Burning Down the House

According to 6PR cockjock Howard “Good Riddance” Sattler, Perth pensioners are gnawing on dog bones in the dark these desperate days. If so, is it right that this tavern should have it’s heaters on with the doors wide open during this gas crisis? I have to say yes and YES. It’s like tapping your foot lightly to the brass band as the Titanic goes down, raising one last dry martini to the conductor with an insouciant smile on the dial. I have to call not worst. It just seems so right to be having a drink in the bracing winter air with gas heaters lightly toasting the brow with the last few cc’s of the country’s gas supplies, while chuckling about dog food guzzling pensioners. Ahh, happy days, happy days. Why don’t Sattler’s dog food gatronomes (if they exist) drop by. The barman will warm up a can of mulled PAL for them.

I did get a couple of worsts at the establishment though. Worst wearing of pants…

…and worst graffiti. Chalk? Wank?

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst fashion, worst graffiti and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Burning Down the House

  1. skink says:

    I see all the media are running with the story that the gas crisis may hit society where it really hurts – the footy.

    we can live with the fear of old folk dying of hypothermia, with schoolchildren sitting in dark classrooms, with industry grinding to a halt and workers being thrown onto Struggle Street,

    but warm beer and no footy ?
    that scares the bejeesus out of us.

    Like

  2. David Cohen says:

    It’s swings and roundabouts. We haven’t had the reverse-cycle aircon on all week at home. It was like Greenland in the study on Tuesday night.

    The ‘leccy blankets have been on, mind, and we’re still having piping hot showers.

    Like

  3. Rolly says:

    It merely adds to my cynicism and conviction that the majority of folk are completely insulated from reality.
    Read this:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7461707.stm

    Like

  4. Rolly says:

    It merely adds to my cynicism and the conviction that the majority of folk are totally insulated from reality.
    Read this:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7461707.stm

    Like

  5. Rolly says:

    Why won’t the site accept my two bob’s worth?????

    Like

  6. squib says:

    lol nice image LA re tapping feet, Titantic

    We’ve turned our spa off (it uses a heat pump). I’m a bit miffed because the Freo Pool phoned to cancel the kid’s swimming lessons. LittleSquib has just learnt to swim unaided and no doubt by the time they fix it all she will have to start back as a jellyfish

    Obviously I wouldn’t have lasted long in the Blitz :-)

    Like

  7. Bayswater pool was still heated when I was there at 5:30 this morning.

    Like

  8. Paul says:

    From what I know of big heated pools, its much much much more efficient to keep them heated, than to let them cool and then heat them back up again.

    I know that applies for overnight temp drops, and probably applies if they turned it off for a week, but maybe not for 4 months.

    Like

  9. squib says:

    Well of course we like to be a bit self-righteous here in Fremantle

    Like

  10. skink says:

    Nothing to do with the thread, but you might enjoy this footy spoof:

    Like

  11. Sunili says:

    Well, I suppose it’s a good thing that guy didn’t win “Worst Wearing of Underpants”.

    Like

  12. King of Bayswater says:

    Where abouts is this tavern from Hell? Its not the Penisula is it?

    Like

  13. I’d rather not say.

    Like

  14. #4 Rolly. If there are links in the post, it often puts it in the spam bin, even though it should know you are a longstanding safe contributor.

    Like

  15. Rolly says:

    Ta, LA.
    I like the colour of the underdungers; not much chance of visible skid marks there 8O

    Like

  16. Cookster says:

    I took this issue up in my most recent blog, as someone who survived the 20 day gas shut down in Melbourne back in 1989. Can’t live without our gas heating? Try taking a cold shower when it’s 3 degrees on a chill Melbourne morn… as DC would likely say, ‘fucking outraged!’

    Like

  17. Hughie says:

    Re: 11 King of Bayswater

    Maylands, it’s definitely somewhere in Maylands…

    Like

  18. Rolly says:

    Strange, but on yesterday’s visit to the local supermarket, I noticed that the shelves that host the personal hygiene articles were virtually depleted of deodorants.
    Are we getting soft or what?
    Obviously not many Gordonstoun Boarding school ex-pupils resident in the Western sububs.

    Like

  19. Bedfords Crackpot Fraternity! says:

    Dont forget teh thermal underwear and teh backflap option people! A little warming excersize under teh blankets wouldnt go astray either!!

    Like

  20. The Intellectual Bogan says:

    “Strange, but on yesterday’s visit to the local supermarket, I noticed that the shelves that host the personal hygiene articles were virtually depleted of deodorants.”

    You may have something there Rolly.

    I commute by motorcycle, and, as I merrily scooted through the traffic on GE Highway this morning (and yesterday for that matter) the perfume of personal hygeine products wafting from seemingly every vehicle, overpowered the usual tang of exhaust fumes. Not a phenomenon I’ve previously noticed.

    I heat with wood and my hot water and cooking are from bottled gas (different source from NG) so I’m watching the situation with amused detachment.

    A mate was at a meeting with government officials a few days ago to discuss the gas issue, and, apparently, they were at pains to emphasise that it was not a crisis and basically banned the use of the C word.

    And to ramble further, has Howard actually bought dog food recently? It’s bloody expensive considering it’s basically a top-dressing for sports ovals.

    Like

  21. Mango says:

    Hmm, I would have placed a bet on it being the Curtin Tav (what with the worst underpants), had you not said Curtin had turned OFF it’s gas LA.
    Give us a hint – NOR or SOR?

    Like

  22. B.T. says:

    Crisis, what crisis?

    I’m not turning down my heat until my neighbour turns off his pool pump…

    Like

  23. Tis Curtin, and the gas is back.

    Like

  24. CK says:

    I actually don’t think he’s wearing any underpants. He’s just had the words ‘Bonds’ tatooed around his waist against a white background.

    Like

  25. G says:

    I’ve had a gas crisis in Melbourne in 1998. Two weeks of cold showers, fortunately it was in the Spring. There was no gas cooking either, and I remember the shops ran out of microwaves and electric kettles within 2 days.
    Why hasn’t the gas for showers and boiled peas been turned off in Perth? The dedicated Simpsons fan might spot this quote: “Err, election in November, election in November…”

    Like

  26. Rick says:

    Looks familiar. Curtin Tav? They ALWAYS have their heaters on…

    Like

  27. Rolly says:

    Rick,

    That’s ‘cos of all the cold hard facts that the students have to absorb.

    Like

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