A Bushie’s Blow

Old Blocker had a hairy Crack
Bush merging with his dusty sack
As he sat astride his trusty horse
perusing a novel Tim Winton of course…

This bush poetry doesn’t seem so difficult. How was that? Easy. Brown submitted this without comment. Bush poetry is traditionally terrible,  but at least there’s no Fuck of we’re full stickers on the trailer. Is there a Sufi poets trailer? In the spirit of worstness they also have a desperately bad website, very similar in style to the insanely stupid mens confraternity site. (And that’s not Comic sans is it?) Perhaps some bush haiku from youse all? Would be nice if there was some B&S style fury from bush poets, but since they meet at the old folks home in Bentley, that would appear unlikely.Bush poetry was a piece of piss
But The Lazy Aussie he learned this,
That a bumpkin’s grasp of irony
Was as useful as a cunt full of –
cold
milk
tea.

(Add some shit about the Diamantina)
(Thunderboxes)
(Sexing your swag)
(Salting your beef).

Someone please stop me!

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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58 Responses to A Bushie’s Blow

  1. Caribou Bob says:

    I am just curious, but what would the Bush Poets and Yarn Spinners association need their own covered trailer for? What weather-sensitive treasures do these people covet?

    Like

  2. shazza says:

    The Murray River a dryin.
    the crows , they are a flyin.
    the farmers are a cryin,
    coz this land it is a dyin.

    Like

  3. orbea says:

    The swaggy sat down
    Centrelink chair and aircon
    where’s me cheque you cunts?!

    Like

  4. Hugh Jass says:

    Oh christ, yes that is Comic Sans.

    Like

  5. In case you missedmy twitter notice.

    Bush Poetry centre to be centrepiece of new Perth Town Square – Barnett. A 5000 seat arena based on the shape of a a camp oven will stand where…

    Like

  6. Snuff says:

    What do they have against unreal Aussie poetry, or poems, for that matter ? Bush poetry ? Despite the lack of distracting pictures and extraneous information, and the colouring suitable for people suffering Irlen’s Syndrome, I puked. On the plus side, they did mention the name Duperouzel, even if it wasn’t Bruce. Now there’s a name you’d pay good money to hear Dennis recite.

    Like

  7. Sarah says:

    I believe my comment was:

    aha.

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    Like

  8. Rusty says:

    the acronym for the slogan is appropriate… KRAPA.

    Like

  9. Sarah says:

    It’s just Sarah now. Heidi Klum called and asked me to stop falsly representing the company.

    Like

  10. Bento says:

    FOWF, AWOL, FIFO
    B&S, all are welcome
    Irony abounds

    Like

  11. Bento says:

    It appears, at first blush, to be a quiet day in Allen Park.

    Like

  12. G-banger says:

    TLA: reading your poem I noticed your use of “Was as useful as a cunt full of XXX”. Is this a common country expression that I have missed?

    When I was a bit younger I did a bit of farm work out in our marvelous wheat belt. One morning during smoko we were all sitting around in the shed talking about rural issues and the like when the old timer who was running the show noticed the urn hadn’t been turned on and remarked “This cunt’s as cold as a cunt full of cold water”. He was right I suppose.

    Like

  13. poor lisa says:

    Sorry to be slightly off topic (not completely) but what a good news week.

    1. Another green didn’t get into the lower house
    2. Joe Hockey is the conservatives’ great white hope. Joe Hockey.
    3. LA’s mention of their insanely bad website led me to visit it again; imagine my astonishment when I read that the Men’s Confraternity has wound up due to having many many many MANY men willing to whinge about their rights and threaten women, and none prepared to pay to join the organisation or do anything to run it. Where would we be shazza, monkeypants and other ladies of TWOP, if the 1st 2nd and 3rd waves of feminism had thought whinging about their lack of rights was sufficient.

    http://www.mensconfraternity.org.au/?page=p2

    Like

    • shazza says:

      Well that is good news. I wonder what legislative changes they dare to lay claim to?

