ugly clock next to the belltower. Why guys why? I will cover it when it’s up, but here are some apalling preliminary views.

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
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21 Responses to Worst of Perth Walking Tour (Part Two) Piddling Honky

  1. lazyaussie says:

    Actually, they’re quite well done. But doing the wrong thing well is no excuse. Reader Golden1 says that there are more of these popping up in the area at Forrestfield. Maybe it’s the dripping water that creates the uncomfortable effect.


  2. meccano says:

    It has a kind of Jeff Koons pop kitsch thing going on but
    personally I think a gigantic bronze piddling cocos palm would be more impressive.


  3. lazyaussie says:

    I’m trying hard to see why the effect is so horrible. Technically good. Bronze an excellent medium, and yet I still end up thinking they look shithouse. What if they were taller and sans dribbling? I’d be inclined to keep the nuts, but do something different with them.

    Wait for the next two installments from Cimbali. They are El-Crapioso to the max. No need for analysis. This one is messing with my mind man. Too good to be ultra crappy, which makes it even worse. Ai Ya.


  4. lazyaussie says:

    Cimbali, re:
    “A young friend told me that on completing her TEE she was going to dance naked under them but given that they are only a couple of feet off the ground nude squatting is really the only likely outcome – and no one wants that!”

    She might be able to get away with the birdy dance?


  5. Ljuke says:

    My problem with them is that they are factually incorrect. To the best of my knowledge honky nuts are not full of endless amounts of water. If they were, drought-stricken farmers would be planting them everywhere.

    Also, the fact that they are in the middle of roundabouts all through Kalamunda shire brings the level of class down a couple of notches.


  6. lazyaussie says:

    5 Ljuke. Weren’t they modelled on the testicles of one of the early pioneers who cleared this land? Shown actual size.
    Wait until you see the 1970’s CONCRETE palm tree, coming soon.


  7. Cimbali says:

    Everyone so far seems au fait with the whole Honky thing, although I know some people are unfamiliar with the term. I think the term White Honky is like White Rhino which is a corruption of the word wide in Afrikaans and refers to the wide mouthed rhino. Therefore a white honky is a “wide mouthed honky”. Not sure whether these are white or Bleck Honkies but either way they are notoriously bad tempered, especially when provoked by a nude birdy dance. Although once on the verge of extinction, it seems the “Save The Honky” project is going well in Kala Shire.


  8. lazyaussie says:

    Yes, perhaps I should have explained for our international readers. (there is definite international interest in Perth’s worst). The honky nut is the nut from a gum tree common around Perth, but particularly in the Hills. About half the size of a golf ball.


  9. Golden1 says:

    The thing is – honky nuts are really quite annoying and almost totally useless (apart from the obvious – honky nut rolling competitions) so I just cannot understand why there are now 3 (and more under construction) monuments in their honour.
    I have seen, in dusty craft shops and market stalls, valiant attempts at giving the honky nut credibility as an object of beauty – however painting, varnishing and mounting a honky nut on a piece of sanded mallee root definitely falls in the Worst of Perth Craft category.


  10. meccano says:

    I’m still going with the Jeff Koons thing, lazyaussie what would you think of the piece if a naked ceramic statue of La Cicciolina was placed under them or even Dickie Court you could also have if half a manboobed Pig suspended above them Damian Hirst style.


  11. lazyaussie says:

    If that’s all my choices, Cicciolina.
    Dicky Court supended above? If upside down, it would be a little like the death of Mussolini. That would turn people away from kalamunda if driving through High Wycombe wasn’t enough.


  12. meccano says:

    that’s nice, we could call it “Piddling Dicky” although “Piddling on Dicky” would be a stronger statement.


  13. Curi-Oz says:

    They are lovely fountains, and are expressly improved every now and then by the addition of what can only be presumed to be bubble bath for any possibly nude birdy dancers (or squatters, as the case may be).

    There is just something to be said for driving through solid bubbles on the way to the shops/library on a Saturday morning while dodging small athletes racing across the road without due consideration, intent on committing mayhem on each other at the neighbouring football field.


  14. lazyaussie says:

    Updated. Piddling Honkies Creators identified. See post. Now edited.


  15. Bobbi-lee says:

    Wait a minute, I saw this in Forrestfield…at least I swear I did.
    If you’re on Tonkin Hwy going in the Armadale direction, you turn left at Hale road and follow that through and then the second or third roundabout sports a sculpture just like this, only it looks older.

    *reads first comment, oops its already been mentioned*


  16. Cimbali says:

    Oh my lord, I have just inspected the preliminary views of the clock thingie by the Smiths and it is extraordinary. I can’t wait for the unveiling as there is sure to be much talk back radio discussion of the ” I don’t know much about art and neither do the Smiths” variety.
    I guess it is handy to know the time when you are waiting at that bus stop next to it but is it shooting light or conducting lightning?

    I have just been reading a book where the creator of a beautiful bridge was entombed within it to prevent him building another like it. it seems to me that we could employ a similar system here.


  17. lazyaussie says:

    Yes, that is Perth. We want something, but yet we don’t want that. or anything else. But re Smiths. Entomb the shit out of them I say. Inside the kangaroos.


  18. John Osborn says:

    These things cost $50 000 each I’m told, on the scale of wastage of tax payers money this is not too excessive. There are three, The top of Kalamunda Rd, Kalamunda. Kalamunda Rd/ Newburn Rd, High Wycombe. Hale Rd/ Morrison Rd, Forrestfield. On Windy days they all shower the roundabout with water creating a hazard for pedestrians and motorists alike. As a bronze artwork I like them, As a fountain supported by stainless steel poles raining water onto roads and footpaths, not so much. They need a larger area to be appreciated.


  19. Anonymous says:

    Well I like them


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