White Swan

In the light of the blackface controversy which (not surprisingly for TWOP) erupted on a post about two poles in Northbridge, I scoured my garden for a concrete aborigine to contribute. I could only find this from my private worst collection. Although it could have been a black swan in whiteface. One day I might have the only two concrete swan planters left out of the tens of thousands that used to exist. At least no-one will be able to say “That’s my Dad’s Swan!” Except for young Master Worst, but he can’t write yet. swan

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorisable Worsts, worst garden and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

62 Responses to White Swan

  1. Caribou Bob says:

    Oy, first post! And may i say, the self-evident white supremacy of this phallic visual violence is just further incitement against the marginalised in the city. You know who i mean, the bumkins, the Blackfaced, the Nurry Lovers and Jesper (although is no longer of Perth residence, no wonder!)

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  2. TDJ says:

    There is a ripper concrete aboriginal proudly displayed in the front garden of a house on Milton St in Glendaloug.

    Like

  3. Hang on, why did Perth have white swan planters when we have only black swans here? Get Harry C, or at least Frank C on the case.

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  4. shazza says:

    Not Worst!

    Like

  5. Bedford Crackpot who unfortunately was seduced away from TWOP to a dumbarse facebook app called bumpkinville or farmville, had to drive the two swans and two lions back from Busselton where I found them, severely straining the axle of a 1966 valiant ute.

    Like

  6. poor lisa says:

    Cue Frank with a link to Kamal doing Ride a White Swan on Telethon 1977.

    Like

  7. David Cohen says:

    What is that magnificent thing growing out of the back of the beast, TLA?

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    • I don’t know what that plant is called, but like TWOP at the moment, it is going off.

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      • Rolly says:

        It’s got things eating into it and despoiling it’s true and beautiful nature.

        A bit like TWOP with Leo and the B&S defenders.

        (That sounds like a name for a ’60s pop group)

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      • shazza says:

        I need more details LA. Does it flower, and if so what colour are they?

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        • skink says:

          I have one of those things in my yard. i don’t know what it is called, but it is related to a flapjack.

          it flowered this year, shooting upwards and sending out a big vertical spike that had little flowers on it – can’t recall the colour since they shrivelled up immediately in the summer heat. the leaves then turned red, like this one, and it appears to be dying. Have been meaning to chuck it out for weeks, as it is manky and starting to smell.

          avoid it, get something pretty and sweet smelling instead, that will brighten your day rather than leaving you feeling slightly sordid.

          the plant is an obvious metaphor

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          • shazza says:

            It is in fact a beautiful succulent, well suited to our Perth climate in the right possie. This one is clearly enjoying it’s situ.

            skink, could they have been yellow flowers?

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          • This one is rampant, as it gets soaked by the bore sprinkler. (Hey why isn’t my swan brown?!) Yes it sent up a spike with little yellow flowers that opened from black pods. I don’t know what ate through it, as the leaves are like pieces of angus burger. It would need a snail with the kahunas of Patti Chong to eat through it.

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  8. stu says:

    When I was a little un we had both black and white concrete swans on or front verandah. I guess I never realised how progressive my parents really where for the 70’s.

    I’m with Shazza, it’s a not worst

    However the lack of facial features does give it a slightly demonic feel

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  9. skink says:

    I saw a black swan on the river with a T-shirt that said

    “No more white swans. We’re full. fuck off back to Northam.”

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  10. White swans. Fit in or fuck off.

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    • shazza says:

      When last in Northam I saw a swan wearing a shirt that –
      “I’m a white swan and I vote”

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    • Caribou Bob says:

      The pitch: Harry C Jr hosts a reality show in which Somers is forced to coat a white swan in vegemite. Red will bring his gong. Pluck-a-duck will watch from the bushes.

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  11. JaneZ says:

    I’m a long-time aficionado of the concrete swan. Amazingly, there’s one in its natural front-verandah habitat up the street from me, bearing a faintly tragic dracaena.

    What I haven’t seen for years and years is a tyre swan. Anyone have a sighting?

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  12. And I’m still looking for the “UP” flamingo to match my down one. (the vine in the bg is a Solandra btw).

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    • Snuff says:

      Wonderful Yokohama is thick with them, TLA, albeit electric ones, so I’ll try to get you some shots next evening I’m there.

      Many years ago a dear friend, (Hi Jeff), as we staggered home along Mary Street, Highgate, expressed his longstanding interest in a pink concrete “UP” flamingo in a front yard there. So, I, ahem, another friend, liberated it for him, complete with hellishly difficult to extract metre long metal spikes. We made a racket fit to wake the dead, but got away with it. I doubt Jeff would part with it at any price.

      Like

  13. David Cohen says:

    If we can’t decapitate our concrete planter white swans, then the terrorists have won.

    Like

  14. Bill O'Slatter says:

    The same issues as “two poles in Northbridge” were covered in a similar manner on Q & A. Remarkably Janet Albrechtsen looked sane for a short period of time. This time the bland nameless Liberal backbencher played the role of nutter and the ad guy did a good job on him.

    Like

    • curious says:

      and how short would that have been bill?

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      • Bill O'Slatter says:

        about 5 minutes Curious which is pretty good going for her. I was completing other tasks when I did hear her barking at ad guy.

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        • Slanderer says:

          I thought Janet Albrechtsen did a pretty good imitation of sane, helped by the reflection of the maddie sitting next to her. Maybe I was distracted by her weird black rubber choker.

          I’ll have to check the transcript but I am sure at some stage she virtually said something which translates to “I have to publicly deny climate change or else my constituency will lynch me.”

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          • skink says:

            I enjoyed the audience laughing when she suggested that teenagers should get off MyFace and go out with each other for a nice cup of hot chocolate.

            the choker was hiding a nasty chinese burn she got when I tried to throttle her.

            thankfully they put her at the far end of the table away from Greer. Last time Germaine was on they sat her next to Julie Bishop, and she spent the whole show leaning away from La Fou as if she was contagious.

            Like

            • Slanderer says:

              I misheard that and thought she wanted teenagers to get out with each other for a nice cup AND Hot Chocolate, presumably that nice dance combo from the 70s.

              But I think Janet’s first words of the night were “I agree with Germaine…” or maybe I was halucinating there too.

              Like

  15. margeryx says:

    Swan needs googly eyes.

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  16. Rolly says:

    My, My, My, you all seem to have disassociated with “Swanee-ee, how I luv ya, how I luv ya, my dear old Swanee…..”

    Like

  17. Pingback: Let concrete norks be your legacy « The Worst of Perth

  18. Pingback: Bar Lazy | The Worst of Perth

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