UWA. Maybe they’re not that smart.

PLEASE NOTE, The Worst of Perth encore live show, previously scheduled for the 12 November is now shifted to 10th December, as the earlier date clashed with my Chinese brush calligraphy classes.


Jennifer S was so impressed with my interview in Pelican, UWA’s student newspaper, that she grabbed her polaroid and rushed to the toilets in the education building. First Jenn, the polaroid. I’m lovin’ it. Second, is it true that UWA toilets have ivy growing on them? I know that UWA gets more Aussie country students than Curtin, so maybe detailed toileting instructions ARE required. They might need to add some instructions on pant removal too. Also, more than 3 shakes is a wank.

Curious sent me a picture of a Curtin toilet the other day, which hasn’t appeared, but there was apparently no need for this level of instruction in a Curtin U toilet apart from the traditional “pull here and tear off for Edith Cowan degree”.  Extraordinary. uwatoiletuwatoilet2

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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71 Responses to UWA. Maybe they’re not that smart.

  1. David Cohen says:

    Can toilet paper be referred to as Leaves of Ass?

    I thank you, and will replacing TLA in the November 12 gig!


  2. A Free Man says:

    We’ve got similar, though not quite as professional, toilet instructions at my SA uni. I though uni students were supposed to be smart.


  3. David Cohen says:

    Perhaps the UWA kiddehz have (poo) tickets on themselves?

    Chortle chortle! My sides!


    • I seem to remember some parts of the world I have travelled to insisted the used paper had to go in a basket next to the toilet. Was Mexico or Italy I think. However the sign seems to be against floor disposal.


      • Rolly says:

        Yer right, TLA.

        In many of the old towns around the world, especially the Mediterranean cities, sewerage systems empty the waste, untreated, directly into the sea.

        Turds, being of a natural colour are less obvious to the eye. As well they are attractive to many species of marine animals and consequently have a short life span.

        Floating bits of chlorine bleached wood fibre tend to offend the eye rather more, and have greater longevity due to their lack of attractiveness to marine species.
        As they say in the movies: “I liked the menu, but the food was appalling.”

        Usually, the local people prefer to bathe at locations far removed from the effluent outlets. I say “bathe” because it seems that very few of them are competent swimmers, the local commercial fisher folk included.

        If somebody does, by way of accident or other misfortune, find themselves in the contaminated water, whilst they cannot actually swim, it can be said that they are going through the motions.

        Boom! Boom!


      • Onanist says:

        Greece also, as their pipes can’t deal with paper, allegedly.


      • mandible claw says:

        In Indonesia and I’m pretty sure Malaysia, where a lot of international students would be from, a lot of people chuck the used paper in the bin. I think it’s to avoid the risk of clogging up the pipes. Not sure why that is a bigger deal than have a bin full of faeces-smeared paper in your bathroom but who am I to judge. Also people in both of those countries have a habit of squatting on western-style toilets because it’s supposed to be cleaner than putting your cheeks on the bowl (probably true). Would make for an amusing sight if someone slipped off and fell into the bowl. I’ve never seen it happen though.


  4. oldfart says:

    First ‘no no’ clearly directed at our dusky neighbours from islands north advising them not to ‘squat’. A long-time cause of much tension at UWA – dating back to the 1960s at least. You’d reckon they’d have developed a special orientation week demonstration event to cover this one by now.

    As for those green ones, I reckon they’re the wrong way around.

    To be clean and green:

    1. Drop toilet roll into bowl to prevent splashes
    2. Do not watch (like our dusky cousins) local events but sit upright and read and write racist, sexist grafitti on door.


  5. phreestyle says:

    I used to teach Australian toilet etiquette when I worked as a teacher in Indonesia. It was a part of the cultural studies component.

    The septic systems there couldn’t handle toilet paper, there was a nifty arse squirter attached to each toilet. Was much better.


  6. curious says:

    i always thought it was two shakes. obviously you are from a liberal catholic family.


  7. orbea says:

    clearly the offshore recruitment for cretin is catching the very highest quality tertiary prospects.


  8. Onanist says:

    Trust me, it is a lot more than three shakes.


  9. Bill O'Slatter says:

    The joint does give you the shits.


  10. Onanist says:

    Trust me, it takes a lot more than three shakes.


  11. WAtching says:

    Sorry, off topic post.
    Was searching for a new av today when i found this
    and this

    I was wondering what he’s been up to.
    and I’m not surprised he’s lying about his age…
    BTW: TWOP features prominently in searches on this topic…


  12. ChaingeDaile says:

    Surprisingly (or not considering the inventors of the internet were aiming for this pinacle of information to be passed through the tubes, so to say) this site exists, and many others like it.
    It shows intestinal fortitude of those studying at UWA that their instructions can be condensed to such a brief poster.


  13. Bento says:

    I notice Don Lane has gone to the great variety show in the sky…


  14. Hewy says:

    There’s an old joke for ex-pats living in Singapore…

    How do you know you’ve been living in Singapore too long?

    When the footprints on the toilet seat are yours.


  15. Snuff says:

    Those calligraphy classes can be very useful, can’t they TLA ?


  16. Ljuke says:

    Slightly unrelated, but on my way back from Melbourne recently, I happened to stop in the airport’s gents for a wee squat.

    Now, we all know that women are better at toilet graffiti then men. I’ve seen grabs from women’s toilets that would put Richard Pryor to shame, whereas men’s toilets mostly feature drawings of penises (presumably in an effort to encourage the flow of urine, like a flowing tap).

    This bog, on the other hand, was fucking amazing. The wall tiles were completely clean, yet the tile grout was filled with small, but precise scrawl, all puns on the word “grout”, eg.:

    “Grout Expectations”
    “Grouto Marx”
    “The Grout Gig In The Sky”
    “The Grout Gatsby”

    Etc, etc. I could have sat there all day reading them.


  17. Big Ramifications says:

    Bloody Asians. I tell ya.

    When I last visited South East Asia there were NO SPITTING signs in the shops.


    But sure enough. Not long after I observed an elderly gent lob a big golly on the faux marble floor. Possible Lucky Plaza, Singapore? I forget now.


  18. Laser says:

    I think that humorous graffiti in University toilets, on library desks, etc. is worth someone’s time in compiling a Masters thesis on the subject. I have always wondered on the comparisons of such thoughts as compared to those in less educated locations such as local council facilities.

    I believe that the University environment allows for a more creative and intellectual mind. Which is why so many revolutions are started by students at universities.


  19. Snuff says:

    Now this is how to spend two and a bit hours of O week. Respect, UQAM.


  20. Pingback: To the person who SHITS… « The Worst of Perth

  21. Pingback: Cunger | The Worst of Perth

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