Don’t let the Stargate hit your arse on the way out

Posted on November 11, 2009 by AHC McDonald

G’Day sends in this portal to another dimension. Perhaps you can step through into a tourism zone such as Midland where the shops are open late and McGyver battles mutant locals. Apparently the Terry Tyzac Aquatic centre can be seen in the background. Tezza town probably houses the crystal  that powers this motherfucker. stargate

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , , | 87 Comments

You get fork

Posted on November 10, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I happened to bump into to a couple of lovely TWOP fans Kat and Jasper at Threeninenine Bar on my way home last night. Only thing is, the fuckers were bending forks. You heard me. They had a huge box of forks and they were bending them Uri Geller style right there at the bar. How metrocentric! Makes me a little hesitant in my plans though for a TWOP gathering for the million hits. If these guys are fork benders, god knows what perversions I’ll have my face rubbed in. I’m imagining full sized Baravans made out of matchsticks. I’m thinking of a Thursday evening at The Brisbane Hotel. I will agree to be there drinking, and people can drop in if they wish. Thoughts? Here’s the fork I rescued before it got bent.fork

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , , | 50 Comments

I Kill Kunts

Posted on November 10, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Here he comes the killer again…

Here he comes the Kunt Killer again… The Triffids

Whoa, don’t tell Tafecuntz. I’m a little lost with this one. The fact that some vigilante Kunt killer is on the streets of Mt Lawley both thrills and chills. I want a definition to see which side of the stool I fall. The Kunt Killer would probably have a really Kool Kostume too.kunts

Posted in worst graffiti | Tagged | 11 Comments

Pulling Off Trucks

Posted on November 9, 2009 by AHC McDonald

This brazen and chilling attempt by Brendon Grylls to introduce tractor pulls by stealth to the metrocentric area cannot stand. A truck pull is just the thin end of the wedge. Don’t forget Brendon that we metrocentrics are the ones that put our hands in our pockets to buy all the crap that you bumkins grow. If you want to criticise metrocentrics, don’t speak with your wallet full. And don’t start pushing your perverted country “entertainments” on us. Tractor and  truck pulls, along with the satanic B&S’s should stay in Corrigin where they belong. I urge all city types to get out there and in an effete way NOT pull that rope. Perhaps the occasional “meh” could also be voiced. Can this really be the solution to the ooshta deficit in the city?truckpullcutruckpull

Posted in worst entertainment | Tagged , , , , | 37 Comments

Roads to Recovery

Posted on November 9, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Do you see the worst straight off? Is it worst because part of the $1.23 billion Roads to recovery funding is being spent on a no through road? Well yes, but no. I hope there is a witty No U turn sign just inside those Frog doors. Thanks Cimbali. Where is this?roadroadcu

Posted in worst house | Tagged , | 70 Comments

The Best of The Worst of Perth Twitter

Posted on November 8, 2009 by AHC McDonald

The Best of the TWOP twitter newsfeed. Current news alerts are in the sidebar, or subscribe to them all with The Worst of Perth rss news feed so you don’t miss any gold.

Brokeback Mountain to be animated cartoon series. Perth creatives Damn Torpedo have been selected to ink Young Brokeback, an animated preque…

Glacier faked. NZ Herald has revealed that parts of Sth Island Fox Glacier have been “augmented” with white painted rocks, as the real ice…

Middle East racehorses could have “bombs inside them” -Tuckey. Wilson Tuckey called for internal examination of horses from Arab countries as ter…

Slade, Status Quo unite to debunk Mayan apocalypse. The Quo’s Rick Parfitt claimed both bands had tours cancelled for 2012 due to panic over…

PR industry to sacked jounos – Fuck off we’re full. A hooded PR rep told #media140 that redundant journos were not welcome in the industry…

Kabbalah out Voodoo in. Madonna & Bruce Willis are just two of the Hollywood stars to ditch mystical Judaism for the new craze Voodoo. Tranc…

Butcher to #media140 – Journos should try cheaper cuts of meat. Rabbit, brisket and neck are delicious alternatives for redundant media professionals…

Posted in Best of banned by The West | Tagged | 3 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 80

Posted on November 7, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Bento noted that Perth Now seem to have given country status to Balga. Balgaria seems fitting. I like it. No surprise at the Balgarian news item though. Brian Burke may have been on hand to give the bride away. Bento also notes that Perth Now were also taken in by the ridiculous story about a man suing Lynx because he couldn’t get a root. week80tbalCB Onesent some shots. He’s afraid that Perth will lose some if its vibrant holes in the ground if the current crop of Oooshta wallahs have their way. This one should be heritage listed. It would be a shame to block the views to all those other worsts in the BG. CB One also found this plea to Tron in Northbridge. week80holeweek80tronAnd one more from Bento of a car with headless redback graphic. week80spiderThanks everyone. Worst well.

Posted in weekend worstoff | Tagged , | 10 Comments

West of the funny

Posted on November 6, 2009 by AHC McDonald

Chris found this link to be the funniest he had seen for a long time. Funnier even than donkeys rooting Mason jars. Kerry Stokes apparently with a straight face claims that The West may charge for online content. Today they had Britney on the front page. I would have paid for their breaking news of a motorcycle hit by bus in Tapping. Murray’s blog is also worth paying money for.  I didn’t even know there was such a place as Tapping. Probably falls into the “Perth suburbs that don’t exist” category, like Darch. If Darch did exist, wouldn’t they have named it something other than Darch?

Can anyone see anything here that they would actually pay for?

And I feel I didn’t get enough recognition for my tweet into the Sydney media140 conference yesterday.THIS is the future of journalism.

Butcher to #media140 – Journos should try cheaper cuts of meat. Rabbit, brisket and neck were delicious alternatives for redundant media professionals

Posted in worst newspaper | Tagged , , , | 75 Comments

Open the pod bay doors ANZ machine.

Posted on November 6, 2009 by AHC McDonald

This isn’t funny, but is a Perth worst.

ANZ why is your Curtin ATM always fucking broken even though it is brand new? Why is it as unreliable as the old one? Do you just not bother to fill it with money?

Why do you take days to fix it? Surely some light flashes in Mumbai when it goes on the fritz? When can we expect you to get off your arses? Monday? Next Friday?

Do you want people to switch to Bankwest who always seem to be able to keep  their machine going? Can I get refunds from the extra fees I have to pay at other machines? Why do you have a twitter feedback account but don’t use it?anz

Posted in Uncategorisable Worsts | Tagged , , | 18 Comments

Whop me down Jesus with a crop top

Posted on November 6, 2009 by AHC McDonald

I found this left in an exam venue. As Ice Tea (or was that Vanilla Ice?) would say, ” Exam taker you fucked up! Whop me down Jesus with a crop top.”  And NEW testament FFS? For exams you need to go all OLD testament on the examiners’ arses. Boils, frogs, first born put to the sword, &cetera. Also looks like the Fuck off we’re full quote from proverbs  is missing from the Aussie flag page. “Righteousness fucks wit’ a nation. Motherfucker exalts (add Glock’s or whatever here). ” After you fail, a brace of Whop me down Sweet Jesus’ is called for. Why would I bother to search for whatever a Mason Jar is? Snuff will find a pic of a donkey rooting a Mason jar and all ist clar.

Whop Me Down Sweet Jesus recipe
serve in Mason Jar
1 oz vodka
1 oz gin
1 oz light rum
1 oz 1800® Tequila
1 oz triple sec
1 1/2 – 2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 splash sweet and sour mix
1 splash 7-Up® soda

Stir with a half arsed Gideon Bible.

biblebibleint

Posted in worst graphic design | Tagged , , | 53 Comments