Fly me to the toilet

This is Perth Airport. At Perth Airport it is considered quite natural that a box previously containing a toilet should be sitting outside the international terminal, just in case our overseas guests hadn’t got the message before clearing customs. Just be grateful it’s not a picture of  some bloke parking his breakfast on the runway. What a perfect Perth worst, trivial yet compelling. Signifying nothing and yet everything. No-one but a TWOP aficionado would have taken this.  It is considered to be Australia’s crappiest airport. I did once see a mobile turnip harvester parked outside Dalian Airport in northern China, ready to take someone home at 1kph, but this is more poignant. Surely this be bathos? And a lovely set of photos too fromMatt. Caroma eh? I was born a Lesmurdie man…

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorisable Worsts and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

73 Responses to Fly me to the toilet

  1. Bento says:

    On disembarking, Mrs Bento and I were greeted with: “Welcome to the airport of the damned”, by a trolley fella.

    Like

    • monkeypants says:

      when i flew back last year and was waiting around for my lift, i sent a text to friends letting them know that i had possibly discovered the “bogan” capital of the western world at the perth airport.

      people flying up to the mines maybe? it was looking spectacularly feral around the checkin counters.

      not like the old days where one donned ones sunday best for the adventure of a flight……… check shirts, stubbies and thongs.

      Like

      • shazza says:

        Most certainly explains about 50% of the bogans you saw mp. Sundays are surely the worst day to fly from Perth as the miners are heading back. The Qantas Club lounge is full of them.

        As for the box. How embarrassing.

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  2. Bento says:

    As an aside, last time we were there, the functional neon said:

    Pert omet c

    Nuff said, really.

    Like

  3. Word Salad says:

    When I took the photos there was also a car full of bogans getting pissed in an old Datsun. Their cries of “Skol, Skol, Skol Whoo!” were wafting across the carpark as dawn broke. It’s nice when your friends come along to see you off, isn’t it?

    Like

  4. skink says:

    the best in ages

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  5. WAtching says:

    It’s pretty obvious what has happened here.

    Someone has spent their whole Bali holiday dragging that thing around in a sealed duty free bag. When they finally burst through customs at our end the excitement was just too much. They had to open it there and then to play with it. I had the same thing with a ghetto blaster back in ’85.

    As for the photos- yes TLA- they are beautiful.
    The rubbish bin, the uncomprimising fence in the background, the cracks in the retaining wall and the bore water stains…

    Like

  6. Very, very good. I shat myself laughing…

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  7. Onanist says:

    Congrats Word Salad, that is an absolute worst!

    I suppose at the Domestic terminal there is a steaming turd, under a palm tree.

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  8. cookster says:

    Am I the only one old enough here to remember the days when you’d have to drive out to the ‘international’ airport to get a drink after midnight?

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    • I remember there was the only 24 hr servo out there. I also remember there were black swans in a pond near the entrance.

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      • cookster says:

        Them swans are long gone. Now we have at least three 24 hour servos.

        You know, I kinda miss the thrill of the hunt looking for a roster servo – walking that fine line between running out of petrol and taking a punt on what you think will be open, only to have your hopes dashed when you read the sign in the window, ‘Your nearest roster station is in Lesmurdie.’

        Did you get my Jackadder Lake pics – speaking of toilets?

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        • Frank Calabrese says:

          I’ve actally got via Steve Gordon, some audio of 6PR on New Years Eve 1968 where they announce where the Roster Stations were.

          If Steve is reading this – I hope he features this on The way we were and dedicate to the TWOP :-)

          Like

          • Bento says:

            Frank, you’ve provided us with some very strange audio and video footage over the last year. But I think you are going to struggle to find anything stranger, but also less interesting, than the 1968 New Year’s reading of the petrol roster.

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            • orbea says:

              It IS very anorak

              a great drinking game was to ring the roster line and scull every time she said “diesel available”

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              • Claireee says:

                I think you all may be about to give me shit for being under 23, but what is a roster station?

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                • orbea says:

                  back in the day when there was a pretrol bowser at every mechanics workshop, the petrol industry had mandatory minimum number of petrol stations stay open so junkies had something to rob in the days before cctv

                  Like

                  • Bento says:

                    When the roster system was abandoned in 1991, the fuel industry collapsed as predicted, which is why the oil companies don’t make any money any more, and you don’t see any petrol stations anywhere.

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                • shazza says:

                  Back in the olden days only certain petrol stations opened on weekends. They were all on a roster system. So you had to find out who would be open before heading out to fill up.

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                  • Claireee says:

                    Well that sounds like mighty fun

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                    • curious says:

                      you have no idea of the excitement of rolling up to a closed servo, hoping they had the roster chart in their window, and then hoping you had enough petrol to actually get to the roster.

                      yoof of today, they don’t know they’re born.

                      Like

                    • Claireee says:

                      You’re right, I have missed out big time. I didn’t even know there were petrol stations before 1987. I guess I just assumed everyone ran their cars with their feet, like the Flintstones

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                    • monkeypants says:

                      actually claireee, some of my povo friends from uni probably did:)

                      i know a few of them had no floor in the front of their car, got stoned, drove through the Dogswamp carpark over a speed hump and the car split in half.

                      ah, they were the days……

                      Like

                    • Snuff says:

                      You’re very close, Claireee. In fact, this is how everyone got around before 1987.

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                    • munkipants says:

                      great link snuff:) brilliant.

                      Like

    • shazza says:

      Only til the Lone Star opened cookster.

      Like

    • Snuff says:

      I have to admit I remember those adventures, Cookster. I even seem to recall it was called The Orbit Inn. I also loved the swans, TLA. Flying out of Perth in those days was like a trip to the moon and the zoo all rolled into one.

      Like

      • rolly says:

        A-h-h-h!

        I remember it well.

        My introduction to Perth.

        Pix from the days of real aviation; when aeroplanes had things called propellors that dragged the aircraft along rather than turbojets that got all pushy.

        Things did get faster with the introduction of the jets, but I still feel that four slow screws was infinitely better than a few quick blow jobs.

        Like

    • ronggly says:

      Ah, the Orbit Inn. We poured many people onto a plane from there, as my Mum used to say. It also contained superb item for Worst of Perth, now sadly vanished: IIRC, the entire southern interior wall was carpeted, with a massive photo of Perth, as seen from Kings Park, printed on it.

      Like

  9. David Cohen says:

    They’re saving their six litres a day.

    Like

  10. David Cohen says:

    Are passengers who’ve packed for Perth bowled over when they see this?

    But when they note the lack of toilet paper do they remark, “Bummer”?

    It all seems a bit half-assed to me.

    Like

  11. Bento says:

    This scene strikes me as a perfect setting for some bush poetry, but my addled brain can’t get past the second line. Any help?

    The cocky sat on the thunderbox,
    Shaded by trees of palm,

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  12. Bill O'Slatter says:

    What a rich source of neglected worsts is the Airport. MY current favourite is the current temporary arrangement where you inexplicably have one lane of traffic coming in to drop off passengers. This results in a traffic jam.

    Like

    • flynn says:

      or worse as I experienced was ending up in a no-mans land between the taxi lane and the new pick up zone. My passengers had to climb over a wall with suit cases to reach me stranded in the middle.

      Like

  13. Pingback: Weekend Worstoff 85 « The Worst of Perth

  14. Maybe it’s the new and green homeless shelter or economy class waiting area, toilet not included.

    Like

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