Doggy Style, Alsatian Rampant

To say I was astounded by this photograph sent in by Drew would be an understatement. I babbled, I laughed like a gibbon, I cried like a chimp, I went “Wuh,wah, But what fuck uh, huh?” Could “Playtime” by I Creator be the world’s worst painting, right here at our own Blender Gallery Joondalup? Or is it one of the best ever? Is the total ineptness of the production offset by the outrageous setting? An Alsatian, tongue out, eyes a woman’s genitals while she plays with a kitten (pussy). I hope there’s not a tryptich, because I’m sure panel 3 would have the dog sharing a cigarette with the woman. And what’s with the low hanging gut and toy feet? I’m not even sure it’s legal, but $1500 will get you this piece today. I’m sure however that the price will go up faster than an Alsatian’s erection after international TWOP readers start a bidding war. On the other hand, it would have looked awesome on Cockburn Station. Image remains copyright Drew.

alsatian.jpg
the worst of perth

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About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst art, worst of the worst and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

84 Responses to Doggy Style, Alsatian Rampant

  1. David Cohen says:

    Ye. Gods.
    I like this on the galley’s site:
    “You can enquire information or leave a massage on 9300 3088 or news@theblender.org.au“.
    The doggy-style massage is the message.

    Like

  2. River Ralphie says:

    I think my brain just broke. It’s too early in the morning to see something like that, let alone think about it until the rubber band powering my mind snaps…

    Like

  3. cimbali says:

    Where is Greg H when you need him?

    Like

  4. Golden1 says:

    My brain can’t quite cope with the image so instead I am going to focus on the woman’s incredibly short shins and small feet. I think she is only on hands and knees because her legs simply cannot hold support weight.

    Like

  5. Golden1 says:

    That last sentence should read “support her weight”
    I was in a hurry to see if I had set up my gravatar correctly.
    Clearly I hadn’t!

    Like

  6. Andrew Haig says:

    That’s so bad it’s very, very good… in fact so very good it becomes bad again…

    I suspect it may be ‘ironic’ and deliberately bad, which is good, but not if you have to look at it with your own eyeballs for too long.

    Like

  7. But would it be painted so badly if irony?

    Like

  8. Rage says:

    Mother of GOD.

    Like

  9. “I think she is only on hands and knees because her legs simply cannot hold support her weight.”

    IMO, I think it’s CRUSHING SHAME that’s keeping her down. Also, is it my imagination, or does she have a second set of boobs hanging down below the first? Maybe that’s why the dog looks so googley-eyed shocked.

    Lovecraft was right. What’s seen cannot be unseen.

    ::cries::

    Like

  10. cimbali says:

    “What’s seen cannot be unseen.” Wasn’t that Yoda?

    Like

  11. Perfect quote for this picture. I don’t think I will ever forget this.

    Like

  12. cimbali says:

    Sadly neither will I

    Like

  13. Del Quant says:

    If Iggy ever re-releases “I Wanna Be Your Dog”, the artwork’s already done…

    Like

  14. “That which is “scene” is often obscene” ~ Ærchie the Deep

    Sorry, I forgot – you do the jokes – – – :) :)

    (I found you because my stats froze as well – seems there was a fair Aussie contingent in the frozen brigade – and I’m sure I have lost stats over it!

    Like

  15. skink says:

    is this a two-legged dog?

    the left hind leg is slipped under the doona, whilst the right legs are omitted. the dogs genitalia have however, been rendered in detail.

    can I suggest that the tower on Cockburn station becomes a rotating TWOP gallery, displaying only the most toe-curlingly bad art produced in Perth – in the manner of Trafalgar Square’s fourth plinth?

    Like

  16. archie, I thought I should have more stats too. This obscenity of a picture has been frequently viewed around the world.

