Fly me to the toilet

Posted on December 3, 2009 by AHC McDonald

This is Perth Airport. At Perth Airport it is considered quite natural that a box previously containing a toilet should be sitting outside the international terminal, just in case our overseas guests hadn’t got the message before clearing customs. Just be grateful it’s not a picture of  some bloke parking his breakfast on the runway. What a perfect Perth worst, trivial yet compelling. Signifying nothing and yet everything. No-one but a TWOP aficionado would have taken this.  It is considered to be Australia’s crappiest airport. I did once see a mobile turnip harvester parked outside Dalian Airport in northern China, ready to take someone home at 1kph, but this is more poignant. Surely this be bathos? And a lovely set of photos too fromMatt. Caroma eh? I was born a Lesmurdie man…

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , | 73 Comments

You can stay as you are for the rest of your life…

Posted on December 2, 2009 by AHC McDonald

What’s the deal with me not being on Perth A List? More to the point, what’s the deal with alcohol distributors not slipping me a case or two. Howling Wolves! Where are you bastards? That Spanish wine with the label that looked like tits? Nothing! The only ones that have come to the party have neen Air New Zealand to the tune of one fucking bottle! Maybe stories of the infamous Mainstay Rum Launch which I was videoing at The Merlin Hotel (now Hyatt) in 1983 have been holding everyone back. I seem to remember prawns on the barbecue next to the Merlin pool, then a long blank period. Later in the evening, rings were puked. Punches might even have been thrown. Or was the vomiting brought on by the slogan “You can stay as you are for the rest of your life, or you can change to Mainstay.”? In any case, piss purveyors, what better publicity. If the TWOP enourage at The Brisbane the other day is anything to go by, this is your prime fucking demographic. You’ll get a couple of pars of insouciant prose and an audience of thousands. 

Posted in worst of perth | 51 Comments

Warney – On pleasuring boys.

Posted on December 2, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I don’t think much comment is needed. To be fair, this was from a more innocent time, when a boy could wear lippy and eyeshadow while wielding his willow. Was there ever really such a time? Interestingly, the same publisher who brought you Ian Chappell’s “Cork Soaking for Girls”. From Cimbali & Meccano.

Posted in worst book | Tagged , , | 25 Comments

Like a leaping salmon

Posted on December 1, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Have been chasing the elusive donger aerial for some time. Many have claimed to have seen one, had one,  or that their brother’s HQ sported one, but G’Day’s missus is the first to get it. Love it. Although it does seem to have been fashioned by someone who vaguely heard about an erection from a woman whose husband had one once. And it was dark. The lighting conditions not the erection I mean. I bet that picks up Simon Beaumont no problems. 882, clear as a bell. Eoin Cameron I suspect would sound better, filtered through a cock and balls too. Awesome G’Day’s missus.

Posted in worst car | Tagged , , | 130 Comments

A Bushie’s Blow

Posted on November 30, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Old Blocker had a hairy Crack
Bush merging with his dusty sack
As he sat astride his trusty horse
perusing a novel Tim Winton of course…

This bush poetry doesn’t seem so difficult. How was that? Easy. Brown submitted this without comment. Bush poetry is traditionally terrible,  but at least there’s no Fuck of we’re full stickers on the trailer. Is there a Sufi poets trailer? In the spirit of worstness they also have a desperately bad website, very similar in style to the insanely stupid mens confraternity site. (And that’s not Comic sans is it?) Perhaps some bush haiku from youse all? Would be nice if there was some B&S style fury from bush poets, but since they meet at the old folks home in Bentley, that would appear unlikely.Bush poetry was a piece of piss
But The Lazy Aussie he learned this,
That a bumpkin’s grasp of irony
Was as useful as a cunt full of –
cold
milk
tea.

(Add some shit about the Diamantina)
(Thunderboxes)
(Sexing your swag)
(Salting your beef).

Someone please stop me!

Posted in worst entertainment | Tagged , , | 58 Comments

Thanks Mates

Posted on November 29, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Thanks to TWOP friends Skink (and Frail), WAtching, Shazza, MyNing, Richarbl, Free Beer, Ljuke (& Frail), Bento and Paracleet. A very pleasant evening. I had expected youse all to be older and uglier than you turned out to be.

This is not them. This is a worst I saw on the way home. Don’t they know they are disrespecting a heritage worst? Remarkably I am not vomiting this morn. Even better.

Posted in worst of perth | 28 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 83

Posted on November 28, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Hope to see some of youse pigs at The Brisbane tonight. I will be there from 7. Will try to post from the pub to give you any status reports. Also those on twitter lets go with #lazyaussie as the hastag. Or you can read them in the sidebar. You may need to provide your own black rectangles to cover your faces so I don’t have to do it later in photoshop if any pics taken.  If you haven’t seen me before, I look like this. Speaking of piss sinking, David sent me this. As David says, nice to see Becks worsting and then reworsted. Celebrating the fall of Berlin wall, Becks’ fake graffiti rebadging “opression” regraffitied to read depression. Right on.G’Day sent a shot of someone wanting to change transperth scheduling. May as well try and bend spacetime from your phone. And Cimbali sends in a sign, with worst lettering and spelling. Nice.

Was fascinating watching #spill on twitter as the Libs went mental. I believe Wilson Tuckey was the model for Mermaid Man on Spongebob. Would that make Abbott barnacle Boy?

Thanks everyone. Worst well.

G’Day 29

Posted in weekend worstoff, worst advertising, worst sign | Tagged , | 15 Comments

Sticks

Posted on November 27, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Lukewarm reaction  to Bumpkin Highway sculpture yesterday, but how about this one in Forrest Place? This one is actually pretty crap. Inside the sticks though there was a machine you could blow giant smoke rings with. More interesting. Thanks to several people who suggested I get this one.

Posted in worst art, worst public art, worst sculpture | Tagged , , | 74 Comments

Cars of The Worst of Perth

Posted on November 26, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I’ve made a new TWOP calendar with the automobiliar outrages you’ve loved this year. I had forgotten some of these, and at least one pic has not been published before. It takes about ten days to arrive, so it’s now time to order those Worst Christmas presents. Getting a bit of action on the Mandurah T Shirt, at the moment, with several going overseas to Perth expats so sick with nostalgia, they even remember Mandurah fondly. Anyhow, if you want to knock off a few presents, now is the time.

Posted in Buy The Worst of Perth | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Into the maw of River Rooster

Posted on November 26, 2009 by AHC McDonald

You’re a ghost on Bumpkin Highway
you’re like River Rooster and meaningless
I hate you, but I love you
I’ll carry that to the end

If I ever lie with you again, I pray I do not sleep
If I ever closed my eyes again, I’d realize what you are to me.
you are simply a bumpkin,
a Busselton who bluffs and steals
until you become
a bigger regional City’s meal,

You’re a ghost on Bunbury highway
your trash and meaningless
I hate you, but I love you
I’ll carry that to the end    The Gun Club

Someone (G’Day) FINALLY got a shot of the highway sculpture on the new Bumpkin Highway. It looks familar. Isn’t there something similar somewhere in the city? I suppose it’s not sooooo bad. The moat is a nice touch. And what excellent photographs from G’day. A shame to crush them down. Clarity, ooshta, composition, fluffly clouds as icecream, resolution. It’s all there. Very tasty. Very Ansel Adams, except he would have had to dodge the clouds out.And the wonderful Gun Club to play you down that tarmac into the very maw of River Rooster.

Posted in worst art, worst restaurant design, worst street | Tagged , , , , | 46 Comments