PLEASE NOTE, The Worst of Perth encore live show, previously scheduled for the 12 November is now shifted to 10th December, as the earlier date clashed with my Chinese brush calligraphy classes.
————————————————————————————————–
Jennifer S was so impressed with my interview in Pelican, UWA’s student newspaper, that she grabbed her polaroid and rushed to the toilets in the education building. First Jenn, the polaroid. I’m lovin’ it. Second, is it true that UWA toilets have ivy growing on them? I know that UWA gets more Aussie country students than Curtin, so maybe detailed toileting instructions ARE required. They might need to add some instructions on pant removal too. Also, more than 3 shakes is a wank.
Curious sent me a picture of a Curtin toilet the other day, which hasn’t appeared, but there was apparently no need for this level of instruction in a Curtin U toilet apart from the traditional “pull here and tear off for Edith Cowan degree”. Extraordinary. 
The Worst of Perth 
Can toilet paper be referred to as Leaves of Ass?
I thank you, and will replacing TLA in the November 12 gig!
LikeLike
We’ve got similar, though not quite as professional, toilet instructions at my SA uni. I though uni students were supposed to be smart.
LikeLike
Perhaps the UWA kiddehz have (poo) tickets on themselves?
Chortle chortle! My sides!
LikeLike
I seem to remember some parts of the world I have travelled to insisted the used paper had to go in a basket next to the toilet. Was Mexico or Italy I think. However the sign seems to be against floor disposal.
LikeLike
Yer right, TLA.
In many of the old towns around the world, especially the Mediterranean cities, sewerage systems empty the waste, untreated, directly into the sea.
Turds, being of a natural colour are less obvious to the eye. As well they are attractive to many species of marine animals and consequently have a short life span.
Floating bits of chlorine bleached wood fibre tend to offend the eye rather more, and have greater longevity due to their lack of attractiveness to marine species.
As they say in the movies: “I liked the menu, but the food was appalling.”
Usually, the local people prefer to bathe at locations far removed from the effluent outlets. I say “bathe” because it seems that very few of them are competent swimmers, the local commercial fisher folk included.
If somebody does, by way of accident or other misfortune, find themselves in the contaminated water, whilst they cannot actually swim, it can be said that they are going through the motions.
Boom! Boom!
LikeLike
Greece also, as their pipes can’t deal with paper, allegedly.
LikeLike
In Indonesia and I’m pretty sure Malaysia, where a lot of international students would be from, a lot of people chuck the used paper in the bin. I think it’s to avoid the risk of clogging up the pipes. Not sure why that is a bigger deal than have a bin full of faeces-smeared paper in your bathroom but who am I to judge. Also people in both of those countries have a habit of squatting on western-style toilets because it’s supposed to be cleaner than putting your cheeks on the bowl (probably true). Would make for an amusing sight if someone slipped off and fell into the bowl. I’ve never seen it happen though.
LikeLike
…and it seems that a dozen people have already explained this further down the thread. Oh well.
LikeLike
First ‘no no’ clearly directed at our dusky neighbours from islands north advising them not to ‘squat’. A long-time cause of much tension at UWA – dating back to the 1960s at least. You’d reckon they’d have developed a special orientation week demonstration event to cover this one by now.
As for those green ones, I reckon they’re the wrong way around.
To be clean and green:
1. Drop toilet roll into bowl to prevent splashes
2. Do not watch (like our dusky cousins) local events but sit upright and read and write racist, sexist grafitti on door.
LikeLike
‘dusky neighbours’? Is oldfart the Stirling candidate in the brass-buttoned blazer?
LikeLike
Ooooh, ouch, unfair, poor lisa! Close to insult threshold… might tip me into more Catana / Town of Vincent paroxysma. Only plastic buttons on my flies.
Let me explain the ‘dusky’ ironica …no, wait, WAtching could do it in five words; I’d take a hundred.
LikeLike
I’d love to help mate, but I think it would be best expressed in haiku…
Cohen! COHEN!
LikeLike
I knew you’d help, comrade…
on the bog
white and dusky sit … log
same difference
LikeLike
Thats the right sentiment. However…
5
7
5
LikeLike
David can be tardy with his 5,7,5s WAtching, so I reckon oldfart’s is kosher.
LikeLike
I was actually bracing myself for a lecture on moras and kireji form Bento…
Would’ve served me right for counting syllables…
LikeLike
As the leaves turn brown
And the Crawley sky flushes,
We sit and ponder.
LikeLike
Look back in anger
High above the uni bog
Snowlike paper falls
LikeLike
Tks for vote shazza, but to keep conformist pedant minority happy:
venerable bog
white and dusky sit, make log
same difference, no?
LikeLike
Much better. Now for a soliloquy in Iambic Pentameter with a kick ass rhyming couplet to cap it off…
LikeLike
I used to teach Australian toilet etiquette when I worked as a teacher in Indonesia. It was a part of the cultural studies component.
The septic systems there couldn’t handle toilet paper, there was a nifty arse squirter attached to each toilet. Was much better.
LikeLike
I too have spent time in that part of the world and became an enthusiatic advocate of the nifty arse squirter.
returning to Oz and being faced with a dry bit of paper was deeply disconcerting, and I never quite feel clean.
when we rebuilt our bathroom I wanted to install a hose, but they did not have such a thing at Reece, and I recieved a very strange look when I asked if they had a crapper with a nifty arse squirter
LikeLike
But how do you dry your arse after squirting it? Or do you just have to deal with soggy knickers?