    Like

  17. Always look for patterns in paintings : is it dog pussy dog pussy ? This is definitely one additional artist ( not mentioning names ) who has gone mad and needs shooting. Add him to the list of tutu and teapot wearing ( I can’t find my tinfoil hat) Perth artists

    Like

  18. Levon says:

    We should start a petition to get him on Sunday Arts, that interview with the bloke who used to be on Fast Forward would be great. I really would love to hear the artist bang on about his inspiration for the piece, what it truly means in this uncertain socio-economic time we live in, how it is a metaphor for humanity’s relationship with nature, and how it reminds him of a time of yesteryear when naked women could play with their pussies in the privacy of their own bedroom without the fear of getting mounted by a slavering dog/rugby player.

    Or, on second thought, perhaps the high angle of the piece is suggesting a webcam’s eye-view.

    Like

  19. I think Lucien Freud may have been able to “pull off” this tableaux. Perhaps there should be a worldwide competition of artist to interpret this scene. Rather like all the comedians interpreting the joke “the Aristocrats” in that movie.

    Like

  20. adam1975 says:

    This pianting doesn’t belong to TWOP. It belongs TWFS: The Worst, Full Stop.

    Like

  21. adam1975 says:

    See? It’s so bad, it fucked with my spelling!

    Like

  22. Art Heretic says:

    So messed up I want you here
    In my room I want you here
    Now were gonna be face-to-face
    And Ill lay right down in my favorite place
    And now I wanna be your dog
    Now I wanna be your dog
    Now I wanna be your dog
    Well cmon

    Like

  23. poor lisa says:

    I thought this must be one of Greg’s.

    You see a lot of things online but I’ve never seen anything like this.

    Stop picking on the poor lady though. She is in enough trouble as it is.

    Like

  24. Mez says:

    it could have been from this show:

    22 May – 4 June, 2007

    ‘Dog Show’ Exhibition

    Artists: Gail Leidich, Marisa Tindall, Suzanne Louge, Jane Roche paintings and drawings. Eva Boogaard underwater photographs and Judy Rogers sculpture.

    Artworks depicting dogs. The artists aim was to explore the connection between human and dog. They want to portray the joy and feelings of having a four-legged companion. They aim is to describe the social interactions with fellow humans dog ownership can give. Show how by having a dog we can associate with our environment.

    Like

  25. Mez says:

    or perhaps this one:

    26 Feb-2 March 2008

    ‘Love 2 Live, Live 2 Love’ Exhibition

    The exhibition is a reflection on love in today’s world, 3D works and paintings. Two Danes Suzanne Eis Benzon, living in Denmark, and Michael Nielsen, living in Western Australia for 9 years, have created this exhibition together.

    Like

  26. Anonymous Perthon says:

    This is so horrifying that after my first sighting of it I had to go have a Bex and a lie down. LA you should put up a warning before showing these shots (well done Drew, this is my pick for the Worst of all Perth)

    Like

  27. The Challenged Porcelain!! says:

    Golden1 – Got your Bling happening at last I see – judging from you new avatar/gravatar whatever the bloody things are called!!

    Like

  28. poor lisa says:

    The more I look at it (it’s hard to stop!) I think this is just disgusting really. It’s just pure unalloyed filth, and misogynistic, and it’s really bad painting and not really art.

    But on Cockburn station it might work.

    Like

  29. Drew says:

    Thanks Anon :)

    I wonder how would you go about buying it?

    “Excuse me, I’d like to buy the painting of the woman playing with her pussy while the dog watches”

    Like

  30. Anonymous Perthon says:

    Drew, I should imagine that anyone that sells this sort of “art” would have a selection for you to choose from, where did you find it?

    Like

  31. I can’t stop looking at it either. Hypnotic.

    Like

  32. cimbali says:

    Maybe it’s a self portrait!
    Actually it could be a self portrait by the dog which would explain the missing front right paw. He couldn’t draw it coz he was using it to hold the brush.
    Even though I never want to see it again I would like Drew to go back and get a close up of her face. There is definitely something weird going on there. Do you think she is checking the cat for fleas? Her expression suggests she found a canker.

