Nice worst from Geoff. Geoff says… Out the back of Yura Yungi medical centre in Duncan Rd, Halls Creek. It is refilled regularly.
Not sure if we’ve had a Halls Creek worst before. I like it. They obviously use the same ad agency as the Curtin Student Guild. Sorry, even my old, old friend unsharp mask couldn’t really save the wideshot. But no matter.
condom vending
Twitter news feed satirising The West was suspended after a complaint from the paper about impersonation. A pity, as it was mostly gold. Just as well the archive saved and sent to be a TWOP post. My favourites, “Ben’s hammy playing mind games” – Richmond.
&
1 in 3 German homes has imprisoned daughter – Merkel.
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1. Family to Coroner – Over our dead bodies.
2. Rats of Torbruk should “Get over it.” – Minister. Comparing the fall of Torbruk to Gallipoli was laughable and an insult to memory of The Li
3. 1 in 3 German homes has imprisoned daughter – Merkel. The Josef Fritzl case has unleashed a flood of similar cases, with cellars found acros
4. “Honk if horny” sticker leads to assault. After a car honked at him for 30km a Floreat man attacked the driver, before realising he was resp
5. Sex ban drop “knee jerk reaction” Bettina Arndt. The Dockers controversial player sex ban lasted all of one match but compulsory sex not the
6. Flogging more plasmas and DVD ‘s key to Dockers revival – Rick Hart. Think LG and Panasonic not Cazaly and Lockett babbled millionaire
7. Harvey regrets Alamo example. Unaware that the Alamo defenders were slaughtered, the Dockers coach based his game plan round the gallant but
8. Mulched placenta costs marriage. A husband who mistakenly mulched a tree under which his first born’s placenta had been buried was counting
9. Tim Roberts “Erected a stadium, in my heart” Laurel Cetinic-Dorol. Millionaire developer Tim Roberts used building metaphors to win hearts s
10. Tracking device shows Bunnings staff always going opposite direction to customer needing help. Failure to make eye contact, beards, just som
11. Farmers not mentally fit for roles on council – Academic. A life on the land is no guarantee of success in local govt. Low IQs, fat hands,
12. Those not predjudiced by being at trial should be jury members – West Editor Brett McCarthy. Letters to editor writers would make excellent
13. End of building boom will slow crack cancer rates in builders, subbies – AMA. Years of exposing upper arse cracks to the sun sent melanoma
14. Sharpened baguette weapon of choice in Subi nightclub stabbings. Traces of goat and sheep cheese as well as crust shards found in the wound
15. Virgin shortage threatens cigar makers. Cigars, traditionally rolled on virgin thighs will now be produced by slappers, cost Rican and Cuban
16. Eagles blame cultural elites, Facebook for Brisbane loss.1:36 AM
17. Pine plantation full. Serial killers and car dumpers will need to find new location as Gnangara Pine Plantation declared full. Bodies, cars12:37 AM Mar 28th
18. Laurel Cetinic-Dorol – Dumb name not a factor in breakup with millionaire Roberts.11:50 PM Mar 27th
19. South Perth – “Not not Sister City with Riga”. Baltic States dignitaries were denied the keys to the city as South Perth claimed no record11:15 PM Mar 27th
20. A hearing impaired man protesting against a “deaf penalty” has been told he was actually at a protest against the death penalty. The embarra10:43 PM Mar 27th
21. “Brownian motion” now on Senator’s hit list. Turning his attention from internet censorship to physical and chemical reactions, controversia9:41 PM Mar 27th
22. No takers for Perth Rat Pack. Perth identity Basil Zempilas’ attempt to form a Rat Pack similar to Frank Sinatra’s have fallen flat with no8:17 PM Mar 27th
23. Zoo red faced as Tricia “flies the coop”. Perth zoo admitted that it has no idea where Tricia the 52yo elephant has gone. Last seen 12 days7:36 PM Mar 27th
24. Shark sighting at Cottesloe. Suspected white pointer displays “ennui” at beach sculpture exhibition.6:57 PM Mar 27th
