Whop me down Jesus with a crop top

I found this left in an exam venue. As Ice Tea (or was that Vanilla Ice?) would say, ” Exam taker you fucked up! Whop me down Jesus with a crop top.”  And NEW testament FFS? For exams you need to go all OLD testament on the examiners’ arses. Boils, frogs, first born put to the sword, &cetera. Also looks like the Fuck off we’re full quote from proverbs  is missing from the Aussie flag page. “Righteousness fucks wit’ a nation. Motherfucker exalts (add Glock’s or whatever here). ” After you fail, a brace of Whop me down Sweet Jesus’ is called for. Why would I bother to search for whatever a Mason Jar is? Snuff will find a pic of a donkey rooting a Mason jar and all ist clar.

Whop Me Down Sweet Jesus recipe
serve in Mason Jar
1 oz vodka
1 oz gin
1 oz light rum
1 oz 1800® Tequila
1 oz triple sec
1 1/2 – 2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 splash sweet and sour mix
1 splash 7-Up® soda

Stir with a half arsed Gideon Bible.

biblebibleint

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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53 Responses to Whop me down Jesus with a crop top

  1. monkeypants says:

    i’ll leave the picture for snuff but the mason jar is pretty important in a life changing way to some people:

    http://masonjarschangedmylife.blogspot.com/2006/04/mason-jars-changed-my-life.html

    Like

  2. I’m no doctor of mixology, but sweet and sour mix?

    Like

  3. shazza says:

    What is that cup circled at the bottom? Melbourne Cup? America’s Cup? Or is it a little fat man with his hands on his hips, and a tumour growing out of his head?

    No wonder I don’t get religion, I can’t even understand the pictures.

    Like

    • Panda says:

      Shazza,

      I ceaselessly peruse the internet looking for obscure and often rhetorical biblical questions to answer. It is all part of my grand scheme to direct traffic to my food review website (which has nothing to do with religion at all).

      The little cup you are looking at is supposed to be the sort of clay jar that the Israelites used to collect water during the Midianite oppression of the Jews. Gideon and his army were, in part, able to defeat the Midianties because they hid their torches in water jars so as not to be detected. They smashed the water jars at the last minute, revealing their torches.

      One wonders whether the oppressed Israelites really would have used such an elaborate fat-man-with-his-hands-on-his-hips shaped jar when they were just going to smash it anyway – but i suspect the Gideons know mroe about these sort of things than I do.

      GWOL – BROBAR
      Gideons Way of Life – Be Righteous or Be a Reproach

      Like

      • shazza says:

        Brilliant Panda. Thankyou so much. I was genuinely curious.

        Also love to hear your thought on Shakespeare putting his name into the King James version?

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        • Panda says:

          Anytime Shazza, but it is I who now owes you some thanks.

          I had never heard of Shakespeare putting his name into the KJV, but some quick internet research shows that this conspiracy theory seems to have a fair few followers.

          Sorry I can’t help out with it, but I’ll keep reading on the subject – I love a good conspiracy theory. Perhaps we could start a ‘google KJV truth’ website.

          Like

          • shazza says:

            I have a copy of the KJV and can verify it is in fact there in black and white. I will be interested to hear your thoughts.

            Like

            • Panda says:

              Hi Shazza,

              I’m having a twofold problem with the insertion of the name of Shakespeare into the KJV.

              First, I just can’t get it to line up. While ‘Shake’ is indeed the 46th word from the start of the 46th Psalm, ‘spear’ would appear to be the 47th from the end. I may be using a counterfeit KJV – so let me know if yours lines up properly.

              In any event, there was a pretty large panel of people who oversaw the translation of the KJV. It would have been fairly unlikely that Shakespeare could have taken too much liberty with his translation (if he was, in fact, a translator). I guess it is possible that the original Hebrew contained words that could be interpreted as ‘shake’ and ‘spear’ in approximately the same place, and Shakespeare saw his opportunity – but my guess is that it is more likely a coincidence.

              Like

              • shazza says:

                Mine lines up. 46 in, and 46 back. And yep there were several peeps commissioned to oversee the rewrite, but who would be looking for tricky insertions like that? I don’t know what to think really. It does seem like a remarkable co incidence?

                Like

              • Would that be the King Lear Bible? Remember, three shakes of your spear is a wank.

                Liked your pizza house review Panda, pity is in Sydney.

                Like

                • Panda says:

                  Thanks TLA

                  ’tis a pity I am in Sydney as well. I have heard that over in Perth, despite all the worsting, people actually talk to each other and try to avoid walking into each other.

                  This is a vibrancy that Sydneysiders only dream of.

                  Like

                  • You really heard that?

                    Like

                    • Panda says:

                      I was misinformed?

                      I shall call off my job search in WA.

                      Like

                    • We have jobs here. Public spiritedness we don’t got. Good – as in proper italian pizzas not drowning in crap, oil and over abundant cheese are also very difficult to find.

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                    • Panda says:

                      It was the public spiritedness I was seeking.

                      One of my workmates, a former Perther, has been filling my head with visions of a Perth where people were congenial, didn’t hate each other for merely existing and chatted freely.

                      I now suspect he just wanted me to move to Perth so that he could steal my office.

                      Like

                    • Onanist says:

                      You work with that cunt Tim Winton?