    Like

  33. Golden1 says:

    TCP @27 – No. At least it is not appearing on my screen.

    Like

  34. Golden1 says:

    Hooray! Thanks TCP foe bringing it to my attention!

    Like

  35. Golden1 says:

    I of course meant for – you are not a foe

    Like

  36. Levon says:

    There is something weird going on with her face. But what about those tanlines? Is that a corset tanline around her waist? Or maybe it’s from her second bra, like that fat 6-boobed alien in Return of the Jedi.

    Like

  37. poor lisa says:

    Nobody has said much about the poor cat, the final piece of the chain.

    If the self portrait is by the woman, all I can say is I hope she’s locked up safely. Maybe it is and she is already locked up, which would explain a lot.

    Like

  38. Drew says:

    I came across this “artwork” while walking down Central Walk in Joondalup, I actually walked right past it then had to do a double take – it took a while to process what was going on.
    I recommend anyone heading towards the Northern suburbs to drop by and have a look, I think they’re open until 9pm.
    Just like the Mona Lisa, it’s one thing to see it in a picture, but seeing it in real life is a whole new experience.

    Like

  39. The Challenged Porcelain!! says:

    @34 – thought you were practicing your “jive talkin'” there foe a minute!!

    Like

  40. Mez says:

    ahem, The Cramps (excuse the length but tey are such good lyrics)

    “Here kitty kitty. You better move along. Cuz the big cats walk at the break of dawn. Now doggonnit baby. Oohh I said doggone…Hey can your pussy do the dog? Can your pussy do the dog? Can your pussy do the (houndog, bulldog, poodlecut) baby? Can your pussy do the dog? This whole mess useless now as a whistle on a plow. If your pussy can’t do the dog. I’m the king of the jungle. They call me tiger man. I’m gonna do the bird. If I can, if I can. My bird can do the dog. If your pussy can? Come on and wag that tail. Baby you can’t fail. If’n your pussy can’t do the dog. Hey hey hey…Hully hully gully…No pedigree from France will get you in the dance. Lessin your pussy can do the dog. Come on and wag that tail baby you can’t fail. If’n your pussy can do the dog. Cha cha cha!”

    Like

  41. poor lisa says:

    Holy shit Drew! This is in a shopfront??? I thought it was from an online gallery!

    Where’s the moral majority when you need them? Not so long ago this used to be a town where Rodney Rude got arrested for performing and you couldn’t show R movies on Good Friday!

    Like

  42. Frank Calabrese says:

    This looks like a job for the Member for Hilarys – Rob Johnson – he’s an expert in such matters if you go by Hansard :-)

    Like

  43. Oh yeah, the scourge of the hoons. Perhaps someone should forward him this filth?

    Like

  44. Golden1 says:

    I think this is All Time Worst.
    In fact if there was a World’s Worst Competition you could enter this painting with every confidence of taking a place if not winning.
    The subject matter, coupled with the total ineptitude of the artist puts this painting in a complete league of it’s own.

    Well done Drew on your extraordinary find.

    Like

  45. Added to worst of worst category.

    Like

  46. Martin says:

    Hahahahaha! A-Class TWOP right here.

    Like

  47. Golden1 says:

    I also really hate it when artists can’t draw feet so they hide them behind things.

    Like

  48. Anonymous Perthon says:

    Hey LA, I suggested this for worst of worst and was ignored many posts ago – its because I havent got a gravitar isnt it, isnt it.

    Like

  49. I meant to put it on as worst of worst at the beginning, but just got round to it.

    Like

  50. Rolly says:

    Well! Now that I’ve changed my wet underwear (again), looking closely at the photo it does seem that the girl has at least three titties.
    I might have to go North to have a closer look to confirm that it is really not the delusionary product of someones schizophrenic camera.