25. Toad in bid for Northwest Council. A nomination by a recently arrived cane toad had Broome Council lawyers scurrying for their lawbooks as l6:05 PM Mar 27th
26. Yoga training experiment cancelled after top Eagles “Sniff own backsides”.1:56 PM Mar 27th
27. Foreign B.O. “Part of our history” – Heritage Council. A move to curb body odour from foreign taxi drivers was labelled cultural genocide by1:48 PM Mar 27th
28. Berets “Symptom not cause”. Jazz fans have hit back at the beret ban at Ellington’s. One member describing himself only as Flatted 5th said1:26 AM Mar 27th
29. @Eddieperfect wait, I’m writing this down, chicks, cocks, got it.1:10 AM Mar 27th in reply to Eddieperfect
30. Cure those Summertime Blues. Win 6 Naltrexones in 6 weeks with The West and Dr. George O’Neil.1:06 AM Mar 27th
31. You say “Knob Rot” I say Naltrexone. Dr George O’Neil.1:03 AM Mar 27th
32. Gays, heroin addicts, athlete’s foot.You can’t go wrong with Naltrexone. Dr. George O’Neil1:02 AM Mar 27th
33. Gay gene triggered by Swamp Fever fever, switched off by Naltrexone. – Dr George O’Neil.12:59 AM Mar 27th
34. @Eddieperfect I’ve got a massive organ. Would it be good for songwriting? What a huge cock?12:55 AM Mar 27th in reply to Eddieperfect
35. Japanese negotiators “inscrutable as newts” during ore negotiations – Rio12:34 AM Mar 27th
36. Leave the berets at home! – warns club owner. Berets will be regarded as “colours” by Ellington Jazz Club management following the vicious b11:34 PM Mar 26th
37. Rai Fazio denies acting role in Two Fists one Heart. Was at family dinner with 120 witnesses. Film critics mistaken.10:17 PM Mar 26th
38. Urination only at Subi Oval. Study of toilet use during matches shows 98% only urinate. Solid waste elimination will therefore not be availa9:50 PM Mar 26th
39. French, Saunders to star in movie remake.1975 classic,Three Days of The Condor with French in the role made famous by Robert Redford and Sau8:42 PM Mar 26th
40. Kidney “cooked in pie”. Coroner calls for tougher transplant regulations. Courier drunk, hungry, unrepentant.8:13 PM Mar 26th
41. Sicilian Restaurant has connections to Sicily – Police. Subiaco’s popular Sicilian restaurant was in damage control today as police alleged7:28 PM Mar 26th
42. Chinese “Not true Asians” Barnett. WA Premier Colin Barnett invoked the ghost of Ghengis Khan, as he ascribed top Asian-ness to the Japanese6:59 PM Mar 26th
43. Daylight saving, dressing in dark, blamed for G string on backwards. A man who crashed his truck due to discomfort from backward g string to5:49 PM Mar 26th
44. Apache Energy not connected to Native American tribe – CEO. Denies wampum grab.5:19 PM Mar 26th
45. Fructose not abusive term – Banned academic pleads case.4:49 PM Mar 26th
46. Season sex ban extended to oral, anal & “other”. Dockers coach Mark Harvey amended the “pussy ban” to include Greek Spanish and even “Irish”4:22 PM Mar 26th
47. Kiwis admit accent fake. Wanted to annoy Aussies, Samoans.3:53 PM Mar 26th
48. Flautist sues venue after prank. Flute “reeked of faeces”. Forced to play excrement dipped flute for full 3 hour concert, Jane Rutter, celeb3:27 PM Mar 26th
49. Pavlich hits out at full season “pussy ban”. -Claims it should also apply to Coach & Fans. Fremantle Captain Matthew Pavlich lashed out at2:57 PM Mar 26th
50. “Pussy ban” not “Act of desperation”. Dockers coach Mark Harvey denied that a season long sex ban would cause resentment in leadership group2:33 PM Mar 26th
51. Cabbage shortage delays Korean missile launch.2:13 PM Mar 26th
52. Suit, not “root” was gift to minister. Garbled translation was behind reports that sexual favours rather than a Zegna suits were bestowed b1:58 PM Mar 26th
53. Ben’s hammy “playing mind games” – Richmond skipper.1:36 PM Mar 26th
54. @SilkCharm re: @WestAustralian I think you are @bronwen. Am I right? Do I win? :P NO! Really? No no no Think much much funnier. Much sexier.3:31 AM Mar 26th in reply to SilkCharm
55. @parissite A grade material inexhaustible3:29 AM Mar 26th in reply to parissite
