Burning Down the House

Posted on June 19, 2008 by AHC McDonald

According to 6PR cockjock Howard “Good Riddance” Sattler, Perth pensioners are gnawing on dog bones in the dark these desperate days. If so, is it right that this tavern should have it’s heaters on with the doors wide open during this gas crisis? I have to say yes and YES. It’s like tapping your foot lightly to the brass band as the Titanic goes down, raising one last dry martini to the conductor with an insouciant smile on the dial. I have to call not worst. It just seems so right to be having a drink in the bracing winter air with gas heaters lightly toasting the brow with the last few cc’s of the country’s gas supplies, while chuckling about dog food guzzling pensioners. Ahh, happy days, happy days. Why don’t Sattler’s dog food gatronomes (if they exist) drop by. The barman will warm up a can of mulled PAL for them.

I did get a couple of worsts at the establishment though. Worst wearing of pants…

…and worst graffiti. Chalk? Wank?

Posted in worst fashion, worst graffiti | Tagged , , | 28 Comments

Career opportunity, the ones that never knock (twice)

Posted on June 18, 2008 by AHC McDonald
Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep you out the dock
Career opportunity, the ones that never knock – The Clash

Isn’t “career” opportunity a little rich for motorcycle postie? I would have gone “job” opportunity myself, unless you are looking for a career path that climaxes with a motorcycle leap over 40 buses. Speaking of buses, this reminds me of the sign you see on some of them, “Can you see yourself driving this bus?”. Which means “Can you see yourself covered with your blood and someone else’s saliva?”

Posted in worst advertising, worst sign | Tagged , | 10 Comments

Perth’s Smallest Bar

Posted on June 17, 2008 by AHC McDonald
Hemingway is terribly limited. His technique is good for short stories, for people who meet once in a bar very late at night, but do not enter into relations. But not for the novel.
W. H. Auden

Apparently Perth now has a small bar policy where cool Melbourne style bars can cater for Perth’s boutique drunken pigs. Is this one manifestation? Is it true that this unlicenced van with a fridge (but no seats) once served as a mobile piss palace for a local football club, and actually used to drive down onto the oval to dispense illegal tinnies? Or was that just a vicious rumour put about by the liqour licensing authorities? If anyone can get photos of the sly grog van servicing footballers, would be much appreciated. I doubt it ever happened myself. No-one would flout our worthy piss laws like that.

Posted in worst car, worst pub/hotel/design | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Young White Lesbians Launched

Posted on June 16, 2008 by AHC McDonald

Some may remember complaints from a previous commenter (who sadly left these pages in high dudgeon) that Young White Lesbians get every art grant these days. I asked for volunteers to take up the attractive Young White Lesbian blog registry. Finally someone has taken up his cudgel and started to blog with it. Johnny Scrotum porn consultant has been launched under the YWL banner. Although I have been offering some technical and design support, no it isn’t me. The photo is a genuine pic of J’Scro.

According to Johnny, for those in The Biz, he has all the tricks and all the tips to make sure you’re still banging away on screen well into your 70’s. There will be an editorial and advice column every week.

here

Posted in worst of perth | 6 Comments

The Beachist

Posted on June 16, 2008 by AHC McDonald
I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me. Anna Quindlen

Going through all my submission archives trying to catch up, I came across this one from Drew. Drew sent in one of the finest ever submissions Doggy Style Alsation Rampant, and in the excitement I missed this one Drew also snapped at The Blender Gallery Joondalup. Apparently by Merv Britten. Astounding. In case you are wondering, yes it does seem to be carrots on the beach.

Posted in worst art | Tagged , | 9 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 10

Posted on June 14, 2008 by AHC McDonald

A guest worst from Victoria. An extraordinary sign. A woman with a bikini floats above celery. From the lens of Golden1. Thanks mate. More local, but separated in time are these shots of an excellent bookfrom 1971 I found. Perth, City of light by Ivan O’Riley. Amazing slice of life and dreams of Perth from 37 years ago. For insstance, the horeshoe bridge was doomed, at any moment about to be removed to link the city with Northbridge. I don’t think we can blame Alannah for that delay.

