Worst Advertising
Guest post from Cimbali
Traveller RV is on The Corner of Roe Highway and Great Eastern Highway Bellvue. Don’t ask. The $100 000 a year job appears to already have been filled. Lower body not required. Their website doesn’t have a picture of their greatest asset unfortunately, but it does have flying caravans and the slogan, “Australia’s best-built caravan has just found you.”
Ironically it is often only good or interesting art that can shock like a blow to the face, or raise in us revulsion or intense emotion. Bad art usually only produces laughter, mockery or indifference. However this piece next to Perth’s railway station manages to do it all. Its state of disrepair, ill conceived theme, and terrible execution combined to make me feel physically sick. The woman’s missing breast is horrifying. Perhaps it was “blown off” by the arse on the right? This monstrosity has been plopped next to Perth’s main railway station for 20 years now. What is wrong with Perth people? Have we become so used to this turd of a sculpture that we don’t even see it anymore? It was a bicentennial project apparently by “The Youth” of Perth in 1988. I hope these now ageing youths feel some spasm of shame for this as they pass through Perth’s station. The Director of the project Robert Fairclough has moved to Walpole to escape seeing this. Lucky devil.
Here’s a different angle showing a bloke rooting a giant hand. Thanks Youth. Can we at least be thankful he wasn’t scratching his arse? The plaque begins, “The Snow Goose need not bathe to make itself white, neither need you do anything but be yourself” Lao Zi. (老子) Die you bastards die!. That was me, not Lao Zi.
The plaque also has a list of the young criminals who did this to us. Hunt them down people of Perth. Hunt them down one by one and destroy them. Director Sculpture – Robert (asleep at the wheel) Fairclough, Design Concept-Robert Boyle, Trevor Walley & Dion, Team – Shane, Trevor, Rita, Charlie, Dion, Jason, Michael, plus all the other lucky bastards who didn’t rate a mention on the plaque.
By the way, one of the sponsors is Miniskip.
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Worst Advertising
A giant rose in a perspex coffin. Balshaw Florists Beaufort Street Mt Lawley. For some reason disturbing.
Perth’s Worst Car
The Holden Gemini would have to qualify for the worst car, particularly this lilac one, which seems to uncannily match the sinister church in Eden Hill. Imagine this in the church carpark. The back window blinds give a nice “Shit, Saigon,” atmosphere to the back seat. This embarrassment is actually parked in the staff carpark at Curtin University. If it’s the Vice Chancellor’s, we’re really in trouble.
And shouldn’t there be a coat hanger inserted here?
And speaking of Holdens, what about this? Is the Sandman good or bad these days? If Curtin’s Vice Chancellor was seen driving this… This one seen in Cannington. No it wasn’t rockin’.
Worst School (Name)
We had a post a while ago on inappropriate school names and it was pointed out that The Worst of Perth editor’s own primary school might fall into the same category. So here is Mary’s Mount Primary School in Davies Road Gooseberry Hill, where the character of The lazy Aussie was formed. I still remember the nuns belting us with custom leather straps for whatever heinous crimes tiny little primary school children commit.
The Original Mounted Mary.
Worst Sign/Graphic Design/Trademark Infringement
Guest post from An Anonymous Perthon
It is usually difficult to get more than a sardonically raised eyebrow or thin smile from the hardbitten and cynical TWOP editorial team, but this one had us popping our monocles with laughter. Nice one Anon.
An Anonymous Perthon says…
The Lirgin Carwash. This little gem is in Bayswater and is somewhat of a mystery. It has been rebuilt and abandoned several times over several years. A couple of years after it was built/abandoned a sign went up calling it the Virgin Carwash, complete with familiar Virgin V logo. I assume that the owners of the Virgin name objected so the carwash people with a cunning use of masking tape changed the name to Lirgin Carwash – a positively seamless transition with no-one any the wiser. If any-one has the real backstory to this carwash I WANT TO KNOW. Cheers, Anonymous Perthon
Lovely post Anon.
Worst Information Bay/Graphic Design/Architecture
Guest Post from Cimbali. Cimbali says…
I have discovered Perth’s worst Information Bay in Maida Vale. (Kalamunda Rd next to Maida Vale Primary) Hard to get it’s true majesty on camera. What makes it so bad? Is it a stonhenge revival kind of thing? Is it the fact the no thought has been given to the back of the signs which actually face the road? Is it the typography?
The answer is Yes Cimbali. The font looks like one you might use to write Coconuts!, or Perhaps Jesus Died for Youse.
Worst Architecture/Carpet/interior design
Guest Post by Mazarina
Lovely words and pictures from Mazarina, although pictures always suffer a little out of a word doc for some reason. Now this building has been frequently suggested for The Worst of Perth, but I have to admit that I like it. A lot. It has some interesting angles. Some people have referred to it as KGB headquarters, but I even like the carpet. Mazarina says…
What says welcome to the ‘State of Excitement’ better than the cutting edge architecture of East Perth train station? I think the yellow skip bin art installation adds a jaunty touch. Perhaps it’s a clever device to catch employees jumping out of their windows.
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I didn’t want to go too Jesus on your arses after the Hillsong Teddies, but Elwrongo’s post demanded urgent attention. He’s really getting into the spirit of The Worst of Perth isn’t he? Elwrongo says…
Eden Hill Family Church is an striking example of modern suburbia reinventing itself. The building, which was an abandoned early seventies shopping centre, has now been repurposed into a house of worship, replete with an attractive coat of lilac. Nevertheless, Eden Hill Family Church appears somewhat bunkered down in a barren landscape of decaying carparks with only its gloomy and somewhat reproachful message “Jesus Died for You” for the passerby. This structure, or one like it, may well have been the inspiration for George Romero’s central use of an deserted shopping centre in the zombie classic, “Dawn of the Dead”.
I find this building even more depressing than the dismal brothel on Beaufort Street seo company. I think this one can be tagged with worst of the worst. No church is going to beat this house of horror is it? Is it?
Shouldn’t these sinister teddies have headset mics? They go on for some time if you press their hands, something about beasts with multiple heads and lakes of fire or somesuch… This was at the Galleria and it was a little noisy. Only $19.99? You need to add on the cost of your soul.
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