Onkyo, The Indoor Ooshta

OK, you’ve snorted some pure ooshta and jacked half  a deck of primo vibrancy in some of Perth’s most secret small bars. You’ve eaten in tiny Tapas joints, so hole in the wall, that you’re not sure whether to insert your cock, or pick up your order of  Pintxos a la San Sebastian. You may even have brawled with fellow beret wearers at Ellingtons Jazz Club, flatting fifths with one hand while administering ninja death chops with the other. Undoubtedly you will have then kicked on in the most irony soaked fashion to the Carlisle Swingers Club, (corkage $100, no outside whips) where you blag your way in even though you don’t have the compulsory woman to share around which is the usual entry fee. And despite being sated by a (literal) convoy of Lathlain housefraus, the watery absinthe they’ve had on tap has you wondering whether to murder the taxi driver (who disturbingly looks like an Egyptian Rob Broadfield) or tip in a ridiculously over the top fashion after the trip home. You choose the latter as he has not objected to driving you around the cobbled laneways of Nuevo East Perth yelling out “Cunt!” and howling like a wolf.  For 40 minutes. Sound familiar? Yes, I know, all very same ole, same ole, ultra boring and sooooooooooo very Perth.

But what does the Perth hipster do for ooshta AFTER he gets back home to the Juliet balconeyed Highgate fuckpad? Of course he listens to old vinyl on a deliciously retro 80’s, or better still 70’s turntable. Some Frank S, a lot of Dean M, some Herb A, Johnny C and hideous 60’s compilations he wouldn’t dream of soiling his ipod with.

I managed to join that elite group when I got an old Onkyo for zero dollars from a Fremantle antique shop yesterday. (it seemed to not be working, but the belt had just slipped off.)  It’s so outre, it doesn’t even have a cassette player! If you haven’t got into the old vinyl/turntable scene already, you may be too late, as both are skyrocketing in price. Yes, $5 for Cocktail International is a skyrocketing price.

“Herb Alpert looks like a Latin, but isn’t…” begin the liner notes. Which may explain his painfully pedestrian blowing of Hello Dolly. And a Cocktail International track may segue obscenely from Stranger in the Night to a few bars of Monday Monday before plunging insanely into The Sun aint Gonna Shine Anymore. But no matter, the sound is rich, fat, superb and the circle of vibrancy goes on… And the SF indicator? I’ve no idea. It flashes purple sometimes.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst music, worst people and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

141 Responses to Onkyo, The Indoor Ooshta

  1. Bag O'Turnips says:

    Oh-wee, that is some sweet ooshta. Trés hip. Like you says, people hand over good money for a radiogram from the 60s or 70s. All you need to complete it is either a reel-to-reel TEAC tape recorder or a top-loading cassette deck by Sony or Akai. I too have some vintage hi-fi from the 70s myself: a Pioneer amp and turntable, Kenwood tuner and a Sanyo top-load cassette recorder, without Dolby! And it all still works.

    And TLA, is that purple indicator for quadrophonic sound? If that is, then you’ve snared yourself a fine bargain! In any case, with the groovin’ walnut finish, you’ve done well.

    Like

    • Yes it has 4 speakers. You’ve got to have top loading cassette deck. Otherwise how will you manage to fill it with dust and crap?

      Like

    • Natalia Fan #1 says:

      I threw out a 70s Onkyo about nine months ago during a house move. The turntable motor was fucked. Kinda regret it now, though I am happy with my Sony component system. Even with a pair of cheap Philips speakers it’s as loud as hell with good definition.

      Like

  2. Bag O'Turnips says:

    And while you’re at it, you may want to add some of these fine platters to your collection (http://www.coverbrowser.com/covers/worst-album-covers). Guaranteed to get the set the mood for a little lovin’.

    Like

  3. David Cohen says:

    And remember: the Onga Pump Shop for all your vinyl needs…

    https://theworstofperth.com/2009/04/22/and-quiet-flows-the-dong/

    Like

  4. Bento says:

    So now we’ve seen your backyard, and your lounge room. I underestimated you – your dedication to domestic ooshta is admirable.

    Like

  5. vegan says:

    is that a statue of mao after a stroke?

    Like

  6. Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

    It’s a Sci-Fi indicator but probably obsolete these days… I’d say the bulk of the ooshta’s to be found in that awesome tuner

    Like

  7. Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

    You know who I really hate? Kerry Armstrong. Gushy bitch.

    Like

  8. Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

    ‘I hugged myself, I laughed until I cried, I ooshta’d till I had to change my dress for something less floral’. Momentary perusal of a book review induces ruptured bile gland in Perth man, 25. OOoooossshhhttaaaaa, as they say.

    Like

  9. Onanist says:

    The SF indicator measures the room’s sang froid, of course!