      I’m quite surprised Mike Ward didn’t blame the lack of financial members on all those nasty bitches draining their ex husbands for every cent.

      Like

    • Bento says:

      This is how I imagine their Special Meeting went:

      Mike Ward: Welcome to the Special General Meeting of the Men’s Confraternity. First order of business – Attendance and Apologies.
      Mike Ward: Present.
      Mike Ward: Apologies? None.
      Mike Ward: Next, Item 2 on the Agenda. Winding up the Men’s Confraternity.
      Mike Ward: All in favour of winding up the Men’s Confraternity?
      Mike Ward: Aye.
      Mike Ward: Right, the ‘ayes’ have it. A unanimous decision.
      Etc.

      Like

      • Frank Calabrese says:

        Point of order!

        You need 10% of the membership to form a quorum to contine – if the above were the case, you cannot wind up the association.

        Like

        • Bento says:

          Au contraire, Frank. As the minutes I posted demonstrate, the President for Life, Secretary, Treasurer, Chief Sign-Wearer and Policy Officer were all present, being 100% of the members as at 2009.

          Like

          • Richarbl says:

            For a moment I thought you were describing the TWOP soiree on Saturday night Bento but then realised I was simply confused.

            A curse on that sparkling mineral water! Never Again

            Like

    • Sam says:

      In the kitchen?

      Like

    • Snuff says:

      Bugger. Just when I was about to make a donation.

      Apparently, he hopes “that people will throw their support behind other organisations, so that they can continue the fight because ‘children need the love and care of BOTH parents’.” Thanks, Mike. I’ll do just that, and here’s 105 I can donate to for starters.

      Like

    • curious says:

      with news like that you can be as off topic as you like.

      finally, the mc do something i approve of.

      Like

    • monkeypants says:

      well poor lisa, thanks for the heads up.
      i’m especially liking this page of the mens confraternity: http://www.mensconfraternity.org.au/?page=p51

      that makes the Womens Electoral Lobby sound like the New World Order. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it’s happening right of front of us.

      Perhaps i should get the Citizens Electoral Council of Australia onto it.

      And they fail to mention a few big points in their comparison of males to aboriginals with regards to rights:
      1. the aborigines did not receive australia wide full voting rights until the mid sixties.

      2. they did not have a representative in any parliament until 1971.

      http://www.aec.gov.au/voting/indigenous_vote/aborigin.htm

      as far as i know, the men of australia have had rights and many representatives in parliament for a bit longer than that in oz.

      women have genuinely had to fight to change the mindset, not so much our generation but certainly my mums era- things like having to give up work once you got married, earning less money because you’re a chick, having crusty old men who are your boss understand that jokes about your tits are really not that funny. that was not that long ago.

      but many groups in oz have had to fight to get real rights: unions, minorities, religions – the joy of living here is that you are in with a fighting chance if you have a valid cause.

      i know from personal experience that lots of decent dads get screwed by the system, but so do lots of decent mums and lots of other decent human beings.

      it’s a shame that they don’t have support to continue on but just perhaps they needed to broaden their agenda?

      that’s my monday night rant.

      Like

    • skink says:

      will Joe Hockey be the next ex-Leader of the Opposition?

      speaking of waves, and things upsetting to women, did anyone see Tony Abbott in speedos and a lifesaving beanie?

      if his views on abortion were not enough to completely alienate the female vote, that was surely going to do it

      Like

  14. Richarbl says:

    I reckon that trailer needs a picture of a dodgy bloke with a full beard and a cheap floppy hat.

    ‘Jim’s Bush Poets, Yarn Spinners and Lawn Mowing’.

    You would be fucking mad not to sink a hundred thousand into a franchise opportunity that good.

    Like

  15. The Legend 101 says:

    $22 to get into chilli festival and its just food and shop WTF.

    Like

    • Bento says:

      Soirees in Matilda Bay, swanning around Kalgoorlie, going large in Dianella, and now you’re popping up with the A-Listers at the Chilli Festival (and shop)! My word, you’re quite the social whirlwind, TL101.

      Like

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