Perth’s Worst Car
The Holden Gemini would have to qualify for the worst car, particularly this lilac one, which seems to uncannily match the sinister church in Eden Hill. Imagine this in the church carpark. The back window blinds give a nice “Shit, Saigon,” atmosphere to the back seat. This embarrassment is actually parked in the staff carpark at Curtin University. If it’s the Vice Chancellor’s, we’re really in trouble.
And shouldn’t there be a coat hanger inserted here?
And speaking of Holdens, what about this? Is the Sandman good or bad these days? If Curtin’s Vice Chancellor was seen driving this… This one seen in Cannington. No it wasn’t rockin’.
The Worst of Perth 
I only have to see a Gemini these days and I begin to have panic attacks. They remind me of the time I was road-raged in Canberra. Admittedly, I was probably a little to blame when I blew a kiss to the three thugs in that blue Gemini for braking hard up my old delicately chromed VW Golf arse and then veering around me in a thoroughly ridiculous manner. However, the antics that followed for the next 40 minutes left me in no doubt that I was a marked man. Eventually, I pulled over and they screeched to a halt in front of me. They all got out of that little Gemini and headed towards me with the obvious intention of altering my face in various ways and it was when they were virtually at my door, that I executed a sudden U-turn over a concrete median strip and made a successful getaway, leaving them shaking their club fists and cursing themselves at their stupidity for falling for that “old one”. I sensibly hid in a Harvey Norman carpark for half an hour to give them plenty of time to find other people to murder and then began to cautiously make my way home. However, as luck on their part would have it, 3km down the road as I sat at a red light, a distant little Gemini got closer and closer behind me and I prayed it was a little old lady doing meals on wheels. But no, and as their faces began to grin berserkly in my rear view mirror like they couldn’t believe their luck and revenge was again possible, the kind of shadow that would descend over Wily Coyote’s head, descended over me and my car. Twenty minutes later, having desperately even driven through front gardens and simultaneously rewriting the Australia Post Handbook for How Not To Deliver Letters, I abandoned my vehicle at an intersection. They had come to a rubber-smoking stop in front of me and for some strange reason in the chaos of battle, I had decided to come to rest 1 centimetre inside their glaringly demonic right tail light. One of them got straight out to bash my window in with his be-plastered arm and presumably remove my head to hang on their aerial. But by now, my feet were in control and they flew me out of the opposite door, down through trees and bush and back onto the road, where I was picked up, ashen-faced and panting, by a passing good Samaritan.
As far as I’m concerned, all Geminis should be recalled, melted down and turned into walking frames for the elderly.
World Wars and Geminis should both serve to remind us of something that should never ever, under any circumstances, be repeated.
Thankyou too Lazyaussie, for reminding me to take my medication.
LikeLike
A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
That Gemini is a credit to it’s owner.
LikeLike
Okay, Geminis might not be the greatest, but for sheer awfulness of design and construction nothing comes near the Camira.
LikeLike
3 FDB. You’ve got me thinking Camira Wagon FDB. With apologies to Apocalypse Now, if I was making a film of Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, the journey to Kurtz would be made in a Camira Wagon.
LikeLike
Hey that was my grandad’s car….
LikeLike
The TC Gemini is an Australian icon. Shame on you.
LikeLike
I like the blinds. They say “I’m ballsy enough to have blinds in my car – are you?”. Well, are you??
And who’s embarrassed by that wonder of Holden engineering, the Gemini?
LikeLike
I may have to feature The Worst of Perth’s Camry Wagon. Interesting that the Gemini is winning out over the sandman.
LikeLike
Pingback: Officially Not Worst « The Worst of Perth
Pingback: Shed with a View « The Worst of Perth
haha I have seen that Gemini before, but not at Curtin. I hope it doesn’t belong to anyone I work with
LikeLike
Does this mean I get a certificate?
LikeLike
Yeah, why not. TGO. Actually there have been several far more hideous cars featured since. I had to move it to “not worst” as it got quite a bit of support. The purple gemini looks pretty easy on the eye compared to the hyundai seen in bayswater.
LikeLike
In a classic semi-rural worst, I bought a yellow-stickered Gemini (the next model from this, with rubber bumpers) for $50 and took it up into the bush near Armadale with my brother. We caned it around the gravel tracks for half a day until it ran out of petrol, then pushed it off the track to hide it. Unfortunately by the next day when we came back with more petrol it had been set on fire by marauding bogans and actually tipped onto its roof (this is pretty difficult to accomplish.)
LikeLike
You all suck dead dingo’s dicks! Geminis smoke butt big time. It’s the type of car fecund women want to breastfeed.
LikeLike
Holden EJ staff vehicles were in Siagon in 1966 for two or three years during the war,I worked with one at macv for a month or so sep 66.
I am trying to loclate picyures of thease cars and the afv compound.
I have this 63 model as a replecar standed except for disc brakes., would like any feedback.
LikeLike
I think Curator of the Australian War Memorial, Michael K. Cecil, might be your best bet, Robert.
LikeLike
The new holdens are good i wouldn’t mind a Barina Spark infact im getting one when I can drive.
LikeLike
Wtf ?? Why would u go out of your way to take photos of a old Australia’n car and dislike it ?? U have to much time on your hands ???
LikeLike
Wtf ?? Why would u go out of your way to comment on a Worst website about photos of a old Australia’n car and ask fucking stupid questions ?? U have to much time on your hands ???
LikeLike