                      Like

                    • shazza says:

                      Don’t listen to him Panda, he’s a refined book reader who’s trapped in the burbs.

                      I can assure you there are places in WA that reek of community mindedness. Freo being an example.

                      Come to Perth. We have plenty of fine, and not so fine, dining to enjoy. And a gap appears to be left by the Beaufort Street bloggers.

                      Like

                    • skink says:

                      can I just say, at the outset, that I hate lots of people for merely existing. It’s quite a list.

                      I have seen little congeniality in this town, but that may be because I scowl at people.

                      Perth is a much nicer place than Sydney, despite the carping, just don’t come on a weekend, or after 9pm, because we are shut.

                      also, I hope you like early mornings, because since those cunts removed daylight saving, the sun comes up at four fucking thirty a.m. and it was 20 degrees at 7am this morning

                      that said, Sydney people are up themselves. the bats know this, and so piss on them from trees.

                      Like

                    • Not daylight saving again? FIFO. If you find yourself on the same team as Cockster, you know you’re wrong.

                      Like

                    • shazza says:

                      I’m on that team too. As is Bento. It’s the issue that will tear us apart. Let’s all promise not to mention DLS at the piss up.

                      Like

                    • skink says:

                      I am in a bad mood about DLS, because my Foxtel box is confused, and tries to record all my ABC programs one hour later.

                      also, I missed the Glory’s game on Sunday because I got the start time from an eastern states website that hadn’t clued on to our cluelessness. Or mine.

                      Like

                    • Panda says:

                      Skink,

                      I am an avid anti-daylight-savings crusader. Perth sounds like quite the utopia.

                      The horrors of daylight savings cannot be underestimated. We Sydneysiders can hardly get any work done because we spend all our time unnecessarily readjusting our clocks. Its like a clock-adjusting rodeo around here.

                      Like

      • Bento says:

        I’m not convinced. Looks more like this, to me.

        Like

    • Rolly says:

      You don’t get religion, shazza?

      You amaze me.

      I would have thought that an erudite individual such as yourself would have realised that is it one of the longest running and most successful con’ jobs in the history of mankind and especially womankind. (Check the ratio of men/women in any Sunday service).

      The real mystery of religion is that the human brain seems to be predisposed to theism of some kind or other; perhaps as a result of the Darwinian principle:

      The infidels and heretics were all put to death in gruesome public displays of tyranny and cruelty; exemplifying my favourite moré:

      “Be reasonable; do it my way.”

      All part of the unholy trinity of politics, commerce and religion.

      No faith excepted.

      Like

      • skink says:

        now go watch the George Carlin monologue.

        I would provide a link, but that’s Snuff’s job

        Like

      • shazza says:

        I have no problem undertsanding the psychological drive that predisposes the human animal to religious belief initially. I just don’t get how they can continue to delude themselves year in, year out.

        As for women attending services in greater numbers. You’ll probably find these are older people. Both genders attended church weekly up til the 40’s, these same men started to die off (being the weaker sex) in the last couple of decades leaving the widows to carry on.

        Like

        • Rolly says:

          Well, shaz, as a once-upon-a-time seriously religious person and a thrice-a-week attendee at church and chapel services, I can assure you that, even then, in the murky depths of time, the ladies outnumbered the gentlemen.

          Generally the male attendees were mostly under threat of domestic discord and long term involuntary celibacy if they did not submit and trot along with SWMBO.

          Chicken for Sunday lunch. Hah! Bunkum!
          It was hot tongue and/or cold shoulder for those who so much as suggested that a sabbatical on the sabbath might be in order.

          The vast majority of men of that era died of causes unrelated to hereditary debility.
          Machismo (“ladies first,” “let me do the heavy lifting,” “no, dear, you go inside, I’ll stay out here in the wind and rain and call you when the ‘bus comes.” etc. ad nauseum.
          Risk taking in order to defend the family and to provide nurture and nourishment.
          Tobacco.
          Booze.
          Malnourishment as a consequence of “Family first” attitude and gereral ignorance of the different dietary requirements of working men, especially those involved in heavy manual labour.

          And a fair amount of frustration, physical, psychological and sexual.

          Not true of every one, of course, but there was a hell of a lot of it about.

          Like

          • shazza says:

            What you fail to realise Rolly, is that these women were too spent from servicing the clergymen to put out for their hubbies when they got home from work. The women weren’t frustrated at all. Sexually that is.

            And I imagine a fair few men died from clap related illnesses they picked up from pox ridden whores.

            Like

  4. Bento says:

    Blue curacao from a mason jar is a recipe for disaster. That shirt will never be white again.

    Like

  5. skink says:

    Ezra Pound serve their cocktails in mason jars, although they may just be old jam jars. A straw is provided to save the shirt front of those with thin lips.

    on an unrelated note – did you see the photo of Britney on the front page of the West, tits akimbo?

    I immediately thought of Shazza’s boast about giving a twentysomething a run for their money in perkyness

    and another Worst spotted in a Merry’s ad in the West.
    Merry’s may have dumped Chong, but their judgement is still in question, as is their arithmetic.

    “save $600 on this Chesterfield suite. Was $1695, now $1650!”

    every single item on the page was a similar bargain

    Like

  6. oldfart says:

    Gawd blehss Orstraylia.

    Like

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