56. Tuckey dodges bar question. Asked if his famous iron bar was in fact an alloy, Tuckey said “My iron bar has traces of lippy journos sonny…11:17 PM Mar 25th
57. “Scrote Cloak” goes on Show. A cloak made from 10 000 possum scrotums believed to have been worn by Yagan’s father Midgigoroo went on show a11:13 PM Mar 25th
58. Cat buses “Not real cats”. Exasperated transport minister Simon O’Brien backed the driver of one of the city’s free buses who refused a fur11:08 PM Mar 25th
59. @WilsonTuckey Is this true sir? Tuckey’s iron bar contains “Traces of Vanadium”. Ex staffer tells8:47 PM Mar 25th
60. Brawl over beret closes new Perth Jazz Club. 3 patrons of brand new Jazz dive Ellingtons were hospitalised after a fight…8:25 PM Mar 25th
61. Dockers midfield looks to tall timber to supply pulp mill.8:03 PM Mar 25th
62. Premier shares genes with chimp, blames Labor, Greens.7:16 PM Mar 25th
63. New City Arts Hub “covered in semen”. Council guidelines “Too lax” – Robert Juniper6:37 PM Mar 25th
64. Tuckey’s iron bar contained “Traces of Vanadium”. Ex staffer tells6:14 PM Mar 25th
65. New editor to staff – West journalists now not to refer to themselves in 3rd person during company time. MEAA caves.5:49 PM Mar 25th
66. Police oppose drug dog bins.5:43 PM Mar 25th
67. Ben still our spritual leader despite Richmond move – Darren Glass5:32 PM Mar 25th
68. Diggers injured in Afghanistan 3-way. Ring damaged soldiers face “long trip home.”5:28 PM Mar 25th
69. Media Entertainment and Arts Alliance “toothless vagina” – journalists.5:01 PM Mar 25th
70. Fart in lift – Let’s not play blame game – Keelty4:49 PM Mar 25th
71. Paedophile ring behind OBE plans. Bethany Hyatt exclusive.4:27 PM Mar 25th
72. BikERS, BikIES potato, potarto. Have your say.4:22 PM Mar 25th
73. School leavers sluts, rapists. Catch their latest fashions page 21.4:00 PM Mar 25th
74. Major paper doesn’t secure all twitter domains. Smartarses swoop.3:43 PM Mar 25th
75. Dying whales copulated in the shallows. Exclusive. http://tinyurl.com/dzn2wu3:36 PM Mar 25th
It would take more than a couple of paragraphs of French to get me to slap placenta on my hair. I’d rather add IKEA’s Creamed Crab to my tonsure. “For best results use with other fine Hask placenta products.” It really does say that on the packet. My dream job would be Hask placenta harvester. It’s not tested on animals. Well that’s alright then.
Nova radio have backed out of making a Patti Chong Merry’s ringtone. Reader Skink has made one. If you want one email me perthworst@hotmailcom and I’ll get him to send you one.
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Outrage Cohen worsts Town Of Vincent Mayor.
I had to rage at Tuesday’s council meeting: the nefarious Nick banned Voice reporter Andrei Buters from the media table. The poor reporter incurred the wrath of Hizzoner (who was a pedestrian Labor MP) for daring to ring up councillors and ask them questions. Fancy! – a journalist calling people to get their opinions. Nick wants to nix it. I asked Nicky five questions: four were taken on notice.
As you can see from the pic, he was red-faced, had crabby eyes and looked uninspiring.
At this rate the people of Vincent will be Voice-less.
He looks a bit like Wilson Tuckey at this resolution Outrage.
Nathan snapped this one of China Australian China in Australia before retreating back to his lair in the UK. Thanks Nathan. I have seen stuff from this company before.
Helen took a classic worst down Fremantle way. Funny that just that letter came down. Coincidence?
And a nice one from The Cookster. Not Cockster note, those cock waving days are behind him. No-one say Cockster. Quite poignant with the flowers sign. Art almost.
Worst well.
Not just the solution, but Solarution. God knows what solar based perversity goes on in that shed. No doubt a gimp is attached to a heat pump or something. It’s lovely when someone starts lettering without a plan, a measurement, or even a dictionary, but still has a song in their heart. Charles Street North Perth.