    Like

  10. B.T. says:

    oooh, an SF indicator. You don’t wanna be in the room if that sucker lights up.

    Like

  11. stube says:

    Freo antique shoppe saw you coming, LA. I always wondered about the potential sound-stopping power of those 70s wooden trellis work speaker covers. Lift them away and you will be amazed at the improvement. Alternatively, if the speakers sound worse without them, poke holes in the cones with a pencil and listen to Link Ray.
    Your search for a decent vinyl player won’t stop however, until you get a genuine Snow White’s Coffin. If only to have Dieter Rams himself explain to your quizzical house guests the thinking behind the design. It’s the 50s iPod: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncw3f4jgNP4

    Like

  12. Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

    Omen of menopause
    Ovulation slows, desists-
    So what now? Better things:
    Hats, pashminas,
    Turquoise beads.
    Aum shakhti. Celebrate You.

    Like

    • Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

      Occidental conception;
      Orotund & ostentatious
      Such is the way.
      Have you gobbled enough
      Tapas?
      Are you a Big Fish?

      Like

      • Natalia Fan #1 says:

        Top of the food chain
        Gathers for Sunday Session,
        Jeans and brains
        Slung low sweet Iscariot,
        But not a sell out.
        Pint and pizza for a piece of silver:
        “Game on, moles”,
        Shrieked through
        A mouthful of metal,
        Slamming down a Coopers,
        Mutters, “Where’d ya get ya tat?”

        Like

        • Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

          Oh, no crowd like a cuntry-
          Out back the men drink water
          So what’s the difference?
          How can we possibly judge
          The proud, noble
          Aussie bogan

          Like

  13. Ljuke says:

    No vinyl collection is complete without Tijuana Brass.

    Like

  14. shazza says:

    Sooo Bento. Anything to say about Carl Williams..?

    Like

  15. Shreiking Wombat says:

    You’re sounding like a broken record, LA.

    Like

  16. Hugh Jass says:

    How come the radio is not tuned to 882 AM? What’s wrong with you…..??

    Like

  17. Shreiking Wombat says:

    Who listens to the radio?

    Like

  18. Shreiking Wombat says:

    Cunts.

    Like

  19. monkeypants says:

    LA, that is a truly beautiful thing you have there – congratulations.

    I’m thinking the next addition may be this little number for the bedroom
    perfect for a swinging night in with the little missus.

    Like

  20. ghostjoshu says:

    And TLA, is that purple indicator for quadrophonic sound? If that is, then you’ve snared yourself a fine bargain! In any case, with the groovin’ walnut finish, you’ve done well.

    G’day peeps. Isn’t surround sound just a sneaky way of re-packaging the ill-fated quadrophonic sound for the 2000’s? Just a thought.

    Like

  21. Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

    What is ‘ooshta’? I ruminated over this question for many hours last night. It’s such an elusive word, essentially meaning nothing in our language, but connoting oh so much. Is it still a mellifluous evocation of the Zoroastrian Way? I doubt it – or perhaps it is, only inasmuch as the Perth way is so deeply opposite – but no, it seems to be indicative of everything crass, fake, un-Zen. It is I think equivalent to one particular word, one word very familiar to the esteemed luminaries of this site. Ooshta. Ooooosshhtaa. It can only mean one thing – ‘worst’ itself.

    Like

  22. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Yes the Onkyo, Donkyo, Monkyo, Toke-eyo. An invention bringing high fidelity to the masses for the first time, similar in ramifications to other mass inventiones : the Volkies for the Australian mass transportation ( I can still hear the heils and jawohls ringing in my ears) and the barb wire concentration camp of Frauleiter Howard ( a policy continued by later transvestities.).
    Who of my generation did not wack Led Zepp 4 on their Onkyo.

    Like

  23. Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

    Fucking fabulous OP btw TLA

    Like

  24. Looks like it’s a 1968 job according to this pic. Awesome! Could be too much good stuff from that year. Have to get a 1968 album list to track down.

    “1968 The slogan “four amplifiers” scores a big hit.

    The MC2200 multi-channel stereo is announced in the midst of a multi-channel stereo boom in Japan.”

    http://www.us.onkyo.com/company_history.cfm

    Like

  25. David Cohen says:

    This blog is unsafe at any speed.

    Like

  26. Pingback: Weekend Worstoff 127 | The Worst of Perth

  27. 1968 Onkyo has died, but NEW OLD ONKYO MIRACULOUSLY FOUND AT GARAGE SALE! A few models younger, and perfect condition.

    Like

  28. Pingback: Weekend Worstoff 232 | The Worst of Perth

  29. AP says:

    Could you tell me what is the Onkyo model depicted here ? My parents had the exact same one…

    Like

We can handle the worst

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s