Bar Lazy

Yes I’m constructing an outdoor bar out of an old palette, wood scraps and bamboo garden stakes. What of it? I’m not sure if it puts me in Things Bogans Like category. Do they like outdoor bars? In any case, I’m adding vibrancy up the ying yang to my garden, already vibing off the richter scale with concrete lions, flamingo and swan planters.
No tabs. Cash only.
Perhaps Lisa She-Ra Scaffidi can open it when it’s done?

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorisable Worsts and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Bar Lazy

  1. Peter says:

    I hear the sound of one pot cracking!

    Like

  2. vegan says:

    i’m guessing we’ve found the location for twop drinks then?

    Like

  3. Peter says:

    Pffft…that’s not bogan. I’m making an outdoor bar constructed entirely from Bintang tank tops.

    Like

  4. B.T. says:

    I think a bogan would use a “pallet” anyway. “Palette(s)” are for metrocentric artistes.

    Like

    • Bag O'Turnips says:

      The nouveau bogan would make one from a ready-to-assemble kit in whatever style has captured the mainstream (lack of) imagination. Even if the contents were all present and correct and the assembly instructions weren’t in garbled Chinglish, they’d still succeed in making a hash of it.

      Like

  5. orbea says:

    wtf is that tiling worsterpiece ‘neath the bar in question?

    Like

  6. NVL_II says:

    Nice! Needs Tiki mugs to go on top.

    Like

  7. Bento says:

    Marvellous. Not worst. Does it have the same delicate aroma of vomit as the Hula Bula Bar?

    Like

  8. skink says:

    Jamie Durie: eat your fucking heart out

    you can now invite your friends to push up a stool

    will there be a water feature?

    Like

  9. Snuff says:

    Please, TLA, do it at home.

    p.s. Just one of the recent Tokyo signs building on their amazing tradition.

    Like

  10. BrownBook says:

    I’m sure Shallow Spice will write up the opening as breaking ‘news’

    Like

    • I have never typed an “L” followed by an “O” followed by another “L” in my life, but I did laugh out loud at that comment.

      Like

      • orbea says:

        cocktails at Lazy’s

        Like

      • orbea says:

        hello looser

        Like

      • skink says:

        you need to pitch her a story about how the city refuses to give you a small bar license and how this is strangling the vibrancy

        offer her a free bacardi breezer and a guest DJ slot and she’ll print it

        Like

        • Garden bar has neighbours “up in arms”.

          Like

          • skink says:

            “what Embleton can learn from New York City:
            it’s time to grow up little old Embleton.”

            Like

            • orbea says:

              Worst mix for stylish bars
              Shallow Spice
              November 12, 2010

              As the small and sophisticated bar solarution in Perth continues, one of the newest kids on the block has proved quality, sophistication and quirks are winning ingredients. Coupled with an attention to scrivening that is unsurpassed in BoomTown WA Lazy Aussies have developed a stunning combination of vibracy, cheap arsedness that draws the rurotard collar-up and sheep dip crowd. The bass heavy booming sounds from the Onkyo drown the conversation and let’s face it, we’re only to pick up chlamydia anyway.

              The increasingly sophisticated tastes of the community have been rewarded in recent times with the establishment of a number of stylish bars and pubs catering to the more sophisticated set.

              Thankfully Lazy Aussies in Embleton, open since October, has proved immensely popular with people content to sip quite average wine in a homely yet quirky interior with many a hot-headed drunk in sight.

              And last night it won the best contemporary bar award at the Australian Hotels Association Awards For Eksalince, sharing the prize with Teh Norwood in the city, where a stunning refurbishment and fantastic
              wine list (Norwood also won best hotel goon list) has reinvigorated the top end of Teh Arrondisement.

              Dinah Lush from the AHA said Lazy Aussies was a small bar where attention to detail made all the difference.
              “It has paid attention to all of the fine details of the small bar experience,” she said.

              “The tiki bar stands isolated challenging anyone to move towards its rustic and post-industrial homage to mass consumerism. Pallets! Motherfucken Pallets. Its genius. Last time I saw these I was pulling splinters out of my butt for weeks. Now in a blinding moment of poverty and need for alcohol, Andy Mac has kept his glass off the floor. I am looking for the patina to evolve over the months,” she said.

              “he’s a fkkn genius, where’s the smirny cranny goon bitch?”

              “It’s doing things at a higher level. My glass kept falling over on the tilework and distracting attention away from the dolphin and dog cadavers”

              She said bars and pubs were being rewarded for catering to an increasingly sophisticated audience keen to enjoy a quiet cocktail with friends, whether the glasses were rimmed or unrimmed, the tasteful application of rimming was always welcome.

              “It’s great for Perth to have that dynamic scene starting to emerge, excuse me I have to vomit,” she said.

              “These venues are becoming more sophisticated in every aspect of hospitality except clientele. Perth is mthrfkkn Perth, bleurgh, and I love it that way.”

              “Daile can you keep my hair back?”

              Like

  11. Bag O'Turnips says:

    Stock the bar with drinks using The Red Castle wine list as a reference point: with Perth’s sophistication, you can’t go wrong! No doubt T_e Lazy will be the cradle of the renaissance of Moselle…why did we go down the path of RTDs, I’ll never know.

    While you’re at it, TLA, please mix me a brandy Alexander and put the Blue Nun on ice, ta.

    Like

  12. Rolly says:

    If that’s to be the venue for the next Twop gathering, even I, the pub despiser, might almost be tempted to attend.
    Tick of approval from Maximus Parsimonius.
    Love it.

    Like

  13. Onanist says:

    Sorry I’m late.
    Don’t forget the coasters, TLA.
    No, not the round thingys you put your drink on, the wheel thingys.

    Like

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