Solar softened brain
It has to be a pretty good subject for such a bad photo to get on (unless the topic was about how to use auto focus) but the blur almost makes this one better. Was that really some crap-box of a Japanese car with a massive spoiler on top? Like was it just me, or did you SEE that thing man? Like Pizza Showtime, could you think it was just some crazy dream? This one has a real jaw dropping quality. It’s like a still from some avant garde movie. About shit cars. This is from Evan. I really like this one.
crazy dream
Evan follows up with some correct exposure and focus. Well you couldn’t go wrong with Scarborough sunshine and a wide shot could you I mean….but no, no, no, I must withdraw my 25 years of photo experience to just appreciate these two. Very well worsted Evan. I hope someone took the broken plastic box and left the car.
verge collection
pizza showtime
A roaring tornado of sound. Music, animatronics, children screaming, video games blaring, pizzas being served. The (sadly) few times I looked in on Pizza Showtime, it was the loudest thing I would hear until Motorhead played at The Nookenburrah Hotel a few of years later.
This worst was a real pleasure to put together. A least a couple of times a week there is a search engine referral from someone looking for information on Pizza Showtime. I often get emails along the lines of “Did I dream this shit, or was there a robot kangaroo playing piano…” No you did not dream it. Yes it is definitely a worst, but it also has a powerful sense of nostalgia for many people, despite being relatively short lived. Unfortunately I hadn’t been able to find pictures of it before now.
Paul Gregory, the “father” of Pizza Showtime very kindly scanned some of his personal stash of memorabilia for me and you. Paul wanted to stress that is was very much Australian, with even Jack Thompson recording some of the voices. I love the hottie’s costume below.
pizza showtime girl
Paul Says,
pizza showtime
Thanks Paul. There are far too many photos for me to use, but I hope you make sure that all the material gets to its rightful place in Perth archives one day. I’m putting this straight into not worst.
If anyone in the east coast has a concrete issue please feel free to check out my website and it might answer your questions. Andy
– I’m going to give you concrete boots and shove you in Halifax harbour Andy. When’s a good time for you? Canadian chat forum. Speak with Canadians
More concrete commentary, this time in Mt Lawley. It may be criticising the Council’s wet concrete management skills. Not only will people write stuff in wet concrete if you leave it unattended, objects placed on wet concrete will tend to sink quicksand like towards the centre of the earth, as seen by CC a few streets away in Northbridge. Thanks CC.
The Lazy Aussie was at the massive opening for The Shane Warne musical Saturday night, scanning the red (green) carpet for Perth celebrities. (Is Rick Hart really a celebrity?). Unless I missed them, there were two noteable Absentees. Barra and She-Ra. Shame.
Of course Patti Chong was there. No surprise. She would turn up to the opening of a sock drawer, but fashion wise, her outfit was fine. Really. A quite passable floral dress. I was a little disappointed she didn’t have one of the Merry’s costumes on. She did stare at me a lot as if she was sizing me up as a possible Merry’s leather lover. Hard, hard looks. Since I had already been hitting the free piss table, the stares kinda bounced off. Patti, why didn’t you say hello? Why so shy?
I don’t know why I took a shot of Dixie Marshall, as I quite like her, and she’s not a worst in my book, but that bag? With that dress? If Patti is getting the fashion points over you Dixie, then rethink. On the other hand, keep up all the not worst work.
Dixie Marshall
Here I am with an unknown hipster. He’s connected with the pharmaceutical industry. Apparently. In some way.
I am wearing a Ted Baker suit with an ultra fat Canton silk tie, presented to me by the grateful citizens of Guangzhou Prefecture. Really, it was. The knot you ask? A half Schminsor.
The Lazy Aussie with Unknown Hipster
I have often wanted to include The Dockers in The Worst of Perth, as you don’t get much worse than those boys stinking up the town for the last decade or so. I haven’t so far because I prefer original photos. Now I’ve got one of Mark Harvey. He was either mumbling “It’s our year man.” or “Get that fucking camera out of my face arsehole!” Possibly the latter.
This will be our year
Unidentified theatre groupies.
Unidentified groupies
And one last shot of Shane Warne Musical star Jolyon James who was superb as John the Indian bookie. This also gives you another view of Patti’s dress. And a spring roll.
What a night!
DFOC sends his mighty outrage from the other side of the country. Apostrophe AND spelling? The level of outrage is outrageous!
Hugh Jass says, No pics for you this time, but this just caught my attention on the Transperth website
They are looking for a name for their new ferry. Could be worth a blog article? Would love to see some of the submissions that TWOP users submit.
Hugh Jass
Tiang sends a low rent version of the Rolls Royce parking. Where is this Tiang? The guard towers are interesting.
And Ms H sends a link to a worster who gathers worst shop names etc in Toronto Canadia land.
Worst well.
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