Alan Bond, businessman, sportsman. A young man in a hurry…

The biggest change seems to have been Perth’s nightlife. For the worse. Ivan writes of Perth by night, topless bars and seedy lounges. For example, The Riviera nightclub in Como was a sensual feast for marauding male eyes. What went wrong Como?

Posted in worst of perth | 13 Comments

The Worst of Perth TV. Monster Kingswood Theatre

Posted on June 13, 2008 by AHC McDonald
It was the incarnation of blind and insensate Greed. It was a monster devouring with a thousand mouths, trampling with a thousand hoofs; it was the Great Butcher–it was the spirit of Capitalism made flesh.
Upton Sinclair

Well if The West online can have West TV (Gawd save us) Then The Worst of Perth needs to match it. A Monster Kingswood Station Wagon? If I didn’t video it, I still wouldn’t believe it. I had a more ambitious production in mind, but the Microsoft editor only has ONE audio track. Jeez, you think for free they’d provide a mixing track. I include a still for those unable to access youtube at work. The monster wagon also goes past an East Perth sculpture that has been suggested worst before AND The Chinese Embassy. You won’t see this on West TV.

Posted in worst of perth | 17 Comments

Natures Hideaway

Posted on June 12, 2008 by AHC McDonald

Strange that the apostrophe police haven’t hit Natures Hideaway yet. It’s a pretty horrible sign apart from that. Maybe nature is hiding from this Elmar sign across the road. For some reason I always thought he was hacking away at a horse’s head until I took the photo and looked at it closely. He looks a little like Liberace to me. I’ve been walking home from the city to Embleton lately, so have been able to capture some good worsts from the Beaufort Street Arrondisement.

Posted in worst advertising, worst graphic design, worst sign | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

Fax it West

Posted on June 10, 2008 by AHC McDonald

Discussion of Fairfax’s new online site has been moved here. What about The West’s online revamp as well?

So the tired old West finally got some of the competition that we media whingers have been asking for for years. What was the result? First viewings of the Fairfax challenge could be summed up with the (not even) word “meh”. Hands up who was expecting an ultra slick online tour de force that would sweep the The West’s cringeworthy online version into the bin? Didn’t happen. The result was a Sydney Morning Herald with a few Perth locations clumsily slotted in.

You have to wonder why a media organisation looking to topple a tottering and frankly embarrassing incumbent in The West Online would turn to Howard Sattler? The same Sattler who had to slink out of Sydney as a craven failure with an audience of two stray dogs. Is it possible to be more out of touch? Come on, GET IT TOGETHER FAIRFAX. We’ve been awaiting your arrival for 3 years and you give us THE ABILITY TO HEAR 6PR LIVE? What the hell is wrong with you? Did you do no research at all? Snap it up and do it quick, or pretty soon you’ll be offering 6 new Holden in 6 weeks.

Sadly the only really good aspect is that The West may finally have to lift it’s game, dump the dead weight (Paul Murray etc) and finally get its online shit together.

Posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper | Tagged , , , , , | 346 Comments

Corruption City

Posted on June 10, 2008 by AHC McDonald
“Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.”
Joseph P. Kennedy

Haven’t had much architecture lately. A building involved in the jailing of a Premier that surprisingly wasn’t Brian Burke for a change. Liberal Ray O’Connor was found to have accepted a cheque for $25 000 from Bond corpration in the 1980’s to bribe councillors to approve this pile of shit on the beach at Scarborough, Perth’s worst beach. Despite apparently keeping the money himself, the council still approved said shitpile.

The lazy Aussie in his experience of italian wedding videos often had to work here where the cheap bastards would never feed us photographers or the band, leading to even shoddier video work than usual from me, and surly renditions of Unchained Melody from the bands. Revolting inside and out, with a history even uglier, the building is soon to be a vanished worst as plans for demolition and a new erection are finalised. The section in the foreground is like a Dr Who set, and is also possibly made from polystyrene.

observation.jpg

Fax it West

Posted in worst architecture, worst beach, worst people, worst politician, worst pub/hotel/design, worst venue design | Tagged , , | 54 Comments