    Like

  51. My Xy says:

    The background doesn’t do much for the rest of the painting and I really don’t like those striped sheets!! The bedroom looks like it needs a complete and total makeover. Get in renovation rescue crew I SAY!!

    OH and don’t forget the RSPCA and PET (Psychiatric Evaluation Team)

    Like

  52. Shohan says:

    On closer inspection it just gets WORSE. The perspective on the dogs ears isn’t right. And the cat looks like it’s wearing a fake beard. Plus, you know, everything else.

    What a trainwreck.

    Like

  53. Anonymous Perthon says:

    The dogs got a monobrow

    Like

  54. I’m looking forward to paintings from this artist’s “gerbil series”.

    Like

  55. Peter says:

    This looks like a job for Cesar Milan… the Dog Whisperer.

    As you can see, the woman is calm, relaxed and submissive. The alsation is DOMINANT… he is pack leader.

    Like

  56. meccano101 says:

    What an earth has been going on while I have been away?
    I love it! I ‘ll have more to say when I’m back online next week. Can’t wait.

    Like

  57. Meccano! I was worried you’d miss this one.

    Like

  58. Mazarina says:

    Awful! truly awful – I’m a bit speechless by it all really.

    Like

  59. killabot says:

    i want this picture so badly!

    Like

  60. Anonymous Perthon says:

    a mere $1500 small ones and it’s yours, killabot

    Like

  61. killabot says:

    well, i don’t want this picture THAT badly… :P

    Like

  62. Bargearse says:

    So which reader of this site bought it? It hasn’t been in the gallery for a couple of weeks now.

    Like

  63. A private collector no doubt. Very private. It’s hard to think that it could have been sold for $1500.

    Like

  64. just to add to the WTF, about 99% of all calico cats are female. that’s one hairy calico cat.

    Like

  65. Pingback: Alsatian Tongue Action Plus Woman’s Genitals Plus Pussy Equals Art | SKIRMISHER

  66. Re:
    Next year how bout we have ‘young white lesbians’ get cross on the cross because they have to wear a brassiere, cause oversized fat drooping boobs on public display are nothing much to get spiritual about.

    Now yer talking Greg. Let’s do it baby.

    Like

  67. greghoey says:

    Its an idea with massive potential la and its just the hiring out of the theatre we have to take care of. We’ve got our star. -Poor witless lisa.

    All we really need now is an audience, some promotion via ‘worst’ and OK we need a cross.

    Like

  68. greghoey says:

    If this was successful we could the following year put on a piece even more topical and shocking. Young white lesbians get naked and have rather interesting romp in bed tickling their pussey while being muff-dived by lean mean hostile well hung alsations!!

    Now thats a goer if ever there was one.

    Like

  69. greghoey says:

    Probably more of a midnight crowd that one actually.

    Like

  70. I’m also a little worried about the funding appication. Maybe let me do the talking.

    Like

  71. The vibe never lies baby.

    Like

  72. meccano101 says:

    L.A I’m convinced this painting is a sketch for the Knock’er off sculpture. Turn it on end, replace the pussy then add the nappy – it’s the same. It can’t be coincidence.

    Like

  73. Greg. I see you in the moderation queue, but you need to make your comments on the topic of the post. I removed all comments from anyone who was not talking about this marvellous painting.

    Like

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  77. RodB says:

    The “artist” who threw together this bilge has clearly achieved their goal…to invite controversy and comments, no matter how negative!

    Like

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  81. The Legend 101 says:

    Er yuck not this again.

    Like

  82. RubyRuby says:

    Thank you, TL101, for flagging this post up for me!

    I particularly like the idea that there’s a pool room in Tapping or Edgewater with this in pride of place between gleaming athletics trophies etc. And possibly facing a classy pic of dogs playing poker with neon highlights done in actual neon lights, because that’s Art, guaranteed. And maybe something from the Franklin Mint nearby.

    I also am enjoying the thought that someone has bought this as an investment piece, and is trying to get it insured…

    Like

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