LikeLike
Exactly. That subject has been discussed efore. Do you take your wet arse back to toilet A? https://theworstofperth.com/2008/03/13/bidet-as-it-may/
LikeLike
You push the 乾燥 button, Gemfyre.
LikeLike
i always thought it was two shakes. obviously you are from a liberal catholic family.
LikeLike
I gather Lutherans aren’t even allowed to touch it. Is that correct?
LikeLike
clearly the offshore recruitment for cretin is catching the very highest quality tertiary prospects.
LikeLike
Trust me, it is a lot more than three shakes.
LikeLike
As I understand it, it wouldn’t be the completion (or even denoeument) but the process. If you are up to the three shakes, it is implying that you would be comitted.
LikeLike
Or at least commenced. Or contemplative.
LikeLike
The joint does give you the shits.
LikeLike
Trust me, it takes a lot more than three shakes.
LikeLike
Sorry, off topic post.
Was searching for a new av today when i found this
forum.bodybuilding.com/member.php?u=8414
and this
I was wondering what he’s been up to.
and I’m not surprised he’s lying about his age…
BTW: TWOP features prominently in searches on this topic…
LikeLike
Sorry, here’s that first link…
http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/TINYPINDER/
LikeLike
Surprisingly (or not considering the inventors of the internet were aiming for this pinacle of information to be passed through the tubes, so to say) this site exists, and many others like it.
http://www.a-to-z-of-manners-and-etiquette.com/toilet-etiquette.html
It shows intestinal fortitude of those studying at UWA that their instructions can be condensed to such a brief poster.
LikeLike
Sorry
File 1 not exists!
http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/TINYPINDER/
LikeLike
I notice Don Lane has gone to the great variety show in the sky…
LikeLike
I feel a catchphrase comin on. What were the toilettin instructions again ?
LikeLike
is this what you meant bill? surely there’s more?
LikeLike
There’s an old joke for ex-pats living in Singapore…
How do you know you’ve been living in Singapore too long?
When the footprints on the toilet seat are yours.
LikeLike
Those calligraphy classes can be very useful, can’t they TLA ?
LikeLike
I thought there’d be more comments on the calligraphy classes, but these inner city elites didn’t bat an eyelid.
LikeLike
I only wish I could read that…
What does the big red button on the left do?
LikeLike
I’m thinking… “Cancel Transaction”
LikeLike
Yes I think you’re right. In Chinese it would be zhi, stop, prohibit.
LikeLike
Does that mean it would return your deposit then?
Ouch.
LikeLike
I believe it is tampon removal.
LikeLike
I can see big and small.
LikeLike
Good guess, WAtching. For your edification then, here’s a translation of the 12 most basic functions. As skink mentioned, these are the duck’s nuts. I’m a やわらか and 乾燥 man myself.
LikeLike
Slightly unrelated, but on my way back from Melbourne recently, I happened to stop in the airport’s gents for a wee squat.
Now, we all know that women are better at toilet graffiti then men. I’ve seen grabs from women’s toilets that would put Richard Pryor to shame, whereas men’s toilets mostly feature drawings of penises (presumably in an effort to encourage the flow of urine, like a flowing tap).
This bog, on the other hand, was fucking amazing. The wall tiles were completely clean, yet the tile grout was filled with small, but precise scrawl, all puns on the word “grout”, eg.:
“Grout Expectations”
“Grouto Marx”
“The Grout Gig In The Sky”
“The Grout Gatsby”
Etc, etc. I could have sat there all day reading them.
LikeLike
I bet you were groutful for the intelligent reading material.
LikeLike
Groutuitous toilet humour…
LikeLike
put your right in hand in, put your right hand grout, put your right hand in and shake it all agrout.
*yes, it’s bourbon o’clock here*
LikeLike
I did wonder where you got to Ljuke.
LikeLike
In Melbourne you have to line up to get into the art gallery. Amazing.
LikeLike
yes, sure is cultured over there.
LikeLike
and they have art you actually want to see.
LikeLike
Bloody Asians. I tell ya.
When I last visited South East Asia there were NO SPITTING signs in the shops.
Huh?
But sure enough. Not long after I observed an elderly gent lob a big golly on the faux marble floor. Possible Lucky Plaza, Singapore? I forget now.
LikeLike
I reckon 3 out of 4 of them…
LikeLike
You’re with friends here Big Ram (note the Av). Tell us what you really think?
LikeLike
The worst thing about asians is that they always deal in stereotypes.
LikeLike
Not as bad as South Africans. They’re all racists.
LikeLike
especially those white bastards
LikeLike
I think that humorous graffiti in University toilets, on library desks, etc. is worth someone’s time in compiling a Masters thesis on the subject. I have always wondered on the comparisons of such thoughts as compared to those in less educated locations such as local council facilities.
I believe that the University environment allows for a more creative and intellectual mind. Which is why so many revolutions are started by students at universities.
LikeLike
A more creative and intellectual mind? Really?
LikeLike
clearly you haven’t been in a uni toilet for a while.
i shall take some photos next time i’m there of the utterly puerile drivel that gets written in many curtin toilets.
LikeLike
I think they had the right idea at Kent State Uni.
http://www.nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/big/0504.html
LikeLike
Now this is how to spend two and a bit hours of O week. Respect, UQAM.
LikeLike
Pingback: To the person who SHITS… « The Worst of Perth
Pingback: Cunger | The Worst of Perth